I truely love my husband, why is this so tempting? Adults answer please!?

Question

I must have some major issue's. I talked with my husband last night and we discussed our feelings for each other and we talked about our problems. He is a very understanding man. I have an ex who my husband and I are both friends with. I also feel that my relationship with my husband in the last month or so has been drifting. Well 2 days ago my ex and I started emailing each other. Well yesterday I got 14 emails and one phone call from my ex. My ex is also married. I love my husband and we are trying to fix our relationship but for some reason I can't get the ex out of my mind. I discussed with my husband that temptations were getting to me. He totally understood and said we would work things through. let me state this, I have not cheated on my husband. My ex lives out of state. Why can't I get the ex out of my mind. I am constantly checking my email. I am really confused and don't know what to do. I talked with my husband and he said we would work on our relationship.

Answer 1

Just because your are being honest does not make any of this right. Get your act together, or soon you will have nothing. #

Answer 2

A very important thing to remember first of all, is the marriage vow you took back then. Remember those words? "For better or worse, for rich or for poor, in sickness and in health?"



Remember, too, and this is very important, that love is NOT a feeling. Love is a choice. It is very natural for couples to go through phases where they feel like they do NOT love one another. When you act on those feelings, that's where problems arise. You're in that place now, where you do not feel the love you think you should have for your husband. You are vulnerable, and that's why you are experiencing feelings for your ex.



Love is a choice and a commitment. You made that commitment when you took your marriage vow.



Cheating is NOT the answer. That will cause more hurt and problems than you will know what do with. Besides, cheeating is only a temporary "solution" especially if this man is married. It's like putting a badn-aid on a wound that needs stitches.



Think of your ex's wife, and how this would make her feel. If you did get something going with him, it wouldn't last, and then you'd be right back where you started.



**The true problem is not with the person you are with, but with YOUR way of thinking.** Eventually, every relationship reaches the point where it feels stale, so if you seek a new relationship elsewhere, eventually, after the novelty wears off, you'll reach this same unhappy point.



You need to work through your problems, and seek marraige counseling. A very good book you should check out is "Divorce Busting."



Your ex is NOT the answer. Being true to your husband, and working through your problems (and it WILL be hard!) is the right thing to do. And the safe thing to do. If you stick to this positive way of thinking, in the end, you will be very happy with yourself for doing the right thing, and honoring your marriage vows.



A marriage is NOT simply a contract, it is the act of two people becoming one through the marriage. If divorce takes place, everything has been broken, and this is an abomination in God's eyes.



Don't take the easy way out!! Do the right thing! Get counseling! :)

Answer 3

Are you listening to yourself? Your ex is an ex for a reason and although you didn't state that reason, it would be no big surprise if he cheated. You say he's married but you got 14 e-mails and a phone call from him yesterday. Why? What did he get from you. Did you leave that out on purpose? You say you truly love your husband, but that statement and the content of this question are contradictory. If that WAS the case it would be a simple matter of blocking the ex's phone number, etc. Your ex is no friend to either of you, of that I am positive. It's just what are you gonna do about it? Keep chasing your ex. constantly checking your e-mail. You and your husband aren't likely to fix anything like that. Why don't you go ahead and tell your husband the truth. You want a divorce so you can play second fiddle for your married ex.

Answer 4

It's completely natural to have some leftover feelings for someone you were once in love with. Especially if your current relationship is having some problems. Just remember that, and try to control your feelings. You love your husband, so any time you start feeling this way toward your ex, fill your mind with happy pictures of your husband, good times, not the problems you are having now, but of when times were blissful. Try to keep yourself focused on what's important. If you can't control your feelings, or if things get too bad, then it's time to cut things off with your ex. It would hurt less then cheating.



Edit: one more thing, I don't think that's cheating, he is a friend and he can stay that way but you do need to concentrate on your husband. Cut your ex out of the picture if you can't do that.

Answer 5

okay, third try in this saga. It seems that you have talked to your husband generally but have not brought up the subject that is bothering you. That was a wise decision. Of course as long as your husband does not know what the problem is he cannot very well do anything about it, so talking with him on that basis won't get you very far.

It seems that the emailing business is getting you all worked up and at the same time gives you the excitement in your life that may have been missing. I can imagine so well what is going on inside you. But your husband cannot help you with this. It's for you to decide whether you get more out of this adventure than what you risk. But you should be prepared to give up your ex eventually. It seems that this affair is stronger than what you can easily integrate into your life. You might want to tell your ex that. He should understand.

Best of luck to you!

Answer 6

I think it's awesome that you and your husband have such an open relationship. The reason people are usually tempted to cheat is the thrill and excitement of it. Maybe your relationship with your husband has gotten a little "stale." Go out and do something exciting and bring back the passion from when the two of you were first together. He's still the man you fell in love with - and he sounds like a great man to be so understanding of your feelings. Don't let this go over some stupid flirtation that makes you feel attractive. You will forever regret it, and a lot of people's lives will be ruined. Just make yourself walk away from the computer and turn your attentions to the man that adores you.

Answer 7

In order to save your drifting marriage, you need desperately to close the door on the ex. There was a reason he became your ex in the first place right? Also, a reason why you married the guy you did, right? If you genuinely want to repair your marriage with what seems like a very patient understanding guy, I would literally stop having any communication with this ex. It seems cold to shut him out completely, but you need to eliminate the temptation if you really want to go forward with this marriage. You owe it to your husband and the consequences of an affair can be devastating. Not just for you and this ex but youre respective spouses. Good luck.

Answer 8

I don't wanna be rude , but it seems that you're getting out of your mind . How could you even think of your ex.?

Your husband is a real man if she says you both need to work on it . Believe me not every man says the things like this .

And it seems he wants to help you with it , he wants you to be a perfect couple , to be a great family . Love him, respect him .

Even telling him the truth about Emailing with your ex. doesn"t make you perfect . You"re lucky if your husband will continue treating you the same way like he does now .

Ok just think all of those letters that have been written to ya .



Good luck

Answer 9

I agree that you should stop all contact with ex husband immediately. What you are doing is destructive and wrong. If you continue to pursue this, you will not only break up your marriage but also his. You then get back together with ex, and after a couple of months realize once again just how he became your "ex" in the first place, and you are alone once again--after hurting innocent people in the process. Quit living in a fantasy land and come back to reality. You must stop this destructive behavior and learn how to control yourself.





Kent in SD

Answer 10

If you TRUELY want to stay faithful to your husband, change your email address so your ex cannot email you. I f you have to change your phone number too. The grass is always greener dear. Remind your self "why" he is your Ex and not your husband. Remind yourself why you married the man you chose. This will make things clearer. But you have to completely remove the temptation. If you were trying to lose weight you would walk into a bakery every day just to "look" eventually you will taste. The answer is to not go into the bakery!!!!

Answer 11

Under no circumstances should you be talking or e-mailing your ex. If you really want to work on your marriage you must do the right thing and remove any temptation or distraction from your life. What are you so confused about? You claim you love your husband and you are confiding in him about what your going through, so put some faith and effort in this relationship and forget this other man.

Answer 12

You are settled and comfortable. You do love your husband and you want him. It sounds like you want something unusual and exciting. Something out of the ordinary to happen.



First, stop contact with your ex for a set period of time. And let your ex know what you are doing. If he is emailing 14 times in one day, that sounds like he doesn't really respect your marriage.



And go away with your husband. Get him to plan a couple of things that you don't know about. Let him surprise you and give your control to him. It will give you such a thrill and will deflect your thoughts from your ex and make you think about what your husband is planning.

Answer 13

you can't get him out of your mind because you're emailing him 14 times in one day. the answer is simple, focus on your marriage and your husband and leave the EX as an EX. He was an EX for a reason..right? If he was an EX for cheating on you, he's up to his old tricks..right?



I'd have to say out of all four of you in this mix, your husband and his new wife are going to get HOSED, and somehow it'll be your husbands fault and your EX's fault. Men don't fare too well in the arena of affairs, it's somehow always their fault.



Having got that off my chest, you need to pull your head out of that warm sphincter area, and decide who you want to be with, until something better comes along. Your husband deserves better.

Answer 14

If you love your husband and plan on working on your marriage, you need to cut ALL ties with the ex immediately! Do not email, or speak to him. You are lucky he lives out of state so you wont be tempted to see him. You are tempted because things are not quite perfect at home and your ex is giving you attention that you haven't been getting. Stop now, if you are serious about repairing your marriage.

Answer 15

If you continue to make contact with your ex, you will have thoughts and feelings about him. The problem is YOU NEED TO STOP CONTACTING each other. It's your fault! It's not fair for your husband! You will lose both if you don;t stop! Ask your self why did you end the relationship with your ex? If it was that great why did you separate the ex relationship? Concentrate on your current NOT your PAST!

Answer 16

You were with you ex for a long time I'm guessing. Its natural to think about him but I think you are taking it too far.



Your hubby and you need to get some professional help before its too late. Or at least try to spice things up in your relationship



Your ex is out of the picture, you're both remarried, he's out of state and I'm sure you divorced him foir a reason. Now why would you want to get back together with someone you didn't want to be with in the first place. It makes no sense.

Answer 17

My wife and I have a very strong theory that we practice faithfully. "Do not put yourself in bad situations, it causes bad things to happen". By continuing the dialog with your ex, you are putting yourself into a situation that fosters and encourages your mind to wonder. When you allow the mind to wonder, you will begin discussing cheating with your ex (if you are not already), and eventually will follow through. It starts out with good intentions and strength against giving in but will continue to take steps toward cheating. If you take yourself out of the situation now by cutting ties with your ex now while you are strong enough to do so you have much better odds of stopping it before it is an affair. Then you can truly work on your marriage without the outside forces working against you. TAKE YOURSELF OUT OF THIS BAD SITUATION!!! New is always fun and exciting but it will not last and will leave a wake of pain and heart break. God bless and good luck to you all.

Answer 18

If you want to work on things with your husband cut the ex out of your life.No email,nothing but you sound like you have already made up your mind to cheat with the ex and your asking your husband permission.Do him a favor and divorce your husband before you hurt him worse.How would you feel if he were doing the same with his ex?

Answer 19

Sounds like your husbands a real man and that this ex is just looking for a cheap thrill.



Forget the ex you married the right man.

Answer 20

It's time to stop communicating with your ex. He is no longer just a friend for you, he is now a distraction. the only way you can focus on your husband is if you aren't emotionally distracted by another man. It may not be physically cheating by having sex, but it is emotional cheating, which can be just as devastating to a marriage. You have to tell your ex good bye forever if you hope to save your marriage.

Answer 21

You are flirting with danger. You may not have physically cheated on your husband but the emotional cheating seems to be there. Of course there will be feelings that may exist for your ex, he shares apart of your life and memories but those feeligns should not trump the feelings you have for your husband. At this point it is my advice that you cut off all involvement with your ex and focus on your marriage, your husband and what feelings you are having that are causing you to reach out to someone else. I wish you the best and to figure out what it is that will make you happy and satisified.

Answer 22

You stated you have TRUE LOVE for your husband but your actions show different!



Love: is patient, love is kind.It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered.................Love does not delight in evil............(1 Corinthians 13:4-8)



You have not LOVED nor have LOVE according to God's instrustrations in which he have command you to do under your marriage vows and before God. You are committing ADULT when you leave a opening for self-seeking and talking to your EX. Will only please you.



So often we know the truth but continue to hind behind "I am so confused" you know exactly what you are doing and what to do!!!!!



Close up the opening to a failing marriage contain and use the extra time for your proposes marriage and although temptations come yet will they proposes. AND YES YOU HAVE CHEATED EMOTIONALLY AND SOCIALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 23

if you truely loved your husband you would not be talking to the ex at all...via email or phone! yes, this is cheating, even if he is in another state! you are giving conversation to him instead of to your husband! it's cheating... forsake all others was the vow... and you are breaking it... you can't get him out of your mind because you won't let him go... stop emailing stop talking to him totally! you are drifting apart from husband because you are communicating w/ this man... and you are lying to yourself if you think otherwise =(... the only way to get unconfused is to stop allllllllllllllll communication w/ the ex...ALL! =(... good luck, and I hope you get wiser from this...

Answer 24

I think it;s good you are aware of your feelings. However, STOP contact with your ex now if you want to work out your marriage. The two of you need counseling, it really does help. You are playing with fire. Change your e-mail if you have to, but stop the contact now, your husband may be understanding now, but it will get to him.

Answer 25

Since you were both friend b4 your marriage, was there some engagement between you two b4 you decide to marry your present husband? If there were, why did you drop him to marry your present husb.? Is it money or any of such things? Do you want more sexual action you are not getting and think your old friend can help you. Who do you really love? my dear wake up

Answer 26

1. u have cheated on ur husband -- ur thinkin about ur ex

2. this is goona end up in court -- u've already taken the big

step and communicated with ur ex

3. ur feelin guilty -- cut off the communication and show ur

present husband that he has ur love and u will not allow any

outside environment to spoil what u two now have



personaly I would not trust u with a ten foot pole

Answer 27

I think you should stop emailing your ex,and concentrate on your relationship with your husband completely.

Answer 28

If you really have that level of communication and understanding with your current relationship, you'd be a fool to leave that! You must be forgetting that you and your ex lacked that quality or you'd still be with him.

Answer 29

i think u need 2 calm down, and just relax stop thinking about ur ex, buy ur husband a strap on so he can wear and double penetrate u REALLY, u need wild sex life , thats all.

Role plays, toys, sexy clothes, scenes, all kinds of wild sex, video urselves, sex outside.

just stop thinking about ur ex, cos u cant imagine how bad its hurting ur husband when u talk about ur ex.

just for ur good and ur husband if u love him , stop thinking about any but him.

good luck.

Answer 30

thats normal it happens all the time, just people don't usually admit it... you lust for him cause of all the unique attention he is giving you....it's like a drug and your ex knows it.. he knows you are taking the bait as the goal is ultimatley have an affair....



Some married women have the affair, and it strenthens thier current marraige, as they learn to appreciate what they have at home... some women get emotionally wrecked by it... are you willing to take the chance?

Answer 31

Uh, stop communications with the ex.

Answer 32

Girl Your a real human!

Answer 33

you should see that movie... i think i love my wife...



it sounds like you're bored maybe? maybe you wonder what something else would be like. you'll get over him if you really love your husband, and everything will be fine :D

Answer 34

Because you have yet to learn the meaning of "Forsaking all others" when it comes to another man.

Answer 35

I see a red light, pass it , and there will be trouble ahead.

Answer 36

Sounds like you need to get laid