My husband of 7 years had an affair for the last year.

Question

I found out in february and I recently got him to admit he is a serial cheater and there have been many, he is starting counseling for sex addiction this week and I took my 2 kids and moved out to my own place he moved to a friends-trouble is I am 4 mo.pregnant with twins which happened while trying to figure out whether to stay or not and he says he wants to get help during this time apart then get abck together just before the babies come-I am not sure if I should allow this or not but I will need help with these babies and I cant expect my 2 kids to be my round the clock helpers-I am praying for strength and wisdom but wondering if anyone may have some solid advice? Only serious answers please !

Answer 1

You really have a full plate and I can understand your fear and confusion.



How much help is your family willing to provide for you? Look at this realistically. I know that for myself, I could not depend on anyone in my family, so all my decisions were based on "Can I do this myself or do I need someone's help and where do I get that?"



If he truly is sincere in his efforts to get help and is a good provider and father, against my core beliefs, I'd go back after a little bit if the family help starts getting less dependable or relations get sticky. If he is willing to put in his time to help you then get it and possibly this issue will have to come back for answers a little later in time.



The first year of your life is going to be chaos with those twins and you'll need all the help you can get. I was a single parent and I am not going to be so rash or righteous as to tell you to do it yourself because you are a human, not a damn machine! A woman can only take so much!



If he is abusive, if his behavior impinges on the family finances, then that's another matter that you'll have to weigh in on. Possibly some help from the state might be where you'll have to look if family won't help out. For sure, if he's not living with you you have every right to have a temporary order for child support and maybe you could argue for a year's alimony as well. Afterall you put up with his behavior for years, nurtured him and now you bore his twins!



I will spare you a birth control lecture here, only to mention that even if you aren't seeing him or sleeping with anyone else you should be on something just in case he tempts you again. A woman can be imprisoned simply by biology if she's not careful.

Answer 2

Let you husband help with the children and the twins when they are born. He is still their father no matter what type of relationship you two have. You have a few months of living apart to figure out how you really feel about this man you married 7 years ago. Try to do what is best for you and the children. Keep in mind he would be paying a sizeable amount for child support with 4 children. Think about your own tolerance for infidelity. Don't go by feelings. THINK.



I've known so many couples through the years where either the man or woman is a serial cheater. Some of these couples have stayed married for over 40 years now and seem to truely love each other. The only thing that I've seen stop the cheaters from cheating is bad health or losing their good looks. Maybe the husband or wife of a cheater decides they would rather live with them than live without them.



Good luck and God bless you and your family.

Answer 3

your husband violated the one most important thing to keep a marriage together and that is trust. if he really wants to come back to the family, i would tell him that he needs to prove to you each time he attends a sex addiction meeting - how he will do that i am not sure, but you will not support him just being "gone" until the twins are born. he will have to watch your kids several nights a week so that you can get some help. period. pray to God for Him to show you what it is you need to see, whether it be your guy is really starting to come around or he's still doing stuff on the side. tell your husband that since he violated the trust, he needs to cooperate with proving where he is at all times. if he doesn't i wouldnt consider him serious with is rehab and tell him you can't stay married to him under those circumstances. you need to put a hard foot down on your own values as a person, wife and mother. if he doesnt' foot the bill, you need to let him go. easier said than done, i know, and you will have a hard road ahead of you for just while. as your kids age, life will become easier......

Answer 4

i wouldnt get back with him just to get help with the kids. that is a slippery slope. it will start with him being a live in help, and will go back to him and you having sex in a jiffy. problem here is that you and him have not resolved the core issues that doomed your marriage the first time around. he is still an addict, barely into any sort of recovery program and you think that he won't be cheating again? think again. this is going to be a recurring pattern, and you guys have to break the cycle somehow. also, i don't know how you will ever be able to trust him again. it would be one thing if he had one fling, but by your own admisssion, he's been screwing half the town. why would you want this person around, sex addict or not? while i am sorry if he is an addict, that doesn't mean that you should be obligated to forgive and forget for that reason.

Answer 5

You need to decide if the affair hurt your marriage enough to break you apart. He will need years of counseling. Will you have patience for that? But the babies are coming so now there's a big hurry because you will need help. Where's your Mom- Grandma- Aunt- Whatever to help you through the birth? Family is who you should turn to and let your husband work out his problems, maybe, sometime.

Answer 6

He is getting counseling, but I doubt that he will stop cheating, and I think you doubt it too. The whole promise about changing is probably more likely a way of manipulating you into thinking he is going to stop cheating, so he can continue to get away with it. How much help could he really be, what with all his extracurricular activities? You can get financial help from the county and/or the state, to take care of the children. You also can take him to court and make him pay child support. Only you can decide if you want to trust him again. But don't take him back out of desperation. Get your life organized without him, and then take him back only on your own terms.

Answer 7

Learn to depend on yourself - have faith that everything will work itself out if you make the right decision - you already know what that is - you took the first step - dont go back - if you go back to him you will be teaching your children to be doormats and accept whatever scraps and bones other people in life throw to them



is this the example you want to set for your children??? take him to court of dept of revenue now to start child support proceedings -



also if children are old enough it teaches responsibility and will help them bond with their younger siblings -



yes its a good thing he is getting help - but you are not responsible for his behavior - and you should not have to wait on him to get better - IF he ever does



with his serial cheating - how would you ever be able to trust him????

Answer 8

Wow, that confident isn't an easy subject. it type of appears like it could merely approximately be extra suitable if he had slept along with her. a minimum of then you definately possibly already understand precisely what you've carried out. In my subject, I (lady) had the emotional reletionship with yet another guy. you ought to computer screen that an emotional can and could develop right into a actual one if it is going on long adequate. in case you settle directly to stay with him then 2 issues ought to take place right here. a million. He has to decrease off all touch with this different female regardless of if which potential changing jobs. Then he needs to be sure why he felt that this individual "gave" him what you probably did no longer. 2. (and it is the puzzling section) you ought to look deep into your self and spot in case you contributed to this occurring besides. Did you overlook to make him experience like a guy extra suitable than merely in the sack? Like females, adult adult males have ego's that must be scratched and prefer adult adult males, we females now and returned take adavantage of somebody is has "constantly been around." this could have absolutly no longer something to do with you so please do no longer think of i'm saying that it quite is, yet oftentimes the two human beings forgot alongside the long line of marriage, relatives, artwork, and teenagers to make the attempt their marriage mandatory to maintain working. i understand we made this errors. luckily we've 2 extra teenagers and are nevertheless together after my affair.

Answer 9

Sorry.

Look...he's an addict. 9 times out of 10, something coes along and triggers the addict to fall off the wagon.



You are better off without him than with him



You are going to have your hands full making sure those kids are all happy and healthy and on the road to good lives - how you doing to that and put up with his BS?



You are going to go nuts by the distraction of wondering why he's late coming home one night...did he just get a text...home come that phone caller just hung up, etc, etc, etc.



You have a lot of real children who need and deserve your love - you don't need one big one like him.

Answer 10

sign his no good lying A&$ for child support you can get that while you are still married, and you might even get spousal support, And your husband is not going to stop cheating just because hes seeing a shrink. He wont stop unless he wants to, and once a cheater always a cheater start watching maury..just move on



God cant help you until you start helping yourself and you did that by moving..I had twins and its not as hard as people make it out to be and you have experence with kids already I had twins on my first shot and I did it by myself and I have a very weak mind. dont stress yourself out its not good for the babies..LET GO AND LET GOD.

Answer 11

WHY would you EVER go back to a man like that . You want your kids to grow up thinking it is ok to treat someone that way? You need some help. He will NEVER change. Raise your kids on your own with child support and teach them right from wrong. I did with 2 kids!!!!

Answer 12

I think you've been putting up with too much for too long. You don't need a man in your life who's such an emotional drain, you need support, especially now. Yes, he still needs to be in his kids' life, he's thier father, but he can't be allowed to keep doing this to you. Keep moving in the same direction you're already going in...away from him!

Answer 13

so what you are saying is that you dont mind him CHEATING on you and the many times that he has done it but you are willing to take him back JUST for the BABIES. give me a BREAK. you are not STABLE emotionally, mentally right now, so your decision making process is off and cloudy. please keep in mind the type of role model the children here and in your belly will see their as. the girls will expect this type of behavior from their husbands because they saw mom except from dad. and the boys will treat their wives like crap and think nothing of it because dad was the role mode. sweetie at this point its not about you or him ITS ALL ABOUT THE KIDS having sound, stable, and good role model so that they can grow up and be RESPECTFUL to their mate and to any relationship that they will have in the future. GodBless

Answer 14

wow thats sad... I think you need to be strong and don't take him back...if you do he will see that its ok to cheat cuz he got you back... teach him a lesson and get half of everyting

Answer 15

Hes the father of your kids.you have to deal with him one way or the other.but you really should not get back with him.just for the sake of the kids. you need to somehow get a long with him.but thats about it! get over him please!

Answer 16

get help with you such as your

parents

or close friends

or hire responsible baby sitters.

Get all the help you can get!

Answer 17

Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) for him

Codependents of Sex Addicts (CoSA) for you

Answer 18

* well i think he should go out and get help and if U really want to try and work thing out again then do it......but i tell u one thing... if he cheats again.....i would move out........because abviously he didn't want to work things out as much as he said and or as much as you did......

Answer 19

depends what kind of husband and father his is otherwise. affairs aside, if he treats you well and is a good father, you could try to work out your problems together.

Answer 20

grandparents are AMAZING help when you are in need. Move home!