My husband wants me to get a new car, i like mine just fine, help?

Question

Ok, so i am a pharmacy tech and i don't really make a lot of money and my husband makes 94k a year, i always wanted to kind of keep our money seperate because i think i should provide for my own personal needs. However, i drive a 93 civic and my husband is insisting that he buy me a new car because im pregnant and he thinks my car isn't safe enough. He really wants me in a BMW or an Acura because he says its safer. however, he drives the same 91 gmc p/u that he bought in college. Im afriad that if i get a car, he will and we will just end up on a spending spree and get in debt.

Answer 1

keeping your money seperate isnt really the way to go i dont think...

you husband is there to provide for your personal needs...

when you marry you become one...that means everything...whats yours is mine and what mine is yours...thats the ideal way to think about your relationship...

if he wants to buy you a car...let him...he wants you to be safe, and in reality...the civic isnt the safest car on the road...



just let him know that you dont want to spending to get outta hand...be grateful that he cares enough to want to get you something safe and hes not trying to spend it frivolously in himself a car...

Answer 2

Your husband is almost right. A newer car will be safer and more reliable, but Civics from the early '90s are very good vehicles. What you will really need is a bigger vehicle with more space. The truck is not ideal for a car seat (especially a '91), but has it's functional advantages as a tool (try putting a crib in the back of your Civic). For traveling and the kiddie stuff you will want a larger vehicle.



Doesn't mean you are stuck with the car. You and your husband can switch vehicles depending on who is taking the kid to the doctor, etc.



Doesn't sound like finances are an issue. You both purchase good vehicles and apparently get your money's worth out of them, so view this more as an investment related to the kid and less as a purchase. Keeping his/her finances separate is generally smart (for credit reasons - one person's problems doesn't drag down the other; increases leverage in some instances as 2 separate good credit ratings can be better than one), but the child changes things. Time to start thinking a little more along the lines of "our" and "we", and less "me" and "him". Besides, what is stopping him from making some payments even if the car is in your name? Or transferring money to you to cover some payments?



I'd avoid the BMW or Acura, though, as they are paying a premium for a name with little real advantage in safety or reliability. A Toyota or Honda would be equally acceptable and would probably take $10,000 off the price tag. Even a new Civic would be bigger than your '93 Civic.



Congratulations and best of luck to you both!

Answer 3

I don't understand what makes you think that if you and he were to both buy a new car, it would cause you both to go on some wild spending spree. I mean, are you saying that you know yourself, and him, well enough to know that neither of you has any self control when it comes to money? If this is not the case, and you haven't been "wild spenders" in the past, why would you suddenly start now - especially now that you are going to have an addition to the family which involves a lot of additional financial output?



From what you say, your husband's reasoning about why he wants you to have the new car, is pretty sound. He wants you to be safe, particularly as you will obviously be transporting your child a good bit. LOL if your hubby is making 94K in his job, sounds to me like y'all would have to go on one awwwwfully big spending binge to get into debt, and if the danger of a spending addiction existed in either, or both of you, I suspect you would have been splurging already, with or without buying a car.



Why don't ya just sit down with him and do the old compromise thing. Tell him what your fears are, and explain that you are wanting to be sure that the two of you are going to be completely on the same page when it comes to the family's financial priorities. Babies are very high maintenance, and you're going to be budgeting for significant extra expenses from hereon. Plus, if you are like most young couples, you've probably got mortgage payments on your home and, if you both go ahead and update your wheels, ya got two lots of car payments to factor into your monthly outgoings. With his kind of earning power, that shouldn't be a problem, but, explain to him that you have a very big thing about staying on solid financial ground, and you'd feel a lot better if you can have his reassurance that he wont be wanting to step outside the boundaries of "sensible spending". Even people making a high income can easily get into debt if they are lured into living beyond their true means, but, again, if your husband has not shown any signs of being like that up till now, it's hard to understand why you would think there was a danger of it just by buying a couple of new vehicles. You're going to have to do it sooner or later anyway, and his safety argument is, as I said, reasonable.

Answer 4

Marriages like yours are odd to me. Separate money??? Provide for your own personal needs??? I thought that's why people get married, so they can take care of eachother whether it's financial, emotional, or physical. What does the fact that it's a BMW or Acura have to do with anything? I don't know what kind of bills you have but I think you'll be okay and getting a new car isn't going to send you into debt. Is this really a crisis?? If you can afford ONE new car then get one. Both your cars are pretty old and it would be practical to have at least one reliable one.

Answer 5

It's commendable that you want to be independent, but you are a married couple, and that means he needs to be at least a little responsible for you.



Try to look at it from another perspective. You are carrying his baby. Your car is not set up with many of the safety features that help keep you and the baby safe. He has the right to want his child protected, and to finance what he can that could help his child be protected.



Compromise. The most reliable cars, as far as safety features go, are Honda or Toyota, not BMW's. Hondas are pretty reasonably priced, too. Make a deal with him that you'll get the new car, or a newer used car, but you don't want to spend more than you have to on it.

Answer 6

Its great that you are concerned about getting in over your head but I think your husband is correct in wanting you to get a newer and safer vehicle. Your car is 14 yrs old and civics are smaller cars however they have advanced in safety since 93. Your husband makes good income + your income. Figure your joint monthly income, all monthly bills and living expenses and any current debt. If a new car is in your budget then get one but you do not have to necessarily get a BMW or Acura...there are less expensive cars that also have excellent safety ratings.



You are very lucky to have a husband that loves and cares about you and your baby to be that much. My ex fiance was happy to buy himself a new Maxima when he had a nice car already while I drove around in my 89 prelude that was falling apart.





Congratulations on your baby to be!

Put that new baby and car seat in a newer and safer car! :)

Answer 7

he is showing you how much he cares about you and your unborn child.



think for a min, are you having some type of car troubles, etc.?



if he wants to buy you a new car, one he feels will be reliable where he wont have to worry about you breaking down on the side of the road etc., why not?



buying a car will NOT cause you to go on a spending spree...a car is NOT something that you buy everyday, more like, with no major accidents etc, once in 5+ years.



relish the fact that your husbands loves you and your baby enough that he wants to make sure you are safe on your daily commutes to and from work



hugz

Answer 8

some human beings are so self-established it basically makes me ill! What in the international is the count number with this lady that she heavily thinks all and sundry needs an answer at the same time as they ask the way you're doing? Who the hell cares? you do not imagine I absolutely have issues? you do not imagine i favor money and my youthful little ones are not ineffective and my brother-in-regulation isn't in penitentiary again and that i need to assist feed my sister's youthful little ones again and that i'm about to be out of a job again becasue the plant aint were given no new orders and the funds are in the back of on the trailer and the p.c..-up?? What contained in the H-E-double hockey sticks is her psychological harm? you want a extra positive style of friends, darling. Why do you should take that?

Answer 9

I think you should seriously reconsider the arrangement you have now about keeping your money separate. That's not what marriage is about. It shows a commitment and trust to merge your lives, your money, your everything. Any large expenses, like a car, should, of course, be discussed and decided by both of you. He's probably feeling insecure about your unwillingness to merge completely with him, and his arguments do make sense. Now that there's a baby involved, what else can he do? It's his child too and he wants to know the both of you are safe. He wants to feel like a man and take responsibility for his family. He's probably fine about keeping his old GMC pickup because he figures he can work on it if necessary. He sounds to me like a good guy who only wants his wife to allow him do something for his family. Trust him, lean on him a little. Don't take all the responsibility away from him. Don't take away his manhood. Poor guy.

Answer 10

Keeping your money separate is a recipe for failure in your marriage - it is proven that people who do this have a FAR greater risk of marriage failure than those who have joint accounts - it is symbolic of an approach to the union of marriage.



I also think you need to grow up and stop hanging on to the past - which is what the old car represents. You are married and successful now, not some skint student driving round in an old banger!

Answer 11

Get a new Honda they are one of the most reliable and safe cars on the market. Yes you are right about the debt if you can't really afford it don't get it. I think he should get himself a new vehicle really yours is newer then his consider stepping up get a Accord or just a larger iport I think he feels your car is to small and worries if you get in an accident one day. Make him happy get something larger andhe will get off your case.



Congrats on the baby and Best Wishes. May God Bless you and our family.

Answer 12

Your husband makes plenty of money to buy the car and you have a baby to think about. I have always paid my share in the marriage even though my husband makes alot more money than me. My car was paid off and there wasn't anything wrong with it either. But he kept hounding me to get a new one and I told him fine but it had to be in my name and he had to pay for it. We test drove a couple and then I found "The One". We bought a Kia Sportage and it is to die for. I can't imagine life before my Kia. It hugs the road and parks like a dream.. Good luck..

Answer 13

You have already spoken loudly the root problems here. It's not about the car, it's about your marraige that will continue to widen with distance and lack of closeness.



"I always wanted to keep our money separate".



This alone determines the type of relationship a couple will have. Separate bank accounts, separate friends, family, lives.



The both of your focus is completely off of marriage and relationship. It's totally on selfishness and who owns what, and posessions and what not.



Also, it is noteworthy that your husband cares enough about you and the baby to want a safer vehicle.



I think you need to grow up and mature, and find out why you do not trust your husband enough to become "one" and stop living the single life.

Answer 14

there is good debt, and there is bad debt. keeping your money totally seperate is silly ( my personal opinion).



if your husband wants to buy you a nice car, then let him!



i'm sure you deserve it. why not have a nice new SAFER ride? you shouldn't feel guilty.



my husband just bought me a new car after i drove a bucket for years. i almost felt guilty, but he looked me straight in the eye and assured me that i deserve it.



hope this helps.

Answer 15

talk to him about how you feel about having a new car, suggest on taking that money and put it in a fund for the new baby, instead of a car.



congrats on the baby !



Have a great week.

Answer 16

I think your husband is correct. You sound as if you live in your means. I don't know where you live, but 100k should allow you guys to have a newer reliable vehicle.

Answer 17

Just get a newer version of your current car!!

Both parties are happy!

Answer 18

get your self a new ride girl