There's no "ours" or "us" in my marriage until it's convenient for my husband?

Question

My husband is in the military and a very stubborn person we've been married for almost 3 years and he still hasn't grasped the concept of becoming one. What's his is his and what's mine is ours. It's been very frustrating and I've had talks about it with him countless times. For the past 3 years he's done nothing but talk bad about my car and laugh at how old it is (he got a new car right after we got married) but he never made any efforts to try and help me get a new one. I'm trying to finish up my nursing degree and there's no way that I could afford a new car on my own and my old car is running fine. My dad got me a new car right before Christmas and I just got it a few weeks ago while we were home for the holidays. (Kinda sad that my husband laughs at my car but isn't man enough to try to help me so my dad has to do it) my husband is now saying that "we" have 3 cars now when he NEVER lets me drive his car but yet he thinks he has a right to drive my old car around to avoid putting so much mileage on his car. I'm frustrated I don't want to be rude but at the same time why is it that everything that's mine is ours but his things are strictly his? I feel like I'm wrong if I tell him that I don't want him to drive it what should I do? I have no problem with us being one but it needs to be always and not just for his convenience.

Answer 1

When you marry a selfish, stubborn boyfriend, you end up with a selfish, stubborn husband. It's odd that you thought wedding cake had the magical power to change him.

Answer 2

Selfish people don't really change. There are lots of things that I think can be worked out with time and care...but not this one. Obviously your husband is not yet ready to actually become a husband. What will happen when you have kids? Will you have to beg him to get them school clothing while he laughs? This isn't good.

Its more then sad that your dad is still the man trying to take care of you, and your husband is trying to use you.

I would tell you to tell him straight up that either he start sharing or else...but you have already done that, and its not like he just doesn't get it. HE GETS IT. He just doesn't want to share. Just too greedy.

You need to discuss less, and do more before the situation gets worse. Like there are kids involved.



Unfortunately bullies are VERY good at making their victims believe that they are in the wrong. Do you know why? Its simple; Because in their own mind they are certain that this is the case.

Talk to your dad, tell him that you don't think this marriage has a chance, and you want to move yourself, and your laughable car right out of your asshole husbands perfect house.

Its a good thing you have only wasted 3 years. Don't waste more. Things could get even worse easily. What if you lose your job or your parents pass away and you have no means of even looking anywhere for emergency money? People get greedier with age. if he is like this now...Just go. Now he won't buy you a car you need or let you use his. Take off before he won't buy you food. Or you get your degree and start working and never save a dime of your money because guess who will be spending it on things for "both of you" which only he will get to use.



Edit; OMG. Some of these answers are so very rude.

@ Mike "What do you expect me to do about it" She is looking for advice, preferably from people who have a clue. Its very sexy to be a sugar mama...from a guys point of view. Sure. Sorry, but when people marry they share. End of story. A healthy and financially secure family is sexy. Not a guy that takes your stuff.



18tr; Yeah, its just two cars, actually. The car he won't let her have, and the car that her dad bought that he takes from her even when she said no. But you could certainly be right. Its perfectly reasonable advice. Or not.



Leykis 101; Blame yourself? Why? None of you have ever made any mistakes regarding people? Goody for you. How could she know how he would be about finances before she married him?



I may be full of crap, but at least i am not mean and rude for no reason.

Answer 3

BLAME YOURSELF!!!!!



You decided to marry a very stubborn person who never grasped the concept of becoming one. Now your blaming him because he still does not get it??? You had talks about it with him countless times with no results and you still married him?? YOU and only YOU created the problems you have!! Stop blaming him for being the MAN YOU CHOOSE TO MARRY!! You act like he has changed!!!

Answer 4

What do you want me to do about it? You fishing for compliments? You sound like a great person and wife. Getting a real job, holding your own and trying to make a family work. That is sexy - no really, it just is. Even if he does not express it "correctly" - it is what guys need/want. Great attitude/outlook.



I'd suggest get over it? You love him - is the car thing your primary problem? Probably not? IT is all we can talk about though as it is all you mentioned (gave details about)..



My "mommy" and "daddy" still buy me stuff. So, he is weird and awkward about a car. Dad fixed it. All people argue about money. You really were not specific enough to get a specific answer. I assume you were intentionally vague - feel awkward asking weird people on the internet about important stuff.



Anyone who answers is "blowing smoke in your ...." We do not know what is going on. GL. Enjoy the new ride :)

Answer 5

It's a car. Just let it go. Finish school and then get the vehicle you want once you've secured a good job.

Answer 6

If it bothers you that much suggest counseling. It starts with a car then it becomes a hurricane and becomes hate then an affair.

Answer 7

Tell him you'll give him the keys to your car when he gives you the keys to his...if he fusses, as him why you should be okay with him driving yours when he's not okay with you driving his??? Fair is fair...