My husbands mistress has his baby! Will he eventually go back??:(?

Question

Three months into our marriage my husband cheated on me and got his mistress pregnant. They've had a long history before him and I got together. He found out she was pregnant and was going to stay and help her raise their baby but then decided to work on things with me... He changed his number and had nothing to do with her or the pregnancy. She now has his daughter and he doesn't see her, by choice, but pays child support regularly and sent her a Christmas present. I'm worried one day he will leave me to be with her because she has his child and I don't, and can't.. He's voiced not caring and that he doesn't want children and part of me thinks that's why he left her pregnant and decided to work on our marriage. But I also have a lot to do with him not being involved... I told him for us to work out he would have nothing to do with his daughter. And now I'm afraid he will leave out of resentment. Even if I tell him to go see her or pick her up he will say he doesn't want to (but only because he knows deep down inside that's what I want him to say). his mother sent her a letter askin for pictures and she sent some but doesn't try to contact my husband at all except the occasional medical bill that he is ordered to pay half of. I honestly am kinda glad he doesn't see his daughter because even though I forgave my husband and took him back that child is a constant reminder..

We have been doing great lately and have had no real issues but in the back of my mind this is a worry.

Answer 1

Hmm....you have made a choice to stay with man who has been unfaithful to you. If he cheats again it most likely will not be with the previous mistress. Clearly you have insecurities and his actions have contributed to them. You need to work on your self-esteem and well being, As far as the child in the matter, it is good that he financially supports her but he should have a relationship with her. This child is a part of him, the man you love. Whether he sees his daughter or not, you will always remember what he did. Don't punish the child for the poor decisions made by adults.

Answer 2

I must say, you are brave to be so open and honest and because of this I feel you truly are being sincere when asking for help. I assume you and your husband had worked out this arrangement between only the two of you with no help from a counselor? For this I suggest you both get counseling. Even though you are struggling with the results of this affair he had that resulted in his ex to have his child it cannot be ignored as if the child does not exist. Trust me when I say this, I can truly understand how difficult it is for you to accept a child that will always be a reminder of his affair. This is why I suggest counseling. You need to work this through so that you can have the endurance to do the right thing and that is to do right by this child. You need to know this is part of forgiving him. Your husband seems to be doing all he can to accommadate you into making it easy but this is only living in denial. I can also sense some trust issues which is understandable. Get counseling for you and your husband and work to getting your lives back onto the right path. Good luck to you!

Answer 3

You are very short-sighted and naïve if you think this child and her mother are your biggest problems. Your scumbag husband is probably fvcking the next stupid bimbo even as we speak. That's what happens when you keep a cheater in your life, you know. You teach him that cheating is ok and that there won't be any consequences for his actions.

Answer 4

you're seriously disgusting.. have you even thought about the childs best interests and not YOURS.



i will say this. My dad did the same thing. he had another daughter and my step mom freaked out and told him not to have anything to do with her. and you know what that POS did act like she didnt exist and he didnt even tell me or my brother. I didnt find out i had a sister on that side of my family until she was 22. I mean that's so messed up... its absolutely disgusting that you would want a child to grow up without their father because you're selfish. SMH

Answer 5

I can only HOPE that he comes to his senses and leaves you. Shame on you for forcing this child to grow up without a father. Shame, shame, shame on you. You are one mean and selfish and childish girl...grow up.

Answer 6

It's not the child's fault that your husband is a cheater...it's unfortunate you want the child to suffer the lack of a father present in her life, because her parents lack morals....



Chances are high that over time he will become more involved in the child's life...she may even seek him out when she is able...



If you are worried about him leaving you because you can't have kids, then that fact doesn't change even if the child with his ex-lover didn't exist...better to work on making your marriage as good and strong as it can be, and treat the child as if she belonged to his ex wife (which if that were the case, I assume you wouldn't be so opposed to him spending time with her)...

Answer 7

When you're married to a cheating deadbeat who would ignore and neglect his own child, these are the kinds of things you have to lay awake at night worrying about.

Answer 8

You should not encourage your husband to not have anything at all to do with his child. What happens when the child gets older and wants a relationship with her dad?

Answer 9

A man who abandons his child is no man and a woman who supports - demands- that he do that is sub human. He brought a human being into the world and that is more important than any other relationship- including yours. How do you not know that? It does not matter that he is paying support. That girl deserves a father and needs him more than you do. You people are what is tearing the nation apart, starting with that innocent little girl.

Answer 10

Why would you want to be with a man like that

Answer 11

He made a mistake, and for selfish reasons you encouraged him to make another one. How would you feel if your father walked away from you and refused to have anything to do with you because some woman told him he couldn't? Not too good, I'm sure. Is ANYONE in this situation considering the child's welfare in all this? How about the years of angst she'll have for being abandoned by her father? The potential behavioral issues she'll have when dealing with men due to that? It would have been far better for you to have kicked him to the curb when it happened and moved on than to force this to happen.



The way you make amends after the fact means allowing him to invite her into his life and let him make an honest effort to be a part of hers, without this underlying guilt trip that you don't want it to really happen. Get involved to make sure it happens, showing full support for it. Back burner what YOU want because you're not, and should not be, the priority in this situation.

Answer 12

He cheated on her with you, so don't count on him leaving his daughter out of his life for very long.

Answer 13

Doubt it he has the best of both worlds a child that he has minimal to no responsibility to raise and a spouse who stands by him even though he fathered a child with another woman. Other then the child support he has everything he wants in life.

Answer 14

Although sunshine raises a valid point I would like to offer that any married man who would have unprotected sex with any women besides his wife is absolute scum. File for divorce, take him for all you can get and get this sad chapter of your life behind you asap.

Answer 15

It is immoral for him to neglect his child. And you're encouraging this immorality. That's terrible.