My husband wants to keep a stray pitbull but I don't want it. What should I do?

Question

My husband found a 3-6 month old pitbull locked in a kennel in the middle of the street trying to chew her way out. She actually lost a few teeth. He brought the pup home and I told him repeatedly that we could not keep the dog and that we would have to find a home for her. We live in an apartment with carpeting and have 3 very small children. But now he is demanding that we keep the dog. It is another responsibility that we cannot afford. I am home all day and it is already enough having to take care of my kids, husband and house but now adding a dog into the mix is too much. He is working all day so I am the one who has to deal with cleaning up the balcony when she does her business and feeding her and walking her. At night he walks her but he has prioritized taking care of the dog over helping me with our kids. He wants to get a kennel to keep her in. What is the point then of having a dog if you are going to keep her locked up the whole time? I feel very disrespected because it is OUR home after all. And I feel he is not taking my feelings into consideration. Should I just find a home for the dog while he works or give him an ultimatum?

Answer 1

Don't just give away the dog behind his back.



DO sit down with him and say, "I appreciate that you like the dog and want to keep her, but let's go over the logistics before we make a decision. Together."



Then you can talk about how much a dog costs (food, vet visits and shots, emergency fund for unexpected vet expenses, toys, etc.) vs. how much room you have in your budget; you can talk about time management with the kids and with a dog; you can talk about how unfair it is to leave a dog in a kennel all day.



If he refuses to listen, then you have to be straight with him: "Look. I understand that you like the dog, but having a pet is a real hardship on our family, our workload, and our finances. You didn't consult me before you brought the dog home, and you aren't listening to me now when I'm telling you that I am not happy about keeping the dog. It's gotten to the point where I'm extremely resentful to you, and I'm nearly at a point where I want to tell you that it's the dog or me. So we need to fix this, otherwise there's going to be a problem."



You may also want to book a marriage counseling appointment.



I am willing to bet that this isn't the first time in your marriage where he just bulldozes your feelings/requests and just does whatever the hell he wants, right? You suggest that he doesn't help out enough around the house, and doesn't pay attention to your budget. So it's unreasonable of you to expect him to change his ways now, with the dog. YOU married him, so don't act surprised that the irresponsible guy is acting irresponsible. So either fix it or leave.

Answer 2

That's wildly insensitive of your husband to insist you keep a dog he will be doing the least amount of work to raise.



This is something you need to sit down and discuss together, we'll all have very different opinions on how to handle this. I think the puppy is a symptom of an underlying problem. I don't think this is as much about the puppy as it is about him feeling left out somehow.



The fact that he thinks it's okay to force a living, EXPENSIVE animal on you is pretty significant, though. You need to hear and actually LISTEN and COMPREHEND to what he says, where he's coming from, but he also needs to LISTEN and COMPREHEND why you feel differently. Arguing about this won't fix anything. Calmly discussing it, using active listening skills you both acquired in kindergarten, will help you reach an understanding.

Answer 3

Give him an ultimatum first. That way, he can't say you didn't warn him. Keeping a dog in a kennel all the time is not healthy for the dog, mentally or physically. You just are not in an environment conducive to having a dog. A dog should at least have a little yard to call its own. He probably feels guilty about giving it up after he rescued it. You will have to shoulder the responsibility of finding it a good home, because odds are, he won't.

Answer 4

You should make him take her to the vet so he can see if she has any diseases. Bringing in a dog off the street like that is very, very dangerous. Not because of the breed ( I own a full blooded American Pit Bull Terrier), because of the diseases it can bring in and infect the children. So take her to the vet and see if she is microchipped. If she is, then he has to give the dog but unless the dog shows signs of abuse. If I was you, I would try to talk to him.

Have a sit down, face to face, heart to heart talk to him. Arguing with tense levels of stress is not going to help you two see eye to eye. It's makes the situation worse.

That last sentence got to me. I'm not defending him or taking sides, but that makes you sound like his mother. 'Should I just find a home for the dog while he's at work', do you want to either live in an unhappy marriage or be a single mother with 3 kids which is ten times the work. NEVER EVER EVER do that unless you are the persons mother. In this case, you are not. Doing that can make the situation and WHOLE lot worse, worse than it already is.

Try to see his point of view and try to urge him to see yours. Like I said, have a talk with him. Sit down with him when everyone is nice and relaxed and calm, and have a talk. Tell him how you feel and listen to how he feels.

Some advice, pit bulls are very loyal and sweet. Since she is still young, you can train her be the best dog you ever had. All they want to do is please and show how much they love you. BUT they are very energetic and clumsy. When they're bored, they will chew on anything and everything.

Best of wishes~

Answer 5

Tell him if he wants the dog, it's 100% his responsibility, so he needs to find a doggy day care for the pup during the day, or take the dog to work with him. You know you can't stop him from bringing a pet into the home you two share, but you can choose not to tend to the pet. Dogs are expensive and time consuming, and someone who isn't interested in having one shouldn't be forced to do so. Tell him straight up if he doesn't make other arrangements for the dog during the day when he's not home, then you will turn the pup into a local shelter or animal rescue for re-homing. You chose to marry him. You chose to have children. You didn't choose to take on the responsibility of the dog. You aren't obligated to care for an animal that you and he didn't mutually decide to bring into your home.

Answer 6

I'd tell him he has one week to find a home for the dog or you are taking it to a shelter yourself. Getting a pet isn't a unilateral decision, he had no right to dump this on you. He is being extremely selfish and unfair to you and your children. Don't let him think he can get away with treating you like hired help instead of a wife and partner.

Answer 7

Call your city's animal control and report the dog,WHICH you are LEGALLY required to do anyway. Screw what that overgrown 4 year old wants. It's not freaking finder's keepers, loser's weepers! He needs to grow the hell up and you need to grow a backbone. The days of the men being the boss and the wife keeping their yaps shut and doing as they were told went out in the 60's!

Answer 8

Ok...keeping a dog out on a balcony is cruel. And having his mess fall down on the ground below or someone else's balcony will get you reported to management. I have no problems with pit bulls but I say that with reservations. My insurance company asked me if any of my tenants had pets and if any of them are on the bad dog list. Pit bulls and pit bull mixes are #1 on the list. They are on the list because their temperament can change instantly and they can become terribly aggressive. It has happened and happened to small children. My insurance will not insure my rental with any such dogs on it and so I have just stopped letting tenants have dogs. My last tenant moved in and told me she had a lab mix...labs are such nice dogs...well, the mother might have been a lab but the father had a lot of pit in him. I notices now that I've gotten her to move that she really watches her dog, sweet that he is, around strangers or anyone that comes close. If a pit or pit mix bites anyone, now you can go straight to jail and/or have large fines and you will be responsible for all damage. With that dog you will have to be forever vigilant around all strangers and your children. Never never let him loose and always keep him on a leash and if another dog runs up, it will be you that is in trouble. Kennel training is a good thing to do for a dog. You don't keep them locked up but they have a safe place to go and you have a safe place to put them when you need them out of the way. Get a big big kennel, not one that just fits. I met this neat lady that bought a house with an extra bedroom for her German Shepherd. They are also on the bad dog list. The entire bedroom is set up for the German Shepherd and he has his safe place. There are those of us that love dogs and will do quite a bit to save a dog. That makes your husband a hero to me but he has other things he needs to consider. As a recourse, you could find a pet rescue group...especially one that works through Pet Smart or Petco...and work with them to find a better home for your dog and then look around for a pet that is more suited to apartment living and children. Pits do not like to be locked up for long periods and that can make them mean.

Answer 9

I can't imagine marrying and having children with a man that would put a stray dog above his children & wife.

Answer 10

I don't think random strangers on the internet can help you. You have a communication and respect problem in your marriage, and until you solve THAT there is no solution to your current dog problem that won't cause other problems.

Answer 11

The kennel isn't a bad idea, but you sound a bit overworked. You'll have to be firm. Tell him you'll consider a dog once the kids are in school, but this one has to go to the SPCA.

Answer 12

If he chooses a random dog he found over your marriage (re: ultimatum) then you didn't have much of a marriage to begin with. Take the dog to a no-kill shelter

Answer 13

Just find the dog a good home while he is at work and offer to watch the dog if the new owners want to take a vacation. Your husband is crazy. Put your foot down on this one.

Answer 14

You shouldnt just keep a dog you find on the street; its theft. dogs are owned property. Take it to a vet and they can check it for a microchip. they can alert the owners if it is chipped, and the local shelters.

If the owners are looking forit, they cant find it as they have no way to know you have it.



I'd leave it there.

Answer 15

It's a puppy that is going to grow with your children. He will know who the pack leaders are and that is your entire family, keep him you will not regret it in the future. You are not talking about a three year old abandoned pit that some street hustler got rid of he is a baby himself!

Answer 16

BOTH!! Give him an ULTIMATUM AND find a home for the dog. This breed of dog can be VERY DANGEROUS so you are COMPLETELY RIGHT about this. Your husband is being VERY SELFISH AND UNREASONABLE concerning this. Have him read what I just wrote. Best wishes.

Answer 17

Find a home for the dog while he is working and tell him the children's safety came first and the dog had to go!

Answer 18

if he chooses a random dog he found over your marriage (Not sure what to say about this ultimatum) then you didn't have much of a marriage to begin with... take the dog to a no-kill shelter

Answer 19

Ah nah, you don't want that dam dog with 3 small kids. tell him hail no and that is final.

Answer 20

I would take it to a shelter, i would never have a pit bull around children, they can snap and attack at any time. By the way by law you have to report a lost dog to the police.

Answer 21

Pardon me but let me say you that pitbulls are one of the best friendly pets you will never find, i think you are afraid of what the ppl says because the bad publicy.

Answer 22

Tell him YOU refuse to train this puppy and he has 30 days to find it a new home or it goes to the shelter.

Answer 23

Give him an ultimatum. However,

you have to be prepared for the

outcome -- will you be ready and

able to follow through with the

consequences if he refuses?

Answer 24

I suggest you do as your husband wants. You should be grateful you have a husband

Answer 25

You need to explain the danger to the children to him. Yes, an ultimatum is the last resort.

Answer 26

You do know that if you do anything you would be the one who is not taking his feelings into consideration. You would be the one disrespecting him.