My husband is addicted to WoW.. what do I do?

Question

My husband has been playing world of warcraft for a little over a year now every single day. He also has two jobs that take up most of his time. I am now nine months pregnant with our third child and in addition our youngest is two years old. I have tried to get him to limit his game playing, wait till the kids are sleeping or just plain stop.. NO matter what I do nothing seems to help. I need help around the house and just to get him to take out the trash seems like an impossible mission.. It takes at least three days for him to do things I ask him.. He leaves his trash around the house (i.e. empty bottles of drink in front of the computer, empty bags of chips, and to top it. never washes his dishes) When our car needs something done to it, I take it to have it fixed.. When the garage needs cleaning I do it.. When there is heavy loads of laundry that need to be taken to wash I take them with my two kids tagging along.. If the grass is long I go outside and pull them! He works everyday and I understand he needs his R. and R.. but there are things that are physically impossible for me to do on my own. I've tried to do them. I end up killing myself.. He takes our only car to work and never , ever cleans it. Since I am so far along in my pregnancy I get tired all the time.. When I can I will try to take a nap if I ask him first.. He says sure, but of course he's playing his game.. When I wake, the kids have not been fed, showered and the house is a mess from my son doing whatever he wants to do while daddy is playing WoW. I'm sad, frustrated and depressed that my 31 year old husband dosn't realize that we don't get to spend much time together.. When he comes home he plays till 4 or 5 in the morning.. then wakes up at 9 am and goes to work.. and some days works both jobs.. I've asked him why he needs to play so much and if he's missing something at home.. He tells me it's just something he enjoys doing, it's his hobby.. It just saddens me that he'd rather play till the sun comes up, wake up a little early on some days before work to play instead of cut the long grass, or take out the smelly maggot infested trash.. Or at least get his clothes ready for work..

I am depressed, sad and at times have a low self esteem because I feel he no longer finds me attractive.. He is a good man but his habit is ruining our family.. Sometimes I think that when I give birth maybe I'll cheat and find a man who wants to act like a man and realize what he's got at home.. Even when he's here I feel lonely.. What good would cheating do. I'm tired of feeling depressed and trying to work some way around this so we can both be happy.. IT'S NOT WORKING!

I know he loves us, but what should I do? I'm worried that when I give birth and need him even more he will not be very dependable..

Answer 1

hey jus try going for a picnic for two weeks n divert his mind from the game!!! it may work!!

Answer 2

I don't play WoW myself, but I have been playing another mmorpg for 3 years now, and it's quite addictive. There are actually web sites about gaming addiction, you should Google for some and check them out. You will find that there are a LOT of "Warcraft Widows" out there. I disabled my account a couple of weeks ago because I realized that I was spending way too much time playing. Mmorpgs are designed to be very addictive. You may not see what the appeal is, and sometimes perhaps neither does he, but just know that it's there. Gaming addiction forums (there's even a Yahoo group or two about it, very popular) are the best way to go for ideas, but I would like to suggest a couple of things... First, don't belittle the game when you talk to him. Calling it names or whatever will just make him defensive, acting as if he has to defend his "hobby" to you even though it's gone beyond a hobby. Second, he has to either quit the game cold turkey, cancelling account, uninstalling game, the works... OR, go off it slowly. Cutting down from what I imagine must have been 6+ hours per day playing to 2-3 hours is a rapid change. In many ways, that's a lifestyle change. If someone who is trying to lose weight goes off cold turkey on old eating habits and food selections, they are more likely to bounce back than those who take a slower approach. Some people can realize the detrimental effect it is having on their lives and cut it down to reasonable amounts of time. Others, like myself, can't fight the temptation as well, and simply have to quit entirely. Him cutting back on the time he spends playing the game has to be HIS decision.

Answer 3

I have the exact same problem, although with a little different attributes.



My husband and I have no children of our own (just a dog, cat, and my Mom live with us).



He does nothing around the house and it takes a week (or sometimes never) for me to get him to do something.



He plays poker (not WoW) so he is on the computer all day and all night. I know it is a distraction for him and helps him relieve stress - I really get that.



He was out of work for 2 years and just got a job (at least your guy works). He has to leave the state - he comes here on weekends.



I understand your loneliness, and I feel that SO much. What I have done to get over it is gone back to college. It fills my time and helps my career (I also work full time and just got a promotion).



I have started seeing a psychologist. AND, believe it or not, my husband has AGREED to marital counseling and we see one once a week (on Sundays when he is home).



It helps a lot.



The reason I am telling you all of this is so that you will not feel alone or that you are the only one going through this. When I read what you wrote, I thought I was reading a version of my own story (of course, with the little differences I mentioned).



The main thing is to realize you are not alone.



I take my wedding vows seriously and I will not cheat on my husband. If you feel like that, please do not cheat. You will regret it. Just leave him and then find a new guy. Don't replace this bad relationship with another bad relationship. Learn to know yourself (and love yourself) so that you don't jump into another bad relationship).



However, since you have the children, try counseling. If he won't go, please go yourself. You will learn coping skills (which is what has helped me).



I told my therapist I LOVED my husband and would never leave him. My therapist gave me suggestions which has helped stop some of the loneliness I feel.



Remember, your children need you and they will copy what they see in their home. Make sure you are healthy for them (mentally and physically) so that you can be the best Mom you can be.



You are so strong and I really admire you so much !!!



I will pray for you.



Good Luck.

Answer 4

I'm sorry. He has Internet addiction. These games are very addictive. I'm serious. If you weren't pregnant I'd suggest you take steps to divorce but that's too much for you right now. A hobby stops being just a hobby when it takes precedence over everything else, it is now an obsession. He does not realise that although he still has a job(s) he is in serious danger of losing his whole family. I have no answers really. Is there some member of his family that could help by talking to him about what he's doing?

Answer 5

He's an addict.



That means what is motivating him right now is extreme fear of failure, and he deals with that fear by overachieving (working two jobs) and denial and avoidance (WoW).



You can't force him to face reality. He has to make that choice himself. Right now - denial and avoidance are more comfortable than facing the fact that he's got to work two jobs to support his family. His self-esteem is pretty low - probably just as low as yours - if not more so. You cheating is not going to solve any problem. You need to either accept who he is, and hope he changes, or you need to protect yourself, and divorce. Those are your legitimate choices.



You realize that cheating comes with consequences. Diseases. Unintended pregnancies. Shattered families. Marred reputations. Yes - it's very common for people to get murdered. Don't be an effing idiot.



When you say you want him to act like a man - he is! He's freaking working two jobs! His priority is to provide for you. He's just not giving you the attention you crave. Yeah - this means YOU are also an addict. (or you have addict-like qualities, that could lead you down a road of self-destruction). You are distorting reality, to fit your way of thinking. You're saying he's not acting like a man, and yet he clearly IS. You are in just as much denial as he is. Only you haven't found a coping mechanism for your pain (yet). You're thinking another man would be it. Or maybe some booze? Drugs? The rush of winning at slots? Will that make you feel like you're not worthless and rejected?



There are plenty of good counseling programs to help people with addiction/codependency issues. Your problem is in your own mind - how you view yourself. You need to learn how to get that feeling of validation without relying on an external source (your husband; potentially other men). And he needs to find a way to feel like he can "win" without having to waste so much time on a game. With a good recovery program, you can both make it. You guys have a lot going for you. The fact that you're not involved in an ingestive addiction (drugs, alcohol) with the associated physical problems means you don't have to deal with physical withdrawal. That's a huge plus.

Answer 6

Delete the game while he's at work and have a serious conversation with him when he gets home. Include the word "embarrassing" a lot. A man will change faster than anything when his spouse tells him she is embarrassed by him. Remind him there is a real world that needs him. Be HONEST. Don't hold anything back due to his feelings, he hasn't cared about yours much thus far. Going to work doesn't make you a man, being a good father and husband DOES.

Answer 7

http://gamerwidow.com/ Check out this support group. It does sound like he is addicted or chooses to be addicted. Whatever, he will likely not stop on his own. Perhaps losing his family would shake him up? Do you have anywhere you can move out to? Some people deal with stress with addictive behavior. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. I guess I would read all I could about this condition and seek some counseling. Remember it is not good for the kids either. If he were an alcoholic would you continue to cook for him, do his laundry, enable him? Sorry, and good luck!

Answer 8

Im a teen and used to play it, I understand that the game is addicting, I used to do it to escape my reality, to escape my surroundings( I used to live in a bad neighborhood and if i hadnt play the game I would be doing bad things right bout now, not gonna deny it lol).



I know my advice is gonna sound lame or somewhat stupid, but i think you should video tape him playing the game so he could see himself hurting your family by playing that game that only brings temporary enjoyment. Then have him sit down next to you in front of the tv or whatever you use and play it. To make sure he watches it take away the power cord from the back of the computer and hide it from him and if he has an extra power cord then take away the internet cable or keyboard.



P.S. Be sure to put some of your feelings into the video, not too harsh or he wont want to watch it.*nobody wants to be bitched at*



Also nobody wants to do chores. Especially mow the lawn .



Take care and good luck! hope everything works out

Answer 9

you stated love which has many forms, love is actually a noun, or a VERB!!! most women want action behind love making it a verb, either way my point love is never enough, each relationship has to fufilled the others trust compassion and most of all effort. when the beginning of the relationship starts we are swept away with emotions, and once we marry things change, because it PERMINAT/LEGALL BEINDING. Although ur married the effort need to still continue. HONESTLY IT APPEARES THAT YOUR HUSBAND IS ADDICTED. HE NEEDs TO GET HELP AS WELL AS YOU. IF NOT THEN move on to find what will make u happy . He may be in denial as most are when their addiction is 1st ponted out, but it will not get better WITH OUT HELP/TREATMENT. SO U NEED TO THINK LONG and hard,

Answer 10

i am so sorry to hear about your plight. i'm going to gather that you've talked to him about this? ...and that he has not been receptive to any of your concerns?



at some point we all need to come to terms that we can't force someone to change, they'll need to come to that conclusion on their own, or there will only be built up resentment.



thus, i can only offer you this advice: figure out what it is that you can do. now i don't mean to him or with him, but just for yourself, what can you do to better your situation. actions defnitely speak louder than words. men just think women overreact/give empty threats/nag...so he probably won't take much of what you say to him too seriously. which is why i am offering that you think of yourself and your kids, and what is best for all of you.



good luck

Answer 11

When games are addicting they are hard to break from last year i was in 8th grade and in the beginning all i got was A's ANd B's but when i started to play second life i lost i my Grades went to C's and D's then at last i got f's and d's so try to get him away from the computer get help try to disconnect the internet just try that

Answer 12

It sounds like an addiction, not just a habit. I think you should go to a marriage counselor. Or try and convince him that he has a problem. He's neglecting you and your children. You could also ask for support from his family and friends to try and get him to see that he has a problem.

Answer 13

Dude,



OK, here is the deal. I'm already overwhelmed and I don't even know you. Men are far worse at taking this kind of onslaught usually.



My husband games when he is trying to escape the marriage, too. He also works EXTREMELY hard and simply cannot handle any drama when he gets home.



He may have just reached his limit, in trying to take care of you, not because of anything you did, but because of the stress. Be patient with him. DOn't blame yourself.

Answer 14

I was addicted to WoW for a long time. 3 months ago my account got banned. I've hardly thought about it since and my social life has increased by 10000%. That you blizzard for not allowing me to play. I dedicate my lost of virginity to you.

Answer 15

I didn't read the whole thing because it is too long, but grown men shouldn't be playing computer games all day, especially something like World of Warcraft.

Answer 16

Hide the keyboard. Don't use this trick excessively just for important things. Also try bribing him with certain favors, he is working two jobs. Also tell him to spend time with his children he won't get won't have this opportunity for ever.

Answer 17

First off, your hustband loves you. WoW is an internet drug. It takes over ones complete life, and respect for another being. If you want him to limit his time, try screwing with the computer every now and then, Unplug the internet, take a Power cord off the computer (The best is to take a cord connected from the computer to the monitor so he will be looking all over for it)

Answer 18

he has to want to quit. i was " addicted" to wow, but when it started getting in the way of the family, i quit immediately. havent played for about 3 months now, and things are better than ever. if hes not willing to "sacrifice" his game to be with his family, maybe you should think about other options.

Answer 19

I don't know. I have heard a lot of women having this problem. In my opinion no grown man should be playing video games.

Answer 20

Alright. First off talk to him and tell him how you feel that is makes you sad etc.. if he doesn't listen no sex, and make his ass sleep on the couch. If he doesn't stop, or decrease his time on the computer. maybe get a counselor? I've never been married so idk. But good luck hun. i'm pulling for you.

Answer 21

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha



Classic....just classic.



Just let him play. He will get bored eventually.



Oh and also play the guilt trip game!

Answer 22

if u wanna go the i cant take this freak right now way. then find out his pass and do shiz to his account. he'll log on see what happened and quit. but if he is really seriouse he will just say " oh... dam i got hacked.

Answer 23

Well, he is neglected his family and his God-given responsibility to help. I would threaten to divorce him or leave him until he rids himself of the habit.

Answer 24

WoW ruins lives, divorce the mfer

Answer 25

wow not reading all that but try playing it with him

Answer 26

Play it with him.

Answer 27

Get another comp and play with him?

Answer 28

HAHA thats so shitttty! lay off the sex to punish him and tell him your gunna light his game on fire.

Answer 29

you just gotta respect thoose melons

Answer 30

haha wow is retarted i played it when i was baked i was like ummm................................WHAT ahahahahaa good old unsober days!

Answer 31

hmmm, well you could punch him in the dick everytime he levels :)

Answer 32

hold out sex if you are hot....if you are a pig...then umm deal with it?