My true love has returned?

Question

13 years ago, I was madly in love with my high school love, who at the time I felt was the love of my life and we would spend forever together. One day, my mother decided to move to another state almost overnight with not enough warning to tell my love. Time passed and since her mother didn't like me, she would not give her messages to call me so that I could tell her what happened. We did everything together and as I said, were madly in love. The years went by and I searched and searched for her and could not find her on the internet or via mutual friends. One day I went to a website that lets you talk to old classmates and I found her name as I had before. This time I decided to pay for a membership and left her a note on there telling her to contact me via my email. 1 week later, I got an email from her and we started to talk again. We INSTANTLY knew we were still in love and in fact, we knew our love had grown stronger. She even still has the teddy bear that I gave her when we were in school. I have been with my current wife for 11 years though I am not happy with her. (this was before I found my love) We stayed together for this time mostly because of the two beautiful kids we have together. I am also up for a big promotion in my job. She is in a relationship and in school and will be in school until may. Without a doubt I am leaving my wife, but my question is, Should I take the leap of faith and move back the 700 miles to be near her again?
Every time I talk to her, my heart melts, I cant seem to get enough of it. I feel as though I'm addicted when I'm talking to her. Could she be my soul mate?
What Now?

Answer 1

Oh my goodness. You're every wife's worst nightmare! You want to abandon your children and wife of 11 years, move 700 miles away, and get back with your high school sweetheart who is also in a relationship?! This is a terrible idea. Even if you get along great over the phone, you might not sustain a relationship with your high school love (who, technically, you also abandoned). Of course her mother didn't like you or wanted you to talk to her! She was protecting her daughter from more heartache.

Take this whole situation slowly. Use your brain as well as your heart. If a divorce is truly where you and your wife are headed, you owe it to your children to stay near them and separate from their mother with dignity. Maybe a better solution is for the ex to move closer to you, after she finishes school and your divorce is finalized.

Again, put your children and their feelings first here. The potential psychological damage could be profound and they may never want to speak to you again if this situation isn't handled with sensitivity.

Answer 2

There are a lot of emotional things going on here. First you are unhappy in your marriage. Then you find your old love and it feels wonderful to be treated well and oohed and aahed over instead of being unhappy at home. So the past looks much better than the present. You have been apart from your old love for many years and both you and she have changed and grown in unknown ways. Even though you talk now you are both channeling the old feelings. When you are apart a long time to tend to remember only the good things and not the negative stuff about your past relationship.



You also never got to actually be with her in an adult way or have a committed relationship since you were forced apart.



If you want to leave your wife it should have nothing to do with the old love. If should be because the relationship is over. If that is the reason then get your divorce before you move on to something else. D



Don't move until you have had a chance to spend some time with your old love. Go visit her and spend a weekend just talking and being together. Think about what you are doing. You have kids with your wife, what will happen to your relationship with them? Does your old love have kids? What about them and the guy she is seeing. There is lots to think about. Visit her as often as you can and talk about realities. Find out what she likes and how she is with money, politics, religion, child rearing. All the things that make or break a relationship.



Don't just run off without a plan and some thought about these things. What happens if you leave your family and after 6 months you find out you don't like the new relationship. You can't always go back and your kids will have a hard time forgiving you. Think. There is a way to do it but you must slow down and plan and think and listen.

Answer 3

Your first priority is your wife and children , this girl is from your past , of course you will have all the best memories of when you were together , but you also need to ask yourself ( would you be so quick to leave your marriage if you hadn't made contact with this other girl ) I really think it would be the biggest mistake you could make , if you walk away from your wife and children into the arms of another woman. Before you do anything...you should put all your energies into your marriage , a good marriage does not just happen ..it has to be worked on ...every day , every week , every month , every year and communication is the key to overcoming problems. If and when you can truthfully say that you have done everything within your power to make your marriage work and it's still not working...then you need to divorce but don't jump into the arms of anyone until you know for sure ..what it is you want from a relationship.

Answer 4

Dude! Slap slap! I did that. It doesn't work. If she wants you back bad enough, and you were going to leave your wife anyway, then yes I would do it with a commitment from your long-lost love.



But if you plan on dumping your wife and kids and run off chasing this girl you haven't seen in 13 years, sight unseen, I'd say exercise some restraint and caution.



I have to ask, "What was this long-lost girlfriend doing for the last 13 years? Why wasn't she out searching for you?"



Answer: Right now you're convenient. You're 700 miles away (so you are not a problem for her or a distraction), and a big plus is, you're still married so there's no pressure on her to pick up where you left off 13 years ago.



I would have to say, I'd have to be damn sure about this. I know its like you want to do this. I can understand it perfectly. Just don't rush in.



If you make that big, big mistake you will ruin what's left of your life and your long-lost love may just leave you in the dust and not look back.



The other thing is, can she respect you if you leave your wife and kids for her? Some women consider that to be pretty damned awful.

Answer 5

Don't rush into it. Don't set your expectations too high, it's been a long time. Things may not be what you expect. There is a lot involved for you to consider and it sounds like you are sure of what you want. BUT what if you leave your wife and then you realize your old love isn't what it used to be? From the way you describe your wife she sounds like she may be suffering from depression. Have you tried marriage counseling? I believe it was wrong for you to keep searching for 'that one' when you made your vows to 'this one' and also created a family. But obviously you don't love your wife and want to pursue the old girlfriend so follow your heart. No one deserves to spend their life tied down to a spouse they don't love nor should someone have to spend their life with a spouse who doesn't love them either. I think you should fess up and tell your wife what is going on. She needs to know and will need time to adjust and accept this and not have it sprung on her as a surprise, consider her feelings. She will have to deal with this along with taking care of the children on her own. This is a very sad situation. I wish the best for all involved.

Answer 6

Forget soul mate. You called her the love of your life. 700 miles is a leap of true love. Things like this happen maybe once in a life time if you are lucky. Many things have changed, but not the feelings you mutually share. Go to her for a few days and talk about your short terms goals and plans. There are always possibilities. Now follow your heart~~it will never lie.

Answer 7

think about what your life would be like without her. think about getting married to another woman just like the wife you have/had having that promotion but feeling empty inside........ if you are ok with living like that then you should stay where you are. but if you felt horrible about that description then you should move back (make sure she's going to leave her boyfriend to though) and you also should find some thing to do about your kids, because you cant have joint custody from 700 miles away. maybe you can move down there until her school is over, then back to where you are.

Answer 8

Uh, did you think about maybe meeting up with each other in order to see how it goes before you decide to uproot your life and move 700 miles away? You know, spend some actual TIME together instead of just talk on the phone or over the internet? Additionally, I would have a conversation with my wife if I were you. You owe her that at least, don't you?

Answer 9

Yes I believe it does. The reason we have these expectations is because we also love ourselves. While having these expectations does not say anything great about our own capacity for love they are not all bad. After all to love without any expectation a selfish abusive person would essentially enable them to continue to be so and even entrench unhealthy behavior that cannot possibly benefit them. So the best relationship would seem to me to be one where people give and receive on a somewhat equal basis. That said however, some people are not as emotionally wealthy as others and obviously some allowance must be made for their capacity.

Answer 10

First, sort out your business with your wife. Get your divorce, get your own apartment but try to get a 6 months lease instead of one year. Then, you should visit this woman a few times and go ahead and have her come out and visit you once or twice too (after you have your own apt.) Then, after things are settled down and you've both visited the other at least once - if you still want to live together you can both decide together who should move where. She may end up wanting to move where you are.

Answer 11

No you should not. you have made a commitment to your wife to be with her forever. Even if you feel you are only there for the kids perhaps you should try to improve your marriage. Too many people take marriage lightly. Yes I understand how you feel but it does not change your current obligations.

Answer 12

you're crazy for throwing reality away for the past,you can never be a high school kid anymore, you cannot rekindle that nor relive the attraction, its all in your mind. you are going to make a fool of yourself, and regret it. every spouse who wants to cheat finds fault with their mate. what else are you to do? stay commited like a real man would, she is your wife.

you knew your x in the fun times no bills no worries your wife stayed with you BEFORE any promotion,

Answer 13

Stop living in the past and the memories of yesterday. Once you guys get together things will be different.



so you can fly a plane but how often are you going to see your kids?



I wish you luck.

Answer 14

Your poor poor children.. Why would you even get in a relationship or marriage knowing your still in love with someone let alone have kids? If you got in a relationship and got married thats when the search should have ended. thats so sad. how are you going to explain that to them?*

Answer 15

If you are truly unhappy then end your relationship with your wife and move out BEFORE you start anything with your true love.

Kids are resilient. They are better off to live in a happy household.

Answer 16

well if u go u will be abandoning your kids.I know u are madly fell in love with your ex girlfriend .Well i say to have a straight conversation with your wife and try yo understand if she loves .then if she doesnot it up to you to choose

Answer 17

wow... good story... hmm... if u r leaving ur wife, u must think about the kids... u would be technically abandoning them... but if that doesnt matter to you, then do whatever you want... if you feel it is neccesary to go back the 700 miles and be with ur true love, then go for it...

Answer 18

When u married ur wife u made a vow for better or worse. divorce happens... i know and if u feel that's what have to do then do it. my only question is do u have any children with ur current wife?

Answer 19

Follow your heart!!! Don't live life with the "what if's" or I "should have's". Life is too short to be unhappy!! I say talk to your wife about how you feel and do what is in your heart.

Answer 20

Haven't you heard the saying "You can never go back"?



And you are abandoning you children.



You stay where you are at and have her move. to you.



And you forgot the part Where you say "My wife doesn't understand me"

Answer 21

u know what: YES you should go for it. If you don't have nothing to loose then why not? Things like that don't only occur in movies but they don't happen everyday eighter so... take a chance and good luck!