Should I leave?

Question

To try to sum things up, I've been married for 5 years. We've been through a lot. My husband has been physically, verbally, and emotional abusive. I believe he has cheated but I'm not sure. I admitted to cheating with a woman a few years ago - and he still throws it up at me. I am now pregnant and in my third trimester. He's never around!!! We live in a remote area and he's all I have. He has been intentionally going on trips and leaving me at home alone. I've been going to most appts and even to prenatal classes by myself (with 10+ couples and me being the only one alone). He's been yelling and screaming at me and calling me all kinds of names. He hasn't helped me with anything around the house or period. I am seriously considering leaving. I feel like if he doesn't want to be around and help support me through this pregnancy then why bother? What do you think?

Answer 1

You should have left a looooooooong time ago. See if your family can help you out or even a battered women's advocacy group locally. Get out asap.

Answer 2

I am so sorry you feel so alone in this situation. You should not have to be alone. He is not being supportive nor responsible for the baby you have made together.



If you think it is bad now going to the classes alone, wait untill you have to take care of this baby alone.



He needs to pull it together and be with you right now when you need him most.



It sounds like he is fluttering around and I also would be suspisous of what he is up to.



Sit him down and tell him you need to have a serious talk without yelling. Even if he yells, dont yell back. If he starts treating you bad and yelling at you, walk away. Dont allow yourself to be treated this way. If he does not come around you would be better off without him. It would not be much different than the situation that you are in now, as you said you already have to do everything alone anyways.



He sounds like a real selfish jerk.



Stay strong girl and hang in there.

Answer 3

I think you have to make a choice as to wether you will stay and hope for a change in his behaviour,but this kind of change can only come by if he realizes that he needs to change and admits it to you.In such a case he would be happy to seek help from a family counsellor to help both of you on how to respect and love each other. The other choice you have which is easier is to separate and hope that he might realize what he is missing and if he doesn't realize it you have to gather the courage to move on and raise your child in a safer environment.It is better to grow in a home with a single parent than a home with an abusive father.I am speaking from experience of my own parents who were never in good books with each other but stayed together anyways and that has really affected my relationship with both my parents in a negative way.

Answer 4

Wow. The physical abuse part is the part I'm most concerned with.



Read this loud and clear:



THERE IS NEVER A GOOD REASON FOR ANOTHER PERSON TO PUT THEIR HANDS ON YOU. EVER. PERIOD.



The other thing that you need to know is that no one else is responsible for your happiness except for you. You are the only one who puts limits on your abilities, you are the only one who has power in your life.



Why are you still there? Is it for financial reasons? Is it because when it's good it's GREAT, but when it's bad, it's really bad? Is it because through it all you still love him?



You can be whatever and whoever you want to be. Don't give him the power that allows him to dominate who and what you are.



You're doing it alone now. Why not make that decision that says "If I'm going to do it alone, I'm going to do it TRULY alone."?



Leave him. Before he inflicts his damage upon your child.

Answer 5

Why have you stayed as long as you have, You should have left when he started being abusive { in any form }..Right now it is not helping the unborn child. With you getting all stressed out it affects the baby as well.

Pack up and leave, Move closer to town and tell him you need time to readjust your life and the baby's. Or pack his things and tell him he is out, until he makes up him mind about you and his baby. He sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do and now is a good time to start.

Change the locks on the doors and start living your life for yourself and the child's.

If you have to take it one step further, Divorce his a ss that should wake him up...

Answer 6

you should of been out of the door the first time he put his hands on you. just becsause he hasnt while your pregnant doesnt mean he wont after the baby is born. do you want your child around to witness the abuse? its hard to leave someone you have a child with but maybe even leaving and taking his child would be a huge awakening for him. not too mention the next time he does it i would file a polioce report(you dont have to press charges) just to have it on record. if you do split would you want an abusive man to win custody over your child?

Answer 7

I think you already know what you want to do. Leave. There is nothing left for you in this relationship. The only thing you two have is unnecessary attachment and time. Also, I suggest you ask yourself if you want to bring a child into this environment...I wouldn't reccommend it, due to the obvious reasons you have stated.

Answer 8

I know it may seem like he's all you have, but you've got to find a way to leave him!!! This is unacceptable!! If you don't, you'll have to continue to be abused, and worst of all your kids will see it and grow up to be the same way. Your boys will think it's acceptable to hit women, and your girls will grow up to think it's normal when men hit them. If for no other reason, get out for the kids' sake. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, but you just have to get out. Period.

Answer 9

if he has been abusing you (in every way) I would definite leave (for know) maybe he will realize you are the one! I would pray on it as well! it may take awhile to see some changes but it helps! being with the lord changes a lot (it has in my life) I am sure it will do the same for you! weather you decide to stay or leave him the lord will help you

Answer 10

Well i have been there. I made really bad choices and ended up with a man who cared more about himself than our children or I. my opinion on the matter is, If he is yelling and screaming at you and he is abusive towards you how do you think he is going to be with your child??? Its one thing to stick with it when it is just you but you both deserve more than that and i wopuld ask him about counseling and if he doesn't want to go good riddance

Answer 11

Being abusive to you doesn't help you or the baby. If he's been like this for five years, he's not going to change. I suggest getting out of there before he does the same to your child.

Answer 12

Go with your gut feelings. They are always right. You need to think of that new baby, and take care of yourself while still preg. You should leave. There is always better if a situation is as rough as this. No one deserves to be treated like this.Move on and take care.

Answer 13

If you do decide to leave, the first stop should be to a lawyer. He still needs to pay child support for any child he helps bring in to the world

Answer 14

it sounds like there is no love in your house any more. when you cheated you stepped over a boundary of trust. ask him if has forgiven you and if there is no forgiveness and no love , then i would move on for the babies sake.what kind of life will that poor baby have with you two fighting like cats and dogs.have a heart to heart talk with him and if nothing changes then its time to move on for all your sakes.

Answer 15

By his actions he is showing you how he feels, so the question should be how do you feel about yourself? If you don't get out of the situation now it will get worse and you will loose all you self esteem...Do yourself a favor get out before the baby is born

Answer 16

Absolutely leave him if he cares so little about you that he would hurt you then you don't need that and your baby dosn't need a father like that it needs a stable inviroment and even if it's just you and the baby it would be better for the baby to not get hurt.

Answer 17

Some such thoughts do come in the first pregnancy. His conduct being intentional may be act of imagination on your part.

Answer 18

I think you are right! If he isn't cheating then it seems he has another kind of problem......... commitment, consideration, responsibility, compassion, love all of them. So give him a bigger picture.......child support, visitations, and alimony if it applies. Put the old saying "cheaper to keep her" in his mind! Good luck to you and your child in whatever you decide to do.

Answer 19

Please think about the well being of you and your baby. It seems like he's not gonna change. If he were, he would have changed when you told him you were pregnant. That should have made him changed if anything. Get out while you can -Good Luck Dear.

Answer 20

TALK to a counselor ASAP!!!!!!! I would get all the help that I can from everyone and get the hell out!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have been there, but it got worse 4 me that he put me into the hospital when i was 8 months pregnant. I SHOULD OF LEFT SOONER!!!!!

Answer 21

"physically abusive" was all i needed. leave this f***er. Get to a women's shelter where they can help you out with your pregnancy. File a restraining order, too.



Imagine if he did to your baby what he has done to you!!! So horrible.

Answer 22

get out before u put a young child in that situation

Answer 23

What are you waiting for, sounds like you have a miserable life with him, how could it be any worse without him?

Answer 24

Leave his sorry ***. you can be a single mom alot of women do it! Sounds like he don't care about you or that baby.

Answer 25

Hello



Someone that loves you wouldn't and couldn't treat you like that.



I think that your best bet is to leave!!!



Good luck

Answer 26

sounds like hes the one whos already left you. life is short, pleeeease move on and be happy

Answer 27

I think you already know what you need to do. Contact your family and let them know you need to get out.

Answer 28

You should have left a long time ago.

Answer 29

Time to get out...... he doesn't care by the sounds of it.

Answer 30

girl where is your family during this??

Answer 31

leave him