Why does my husband get angry at ME if he does something wrong?

Question

We have been married 5 years (second, in our 50's). I have noticed that my husband's reactions to things seem off. For example, I had just finished 2 hours ironing and putting away all our clothes while on a work vacation. My husband came in and threw his computer bag in the closet, wrinkling a dress I was going to wear that night.
I did not yell or nag-I just said "Tom, you just thew your bag in and wrinkled the dress I was going to wear, could you please be more careful?" I was expecting a quick "I'm sorry" or "I didn't see the clothes" something like that. Instead, he curled his fists, hunched his shoulders and had a gnarled look on his face and just walked away. I repeat-I did not say in an angry tone.
He never apologizes. If it had been me, I would have not only apologized, but offered to redo it for him.
Another example. he was driving and we had a very near miss with another car. By inches. My gut instinct was to clench up and close my eyes. Instead of comforting me he yelled at me to knock it off.
Has anyone ever encountered this "opposite" behavior? Something is his fault and he gets angry with me? What would make a person be this way? There are a lot more incidents but same reaction. He does something wrong, he knows it, then gets mad at me instead of taking responsibility and apologizing. I had never encountered this before him in my life. He has never said "I'm sorry" at any time. We are not kids. Of course he never acted like this when we were dating, I would have thougt twice! I am tired of being yelled at. I am a good wife, don't nag, and he does whatever he wants such as going out with friends, playing online games, etc.
I am at a complete loss as to why he gets upset at me when something is his fault. Any ideas?

Answer 1

He's immature; a man/boy. He will never take responsibility for his actions. My ex. was the same way, and I'm so happy not to be married to him anymore. Find yourself walking on eggshells? I did. I wouldn't stay married to this guy, because the idea that he'd tell you to "knock it off," over a reaction, tells you that he can't even empathize with you. Seriously, I'd leave him. You don't have kids together, why would you want to stay for another minute? I would have thrown the iron at him! lol

Answer 2

I don't think we have enough information. Everyone is jumping to the conclusion that your husband is treating your daughter like a slave. You don't justify that conclusion in your question. Did he ask her, "Lisa, would you please get me a beer?" Or did he order her - "Lisa, get me a beer!" If he asked her politely, and got that rude response, then Lisa needed to be delt with swiftly and appropriately. It doesn't sound like your husband lost control - instead, he did what he felt was necessary to address her snide response. That sort of attitude should never be tolerated by either parent. If that was the case, and you feel angry, you need to have a discussion with your husband, but understand that he will probably feel justified. Of course, if that was the case, Lisa needs to understand clearly that a politely addressed request, even if out of line, deserves a polite response. On the other hand, if he ordered her to get a beer simply because he was too engrossed in the show to be bothered, then he was dead wrong. Especially if she was just as engrossed. Then he really was treating her like a slave and he was completely unjustified. If this is the case, you need to talk to your husband to make him see how he was out of line, and then HE has to apologize to Lisa. The answer to your question really depends on the actions and tone each person had prior to the spanking. And the fact it was a beer is totally immaterial, a complete red herring.

Answer 3

Did you point to him this behavior?



He acts as if you're getting on his nerve or he feels accused all the time. Everything to him is an attack and he goes on defencive mode right away.



I would have a conversation with him, I'd tell him that at our age there's no point being married if it's not fun. I'm 44 and I would not put up with this crap! He's old enough to understand what respect is. It needs to stop or you leave. Like you said you're not a kid anymore, you know men rarely change and there's no need to waste another 5 years on this. Give him an ultimatum - You 2 seriously seek help for this or you're gone.

Answer 4

I know a "best answer" has been chosen, but honestly, I d have his testosterone levels checked (with the age you said you were, is why I m saying this) men have this in their late 40 s+ and it can cause these out burst mood changes. Just something to think about.

Answer 5

he should be happy to have wife like this .... do u know ANYTHING about his previous relationship ???

does he blame everything on woman .. ?

its weird to be honest .... looks like he expecting for you to nag ... maybe he loves drama... excitement because you are in long term relationship and it all got bit too much settled ...

see if he is carry on like that , if he do it again just be MORE FIRM and say nice but firm you wont accept that sort of actions.. and ask whats wrong ??? if he wont stop i would leave him ( i know its not easy !!!) but are you prepared to live like that to rest of your life ??? you are both adult with life experience ... he should know in order to have good relationship he need to talk to you if there is something that bothers him .... not fair you have to act like walking on eggshells . good luck . and keep us updated . love A x x x uk

Answer 6

You may not think you nag, but he does. He comes home from work (which is probably not all that pleasant) and gets corrected for everything he does. He can't even set a bag down for Pete's sake!!! Can't he just come home to a "Hi, honey, I missed you today, *kiss*". And does he really "never" do things. If he "never" does things you are probably being very one sided and only thinking and preciving what you want to see to benefit you and your story.

Answer 7

I was expecting to read about things he was doing 'wrong'. I could not find anything. What I saw instead were examples of how he reacts to your reactions of things. I sense more irritation on his part than anger. I am not trying to blame you for anything, I am just saying that he seems to be irritated..... I am sure if he were to post something we will have a totally different perception and he may say something like my wife just nags me all the time. Sorry.

Answer 8

That's just a man and how most i'll say are. They don't think or react to things like us women do. Its not in their nature i don't think . Plus they don't realize all the little things we actually do from day to day to make their lives so confortable but back to your question I'll say it again thats just how men are.

Answer 9

Is he moody? He sounds like a moody person. I guess you have to ignore him or talk to him about it.

Answer 10

he had something he was dealing with before he got home moody

Answer 11

he is psychotic, run before it gets physical