I got caught ... Kind of?

Question

My husband checked my phone and found out that I had been texting my boyfriend. We were friends long ago and we fell outta touch because he made a move on me. I told my husband all about it and stopped talking to him. Fast forward two years. We bump into each other in the mall and exchange numbers. I like him alot and he knows I 'm married but when we started this relationship ( a year and a half ago) my husband and I were on the verge of seperation. I just got a new phone and my husband was looking at it and seen that i had been texting and talking to him quite frequently and is now asking all kinds of questions. What should I do??? I have feelings for them both and did not mean for any of this to happen it just kind of snowballed. Please help me!!!

Answer 1

Sacrifice for your marriage and leave this joker alone. Tell your husband the truth (sort of). That you guys are just friends and you know it was dishonest to hide this friendship from him, if it bothers him that much you are willing to end the friendship because you love him and don't want to hurt him. After he buys this bullshit you do everything in your power to stop being so selfish and make decisions that are healthy for your marriage and family.

Answer 2

Snow balled huh ?,,,, Usually when you play in snow you get wet ,,,, Sounds to me like you are sopping wet ,,,, You can't be in love with two men at the same time because one cancels the other out and vise versa ,,,, What you have to decide now is on which side your bread is buttered ,,,, What I can't understand is if you are married then why would you even bother talking to another guy like this at all whether he's a one time friend or not unless your marriage is on the verge of separation again ,,,,



If this guy could lure you into this so easily then maybe you should rethink your marriage and the relationship between you and husband ,,,, What you are doing here could be constured as cheating because you've evidently been doing this for a year and a half behind your husbands back ,,,, If you didn't think you were doing anything wrong then why would you hide it from your husband or be worried about what to say to him now ?,,,,



What would you think and how would you feel if the shoe were on the other foot so to speak and your husband was doing this to you ? ,,,, If this so called friend of yours knows you are married and has any genuine concern for you at all then why does he bother talking to you unless he could care less about what this could do to you ,,,, I think you need to rethink on just how much of a friend this old friend really is ,,,,



This guy is playing with your life and that of your husbands and he's the only one that wouldn't get hurt from this,,,, Whether he's married or not makes no difference ,,,, It sounds like he's out looking for some flesh and he has no respect for the institution of marriage and he might just be targetting you ,,,,



So what you'd better do is fess up to your husband and tell him the truth or he could wind up just letting your boyfriend have you ,,,, Then your boyfriend would wind up leaving you after he got what he wanted and you'd wind up alone ,,,, You got yourself in this mess and your hanging over a fense with your butt high in the air waiting to be spanked ,,,, If your husband loves you enough to forgive you then you'd better love him all the more for it ,,,,, //

Answer 3

Jane, you're between a rock and a hard place, but you know what you need to do...



You're calling this guy your "boyfriend". You can't have a boyfriend and a husband, too. It's not fair to anybody.



I hate hearing about marriages breaking up because of a third person...there's way too much of that going on. And I'm betting that most of the time the arrangement with that third party ends shortly after the marriage break-up.



From my point of view your husband has every right to ask any and all questions he wishes. If you value your marriage more than this "other" relationship you'll find a way to fix it, pure and simple.



If you choose the other guy, don't be surprised if, when you're free, you won't be as "attractive" to him as you are now while you're married.



Just my take...

Answer 4

I see it two ways:



1) If you haven't had a relationship with this person, then get rid of him, stop texting him and start being a good wife, just because your marriage was going through a tough time, you should have waited until you were seperated.



2) If you have had a relationship, Well, maybe you should leave your husband and give him the chance to find a decent woman, sorry to be so rude but you don't get married and carry on an affair. leave your husband so he has the chance to meet someone who respects him and treats him like a man, not like trash.



You are unfaithful and abusive.....

Answer 5

You made your choice. Unless your husband is horribly abusive, you've got to stay with him. Marriage is not some high school romance. It is commitment and it means you have to be committed. It is easy to give up, but the chances are that your old boyfriend won't be any better than your husband now. Things always look better on the other side. Remember the reasons you married your husband and do things to strengthen your relationship. Go on dates, serve eachother (through service we create stronger love for others), make a meal together... You need to start growing up now. You're married. Act like it.

Answer 6

Marriage is supposed to be for life. I thought vows said, "Until death do you part." Not, "Until I run into my boyfriend at the mall and decide I might be hot for him instead."



You need to take a serious look at your life and decide what would be best for you. You cannot have them both. If you continue this, Karma will come back to get you.



By the way, even if you do choose the boyfriend, and you guys get into a committed relationship, he will NEVER trust you because he knows you cheat on your husband. So that relationship is probably doomed anyway. Just a thought.



Sorry if this sounded judgmental. Good luck.

Answer 7

Dear Jane,

First of all you are married. When you marry you promise him to be with him and you tell him that you will be loyal for him and spend the rest of your life with him. Now you are married and you should not talk, or start feelings for other person as long as you are happy with your relationship. As a man it really hurts when a wife start talking to the ex boyfriends. My suggestion to you is that please do not hurt him.Just put yourself on that kind of situation that your husband text, or talked to a ex girlfriend frequently what would you do?If you have a answer for that then do the same thing for him to understand him. Over all Cheating is the worst thing in the world especially for a man who has damped by his wife.

Answer 8

Sort out your feelings and then let both parties know. You are being very unfair to your husband and to the boyfriend as well. But he knows about the husband, so I can lay the blame solely with you. Either way, its a stupid move. You should have worked on your relationship with your hub instead of texting a bf. Good luck.

Answer 9

Well, you should take a decision and choose between one of them, just stick with that decision and have no regrets. I dont want to make you feel bad or anything but when you married your husband, you swore an oath to be together in good times and bad times. Now that you have bad times you want to move on with another man? I think you should question yourself before rushing in to the decision I asked you to take. First off are you still interested in your husband or do you just like him cause youve been used to being with him. Are you ready to move on? Will you have regrets? Is that other man looking for a hit and run or is he going to support you after you leave your husband? Anyways Good Luck.

Answer 10

HOLY CRAP!!! I just had this same thing happen to me....I think you need to leave the "boyfriend'' alone....If you think about it, he's in the wrong cuz he knows youre married so he needs to quit. You have to follow your heart. I thought my heart was pushing for my guy that I talked to, but I realized he was just feeding me the things that I so wanted to hear that I wasn't getting from my husband. Talk to your husband and tell him that you have mixed feelings and that you want to be with him but you need to figure out some things. Find out why you lean towards the boyfriend. Is it cuz he gives you attention that you don't get from your hubby? You will be ok, and you are not a bad person.

Answer 11

Wouldn't it be reasonable to assume that if you have already been through separation, then both of you have just cause to be worried about the status of your marriage?



Simple advice.



1. If you want to keep your marriage, you need to sacrifice your ex-boyfriend. Whether or not the relationship is platonic doesn't matter. You apologise to your husband for putting him in this situation, delete the number, and explain to the ex that you cannot have any sort of relationship with him for the sake of your marriage.



2. If your marriage is over, text away.

Answer 12

You need to choose. Your husband, who respected you enough to make you his wife, or a boyfriend that has no respect for marriage or comitment. You cannot have both, and it is very selfish to string your husband along. A way to put things in perspective is think about what would happen if you left your husband, married your boyfriend, and he cheated on you with another woman. The same way you met him, is the same way he will leave you.

Answer 13

Hello,



I am kind of going through the same thing right now except from a different view point. In your situation I guess I would be the boyfriend. Please take my advice and stay with your husband. I say this because if your hsband truly has a problem with you guys talking on the phone then he really loves, and cares about you and doesn't want to lose you. Besides if you and your boyfriend aren't together because you lost touch then you really aren't THAT big a deal in his life except for when its convenient. He's obviously your ex for a reason. Please, please, please note that MARRIAGE IS SACRED! Trust me, I know from experience that it's a whole lot better to stay with your spouse.

Answer 14

be honest.. what are your TRUE feeling for the new guy? have some respect for your husband and tell him what you are feeling and so forth... if the texts are inappropriate, then it compounds the problem.. you need to settle your relationship with your husband first, don't try to play both sides.. everyone will lose.. if you are looking for attention, then be real with your self.. i don't think talking, texting or emailing is bad, even for married people.. but you have to draw a line and stick to it.. if you feel the relationship is going towards a bad direction, cut it off.. your devotion is to your husband and family... I say do talk to your husband about your conversations with the other... they should be ok enough to tell him about... my wife has many male friends she talks to, & vise versa... we tell each other about our days and that includes our converstaions with other people.. you need to maintain that trust...

Answer 15

That really stinks for your husband,heres a guy thinking that his marriage was solid after a rough patch and you cheat,your very selfish.The marrage is supposed to be stronger after a seperation and reconcilliation,it sounds like you didnt take all that seriously,go be with the boyfriend and let your husband find someone that will love him

Answer 16

What happened to your marriage vows? Why can't you commit totally to your husband? What if he did this to you? This is not a hard question to answer unless you want someone on this site to tell you that it is okay to stay in touch with your boyfriend instead of your husband. If anyone says that, then they would be a moron!

Answer 17

You made an intentional move to rekindle a relationship with someone.

Your marriage has to come first. You don't say anything about having problems with your husband, so, I'm going to assume that your marriage is relatively happy...



Cut off communication with this guy, recommit yourself to your husband, and ask for forgiveness. That's all you can do...

Answer 18

first off i dont think u are cheating unless u are having sex with this other dude! So if u are not planning on doing nothing with this guy i would just push him aside and concentrate on your husband! Your husband wont trust u for a bit cause of this but i guess u will have to deal with that!

Answer 19

look you have to tell boyfriend that you can no longer be together,after you left your boyfriend start a conversetion

with your husband tell him the truth about what was going on and try to get back together to be a happy couple and if your husband turns you down just walk away and just think of what you will,if he doesn't well good for you,

Answer 20

Okay you said that when you started with your boyfriend, you and hubby were about to split. Okay but you worked it out, so you shouldn't still have a boyfriend.



I would tell your husband that BF is just a friend and because it bothers him so much you're going to stop contacting him. Then tell BF that you are married and to bugger off. And then block his number.

Answer 21

YOU ARE MARRIED! You should not be talking to this guy. Tell him it's not right for you two to be talking and then go spend some alone time with your husband. Maybe if you spend more time with your husband and no time at all with this other guy you will fall back inmore love with your husband. I'm sorry if this isn't a good answer but I tried...Right?

Answer 22

I think you have your answer here...I am in agreement wiht everyone...you will throw a life away for what? A boyfriend that will probably leave you anyway because he knows you are cheating on someone you vowed to be with. How do you expect this guy to trust you...of course he will tell you all the right things RIGHT NOW. You RIGHT NOW people make me sick! Cant you think ahead?

Answer 23

You did mean for it to happen because you are texting aguy you still consider to be your boyfriend. You need to apologixe and leave this guy alone. You need to grow up and commit to your marriage!! Marriage is a commitment that is stronger than emotions, its about deidcation, commitment, intergrity and love!! your feelings and emotions are to fickle they will change daily, it takes a mature person to honor the commitment you made to your husband!!

Answer 24

decide which relationship you want.

stop one relationship and concentrate on the other.

don't lie to your husband. that will just make it worse.

tell the truth and start changing if you want your marriage.

it's no excuse that you were on the verge of separation.

take responsibility. something's wrong with your marriage that drove you to the cheating behavior. you must fix that to keep your marriage. if you're not willing, leave hubby now and youcan pursue boyfriend.

Answer 25

Simple!! If you are still officially married, and you haven't legally filed for separation.... then drop the boyfriend, PERIOD... End of story!!!!



If you think you love the boyfriend more and there is no hope in your marriage.... file for divorce and let your ex husband move on with his life.



Seems like to me, you have no morals!!!

Answer 26

Honestly? Talk it out with your husband. He may have serious trust issues with you.



I highly recommend marriage counselling but it's not for everyone. And of course you both have to actually WANT to save the marriage.



Good luck!

Answer 27

You should have given him a girl's name in your phone. The same goes for guys - if you're texting/calling another woman, enter her number but give her a guy's name. That way, anyone snooping through your private affairs won't find what they're looking for.



I only advise this because I have a slightly greater hatred for snoopers than I do for cheaters.

Answer 28

, your married tough situation, well your husband will have all these questions,well maybe you need to decide who you really, want dont drag them both thats not fair to your husband, if staying with the husband loose the boyfriend

Answer 29

What do you want us to tell you?



1) Dump the boyfriend (but I love him...)



2) Get a divorce (but I love him)



Why do you ask here? You need to have an honest talk with yourself, you can't love both of them. Sounds to me like you want to have your cake and eat it too.

Answer 30

Tell your hubbie your just friends. If you have major feelings for both don't be with either one. I know that sounds strange, but you have to be loyal to them. It's better to lose a lover than never had loved. Hope you figure out.

Answer 31

did you just say your husband found out that you were texting your boyfreind! ha ha ha. well your marride and even if you and ur husband wanted to geta divorce you should not have cheated on him, now he will never trust you again. its up to you what to do, cut your losses and divorce your husband or cut ties with ur boyfreind and have to not be trusted for the rest up ur life

Answer 32

Fess up to what you did and decide wat you wan. IF it is the hubb then work it out if he is willing, or move on with the BF.If you leave the hubby, take nothing from the marriage with you as your the one who messed it up. Also, be honest with the hubby as to why you strayed. People stray and cheat for a reason. Tell him the truth behind it.

Answer 33

You are married. You can't have it both ways. Either divorce your husband and move on, or fix your marriage.

Answer 34

youre having an emotional affair...if you want to save your marriage then i would get rid of the phone that your ex has the number to or change the number and stop all communication with the ex...

if you dont want to save your marriage...do whats fair to your husband and get a divorce...

its not fair to stay with him while youre secretly talking to your ex...

Answer 35

Fet rid of the boyfriend if you want to stay married , but as others have suggested be quick about choosing . Its unfair to your husband to keep him on the hook. ,

Answer 36

Leave your husband, since he will forever have trust issues now. This way he can get on with his life.

Answer 37

You know what you was doing



You was just hoping to get by with it



I hope they both dump you @ss



Took those marriage vows & just blew them out the window

Answer 38

well lets be honest cheating really hurts if you ever been cheated on you know how it feels understand if he was abusive or something but thats were seperation coming in but if you really love your husband dont do it

Answer 39

Seriously, this is not that hard. Why are you playing games with your husband?



Simple resolution.

Get a divorce, your obviously not happy.

Answer 40

make a decision. obviously your husband has stood by you. don't do something you will regret just because you have feelings for someone else that is just plain stupid. think about the life you will be leaving behind.

Answer 41

Pick a side and stick with it.



Divorces are expensive and messy. Also, they tend to drive away all the men in your life while they are being sorted out.

Answer 42

You married your husband for a reason. Try to remember what that reason was.

Answer 43

Grow up and go ahead and leave. Your husband deserves a real woman....not a silly girl.

Answer 44

you WERE on the verge you apparently stayed in the marriage.. stop cheating on your husband and be faithful





KARMA

Answer 45

STAY! With your husband!

If you like both of them stay with

the one that you are married too

that you promised your life too

And tell your husband whats going

on NOW!!

Answer 46

Your first priority is to your marriage. If you can't be Committed to your relationship then get the @*^$ OUT! You have NO right to be playing with peoples lives.

"Always complete one relationship, Before starting another"

Answer 47

your disgusting and i hope you get what's coming to you in this marriage! You are such a w**** and I hate that your husband doesn't know what kind of person you really are!!!

Answer 48

You should not have been texting another man



Your husbnd has the right to hear the TRUTH from you

Answer 49

your wrong....You are married and living like a single. Your immature and should not be married. Divorce your husband and spare him the misery your putting him through !!!

Answer 50

You should leave your husband, you are a cheater and will always be a cheater. You should save him the pain of going through you cheating on him over and over by leaving him now.

Answer 51

Why would you even put yourself in this position!!!!

You owe your husband the truth.

Good Luck

Answer 52

you should have been working on reconciling with your husband instead of getting involved with this guy again!!! you can't have both of them on your plate at the same time...choose one already!!

Answer 53

Dump the boyfriend. Rember he dumped you he must not have the same fellings.

Answer 54

It would not have happened if you didn't mean for it to happen. Make a choice. Your husband doesn't deserve this.

It's a tangled web we weave, when others we deceive...........

Answer 55

stick with the husband dont just let this guy come into your life

Answer 56

Its really not that hard. Forget about the boyfriend.. chances are he only wants you for sex anyway

Answer 57

You're married. You don't have a boyfriend when you're married.. maybe you need to mature a bit.

Answer 58

What your doing is pretty wrong, I feel so bad for your husband.

Answer 59

Is it worth your marriage? If not, stop talking to him. You need to make a choice.

Answer 60

tell him.. that there's nothing going on with ur BF.. that he was having problems and needed advise...



then just be more careful moving forward with ur BF...

Answer 61

u were asking 4 it.

u cant have both

pick one and let the other be

Answer 62

Give the new guy as much head as possible.

Answer 63

choose, your marriage or you potential relationship. It is difficult but it is life, don't cheat them both. or your self.

Answer 64

follow your heart. Sort out the pros and cons. But choose quickly before someone ends up getting hurt.

Answer 65

you made a promice to your hubby when you guys got married

and if i were you id keep it!!!!!!

be a good wife!!!!!

Answer 66

you're not ready for marriage....leave your husband and let him find an adult.....

Answer 67

stop cheating.

pick one.

you're being selfish and unfair to both of them.

Answer 68

you will now suffer the consequence of your actions

Answer 69

No husband .no cel phone ...NO PROBLEMS!! AND ...by the way ...TRUST is earned !!!

Answer 70

never ever, put anything in writing. you're busted unless hubby is dumb or a cuckold

Answer 71

come clean, he already caught you

Answer 72

No advice for adultry.

Answer 73

Um, dump boyfriend, be a good wife???



Is it that hard???

Answer 74

dump the bofriend he will never appreciate you as much as your husband will once he finds out wat u did for him !!!!

Answer 75

slut alert!!!!!