How many times do you?

Question

My wife and I have stopped having sex, and I'm not sure why.

We've been married for 6 years and have a 3 year old daughter. Up until a year ago our sex life was absolutly fantastic, then all of a sudden it just stopped. Now all my wife wants to do if we manage to get hold of a baby sitter is go to the pub or into town.

Now everytime I suggest going to bed, all she does is roll her eyes.

It dropped off slowly and now we haven't had sex for 3 months, and it's really starting ot get to me.

She teases me with underwear she knows I like, and she'll tell me that she's in the mood, but its alwasy at times when we just can't do anything, and I think shes doing it on purpose.

I know that sex is not everything in a relationship but it is something ad when its very obviously not there, its a concern.

I know she loves me and I know she's not sleeping with anyone else, so please don't answer with anything like that, but I wondered if anyone else wasin a similar position.

Answer 1

Create yourself some 'you' time. Your missus does not feel sexy. She teases when there is no danger of you having sex because she knows this is 'safe' for her.



It is a bad habit.



Get someone to have the babee for the weekend. During the week before, help her to clean and tidy the house so she doesn't have a thing to do but relax and best of all, no excuse but to be with you. Tidy up the toys and put everything away.



Don't try to dive straight in. Go out on the Friday night, have a few relaxing drinks and go home. Cuddle up on the settee and go right back to basics. Remember when you were first together and played 'feel-me-up-clothes' for ages? Do just that. Instead of you chasing her, make her chase you a little bit. On Saturday...take her shopping, have some lunch. Do something nice - just like you used to. Go out on the Saturday night for a nice meal or something and then go back to you house. (You will already have created a space to relax in - you've been working your socks off all week right?) Do the same again...make her certain that when she and you are curled up together, it does not automatically mean that you want to get in her knickers (even though you probably do). You have to get her to 'trust' you again...sounds daft doesn't it? Play it cool. Even if she shows signs of wanting to...don't. Play up all you like...but no full on.



On Sunday, get up and make her a breakfast in bed. Get some of the woo factor back. She feels like a 'mum' and only a mum. She has forgotten that both of you need together time to just be lovers...as you were and hopefully as you always will be. Get the intimacy back and the rest will follow.



Now Sunday mornings were made for loving...having had a baby, she may not feel as sexy as she once was. But you have already spent all weekend making her feel like a beautiful woman right? Hopefully, she will have relaxed enough around you for you to be able to spend the day in bed...what you choose to do with the time is up to you.



You would have invested this time in her when you were first together. Never EVER forget to keep investing it. So many men do...and then expect women to be able to switch from mum to lover at the first grope.



Well I can tell you categorically, it doesn't work like that. I was always rushing around, tidying, cleaning...everything to get the house just right and with a baby, it can be exhausting. Don't underestimate exhaustion...it can be a killer for relationships.



I do hope it all works out for you. I admire that your first thought was for her and you, and not just fecking off for an affair.



It IS there in her...you just need to coax it out.

Answer 2

Do you know the work involved in caring for a three year old? OK you don't want to hear it but it leaves little energy for sex, however much you both want it. I've been there. Teasing you might be a way of saying she wants lots of foreplay first or just gets aroused by teasing you. Maybe by the time there's time for sex it's too late and she's knackered. Going down the pub doesn't sound like the best use of free time. Maybe you could down the pub for one drink then back home where the lights are low, the undies are already on and you can warm each other up slowly. I think she's still interested just hasn't got the energy!

Answer 3

I think you might have hurt her feelings at some point which is making her feel a little vulnerable. Crank up the affection first by hugs, stroking her back, kisses etc, and remind her that you still find her very attractive. She is trying to tell you something...she still wants you, but something is getting in the way...she may open up if you start to flirt with her a bit. Also, the odd compliment about her looks here and there isn't a bad thing...make sure you mean it though or you will get some stick! And by the way, sex is vital in a healthy relationship so get to the bottom of it as soon as possible before 3 months drifts into years! Good luck.

Answer 4

Ok, I can answer this one for ya.



She now takes you for granted,.....which is good and bad,



the bad thing is that she assumes that you'll keep on lettin her treat you that way,.......

the bad thing is that she aint gonna change but that could be a good thing cuz she might actually have something on the side and that it'll be enought for you to remain calm at home exactly where she wants you. Now you can go out and talk to your buddies and drink beer in the tavern and play pool til 4:00 in the morning and then come home stinkin drunk which is a good thing and a bad thing The bad thing about it is that she might have already thought about all this way ahead of time & she has a plan in mind for something to happen which might be a good thing cuz that means she wont be rolling her eyes at you which could be a bad thing cuz she might be rolling those eyes at someone else. and when you're out playin pool, she's on the phone. The facts remain the facts only as far as when you walk in the door after work and you're in her world now.....which might be a bad thing or maybe a good thing........I have found that sex is really good when it happens at intervals,.......Now, having had enough wives that I can count them all on two hands and I'm only 49,...you may say "well this guy is nuts, what does he know about marriage?"...which would be a good question and righteously put as well,........but I may be the guy who had the balls enough to know what I wanted and said stop when I'd had enough........or not enough!....hahahaha,.....we should all look to failures for success cuz as men we are already half way wrong which is a good thing cuz women are always 100%right, even when they are wrong...which is a good thing cuz as men we are always half way wrong which means the cup is half full, now hold the galss about half way up so poeople dont know you have something to drink and maybe they'll pour you another shot of scoth cuz you're lookin like you're dry!!!!!!!! amazing huh?, now look at your glass, it's more than halfway full and all you did to get there was be married long enough!!!!!

I could give you more advice but at this point you're already too confused, I feel yer pain man! good luck

Answer 5

It is so hard to answer question like this, due to not knowing what is in-between the lines. Being that a lot on her have said take her on a vacation, etc. I have been there and that kind of stuff will just mask the real issue. Talk to her something has made her stop being that way for a reason and no one on here can tell you that, but her. Remember, woman are emotionally driven. Talk to your wife and go see you doctor together if you need to.

Answer 6

First of all, I am sorry you sound unhappy !!! Have you spoken to your wife in the same manner, as you have here? Perhaps she is so much in demand, that she is too tired and too worn out to have a sex life? Perhaps you might like to go and see your GP together, she may have a low hormone level after the baby's birth and may need HRT (hormone replacement therapy) Lots of couples experience this phase, especially after the birth of a child..........you are not alone in this situation.

Talk it over with your wife and perhaps you should go and make an appointment with your GP either individually first and then together . Good Luck and don't despair just yet !!!!

Answer 7

There are so many things that could be wrong - it's not a good idea to take too much notice of anything you'll be told here!



The best thing you ought to do is actually make her sit and discuss it.



The wearing sexy underwear thing sounds like a way of her trying to say she is really willing but...... and you have to find out the but.



She really could just be so knackered looking after your child & whatever else she is doing that just thinking about sex is enough to make her feel even tireder!



One thing I found really puts me off is that if I get a back rub or tickle of an evening I just KNOW it is a prelude to sex - it's all too predictable!

Answer 8

Have you talked to her about it?



It could just be that she's feeling unattractive due to weight gain/loss or something like that (remember, women are mental and don't understand that we think they're gorgeous no matter what), it could be a touch of depression (post-natal depression can hit a longer after having children than most people think, and can be hard to deal with if not identified), it could also be hormonal, especially if your wife is on the pill as different brands can do different things to different women (my wife becomes and evil harridan on one and on another her libido drops to almost zero (which I suppose means that it's working as a contraceptive)).



The important thing is that you talk to your wife about it. I don't want to sound all daytime TV but communication is important.



My wife recently went through a bout of mild PND which hit about a year after our daughter was born but I think we're through the worst of it (it was only mild, but you never like to see your partner under any kind of stress, especially when there's nothing you can do about it).



We have 2 children (4yrs and 18months) and recently things have become very hectic so my wife is just too tired and/or stressed for sex, and even when she is up for it, finding the time is almost impossible, meaning we haven't had it in quite a while, but we talk about it and we know that it'll work itself out eventually.



Talk to her about what's happening, tell her how you feel about it and ask her how she feels about it.



Sounds cheesy, sounds corny, but it'll make you feel a hell of a lot better.

Answer 9

my suggestion would to be to take her away from everything, maybe go to Italy, Rome or something in Rome hotel. Just have a wonder ful time together no pressure, go with the intention that nothing will happen, and you may be pleasantly surprised. Maybe she needs to know that you both can still get that quality time together. hope all goes well for you, im sure you will sort everything out

Answer 10

Maybe she's just bored. Try spicing things up, surprise her with a new toy, lube or position book if she's into that kind of thing. Draw up a bath with candles and soft music when you two have a night alone.Be more romantic and take time pleasing her. Make sure her needs are met entirely before satisfying your own.

Answer 11

Get a relation to look after your 3 year old and book a long weekend in Amsterdam just the two of you. You'll both love it.



Good Luck

Answer 12

Well you should really talk to her, maybe she feels under pressure, and when she has time to herself to right she wants a break and just wants to go out and have fun, maybe you should try a bit of fun on the way home from the pub.

Answer 13

count your blessing sir , 3 months is not really a long time , maybe something medically wrong with her . I havent had sex with my wife for 5 years ( or anyone else for that matter ) . But she was sick , and now shes healthy , we still dont have it .

Answer 14

The best way to have a happy and sexy life is through communication,because if the two of you dont discuss ways to solve your problem i think noone is going to cos it takes the two you to enjoy your marriage.Talk to her mate, put her in the groove ,shower her with love and surprises, give her lots of attention and compliments as long as she feel special ,your relation will go back to life.

Answer 15

Yey! Do I have the answer to this one. Your wife is feeling neglected emotionally, you have probably been the most understanding of men, but you have forgotten how to woo your wife. Sex has become the driving force for you, whereas she wants to feel loved and desired. You believe that by showing you have a sexual need for her this is enough. Sorry does not work for women. we need our emotional needs to be confirmed, we need to be complimented, we need kisses cuddles, unexpected phone calls asking how we are, we need flowers, we need emotion and feelings, our needs are not driven by desire but by security and love. if we feel these are not being met we withdraw sexually, we still want you to desire us, hence the "underwear" but if our emotional needs are not being met we cannot proceed. This woman really loves you ,but for now keep it in your pants! Feed her emotional needs and before you know it your other needs will be more than met. . Get close and loving, make her feel loved for who she is, not a release for your desire, hence the eye rolling! Good luck x

Answer 16

each and every of the time. Time is a saucer. Externalities slosh around in it, and we are in a position to slosh with them or not. as quickly as we refuse to be pushed around with the aid of them, we are in a position to customarily potter at our very own %.. Then, as quickly as we respond to a time shrink or some "outer cost" we are in a position to understand that it is our very own -- and the time is ours to spend on it. So all of it is ours to be somewhat alive in. because of the fact the Buddhists say "once you're sweeping, be attentive to you're sweeping". That makes each and every thing area of the rapture.

Answer 17

really dont know how to answer but i do know 1 thing its wrong of your wife to tease you when nothing can happen that is verry un fair

sex is not everything but ever one has needs i do understand that good luck

xxxx

Answer 18

I think she is in a physical problem. But she doesn't want to tell you about that. So, talk to her abot this frankly & try to take her to a doctor soon. I hope everything will be ok soon.

Answer 19

You need to talk to her, and tell her how you are feeling about this situation, and look for help, communication it´s very important.

Answer 20

Have her see her doctor about her hormone levels. This could be a reason she may not be in the mood any longer.