Should I continue staying with my hubby or leave him?

Question

A mth+ bk, I found out my hubby received erotic msgs on his mobile from gals. When I asked him, he denied, saying the other party msged the wrong person and he really did not msg them. Followed by the high mobile usage during tat mth, I asked for the detailed billing to check if there was any mistakes. He got pissed off, tot I was checking on him. But I insisted on lookin at it, so he relunctantly requested for it. After a week, I still did not receive the bill, so I called up. I was told he called bk to cancel the request on the same day tt he put up for the bill. I confronted him, he denied doing so but he wasn't angry tat he was being accused by the service provider which I find it funny. I still insisted on the bill so he called bk to request for it again. Within 3 days, my mum received the bill & left it on the usual place. As I didn't received yet so I asked my mum. She said she had oredi left it on the table. I asked my hubby, he denied seeing it again.

Answer 1

You have every right to be dissapointed. He is obviously hiding something from you. Unfortunately, he is hiding from you what you already know to be true: He is having contact with women over his mobile device.

Since this is obviously unacceptable to you, you have to let him know directly, but not hatefully that you are hurt by this and he needs to stop. Immediately.

When he protests that he is not doing it, firmly tell him that you know he is lying and that it is best for him to stop lying.

Let him know that if it continues, you will leave him. End the conversation there. And don't bring it up again.

In a month, contact the service provider and ask for a detailed bill to be sent to your mom.

Go to her place to look at it. If the activity has not stopped, then you have to decide on if you are going to follow through on your threat to leave.

This is not going to be an easy time for you and I feel for you.

Good luck. I hope he listens to you.

Answer 2

He is receiving the messages...no doubt. First accept that and don't try to have any hope that it really is all a mistake. Why would he lie this much about it? Insist on reviewing the bill and recording and even perhaps contacting all numbers you don't know (when you are alone from an anonymous number)...This may sound paranoid or untrusting but yeah! He created this zone. So, if you do get the bill you may discover that it is more than just silly messaging, so be prepared (otherwise why is he protecting it soo much?).

Perhaps sit down with him very calmly and say "honey, I can accept that you have been receiving these erotic messages better than I can accept that you lie about it that you are not..." Try to sooth out the truth so he feels comfortable telling you it by showing him how cool you are about this and you just want to know the truth, is it just messages and he is embarrassed about the amount? Or is he hiding more...be very calm and cool....

You should discover if there is more than just erotic messages-like a whole affair! If it is just messages--silly men! What a waste of money! Try to text him some even better ones (wink!)...What does he need/lacking that he is resorting to this? Maybe you can't provide anything as he may be the cheating type-and that is not your issue but his...but if he is just flirting, maybe he needs a bit more-something..

After you get him to admit his mistakes and tell the truth then be sure to firmly (yet kindly-THIS time) complain that he spent your hard earned money on JUNK.

Answer 3

yes know how you feel and its very tire to be in such a situation.

aquick decisive solution and to end it all is very tempting. never be too implusive to decide on a quick decision. take a postive and logical step to solve this and on alevel and cool head.

to be truthful, once a relationship has come to an end and the haerat has changed, there's nothing to being it back. quarells and fault finding will only hasten it and do no good.

cool down and have agood talk. stay open and level minded and except what might come out of the discussion and thru it.

whatever happens, we adults can take almost anything but not the children . . . be fair and think of their welfare.

aferall . . . there's only 2 outcome . . . make or break . . .

make a wise and sound choice!

never regret what is being made.

Answer 4

Request the bill again. No matter what, ensure he knows that you are going to follow-up. He'll eventually come clean..either with the bill or prior to calling the company again. Be NICE though, just tell him to call them again. They can sometimes email it too and you'll get it quicker. Keep after it, but stay nice and pleasant or he'll use any negative attitude to cause a fight and turn the situation into "you". Good luck.

Answer 5

Please don't use "tot" and "tat." I can hardly understand it, nor do I want to. Please follow the advice of the below poster, as well. I hope that we don't have an entire generation coming up that uses this ridiculous text code, and I wish it would be banned.



I might send a dozen text messages per year, if that. Under most circumstances, talking to someone works fine.

Answer 6

dont let him try to make you feel bad

if he decided to commit suicide then he wouldnt tell you

and if he did thats his problem

i would say well if your that stupid then you shouldnt be on the earth anyway

transference remember

everything he answers just take a moment is he using transfernece

is he moving the focus of fault from himself

threatening to kill yourself certainly does it

if you split he ahs to pay up loads of money

so is he scared to split cause of that

if he loved you you wouldnt be in this position

things will be lovely for about 2 months if your lucky another year

then they will go back

all my mates that forgave their cheating hubbies learned to regret that decision cause they were back cheating within 2 years

Answer 7

People are too quick to bail when they've taken vows. Calmly explain to him what bothers you and why it does. Remind him of his vows. Remind him that all relationships have rocky points, but growth and closeness comes with open discussion. Respect is important. Trust is most valuable. When trust is broken, it's hard to carry on. He may be innocent, but he isn't acting like it and he needs to be honest about why.

Answer 8

i was sort of in the same situation.. and i would say.. he is guilty as hell!!! men.. i dint know what they re actually looking for.. and the best of all - they dont think about that.. is that everytime u see something like that its humiliating.. and something inside of our woman just die.. i wonder if they knew what they realy do to us.. were the ones with all the questions.. and start doubting ourselfs.. just because they thinking there s someone better !!! i wonder if there is actually men out there that wont cheat or try to cheat on their wives!!!

Answer 9

trust your gut feeling. if he is so against you seeing the bill then there is something on it he doesn't want you to see. if he wasn't hiding something he would have no problem letting you see it. think about it if he can make you feel guilty about checking up on him, he is trying to pass the blame off him and if it doesn't work and you still check up on him which I would if I were in your shoes he will be probably be angry because it sound to me like he has something to hide and he doesn't want you to find out what it is. good luck and take care. fyi this is just my opinion.

Answer 10

Never take a decision in haste. Talk to him and find out the exact details before you rush into anything.

Answer 11

Give him an ultimatum- he cannot continue to lie and cheat behind your back. The core basis of a relationship is honesty.

Answer 12

It sounds very suspicious, to be honest with you, i wouldnt stay with someone that keeps secrets from me like that, but thats just me.... but it sounds as though you have already made up your mind.



Trust your instinct, if you arent happy with what you have, im sure there are mean a million times better out there that would love to be with you, and only you.

Answer 13

Is "oredi" really easier to spell than "already"? I'm worried about all people who message too much, make it too intregral a part of their lives and minds, or take it too seriously. That includes your husband, and you.

Answer 14

Text messages are not a good reason to leave. However, the ongoing deceit is tough. I would probably bail.

Answer 15

Your hubby is trying to be a player, but he has been found out. He is not good a good player, but a very good liar! I'd tell him to sling his hook somewhere else. Have a good day.

Answer 16

well something similar happened to me, what you have to realize is that he is not having sex with these women, he is looking for naughty talk. when you do your investigations dont let your husband know you are looking for the information, dont have an attitude when you find out, and dont be mean to him, let him know that it makes you uncomfortable and leave it at that. Dont leave your husband be patient with him, you never know you might need him to be patient with you somday!!!!



Love peachez

Answer 17

Something is fishy here. You may have stumbled onto something. I would keep my eyes open and keep on insisting seeing that bill until it is in your hands. Ask for another copy if you have to. He shouldn't be that secretive if there is nothing to hide.

Answer 18

Marriage counseling. You need to be able to trust your husband, but what you've said doesn't seem like reason to leave yet.

Answer 19

Get that bill pick it up yourself and catch that cheater in the act then what is he going to say ? Stay on him til you get proof .

Answer 20

Leave this issue and look out for him doing this again.

Answer 21

well it sounds like hubby is doing something he doesnt want you to know about, try to get another copy of bill tell your mom to keep it untill the next time you see her or open a p.o box and have it sent there. find out for sure if he is doing something before you leave him.............................

Answer 22

When it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck honey, it is usually a duck...

Answer 23

this is no big deal erotic messages r healthy for a good sex life provided it is shared by both of you .Enjoy life and stop fighting

Answer 24

inisist on the bill again {}

Answer 25

Get back in your place Woman..... How dare you question A MAN !

P.S only joking.

Answer 26

you should leave him

Answer 27

STAY cause the man is always right