fiance and I broke up? pls need advice:(?

Question

try to make this short.

we were together for over 6 years. engaged for 1. both 22. each others first relationship, kiss, partners. everything.we never cheated each other and very respectful. our sex life was great. we didn't have much problems. towards the end we did take each other for granted. he is really into bodybuilding and i never felt pretty around him. i didn't like being naked around him for long and would sometimes fish for compliments. honestly i feel like i did everything for me of course it takes two. but i pushed to get engaged. i was saving for a future and wedding and he wasn't ready for that. on top of that, i always compared myself to him. i relied on him to make me feel attractive. which he never made me feel. over time i just got tired. the lack of affection. i focused all on him and pushed him with his life and in the meantime i lost myself. i have no idea who i am and what i wanted all of a sudden. i needed a break to really focus on myself and love who i am before letting him do that to me. so we took a break which he did not agree with and we ended up breaking up.

there was this guy at work that liked me for a long time and did everything my ex didn't do. in the beginning of the break up. we hooked up a few times. i put a stop to it because i wasn't looking for a relationship and i kept thinking about my ex. i didn't break up to be with other people i did it to work on myself. i wanted to eventually work things out with my ex but i know i needed this time to focus on me so now its been about 5 months since we haven't been together. we still talk and even hooked up several times throughout this break up. he has tried getting back with me. but i tell him its too soon. if anything i want to take things super super slow. the last time we hung out. he took me out and basically threatened me and said if i don't want to work things out with him. he will get a gf.

well he kept pushing for me to get back with me and didn't understand where i was coming from
. i just need time by myself. i revolved my entire life around him and had no clue who i was. that and i was scared if we got older and wish we would have experienced with other people.

anyways i was doing really well. i would wake up and never felt so sure i was going to spend my life with him but i was working on myself so i was just giving it time. and im not gonna lie. i hurt him a lot i have been very back and forth during our time apart. where i would go back then change my mind. i stopped that tho and was just doing my own thing. the last time we went and i told him i wasn't ready to get back. we haven't talked in over a week. i heard from his best friend (who is a like brother to me) that he is so angry at me. he's been talking to girls and i heard he is trying to get with this one girl so he may or may not have a gf. and he's been sleeping with her too..

I cried for over an hour when i found this all out.what to expect? i was with someone too. but i stopped it cuz i know he was the once i wanted to be with.. i cant tell if i miss him or what we use to be. it makes me sick to mestomach spicturing him with someone else. the past couple days all i do is drink. i feel so depressed i know we both need this time apart but i can't stop thinking about all this i get so depressed then so angry with him. that he would just go find other people and not even want to be friends and see where it goes. i just need some advice:(

Answer 1

Honey, FIRST, STOP drinking. You're depressed, alcohol IS a depressant, WILL make you even MORE depressed. Secondly, you've been dating for 6 yrs., meaning neither of you have dated anyone else since you were 16 yrs. old!! You MUST date others to be able to know IF you are or are not rite for each other. I too made the SAME mistake. Got engaged at 17, married 2 wks. after I turned 19, him 21. Neither of us dated prior. We missed out on ALL the teen age dating most others do. We also had 2 unplanned babies the first 2 yrs. of marriage. After only 3 yrs. of marriage, we both got bored with each other. Divorced at 4 yrs. We THEN did the dating we should have done in our teen yrs. It was the children who suffered the most, as now adults, they still are suffering from our mistakes. You MUST date others, honey just to make sure you're with the rite one. Give yourselves the chance to do that. You owe it to yourselves to do that. Free yourself from him for now, go forward with your life. There just could be a special someone out there who IS just for you. You'll then know the reason he was not meant to be. You said he may have a girlfriend, well IF you look around, go forward with your life, you too just may find a boyfriend. You'll never know til you've at least tried. Try for now to put him in your past. Keep going forward with your own life & you may just be surprised there IS a special someone for you too. You DO owe yourself that much at the very least. Give it a good try, & stop that alcohol!! That too IS very important, will at least help make you feel that much better...I DO wish you the best, honey...:)

Answer 2

First off a guy isnt gonna just want to be friends, especially with an ex. You have to put this ish out on the table for him. BE HONEST. Dont beat around the bush, guys arent like girls, they dont take hints, you practically have to hit them over the head for them to get a clue. Say all the things you said here. Sit him down or ask him you want to meet for coffee and just talk to get everything out on the table thats been bothering you. He'll appreciate the honesty, he'll appreciate you putting it out. Dont do it in a mean way, do it in a sincere way that says I still love you but I need to know you feel the same. I need to know that you find me beautiful because towards the end I didnt. I felt so insecure around you and I dont want to feel that. I care for you so much but I have to get this all off my chest (and I mean tell him EVERYTHING). That way you know in your heart you did everything in your right mind to try to make this work.



If in the end he decides against you or the convo didnt go the way you wanted then atleast you put it all out there, you didnt leave anything left unsaid...and in the end it was meant to be. It will help you sleep at night if you do this. But I bet you if you are truly honest and really open he will appreciate that (if hes truly a good guy) and you guys can get back together. And if you do, do it as if you were starting all over, take it slow, have him court you by taking you places etc. If you both take it slow you'll really be able to make a decision that will help you sleep at night.

Answer 3

I think it's time to stay away from your ex for at least 2 years and start working on yourself. You are in a bad cycle of depending on another person for your own happiness. You will never be happy with someone until you find inner happiness. No one should be depended on to make another feel happy or pretty or good enough. You have to feel those things about yourself to be a healthy person.



I think part of this might be your youth and your constant attachment to someone you've continually remained in this cycle with. Neither of you can grow and mature while with the other. Neither of you can take the steps necessary by continuing to stay in that rut.



And it's cruel to ask to continue to be friends with someone you've had a deep relationship with. It's time you put that aside. It's just another matter of asking him to be there for you instead of learning to be there for yourself. It's also controlling to demand him building you up all the time. It's too much work for any one person to handle. It's your job to make yourself feel good about you.



Even in the best marriages out there, no one wants the other to make them happy. They make themselves happy and then are happy with the one they are with. Once you are happy with yourself, you won't need reassurance from another. Then you'll stop being so needy and start having a good life and better relationships.

Answer 4

My dear friend,you are on the right track so do not revisit your past.Do not get involved with any other guy also. Enjoy your freedom and try to find out about yourself. Amen!

Answer 5

You need to learn to find balance not being on the extremes of obsession with him and isolation with yourself. You should have gotten back with him and worked on being balanced. Being alone and all by yourself and totally focused on yourself is not the answer either.