My husband left me about a month ago. Is there anything I can do to get him back?

Question

We are married 14 years and have two teenage children. I told him about a month ago that I was not happy. His responce was, "Then, lets just get divorced." I was shocked. I was hoping he would realize we have been too busy with work and kids to have time for each other and would suggest a weekend away or something. He told me he hasn't been happy for three years. So, I told him if he wasn't happy he should move out and we would file for divorce. He is fine with this. Last week we filed for divorce and he is still fine. If he is so happy without me should I let him go or fight to get him back? I still love him very much!
I am lost without him.

Answer 1

I would say fight to get him back, remember your vows!



I don't know all the reasoning leading up to being unhappy, But you are married. I would definatley try. I would not give up that easy especially if you love him, tell him and ask him to work things out. You don't have to move back in so fast but give each other some time to get your head straight!

Answer 2

Sorry about your situation. I think he is in mid life crisis. He is wondering if this is all there is to life - work - paycheck - work - etc. He probably has a girl friend (lots of women will listen - especially single women wanting a husband). One of two things will happen. One - he will realize (after a while - that his new friend is no better than you were - in or out of bed). He will then come back because he misses your cooking, your kids, etc. Or Two - he was unhappy and is headed away - in which case you will have to pick up the pieces, and start a new life. You may never get him back - you may not want him back. You will take a few years to heal, then begin to look for another companion (knowing you may not find one) and enjoy your children.

If he would like to come back - you should make some demands such as counseling, etc. Don't make it too easy for him - if he wants to come back you will have the upper hand - use it.

Answer 3

"You get out of this world, what you put into it". Well, you both weren't putting enough. It seems like you didn't even know eachother and then you let him leave way too easily!



Why would he want to come back? He would be making a big mistake, because you're not showing him anything to come back too.



You have to talk to him and admit that you did put him aside and that you did make a big mistake during your marriage. Say, now that you're gone the truth is coming out and you're feeling very guilty. Tell him that now you're realizing how much you love him.



YOU HAVE TO COMPLIMENT HIM LIKE CRAZY RIGHT NOW. Tell him why you love him so much and make comments like; no man could ever make me feel the way you do. You know what he loves and your going to make sure he gets it all. He's still gorgeous. You only want to make love to him, because nobody could make love like he did, etc...



Well, if it's not too late, that's the only way you'll get him back. Try everything without being a pain in the a s s. You also have to look excellent and act classy. I wish you all the Luck!

Answer 4

Why didn't you just tell him.."Honey...We have both been really busy with work and the kids to have time together. let's go on a weekend together." Instead of a vague "I'm not happy".



It seems like you tried to communicate in a ham handed manner and it developed into an argument. Now it looks like both of you are being stubborn.



Why not call him? Tell him what you really meant and offer to spend some time together, even if you are separated Focus on the positive first. Maybe get some counseling to help you get back together.

Answer 5

I would be thinking If my husband really loved me how could he give up on me so easily? I would also, be looking back over the past three years and very hurt that if he was that unhappy with me why did he not come to me and talk to me about things before it got that bad for him? I am sorry but how can you make things better if he choose not to communicate with you to fix things before he let it all come to this? It would be upsetting to any wife getting a response from her husband like this after 14 years of marriage! When you stated to him that you were not happy I am sure you felt like any wife wanting a little fun and romance and hoped that he would suggest something intresting the two of you could explore together!! I can only imagine how you must feel for something to go so far and he isn't even trying to stop it! Something is far from right about him here and I don't believe he is being truthful and honest about what is going on with him. It sounds like he is going through a midlife crisis......is it possible that he is intrested in another woman out there and he has been really good at hiding it? If this is the case that may be why he quickly took things all out of porportion and used your comment of not being happy to jump at the chance of saying to you "then lets just get divorced"! and he is going through with it without a fight? What better way for him to hold face with his teenage daughters for him to put the blame on you for the divorce because he can just say to them that your mother was not happy with me. I may be wrong here but that is what I would be thinking at this point! I would do a little investigating because if he is dating already and can do it so easily after all the years the two of you have been together then you will know the truth. You could try to talk with him and ask him how he is really feeling about everything now and suggest that the two of you try some marriage counseling before you end it all. If he refuses to do this ......then I would probably feel in my heart there was someone out there waiting in the shadows and that he lost his feelings or his mind concerning us.

Answer 6

Sorry for your divorce for it is not a pleasant feeling. I also think your choice of words were wrong. You provided him the opportunity to get away. You filed and he filed for divorce and 14 yrs just went out the door. Love is strange for it does change people, how we feel that that person. perhaps marriage counseling would have been better choice of words just it is to late. Just let him go and start your new life with out him and strive to give your children a better life. oh yeah make sure you find yourself and do not get lost sometime being lonely gives you time to contemplate your entire life as to where you will go from here. I feel sorry about your divorce

Answer 7

Try talking to him and tell him how you feel. Don't expect him to feel the same. I get the feeling that if he jumped the gun that quickly in the divorce that he doesn't want you at all and perhaps already has another girl on his mind. I would be honest with him. Tell him that you love him and you didn't want things to end up this you, you only wanted to make things better. If you tell him and he doesn't feel the same way then you can get over him.

Answer 8

You need to get over him and let him go. You were both unhappy in the relationship. Move on and try to keep it civil for the sake of the children. Don't try to force him to love you again. it won't work and will hurt everyone including the children.

Answer 9

If you really wanted to work on things - you probably shouldn't have agreed to the filing so fast....



Sounds like he has been looking for his way out for awhile now - you openned the door and he walked through it.



Now as you see his back fading in the distance - you are second guessing yourself. that's too bad - it really is.



However, I'm not sure HOW you get him back. You can ask him to come back and TRY to work things out. But, if he doesn't want to - you need to be ready to move on with life and start putting the pieces back together.



Just like you can't MAKE someone fall in love with you. You can't MAKE them NOT fall out of love and leave you.



It sucks - I'm sorry.



Best of luck to you....

Answer 10

Get some counseling immediately. You're hurt, vulnerable and trying to put your life back together. He probably won't come back, and if he did could you trust him not to leave again?



Focus on yourself and your kids. Every day you'll get stronger, believe me. Take it one day at a time and you'll get through. Good luck.

Answer 11

I know how u feel! Its still fresh but time will heal ur pain. Ive been there.

It gets better. Dont fight to get him back, why would u want to be with someone who doesnt want you?

Answer 12

Guess what, sweets???? he already has a lady. Move on.

Answer 13

wright him a letter and tell him how you feel and take it from there