How much should we help our son's girlfriend with their child?

Question

I'm new to this site, so bear with me. Three months ago my 18 year old son was killed in a traffic collision. I recently found out his girlfriend is pregnant, around 18 weeks. Are we, my husband and I, required to pay child support for the child? She hasn't said anything about child support, and I'm sure she won't as she's extremely shy. My husband and I haven't decided on what to do about this. Regardless, we will be helping her out. But how much should we help her? She lives on her own, because the foster care system kicks children out when they turn 18. Last thing, she's thinking about moving to another province, are my husband and I able to fight for custody. We would like to see our grandchild grow up.

Answer 1

First off, I live in Canada. When my mom was killed, my grandparents and aunt/uncle fought for custody over me. My grandparents go full custody, but I wasn't allowed to move until I turned 18. I was required to stay in the city so my aunt and uncle could see me. When we wanted to go on family vacations, we had to go to court so we could leave the province. So yeah, you could go to court and see what happens.



If your willing, offer her a place to stay at your house. It's going to be extremely hard for her, living on her own and raising a baby on her own.



If she absolutely refuses to take money or supplies from you, then take the money you were going to give her, and put it in a savings account. When your grandchild is ready to go to university/college, he/she can use it for their education. Because your sons girlfriend will not be able to support herself, her child and save money for their education. Not right now at least.



If she's going to go to university, help her out as much as you can. Offering her a place to stay is great, because it will save her money. Offer to baby sit your grandchild when she has exams. It will help her study and pass and give you time with your grandbaby.



If she doesn't want to or you don't want her to live with you, then invite her over for dinner or out to dinner.



Remember, this is just as hard on her as it is on you. You lost you child, she lost the father of her child, and her child lost their father.

Answer 2

Dear Janice my heart just go's out to you and I am truly sorry about your son, I too have a son and I can't imagine the grief you are experiencing right now. Here in the states we as grand parents are not required to pay child support for the child, but you did mention Foster care which leads me to believe she has no family, maybe if you and your husband are financially fit to do so you might think about offering her and the baby a place in your home that way you would know the baby was being cared for the right way.It may very well ease some of your heart ache just to see a little person around their that looks like your son and I think I would be worried if she moved somewhere else and you wouldn't be able to see the baby. I think you and your husband are truly kind generous people to want to help with your grand child, you are to be commended for that. Their is not a law any where that says you have to take on this responsibility, you are a Mom like me and you do it for the love of your son. You know Janice how expensive the first year or two of a newborns life is, with diapers, formulas, and doctors visits so I would imagine this girl will need and appreciate all the help you and your husband can give her. If this girl was brought up in Foster care, who's to say if the going gets tough for her she might turn the baby over to them and then you most likely would never see the baby again. You know she will more than likely find another love one day and when she does if you and your husband are envolved in her and the baby's life she will contnue to hold you close. Good luck Janice and Bless you and your husband.



Texas Mom

Answer 3

I don't understand how you are worried about child support one minute and trying to take the kid away from the girl the next ? Do you just want the kid so you won't have to pay child support ? If your son was 18 then you shouldn't be held responsible for his actions. Now, why don't you think about things from this poor girls situation ? She just got kicked out of the Foster Care system, is having a child and lost her child's dad in an accident. You lost your son, but she lost more than that. If you want to help her she would probably appreciate it but good lord do it because you want to. If you do help her, then don't ever hold it over her head. If she is a decent girl and is out on her own you might want to give her the option of living with you until she can get on her feet. If she is having it rough, if she is happy where she is at then I wouldn't worry about it. Just remember wherever she lives your grandchild lives. Just try to get along with her the best you can, that will help her out and your grandchild. Like I said, look at things frm her point of view and help her because you want to, nothing worse than someone helping and being fake about it, or just being nice so they can hold it over your head, so help as much as you want without ever expecting anything in return.

Answer 4

First of all sorry to hear about the loss of your son, I have a baby boy and couldn't imagine the pain you must feel. As for your question You should help her out by supplying diapers, wipes, stuff like that once in a while and visit when it is a good time for her&the baby. If the reason she is moving to another province is bc she can't afford to stay in the area then offer to help her out. You are not liable to pay child support and you are definatly not entitled to custody even though it would be heartbreaking to not be around your grandchild. Ultimatly she is the mother wherever she wants to go & whoever she allows to see the baby is up to her. Stay on her good side and help out & I am sure things will work out. Also you might want to get a DNA test once the baby is born just to be 100% that its your son's before you get emotionally & financially involved. Good luck Hope it works out for you!

Answer 5

The truth is you should help her as much as you can,it is your grandchild who recently lost his or her dad,those are very difficult conditions to raise a child,very difficult, i believe she need all the support she can get,now about the custody issue,you must understand that even if you want to see your grandchild grow up its her child,shes the mother,and she is within all her right to take care and raise her child as she see its convenient for the well being of the child of course,i believe the best solution would be to make an agreement,especially when you're still battling such a great tragedy,avoid having to go to court.The last thing you want to be on your daughter in laws bad side and divide the family,now that would be another horrible scene.

Answer 6

In the states you would not be able to fight for custody, only parents can have custody of their children unless the parents are unfit. Also grandparents are not required to pay child support. You have no legal rights to this child but you do have moral obligations, as it is your grandchild. Help out as much as she will allow and ask to see the child often but you can not stop her from moving. I am sorry for your loss of you son. I can not imagine how awful it would be to loose a child.

Answer 7

i beleive you have the right to fight for custody of the child. however, you do not need to pay for child support for your dead sons child.... may he rest in peace. It would be polite to help raise the child, only you should decide how much to help. if you, per say, have $1000 leftover that you cant think of anything to spend, why not give half or some of it to the girlfriend, im sure it would help a little. Even if she is too shy to ask, if you feel you should help raise the child, or you feel you should pay child support, maybe you could invite her to live with you, so that you may have an active role in raising the grandchild. i hope that whatever you do works out best for you.

Answer 8

No you will not be required to pay any child support.

You can sue for custody if she has not job or home or crib.

Help her but do not spoil her. She is the mom and should want to

take care of her child and work and raise the baby. Being in foster care, she

may not know how to deal with raising a baby and she will need parenting classes.

Talk to her about being in the child's life.

Answer 9

I don't mean to be rude as you are in pain over the loss of your son, but you have NO rights to fight for custody of her child regardless of if your son is alive or deceased. i am sorry to sound rude there, but it is her child, not yours and if you want to be a good grandmother and help her out with her child, then that's great, but you have no claims of custody over this child and she can move where she likes. I am sure she would be willing to let you see the child, but if you even think about fighting for custody, I can guarantee you that you will probably lose and then never see that kid again, so better to work with her (and help her out some if you want) if you want to be a part of this child's life.

Answer 10

I'm not sure about Canada but in the US grandparents generally have no rights to a child. I'm sorry for the loss of your son. Since he has passed away there is no way to establish paternity to get his name on a birth certificate. The child's mother will not be able to come after you for child support but I'm sure your support would be well appreciated. The best thing for you to do is talk to her and ask why she is moving to a new province, if the reasons are financial then you can possibly offer your assistance in order to keep her close. How much you should help her is up to your own discretion. You don't have to help her at all or you can give her as much help as your heart desires. For questions regarding legal matters your best source for information is going to be your local family or municipal court.

Answer 11

Sorry for your loss, that must be very difficult to take. I know that you feel grief, rage, sadness, pity, concern and many other emotions. Reality is, that this girl tells you the child is your son's, proof is that you get a DNA done to verify.



If I could suggest a highly bizarre solution to this problem, allow me. You let this girl move in with you, and become your adopted daughter. Then you would not only have a daughter, not to replace your son but to fill the void, and the grandbaby to boot. Just a thought.

Answer 12

No, you are not, and she may not be able to claim any kind of social security benefits as a result of not being married to him first. If you decide to voluntarily help, you need to first create a legal provision for you access rights to the child, approved by the courts, otherwise she could take your money and not allow you to see the child. Under the present circumstances, you would have no standing in the court to file for grandparent rights as it is not possible to first establish his paternity rights. Men who have sex with a woman they are not married to voluntarily give up any any parental claim until they take it to a judge to reestablish them.



I'm sorry about your lost, but unfortunately he made a poor character decision in having sex outside marriage, and with his death, legal issues are all up in the air.



If she is willing to negotiate an agreement on your access rights, this can be done using a certified mediator, and filing the document pro se with the courts. These links will help.

http://divpat.org/Medation-N-Family-Law

http://divpat.org/VisitationRights-Standard-Order-Local

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Dads_House_Ed_Ctr/

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Dads-House-Educational-Center/112967188746254

Answer 13

Trust that your son has a "Decent" girlfriend? Help her and the child as much as possible? I doubt that you will have any problem with visitation? To try and take "HER' child without "HER" concent would be a mistake? Trouble forever!!!

Answer 14

You should support her not try to snatch her child away unless she wants to give it to you. How would your son feel if he was still alive you taking away his child from the woman he loves. Respect her and help her financially thats the right way from an outsidders view point.

Answer 15

you could get her an apartment close to you if she would be willing to move. then you could babysit if she worked. just offer to help but i would not try and get custody that will turn her against you forever.

Answer 16

then be there for your grand child but don't cause problems and take HER baby away.. you had yours and yours is gone... God gave HER baby to her just as he gave one to you.. and if she can make it better in another state then that's her decision.. just keep in touch with your grandson... they weren't married