Mom-to-4
2008-12-16 04:11:36 UTC
My husband works as a correction officer at a jail. I recently caught my husband in a lie about a 4 man golf tournament with coworkers in which he told me it was all males and yet it turned out to be him, 2 other male coworkers, and a female coworker. He told several lies regarding his day of golf that didn't add up when he was telling me how his day went which is what opened up a huge can of worms. I found out that he met at the SINGLE female coworkers house that morning and no one else was there yet. He says another coworker met them shortly after and drove them all. He stated they thought the tournament started at 7:30am but really wasn't until 8:30am. The other important details he has divulged after questioning was of course that him and the female coworker are "just friends". I told him his guilt didn't add up to his answers (because he was like a scared puppy the night I realized something was wrong). He first told me his guilt was from the fact that he tapped her on the butt with a golf club when saying "nice hole". But then I asked about how well he knew her. He told me their history was that one time she asked at work how he was doing and he really needed to talk to someone and just spilled his life to her. He said she was always soft and understanding in her responses and so he began to talk to her frequently. After a couple of months of "talking" he says she told him they were work wife/work husband. They addressed each other this way in private conversations at work. He then said that one day she started saying "I love you" to him and that he responded because it was a sign that they cared for each other but he insists they didn't love each other but also claims that saying those words were never discussed as to WHAT they actually meant to each other.
( I love you was said to each other the better part of a year) He says they never spoke sexually or saw each other outside of work. But here are the facts that happend at home and now I kick myself for being so complacent:
*He worked alot of overtime - all accounted for on paycheck
*He worked out at the jail's gym alot for a while and then sporadically - I cannot actually account that he was there
*He was distant - over time he began to ask if I really loved him
*He changed positions one time during sex but never did it again after because I did question why he did it
*Sex became less frequent
*He seemed angry all the time
*I once performed oral right after he got home and he tasted like copper or rust is the only way I can describe it
*He never mentioned her name
*He never brought his schedule home
I had him call her one night while I secretly listened on the phone (although I now believe he had already planned for something like that from me and prepped her to some degree) but the main thing that sticks out from the conversation that of course I got nothing out of because it was so robotic was that when he told her I knew everything and wanted a divorce she first asked exactly what I knew and then he told her I knew about him tapping her on the butt at golf and the work wife title her response to him was "You've already said too much" she then got defensive and told him she shouldn't feel guilty if our marriage is failing because of what he did. Someone please tell me if it's possible that after they have been doing this for a year that nothing sexual ever happend? Can you even flirt with someone that long and not become sexual?
UPDATED DETAILS: He has now said that he DID have a sexual desire for her. He flirted with her to develop sexual fantasies in his head. The fantasies were simply of what it would be like to receive oral or what it would be like to see her breasts or what it would be like to have sex with her. He says it did feel like they were in a relationship but that they did not do anything physical...it was all talk. He says he eventually got bored with the fantasies but that he did not want to stop flirting with her because it would hurt her feelings and he was still getting pleasure out of the thought that she was interested in him. I am confused because people do strange things and I can't assume my husband is any different so I don't know if I should truly believe he didn't act on his desires or if he was able to keep them in his head and why this went on for so long with no sexual consummation. Has anyone ever heard of this as a true story??