Why do people attack you when you ask questions about having an open sexual relationship with your spouse?

Question

A lot of people do this and are very happy this way and you don't see them attacking people that don't live like this. Just curious why it is such a strong and seemingly hated issue on Y!A.

Answer 1

There are several reasons:

1) You can't slap them for calling you a whore.

2) Putting you down makes them feel better.

3) Admitting that people can live wonderful lives without the preachings of their god would call their faith in the existence of God into question, which in turn would make a mockery of their own life.

4) They are insecure in their sex life or marriage and fear that by not decrying such activities, their own spouse will stray.



There are likely other reasons as well.

Answer 2

women hold on to what they got cause it took them so long to find him, but they do not consider that they are in charge of a persons happiness and giving the one they love his fantasy. i mean cuckolding is one of the greatest joys any one can do to the one they love. just let a spouse break form. it is like looking at someone keeping a cheater they knew the cheater wanted more excitement and action but the other never decided to give the other one in their life something they had enough nerve to bring up in the relationship.denial of the other persons feelings allows this self righteousness and the ability to see that if they just tried something new that may be enough. judgment is reserved for god did you and your partner make each other happy with this, or did you do something wild and crazy together which might be a memory for life.people scared to live and try new **** with the one they trusted to try it all in life with are the really scary thing.

Answer 3

People attack because that mentality contradicts their beliefs. It's the same between believers and non believers, working moms and stay at home moms, etc. People defend their philosophy and/or their right to that philosophy with great passion and very strong in their convictions. There's nothing wrong with that. That old saying- if you stand for nothing you'll fall for anything- is very real.



By saying that a lot of people do this is not the same as saying that everybody does this and people who don't do it, generalize their opinions. Notice that people who do have alternative lifestyles aren't the ones telling traditional monogamous couples that they live a boring life as much as traditional monogaous couples are telling alternative lifestylers that their relationships are doomed to fail. People have their opinions and own the rights to them. But those opinions don't mean **** unless that opinion speaks to something inside you. For instance, my husband and I lived an alternative lifestyle for a number of years and decided without complication, that we didn't want to anymore. We were very happy, glued to our definition of committment, and our relationship has never ever suffered. Therefore, I know for a fact that all swinger relationships don't fail so a negative opinion on what would happen to couples who swing, don't mean **** to me. I'm not going to let someone's opinion of what a relationship should be, be mine. My experience in the lifestyle is how I know that far more people than folks realize are into some aspects of that lifestyle. I've seen some relationships break up and I know some who are still intact. I've seen relationships break up or not, and swinging not even be a factor, so I know it's not a cause but a conductor.

Answer 4

What you classify as a lot of people is actually a very small minority. Add that with the religious teachings of most people, even if they are non practicing it's still what they were taught and believe, you will typically get a negative response from most people regarding open marriage.



Me personally? I believe to each their own. As long as your not hurting anyone what two consenting adults do behind closed doors is up to them.

Answer 5

Most people who have open marriages do not exploit themselves to the public, in other words they keep it under wraps, which indicates to me that the few people who do come on here and ask the public for advise or question why everyone is so adamantly against open marriages are simply in need of attention, they come here and boast about their sexual conquests with a throw it in our face attitude, and arrogance, which tells me, they are full of it, as open marriages are a rarity, while their may be people who like the idea of open marriages, and who fantasize about open marriages, the odds that they will actually endure the act is very unlikely, so the few people who do ask on this site info about having a open marriage, are not having a open marriage nor will they in the future, they are just talking the talk. While I am not for open marriages, I certainly don't insult the few people who do have open marriages, what happens in the privacy of their home and bedroom, is not my deal nor my business.

Answer 6

because if you're having an "open marriage" what is the point of even getting married in the first place? look, there are probably a lot of people that do this, but i'm willing to bet that most that try this lifestyle out have it blow up in their face eventually. people that don't agree with this are called the "J" word (judgmental). here's the reality here, people...everybody judges. that doesn't make it right, it makes it true. a lot of the so called openminded, superliberal people are in fact just as judgmental as conservatives. look at some of the christian bashing comments that you have gotten from some of the so called "openminded" people. when people speak about christian values, they are called "prudes". this isn't judgmental?!?



i also love it when people post on here and then complain about what others say. once you post, you have to be prepared for any and all answers that you might get. i might get "thumbs down" for this, but as usual, i don't give a rat's *** if you don't agree with me, your problem, not mine.

Answer 7

I don't "share" .

I do not posses that capacity.



If it works for you have at it.

I won't criticize anyone who is able to make their relationship work if their behavior is consensual.



You will find a significant lack of tolerance of alternative lifestyles on this post. I think it has to do with the basic lack of tolerance which permeates our society in general.

Answer 8

I assume it's half insecure people... who are entirely threatened that this is actually a part of our society.



Half people who are stuck on their beliefs and attack anything that doesn't fall in line with what they say is right..... because you know, nobody should have an opinion or right but them =0]



There's a lot of that on here... not just on this topic, but I have definately seen what you are talking about on this specific issue. The folks you are refering too can't even give you an objective answer. They only critcize and clog the thread with their ignorance saying "I am above that, have fun ruining your marriage, you are sick" Blah blah BLAH. lol





PS- Most of those against it on here are involved in one whether they like it or not, or have been. The only difference is they call it "Cheating" and you see their threads "Why'd he/she cheat on me?!!?" They are at MORE of a risk for stds than anyone else because they are unaware of the situation they are in at the time and there fore cannot choose to protect themselves against it.



HAHAHA funny to think about really. That's what people get for being so self righteous.

Answer 9

They do it because they cling tightly to their belief that their version of morality is the only one that can possibly be right. As a result they feel that it is their responsibility to point out your errors in judgment in an effort to get you to "see the light". They're incapable of passing the question by if they don't have true insight because they fail to recognize that we're not all cut from the same mold and for you to believe differently must mean you're defective and in need of repentance. I say do whatever you want as long as you know what you're getting yourself into. Your decision about who to sleep with doesn't impact my life or beliefs in any way.

Answer 10

Sorry but I don't quite understand what you mean about an open sexual relationship. If it is what I think it is, which is that you and your spouse can screw anybody you want outside your marriage then I would be one that would hate that kind of a relationship. I really enjoy the relationship I have with my wife where we keep our sex just between us.

Answer 11

I agree. Because they are prudes. Plain and Simple. They haven't evolved with the rest of us and thinkin a bible and a white picket fence makes a marriage happy.



In the end you do not need their approval. What makes you happy is what makes you happy.



More power to you!

Answer 12

well in some psrts of the world things like that are formiddened to be spoken about openly.lol.

Answer 13

It seems that all these know-it-all perfect values people are on there high horse speaking the gospel. Even though all of them are envious of the fact that open relationships do happen. They can't handle it.

They're perfect, aren't the just wonderful?

All the while they sit at home a wonder what it would be like to bang their neighbor.

Answer 14

It always happens when uneducated people try to answer question that they have no idea about, or have ever tried. But they all are experts, and love the opportunity to give you their off the wall advice. The secret is to figure out who they are and just avoid them. But it also ads to the appeal to this forum, to read the ludicrous answers they provide, is entertainment you could never get any where else.

Answer 15

If other people want to do that, that is fine - but it would not work for me personally.

Answer 16

I think cause a lot of people find it hard to believe that open relationships really work and also people dont really know people in open relationships which is why people find it hard believe them. But hey if its working for you then who cares what people think.

Answer 17

Because I believe it is immoral. It is against the better interests of society. I believe it hurts those who partake in it. I think it is an affront to God.

Answer 18

Why get married when your wedding vows are lies. That is not attacking you that is just stating a fact. Sex is suppose to be only shared with your spouse not anybody else. My Uncle thought the same way as you do. He was married and had an open relationship stating how great it was and how much in love he was with his wife bla bla bla. They both had a terrible divorce and my use to be Aunt well she ended up having a child and told my uncle it was his and he raised her like it was his but after he divorced her she confessed she wasn't his. To much drama. You should only be loving your spouse and having great sex with your spouse. You will eventually end up like my Uncle.

Answer 19

I would hazard a guess and say because people could not possibly see their relationship being an "open sexual relationship"... so they frown upon it.

Answer 20

They can't see it as working in THEIR life.. and it's still quite "under the radar" in society. So to them it's weird and must be wrong.

Answer 21

Yeah, 9-5 M-F you're going to get killed on this site for any alternative thinking.

Answer 22

So much for their wedding vows. They as may well not be married and just be out there acting like a dog in heat.

Answer 23

Open relationships aren't really relationships in my opinion, but to each their own. My woman is MY woman and is not to be shared. Of course, if I didn't really love someone I wouldn't care about them phucking other people

Answer 24

because it is a free country, if oyu post your questions here people are going to give there opiionions if you dont like it then dont post it or ignore it. i myself dont think swinging is a good idea, why even be married if you want multiple partners, unless you enjoy std's, i myself and very content with my husbands package and dont need another man to pleasure me he gets the job done.

Answer 25

to each is own I cant speak for anyone but like I said to each is own. and as long as what you do does not effect me I can't judge.

Answer 26

Perhaps we need an open minded catagory and a prude catagory!

Answer 27

Most of them are just plain morons, the other ones are sexually frustated or simply afraid to be sexually open to try new & different things.



They should just shut thier pie hole and skip sex questions they don't understand

Answer 28

Open marriages are wrong and you and everyone who supports them knows it in their heart of hearts.

Answer 29

Maybe they are insecure or jealous?

Answer 30

Close-minded people are very loud.

Answer 31

Because marriage is supposed to be between 2 people not 5, if you wanted an open relationship then you shouldn't have gotten married.

Answer 32

because they're fat and wouldn't be able to get anyone else. they're insecure and lash out.

Answer 33

They're jealous or afraid. I support it and have found it to be a lifestyle that suits me.

Answer 34

I've had 17 accounts suspended because I get my answers reported every time I mention I am a practising Roman Catholic, or because I am opposed to God-Less ways......



It works both ways.

Answer 35

i have no problem with swingers

to each his own

Answer 36

You're wrong. A "lot of people" DON'T do this.



Wrong again. I am monogamous, as is my husband. Therefore, the chances of me destroying my relationship are slim and the chances of contracting an STD are slim, unlike yourself.

Answer 37

maybe they are insecure