anonymous
2013-05-31 18:52:58 UTC
My husband and I have been married almost 3 years, been together for 7, known each other forever. When we first started dating and even into the beginning of our marriage things were perfect. We did have a break in our relationship a year or so before we got married, we were living in different cities and it just wasnt working. A year or so into the marriage he was cheating on me, not sexually or physically, but emotionally. He would get on dating sites and text other women all the time. He only went and saw one person one time which I know is still not acceptable. That ended after we found out we were pregnant. He was the best husband I could ever ask for. Always wanted to be with me, always went out together. He was holding my hand again, opening doors. Perfect. When our daughter was a month old she stopped breathing. He hit me over and over saying it was my fault. I did not put up with it but I forgave him because I knew he did it out of fear. Still no excuse. But he is bipolar and I was aware of his mood swings. I let it go. When she got out of the hospital things were back to normal, until he got another smartphone, he was on the dating apps all the time. I would confront him about it and he would flat out lie to me. Even with proof right in front of him he denied it. It stopped for a while again. This January everything was fine. I had a new job with good pay, we werent struggling financially any more, everything was fine. Well when the job ended, as it was seasonal, things started back again. He's never home. Says he's going "fishing" leaves the carseat at home sometimes (not always, that's when I can tell if he's really been fishing or not). But he's still always on his phone. I know he hasn't been seeing anyone lately because like I said he leaves the carseat in the car. He never does that. And I can tell when it's been taken out because I put it in a specific way (he's not that smart to put it back exactly the same.) But still, he doesn't want to be home with me, he goes off all the time. It's not like I've done anything wrong. The house says decent, not spotless as I'm working full time and being a full time mother, needless to say he doesn't watch our daughter at all. He will play with her some but won't help take care of her at all. Yells at her to go to the other room to play with her loud toys if he's watching tv. It really irritates me. He doesn't help pay the bills AT ALL. He spends all of his money on whatever he wants. I've had to borrow over $900 from my parents this month just to help pay our bills and payments. He expects them to pick up his slack. I can't say anything to him without fear of him hitting me again. He just makes up excuse after excuse for himself. He just isn't helping in this marriage or this family. I don't understand why he needs to talk to other women all the time, why he needs their attention. Yet he doesn't want a divorce. When I mention it he says he's thought about it, I guess just to get under my skin because he never wants to discuss it further. I was to that point. Last night when we got home from town I carried in our sleeping daughter and all 5 bags of groceries on my own. He turned the car off got out , was texting and walked in the house and plopped in the chair. He didn't even leave the door open for me. I'm sorry but that's pathetic. I don't know what to do if he won't agree to a divorce and won't change anything. There's only so much I can take and I'm almost to my breaking point. I've been putting this off as long as I can because I know our daughter needs him in her life, but he's not being the father he needs to be...at all. He's already lost one child, (A previous relationship, the mother wont let him see her, its court ordered and she still refuses) I don't want to take her away from him. He loves her but doesnt want to help care for her until "she's old enough to tell him what she wants and doesn't have to change diapers." is what he told me. Please, I just need input from a third party.