part time job or boyfriend?

Question

I am a 20-year-old Chinese girl studying in the Netherlands. During weekend, I work part time in a massage salon and that is where I met my boyfriend. He is 23 year older than me, a very decent man, but he is living with his partner for 13 years and they have two children together. He does not want to have two women at the same time and he told me he will decide who he wants to be with in the end of this year. After all, we just have been together for 3 months, and it is too early to make that decision. Now there is a huge problem in our relationship: he wants me to quit my part time job while I told him I need money from that job.

Studying abroad is very expensive and I do not want to spend my parents’ money. This job pays much better than other jobs (e.g. cleaning in the restaurant). I cannot do many other jobs because I don’t speak Dutch (my study is in English). I told him that I need money from this job. But he just cannot tolerate the idea that I work in a massage salon and I give massage to naked men. He thinks it is a threat to our relationship. What makes him worry more is that I feel less and less uncomfortable about this job. He thinks it is harder to trust a person who doesn’t mind working in such places. Now it reaches a point that I have to choose between my job and him. I asked him whether he thinks it is fair that I have to quit my job while he lives with his partner. His answer is yes. He said what he risks is his family, is everything he has got in the last 13 years; while for me, it is just a part time job, which should be much easier to give up.

I can see he loves me very much and he is not someone who easily falls in love. But I do not understand why he cannot think for me on this issue. He makes me feel he cares more about his feeling than my living standard. But if I ever tell him this, he would turn to be very hurt and even angry and he would make me feel so guilty as if how can I ever think so low and negative about him. And he constantly wants me to show him affection and love and attention, while I am not a very demonstrative person. I tried very hard to show him but it does not seem enough.

Now I feel so much pressure and I am so tired and confused: should I carry on with this relationship?

Answer 1

You can have same time a part time job with a part time boyfriend.

Answer 2

That is a predicament...



I would tell him that if he can support you financially or find you another job you can move straight in to with equal pay then you will gladly leave your job.



I mean a jobs a job... nobody wants to do it eh? you are placed in a position of having to work because we all live under this corrupt and fascist monetary system. We are victims of circumstance man!



He is in a relationship and has children and doesn't seem to have sacrificed much for you yet...



So why should you?



Relationships are about 'compromise' not demands and ultimatums.



Good luck man!



And enjoy the beautiful culture you are experiencing!

Answer 3

RED FLAG #1. if he's already taken, that should be a sure example that if he does leave this woman and kids for you, chances are, he's going to leave you and potential children later on down the road



RED FLAG #2. He wants you to give up something so he doesn't feel as guilty giving up something of his even though this "something" (aka JOB) can help later on down the road.



over all status, I wouldn't even touch that "nice guy" with a 99 1/2 ft pole

Answer 4

o, my god! if this is a true story - such a cliche. if u re a troll - don´t quit your day job to become a writer cos u suck

Answer 5

tell him to get off the couch and go look for a job himself. he is just looking for you to pay for him. i know this from experience.