Custody question: Please read all the details. Would he get his wish granted if he denies my request?

Question

I have a 6-year old daughter. She's been living with me since day one. Her dad does pay child support, but rarely spends time with her at all. He only lives 20 minutes away, but claims he works all the time. It’s not really something we discuss or argue about. I don't push him to see her or give him advice, I believe if he wanted to, he would, and forcing it wouldn't be any good for her because it would be fake. As far as his involvement in her life, he has no clue as to what time her school starts (I got her accepted into a charter school for kindergarten when she started in August), no idea who her teacher is, what she does at school, what she's learning, etc. Doesn’t ask about her health or doctor’s visits when she goes, won’t sacrifice being late or calling out of work for anything (I asked him to watch her for a weekend a couple weeks ago, and when he was supposed to take her to school that following Monday which he’s never once done in his life, he tried to act as if he wasn’t aware he was supposed to. He let me know that he couldn’t do it because of work, because he doesn’t call out ever. And that if his dad couldn’t take her to school, she just wouldn’t be able to go that day. I have all the texts messages he sent me regarding this conversation as well, if the court would accept them, which I doubt). He doesn't ask, doesn't get involved, he's called maybe 2-3x in the past 2-3 years to see how she is when he goes for long periods of time without seeing her. Currently, I drop her off Saturday nights at 9pm (this is only because before/after care is not open on the weekends, obviously, and this is what time he asks me to drop her off) because I have to be at work at 7:30am Sundays, and then he drops her off after I get out.. between 2-4pm, depending. Since she's started school, these Saturday nights (he hasn't been home once when I've dropped her off any Saturday night since this started, he doesn't get home until sometime after 9. His parents have been the ones home, not only that, but it's bedtime, so it's not like he'd spend time with her then anyway) into Sundays are the only time he's seen her at all since she's started school, unless I've asked him to watch her during a weekend occasionally. He usually pulls through when I ask, but again, 99% of the time he sees her is ONLY because I ask, due to plans. A couple years ago, he requested to change our custody order. He hadn’t spoke about it with me in advance, so I had no idea what to expect until the day of mediation. Somewhat worried, we went in, and the ONLY reason he asked for the change was because he wanted holiday visitation. We have NO specific order set as to him getting her every weekend or every other weekend or any days throughout the week. He told the mediator he was fine with everything else the way it was (because I take care of her, and he obviously doesn’t want the responsibility). The only specification on the order is the fact that we will rotate holidays every year. The reason he asked for this apparently, is because I would never let him have her during Christmas and whatnot. For good reason, as he never takes care of her or bothers any other time during the year. I don’t feel he should have the right to have her on Christmas of all days. Regardless, the order changed, so that’s basically what our custody order consists of. Joint custody, she resides with me, as she always has, and we will rotate holidays.

Now for the question: Based upon what you’ve read, I’m curious as to what the courts will say about my request to modify our custody order. I plan on getting married next spring and moving halfway across the country next summer after my daughter’s school year is over. My request is to change the order so that we are allowed to move out of state. It will first go to mediation. I have absolutely no idea what he will say to this. It could go either way. He doesn’t really care to be involved, so I feel like he would oblige, but another part of me feels he might say no just to be difficult. If he DOESN’T agree, we’ll have to take it to court. Now, if this happens, based upon my facts, what do you think the outcome would be? Is the possibility of the judge ruling in my favor much greater than the possibility of him/her ruling it in his?

Answer 1

he has every right not to agree with what you want...but he has to have a strong reason for blocking it before the courts will go along with what he wants. Hopefully, your scenerio will be that you get married first and then move...because the judge will not grant you permission to move the child out of state without a solid reason and a marriage license...moving for employment with your new husband is usually acceptable and the visitation for her father can and will be adjusted to accomodate time spent with him...most likely it will be extended periods of visiting like during her summer vacations from school or other holiday times when she has extra time off from school. Given that you are and have always been the primary caretaker of the child, the judge will not likely change custody....the possibility of your request being granted is far more likely than his being granted.

Answer 2

Honestly it is impossible to predict what the judge will decide....they will decide what they feel is in the best interest of the child...if the move involves a better job/better paycheck/better schools/ safer home environment....and a visitation schedule can be worked out ( he gets her alternating holidays and during the summer months, it does mean paying for and making arrangements for air fare, then the judge might do that.



By that same token, I can not predict what your ex will do..either he will agree to it or he won't....



Also, understand that when she reaches the age of majority, this will no longer be an issue..and that depends on the state she resides in..can be anywhere from age 16-18....and if he's as uninvolved as you say he is, and her visits with him are less than stellar, she just may start to refuse to go...and after a certain age the courts wil not force her to go, either.



My ex was even worse than this....and after he moved to Fl from NY he stopped all contact until he wasn't legally obligated to them financially..THEN he wanted the visitations...on their dime of course....all four blew him off and continue to do so even now in their 20's & 30's....



Hang in there...they do grow up quickly.....

Answer 3

Nope, unless of your moving is a must for your work with proof and he says its ok no he made sure things are being placed based on him being the father he has rights as well he works so what single parents with custody work all the time and cant spend time with there kids when the children live with then its sounds to me your a little upset about what hes doing

Answer 4

You give a long schpiel about how he isn't involved, but he sees her every weekend. You can ask to move, but my prediction is that the judge will say no if your ex has an objection. I think that you're underestimating his interest in his daughter. Why else would he have asked to see her more?



EDIT: When he went to court to ask for holidays. He ASKED to see her. I get that he doesn't ASK to see her weekly, but he does. The judge is NOT going to care who makes the phone call. I think you're making way too much of it. I suspect that overall he's kind of a passive guy.



You picked him to be the father of your child. You had an opportunity to pick a better father, but you picked this guy. Now you owe it to your daughter to facilitate a relationship with him. For her. Even if you make every phone call between now and the day she turns 18.

Answer 5

It's completely unpredictable what a judge will do. My husband is currently trying to block the move of his son out of state. You have to prove that the move will be in the best intrest of the child. Moving away from all other family is a negative to you. BTW... text messages are allowed in court. My husband proved his sons mother was lying from the get go in their first hearing with texts. Judge looked at them and proceeded with yelling at her.

Answer 6

Well, not that any of the opinions posted on here will count towards you winning this battle, but yes, you have an excellent shot at winning. You're the primary custodial parent, etc. I wouldn't worry about it too much but I would certainly be well prepared. Good luck.