Fiance wants to pose nude. Should I break off engagement?

Question

I have been with my fiance for three years, we started dating in college and are supposed to be married this October. She is 26 and a real knockout. She works an office job, but has always modeled on the side since I met her. She does quite a bit of fashion and some bikini modeling but it has always been tasteful so I have been okay with it.
Recently she has been presented the opportunity to pose for a reputable erotic website that is affiliated with a well-klnown men's magazine. It isn't porn or anything that involves 'sex' just very fashionable and erotic images of her nude. She would have roughly 12 images in all published. She has never been ashamed of her body and doesn't have a real hangup with nudity, so she thinks it's a great stepping-stone to maybe taking her modeling career to the next level. This is the first time she has ever considered posing nude.She asked for my input.
I told her that she is her own person, nobody should tell her what she can and can not do, and that she should fol,low her dreams and do whatever makes her happy. HOWEVER...
I also explained I am my own person and need to make decisions in life that will make me happy and give me peace of mind and there is no way under the sun I could be engaged, let alone married to a woman who's nude body has been seen by a multitude of men. Co-workers, colleagues, family etc. would all potentially see these photos and that's not something I want to deal with. So I want her to do what she needs to do so she will not resent me for 'holding her back' but I would have to call off our engagement and break-up if she did it...for both our sakes.
She is very upset and thinks I'm being unfair. I think I'm being more than fair by letting her do what she wants and making her own decision. She just doesn't seem to want me to make my own decisions as well and feels I'm being silly. She feels that even if other people see her nude photos it means nothing whereas her body would still only be for me intimately. I disagree.
Am I justified in my decision or should I stay with her and be miserable and uncomfortable with my soon to be wife's nude photos seen by every guy she works with, that we know etc?

Answer 1

You have some serious thinking to do. On one hand you say "fair by letting her do what she wants and making her own decision" yet after now having done this you are going to be miserable and and uncomfortable.

You have also said "She just doesn't seem to want me to make my own decisions" I am wondering what decisions she is actually stopping you from make? She not stop you from make a any decisons, her path has just given a difficult decision to make for yourself. It is not really fair to say that she does let you make your own decisions as clearly you still can. Just a very hard one for you.

To her pictures of herself in the nuddy are clearly not an issue for her, she is seeing from an "art professional" point of view, and even though I can understand your position, you have not given yourself any "out clause" as you always let her make her own decisons. (too late to change now)

The reason what this is not a big deal to her is that you have "allowed her model" in the past and as far as she is concerned this (apparently) merely another modeling job.. And if she is "noticed" and the "shoot" is successful there will be more.

This modelling opportunity is her dream clearly and she wants to pursue it, this dream of your hers is not yours, perhaps you should break up, rather than staying with her and be miserable and uncomfortable. (while your " Co-workers, colleagues, family etc" look at her on the internet)

Tough call, I feel for you, but you should have said no to any modelling when you got serious in a relationship with her. The probervial horse has bolted

Answer 2

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Answer 3

You wife has the right to do whatever she wants and you have the right to break up over it.



I don't really see why people make this so complicated.



Personally if I had to choose like that I would leave you in an instant as I see it as being way to controlling but that's just me.



And you can make your own decision and we would be equally correct.



"Edit: Well, it's my right to make myself happy and not marry a woman that thousands of men have seen naked. Gee, that would be a great life...."



Most women on the beach here are nude so seeing nudity as a big issue is something I don't really understand.



I'm gone guess you're from the US. They tend to be obsessed with nudity and such for some reason.



"@ Rueben: nudity on a beach as a form of comfort or culture is vastly different from posing nude erotically with the intent of titillating and turning people on sexually. Even you should grasp that."



Nudity and sexual contact in movies are done for the same reason.



Would you leave your girlfriend if she wanted to play a role that needed some kissing here and there?

Answer 4

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You should just be honest with the soldier. I understand that you may not feel anything towards the Fella stationed in Iraq, but you should ALWAYS above all else be honest. This soldier is away in a combat situation, and his head needs to be clear. His life is on the line each and every day in Iraq. By stringing him along you will cause him unnecessary stress and he needs to know where he stands. He can't be on mission thinking about you and what you may be doing behind his back. Insurgents don't care if your having a bad day as they take aim at your convoy. If he is not in a situation to call you every day, which is most likely the case, then you tell him as soon as you talk to him next. If you ever felt anything for this man, then you owe him your honesty. His life may depend on it... Don't be trashy or insincere. Tell him that you thought you could go the distance, but you couldn't. Whatever your reasoning may be, waiting only makes it worse. Consider things from his side. When I'm away from combat I need to rely on my spouses honesty and integrity 100% to stay focused. She is my rock, the mother of my children, and my best friend. Be honest is all i can say. I'd be unequivocially pissed off if you didn't just come clean with me. If I stepped of the plane after 12 months expecting to find you and instead I find no one and find out your unfaithful for 8 months it wouldn't be pretty. Come clean.

Answer 5

First off the word is fiancée, which denotes a betrothed female. If you are okay with "…doe[ing] quite a bit of fashion and some bikini modeling…" I would assume that if you "permit" her to do bikini modelling you would also "permit" her to model lingerie. Who decides what is "tasteful" ? You?



If she is photographed in a bikini is that any more "tasteful" if she was photographed in the same pose nude? If you wish to break your engagement, because she wants to make decision for herself and her career, then by all means do so. You sound very controlling.

Answer 6

I would. Simply because it's not for you. And modeling naked for photographs in order to kick up your modeling career for an online erotic magazine is hardly posing naked for the Art studio body drawing class.



It would seem the two of you have a very different set of lifestyles in mind.

Answer 7

Laura's comments are once again what's wrong with relationships today. Too many. women are of the mindset that whatever they deem fit for them should also be fit for the man in their life. They think that whatever decision they make he should support and be ok with.



What you said was perfect. She is looking to make a choice that she feels will make her happy you have every right to do the same. If your not comfortable with it then your not comfortable with it and you have every right to leave the relationship should she do it.



However you have to hold firm. Many times women will make choices with indiffence towards the mans feeling fully expecting to be able to woo you back. If you allow this you would have set a templet that will comsume your relationship from that point forward.



Also let's be honest, you not really allowing her to make her decsion. She will most likely choose not to do it and forever blame you if the modeling thing doesn't work out.



Sticky situation, but you like her, has to do what's best for YOU.



Good luck

Answer 8

She's a model. Models often pose nude. You shouldn't have a problem with that. You should try to get used to the idea, but don't be surprised if she wants to do more sexual shoots in the future.

Answer 9

Yes, I think you should leave her, she deserves someone who's less insecure about himself. You think other guys haven't already jerked it to her if she's a hottie? You think no one else has ever ****** her? So what if people see her nude? Only in the US would this ever come up, why do we have so many lame-*** prudes in this country...

Answer 10

Um, exactly what would the "next level" of modeling nude on a porn site be?



I think we all know the answer to that.

Answer 11

You are being fair. But trust me, you are better off without her. If she has considered modeling nude, then you don't know what she'll consider doing next. -_-''

Answer 12

oh for god sake get over it, she's sexy and young and can do what she wants, whats your problem, we are born naked .....its no big deal, be thankful you have a beautiful girlfriend that people want to photograph and look at, take it as a compliment and enjoy being with a girl that thousands of guys would kill for, enjoy being with her, sleeping with her that nobody else can ......you are so out of touch and old fashioned !!!!!!

Answer 13

Just tell her that you aren't secure or you just don't like her into that kind of stuff

Answer 14

Don't be all condescending about how you're "letting her make her own decision." You're not. You gave her an ultimatum like a jerk.



If this is that important to you, break it off. She's better off without you.



Update: You gave your opinion, now back off. Let her decide. Don't be a my-way-or-the-highway douche.



She's better off without you. That's all. :)