Divorce, mean people and depression question!?

Question

OK, so I am leaving my husband today. My mom is coming to pick me up tonight. He has been so mean and angry our entire marriage and I just can't take it anymore. He blames me for all of our debt and constantly tries to control my every move. I have a gorgeous 2 year old little boy and it breaks my heart that he wouldn't change to save our little family.

Anyway, 3 months ago, my car broke down. It was the transmission. It would cost us 3,000 to repair and we couldn't afford it. He blamed me saying that I broke the transmission because of the way I drive. WHAT THE? i drive safely and defensively and as far as I know that doesn't brake your transmission. So, since this time, I have had NO CAR! I am at his mercy for anywhere I go. BTW, I live in a HUGE city.

Next, on labor day, my little boy had emergency surgery on his stomach. Before the surgery, I called the docs to tell them I though something was wrong with him and they told us 3 times to give him an enema. We finally did and he got no better. I took him to the hospital and thankfully got there in time. He had an "intussusception". This was caused by a virus and enlarged lymphnodes in his stomach. It was very hard for us and I worried sick about him. Thank God he is ok today.

So, after the surgery, my cousin, who is also my son's Godmother had the audacity to tell me that I caused the surgery! Because I gave him an enema! I wanted to slap her! How dare she accuse me of such an awful thing. I followed the doctor's instructions and gave him one and besides that, the enema did not cause the surgery, a virus did! I cannot believe anyone could be so cruel as to say something so awful to me. I have been through enough and now I intentionally caused a surgery to my precious child. UGGGHHH!!!

Anyway, sorry to rant and rave, but is it just me or are these people awful? I seriously think my husband suffers from bipolar disorder. he is either one extreme or the other and refuses to get help. what a shame! this is his second failed marriage.

I am so hurt and devastated and sometimes feel I have no one to turn to. Am I going to survive this? Will it ever get better? :(

Answer 1

I have been suffering from post partum depression for the past one year when I gave birth to a baby boy. I couldn't stop thinking about how my husband loves him more than me and how things might be better if he wasn't born at all. Thus, I stayed away from him because I knew that I might do something I will regret for the rest of my life.



Almost instantly I went to a therapist and convince them that I need help. Among other things, I've tried herbal supplements and other book to treat depression but nothing works like the Depression Free Method. So now I'm proud to say I'm one of the happiest mother in the world. My husband loves us both very much and I thank the Lord for the blessing he gave us.



Depression Free Method?

Answer 2

Oh boy, I had a bipolar boyfriend once...and he was very up and down. His included bouts with paranoia that made him think I or his parents or siblings would try to do him harm. It's very sad, because if money issues are bad now, it will get worse with just one person carrying the load. And your son will suffer unfortunately, but I couldn't imagine staying. Be happy you have family to support you and be there for you.



If this is his second marriage, well..unfortunately statistics weren't in his favor to begin with, then add the bipolar thing and well...



As for the cousin with the stupid mouth, I would tell her that yes, her comment pissed you off, but now you just feel sorry for her, cause she has no clue, and being so ignorant led her to make an ignorant comment. Tell her that one day, she'll wisen up and know to have all the information, facts and be a bit smarter before she open her mouth and let her stupid out.



You will survive. Will it get better? That part is in your hands. You'll have to work for it though.

Answer 3

Yes you will survive this. It is going to be tough. You will feel like you are going through withdrawal. The important thing now is to be strong for your son. Cry in your room. Cry your heart out, there is nothing wrong with crying and it will help you feel better.



As people find out about the split they are going to say all sorts of things And needless-to-say you are in an emotional state. It probably would be a good idea to avoid "toxic" people and number one on that list is your cousin!



Good Luck to you. Every day it WILL get a little better. You have taken the first step to make a better life for you & your son. WTG!

You will look back on this some day and say "I wish I had moved out sooner."

Answer 4

Yes, it will get better.

Don't get a divorce, honey. Some distance will do you good for a time so that you can think, regroup and live life without so much pressure. Divorce may get you what you want right now but in the bigger picture it may not...and you are responsible for changing who your baby is for the rest of his life. This isn't something you do because you're exasperated with the maturity level of your husband. You both need to work on some things first in order to qualify for divorce (without guilt of what you're doing to that child).

I know it's hard. I'm sorry for your pain. You'll survive. Don't burn your bridges with this man. He sounds like he's been under a little pressure himself. Times are hard. It's not all his fault. Men tend to take things internally when they can't provide all the things we need in life (especially monetary things). Blaming you is better than blaming himself for yet another thing he can't afford because he's not man enough to have enough to provide his own wife and child with everything they could ever need or want. He feels bad about who he is right now. He's taking it out on you..

You're blaming him. But really, it's just that you're very stressed, very tired, need some unconditional appreciation and love and understanding. Maybe 6 weeks in Tahiti would do you a world of good. If only you could, right? Well, use mom's as a place of refuge and give yourselves some time to calm down and readjust your expectations of yourselves and each other. Agree to that with him. Make yourself be nice. You'll appreciate it later I promise.

Then find some time to do a couple of nice things for yourself. You've got to relax a bit. Whatever happened with your son you did the best you could. Your friend was speaking her heart not meaning to tell you that you're a bad mother. Of course you're not. Nobody is supposed to be perfect. But this kid has a fine mother (you) who loves him. His dad loves him too. Right now he has two parents who love him and want the best for him. I hope that his parents get the peace needed to switch their focus from blame to something more productive in life. Then he can have happy parents who love each other unconditionally because they both know each one is just doing the BEST THEY CAN.

Hope this helps.

I wish you well.

Answer 5

Look, honey,

is complicated you have related to a man who has been married ..

But it depends on why you have separated.

His wife the triu? His wife died?

If so, he would be free to marry you,

if not, you are living in adultery.

If the second option fits you best,

the advice that I give out is that if this same relationship,

but if he broke the reasons that I mentioned

then it is yours! Fight for your marriage!

My husband blames me sometimes

but do not care much for that ...

I want to be over well with my family, and with him.

As his cousin,

it is wrong to judge her,

But not alloy also

she who is wrong.

And she will suffer for what you said.

At most, think straight in it will do.

Kisses.

♥

Answer 6

I agree with the 1st answer. Nobody in my life would have the balls to say anything like that to me. Apparently you're an easy target. Time to stand up for yourself & not be a victim anymore. Best of luck :-)

Answer 7

Hopefully now that you are taking full responsibility for your life, you will no longer be the "victim". TRY to not take everyone else's opinion as gospel. And whatever you have in your life, that are put in use on a daily basis, ensure that they get the proper attention/maintenance/responsibility......That includes, PEOPLE as well......♥♥

Answer 8

It's sad to say but life is just like that sometimes! Try to cheer up and take good care of the kid. Our prayers are with and for you.

Answer 9

You will survive but things wont get any better as long as you keep playing the victim.