marriage in crisis please help?

Question

please help me , i am 40 my wife is 30 we have been together 14 years, we have 2 lovely children and i love her more than words can say. we both work full time but my wife says she loves me as a person but is not in love with me. yes we have taken each other for granted, me especially. she has now said that we move into seperate bedrooms and live as friends for the childrens sake, this will happen tonight, i love her so much but i cant seem to do anything right, she does not have another man i am sure of that. i am in pieces PLEASE HELP. oh i dont have or want another woman....

Answer 1

You PRAY my friend! Prayer is VERY Powerful!

Find a Christian church close to you and ask for prayer. Talk to the Pastor. You see satan wants to destroy you and your family. Satan is the father of all lies.

I was attacked a few yrs. back w/ my marriage. Anything little thing that didn't go my way, there was satan whispering "see, you need to divorce" or "see you should just be friends" or "he's not your type of husband" or "you don't have sexual desires for him"

Luckily a friend told me, "hey" "what are you doing and thinking" "do not allow this...it's not from God"



I said "I will not allow satan to destroy my marriage" I prayed. You need to be in a group of believers. The prayers of believers avail much.



Get "Power of a praying husband" by Stormie Omarian. I read the wife one...Very good. You need Faith my friend and all will be fine. Your life will never be the same once you accept Jesus in your heart. My life changed all for the better. I'm living testimony. Your wife will come around. Let God do His work. You will be praising Him in no time. Just don't panic. Go talk to a pastor.



Jer 29:11-13 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. 13 And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.



Phil 4:6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;



Christ's Blessings to you and your family!



I pray Jesus directs you on the right path.

Answer 2

Sometimes when we have been together for so long our working/family lives do tend to take over our personal lives. If you and your wife are both working and you have children to look after I don't suppose you have much time for yourselves as a couple. We do tend to start taking each other for granted even though it's not intentional. I suggest that you and your wife try and sit and talk more about what you want for yourselves,not the kids or the house. Take a break together without the kids, make a day that is just for the two of you. Moving into the spare room is not a good sign in a marriage. If your wife says she is not in love with you anymore but she still loves you,perhaps there is still time for you to woo her back. Try being the man she fell in love with and married again. Good luck. hope it works out.

Answer 3

I'm sorry I don't really have an answer to this but I'll try you guys got married really young especially your wife,,,my husband and I have been married 12 years and have been together for almost 15,,I didn't really have the chance or oppurtunity to go out and have the fun that all the other people my age were having I didn't really miss it then but now I do.Maybe you guys could get a sitter 1 night a week and go out and do something fun just the 2 of you.You may also want to try counseling and just trying to talk things out with each other without argueing and getting mad or blaming one another for the problems you 2 are having.I know that you have probably already thought of all of this on your own but it's all that I could think of,,,good luck I hope that 2 can make it work....

Answer 4

You need to be friends. That's the hardest thing in the world when you love someone and they aren't loving you back in the same way. It sounds like you both lost the friendship that built your relationship and the only way you will ever be anything more again is to find the friendship again. Do stuff together. Have fun together without the kids. Make her feel important to you. After that is going well for awhile start to try and woo her, start doing more than just hanging out, start to date her again. Show her that she can fall in love with you again. Who knows you may start to love her in a different light too. Instead of seeing this as a crisis look at is as a chance to never ever take what you have for granted again, a chance to see how much it was worth. The most important thing is to take your time and follow her cues. It took 14 yrs to get to this point and it will take time to fix it. Don't ever give up. Be there for her and respect her. Don't forget this is hard for her too.

Answer 5

just as a matter of interest have you told her all this, if she really wants this then you should let her have the space that she wants but you need to tell her what you are feeling before it goes to far.



if her feelings have changed then their is not much you can do. try talking to her ans see what hapend. If the two of you decide to try again then start slow and do it all like you did the first time around, if it comes that the two of you dont sort it out then try keeping the friendship for the kids sake but living under the same roof when you feel like this and she doesnt that will only lead to heartace and the kids will be the ones that will be the most affected. sit down and really think about what the two of ye want and take it from there

Answer 6

Maybe you love her too much and respect yourself too little. Why not just be a man and say; 'BOLLOCKS either we live together properly as man & wife, or we split up' ?

And don't give me this crap about ''the sake of the children''. Do you really think they will develop properly in a home with a cold atmosphere like the one you are ALLOWING your wife to create. The kids will not respect you if you let your woman push you around. Tell he straight; ''I'm the geezer, your the bird, if you don't want me in your bed I'll find someone who does. Now put the kettle on, and make a decision by the time the tea's drunk''

Answer 7

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Answer 8

it sounds to me like your mrs has made a decision and intends to stick to it ... staying together for the kids isnt the right thing to do ... both u and the kids will not really have closure on this if u dont move out and move on with your life ... there will always be that hope that u will sort things out while u live at home ... it will prob be nice to hav some independance again ... make sure u dont start getting depressed about this ... seek counceling



accept it - deal with it - move on these are the most important 7 words u will ever use ... follow this and u will never go wrong

Answer 9

i really do feel for u. i went through similar in my marriage of 20 yrs... u need time for u n ur wife to go away for a break together without the children..... a long weekend somewhere romantic and not too noisey where u can talk, walk, eat out, no complications..... make it fun... but dont do this once and then stop. its something u both need on a reasonably regular basis to look forward to. it worked for me and my ex hubby until he was working away from home for a very long time once and ended up having an affair... brief tho it was... i couldnt trust him again..



but since that isnt in ur equation u really need to try. move into the other room if u feel it will help for a short while but i believe a break will do u both good ... away from all the usual hassles in ur lives... like being dated/wined n dined/treated nicely... all over again.



show her just how romantic u can be and how much u really do love her....... hopefully she will show u too....



good luck. i really hope it works out for u. xxx

Answer 10

Best advice you can ever get from another woman. Abide by her wishes. If she wants to sleep in separate bedrooms then by all means do it. Be happy she hasn't packed her stuff (or yours).



Next step - court your wife again. Remember when you were first dating? Bring her some flowers, ask her to dinner and a movie and then come home and go to separate bedrooms.



You have to give her time - and you have to woo her again. Also ask for marital counseling - while still in separate bedrooms. She needs to trust you again that you won't take her for granted. Being taken for granted will kill the spirit in a woman faster than you can say divorce.

Answer 11

Get counselling. If you love her, and I'm sure you do, you'll need a professional who can direct you both to learn to appreciate each other more. We all go through rough patches in our marriages, and I'm sure this is yours. It doens't mean it is the end of your marriage. You do have a responsibility to your children. No children should be brought up in a hostile environment, but at the same time, we should all work harder to give our kids the secure background they need.

So take control of the situation and do something positive.

Answer 12

Honestly, I think this is what happens when you marry ppl when they are too young.



I was married at age 17 at that time I thought he was the one for me, but as yrs went on he was nothing close to what I wanted.



We lived together as friends for 95% of those yrs. The best thing we could have done was leave each other. There was no love lost, I loved him as a person but I was not in love with him.



He tried to make me fall in love w/ him but I could not, he got tired of trying and I was just tired of him.



Seek counseling while living together as friends for the kids, but that will eventually end to b/c you both will want more from a relationship and move on.

Answer 13

hello, i understand what you are all as a family going through...and i am talking from experience so i hope i can help in some way to help you understand a little bit about how your wife may be feeling at the moment.... 9 years ago i realised that i was no longer in love with the father of my two children...i loved him but wasnt IN love with him....i felt taken for granted and i didnt feel that he valued me...basically id fallen out of love...day to day life can do that to you....i now know that all i needed was his support and basically space to breath and think without any pressure whatsoever from him,unfortunatley i didnt get the time and space i needed and didnt really know how to ask for it at the time without breaking his heart. Suffice to say 9 years on ive remained on my own with my two boys and he lives alone with regular access to the boys. Neither of us have moved on with our lives but we caused so much hurt to each other we dont even talk, although we both know that we should all be together as a family. Please if you can try to take a step back and remain patient with your wife...no pressure...she hasnt got any answers for you at the moment.... she is probably as confused as you, she is trying to find answers without hurting you.Give her some time and space. I know its very frustrating for you but you have to hang in there and let your wife work through this period which is making her feel dissillousioned with life at the moment.

Answer 14

"she does not have another man i am sure of that."



YOU ARE NOT "sure" of that Thats mistake #1



Look you have been with her since she was 16years old (a baby)



there is a strong possibility that she wants to "experience life a little" WITHOUT YOU.



It won't be easy but I say let this run it's course.....she'll soon find that the "dating game" out here isn't all what its cracked up to be, and if your half as cool as you sound- the chick will come back to you...... you WILL in the mean time will have to give her her space, and the easiest way to do that is to "date" yourself....



I understand when you read this that its gonna sound like im speaking a foreign language to you, but trust me- if she is talking about sepertae rooms and stuff - im pretty sure you guys haven't "done it" in a little while either huh? sorry bro... but she is cheating.........don't fret..... if its meant to be....she'll come back.....she just better hope that you still WANT HER.



good luck.

Answer 15

Let me guess all the argument issue's are her beefs.

Let me guess you are the one moving into the other bed room.

Let me guess she is waiting for you try before she will

try because she says she already has.



If this sounds like what is happening she is using her affection as weapon to manipulate you.



First if she doesn't want to sleep in YOUR bedroom then let HER sleep in the other room. Second if you have been together for 14 yrs chances are she is not going any where if she is threatening.

You need to figure out if she really has something she is trying to get or if she is just controlling. Sometimes calling the name of the game works well.

Answer 16

Well if you seriously want to fix things, try to start slowly. Ask her if she would be willing to "date" you. Let her move into the other bedroom for now. Suggest or ask her to go to dinner or a movie with you, with no expectations except to just spend time together getting to know each other all over again. Most of all give her some time and space, if she wants to be with you, she will come back.

Answer 17

I am sorry for you you are such a super husband to LOVE her and your children when she is being so immature..she may have feelings for someone else and you are so in love you are blinded by it....sometimes we look the other way because we do not want to face the fact.....and if so you would be there for her monetary reasons.....you need to tell her you are taking charge of this marriage you are the man stand up to her...you are tooo good to lose..miia

Answer 18

time to prioritize.... take a momement and tell her that you are working on some ideas that would enhance their relationship. Then go make two lists one titled pros and cons under her name

do the same thing under your name....make two copies of each

fill out yours about yourself and about hers and leave hers blank to fill out for herself. Do not give her yours until she is ready to give you hers. The next thing you do while you are waiting for this exchange is to purchase a book called too close too soon! And in this book you will not like some things in it ...but get past that....

allow yourself to apply everything that you did not do...and write those things down...then address each thing. Then summerize your thoughts about the book and your intentions to save your marriage...then purchase all the books by Joshuah Harris and by Chuck Swindoll, and by Charles Dobson. Then purchas a book about the love languages....do the same thing you did with the first book, summerize your thoughts and add your intentions to save your marriage. Purchase a small binder and be sure to label

each book by name at the top of each summarary. This is your research binder...keep it...create a separate binder for her...copy all of yours for her binder and ask her to if she would be willing to do the same and read these books, and create her own summaries and analogies and share them with you in order to get to know her better. Then there is always marriage counselling!

Answer 19

My heart goes out to you. However I tried that for the childrens sake it does not work. You need to talk this over why she is feeling like this. Try to explore the real reason things are not working out. I have to confess that I made the same mistake of taking for granted my first wife we tried but it only go worse. Try not to throw it all away and please don't get angry with her. However if has failed altogther please respect her wishes even if it burns the hell out of you. If you love her and your children it will be the best way. I know this is not what you want to hear but thereis no magic wand to cure this. Thereis only you and your wife.

I wish you all the best for the future and things do work out for you both. Please let us know if it doe's. Best wishes from Wheel.

Answer 20

You both need to go to conciling on your marriage, you both have alot at stack, for the love of the children, and for the both of you.

You both need to sit down and go over what went wrong. Communication is the key here and try to figure things out.

Answer 21

Check into a hotel room tonight - don't tell her, take a bag & go - watch her start.......... if she don't ! for the sake of the children you must leave - children can't grow up knowing that their parents slept apart - how can they ever have a relationship in the future....



try a weekend away - for the 2 of you - battle it out away form the family home - if it don't work move on.... LIFE: when your up front about it - IT HAS A FUNNY WAY OF WORKING OUT...

Answer 22

just pretend ur not married treat her like you did when u were dating get a baby sitter and have a night out together buy flowers chocolates leave little notes around the house tell her how much you love her u won her heart once you can do it again hope this helps

Answer 23

You need to start "courting" your wife again. Ask her out on a date, buy her flowers, etc. and stop taking her for granted. Cook a meal for the family, clean the house, and do other "little" things to make her feel appreciated. I've been doing it for 18 years, and my wife loves me more today than when we first got married!

Answer 24

I think that you should give her the time that she needs, Perhaps if you show her the man that she married than maybe in time she may invite herself back to the bedroom that you both share.

Be the man that she fell in love with

Just be there for her and give the space and time that she needs.

i hope that you two will sort this out soon and good luck

Answer 25

Has alot changed since u guys married? perhaps thats it. Try making more family time and less work time. Give her the space she wants and i bet things will change, maybe you both need to change your ways regarding time and respect for each other?

Answer 26

.to leave the bed room is not good .if she does not want you there she well fill that spot with another man. you say your a f up she has you believing this and you admit it to her ,you look weak to her .be a man and grow up .first it is better to be hated for who you are then loved for who your not ..your wife needs to feel cherished if she did you would not be writing this q.

Answer 27

no surprise she is finding herself -- you were a grown 26 year old man who got with a 16 yr old child based on the information you gave in your question



if she wants space be thankful she is doing this how she is for the kids because really you should be in jail more than likely!!! she didn't know what love was when you got with her! now that she is figuring it out she realizes the truth



sorry just pointing out the obvious

Answer 28

Good and bad things come to end, if her feelings have changed for whatever reason she herself may not know! You might have to change with the wind.



Don't cry over spilt milk, rather encourage your self; you have done your best, unfortunately you have to let go, it pains. I know it because I have been there. Do you know one of the immanency procedures on the plain in case of trouble; pull an oxgyen mask first on your nose. then to your infant.

Answer 29

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Answer 30

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Answer 31

Relationships over/

Answer 32

but u did not state the root of the problem, so have u tried looking up counseling that is ur best bet. goodluck and pray hard!

Answer 33

i don't know what to say- i don't know what i would do. but i can tell you are in a lot of pain and my heart truly goes out to you. i will pray for you, that is really all i can do.

Answer 34

get a grip man , time heals and you'll thank her in the future

Answer 35

get to church, talk to God about yourself, get right, and hope she will come along... FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR CHILDREWN

Answer 36

maybe play some music for her. the favourite songs if she doesnt want to talk to u

Answer 37

give her time and space if she needs it