Why do I feel so bad????????

Question

A few weeks ago, I found out my husband was having an affair, I told him to leave and stay with his parents, and he did. He kept on phoning me saying he wanted to give it another go, but I don't trust him, so what would be the point. On Monday I told him that I didn't want to be with him anymore, but he could still see the children. As soon as I told him this, he then went back to the mistress he had been seeing on and off for 3 years. Now they keep texting me and harrassing me! I have got the police involved and I have been informed he has been arrested for Drink Driving, that'll teach him.

I feel so alone and empty inside. I haven't ate for 2 weeks, can barely drink anything and my insides are hurting so much I feel as though I am going to pass out.

Anyone got any words of wisdom to help me through this awful time!!

Answer 1

I understand where you're coming from. You feel betrayed (you were) and possibly angry because you were left to raise the kids by yourself (you should be angry). It's like there's a big whole left where you once a whole person. These are all just raw emotions. Your world is turned upside-down and you haven't found your footing yet. Believe me, time will take care of all this.



You have to channel your anger and all the other emotions you're feeling now into something productive for you and your children. You can start by thinking through what you have to do to raise your children by yourself. Figure out what your kids need the most from you right now so they can survive this dilemma and you all can become stronger people in the end. This will give you purpose and direction. Then you need to determine what you and your children need in the divorce decree that will benefit just your little family. Always keep you and your kids at the center of your decisions. Really bond with your children so they will survive with the least amount of pain. Also recognize that the only way children know to how to compensate for their lack of understanding of what is going on and what the future holds for them, is normally to act out. This will pass but when they do act this way, your husband DEFINITELY needs to be a part of the picture so he can VISUALLY see the pain he has caused each one of you. He needs to be prepared to help find a solution. I hope this has helped some.



PS. I know you don't feel much like eating now but you HAVE to stay well to be able to be at your best when it's time to make hard decisions and to raise your family.



Another thing, under no circumstances (unless he's doing drugs or could hurt the kids by just being around him) do you talk badly about your husband to your kids or refuse to let him see them. This has absolutely nothing to do with the relationship the kids have with their father. This does not put your stamp of approval on his actions. Rather it allows the kids to work out their relationship with their father in their own way. A lot of kids make excuses for their missing parent's actions (like not coming around to see them, etc.). Don't pay too much attention to that because they are just protecting their hearts for the time being. Once they get older and wiser, they will see things for what they really are. No rose colored glasses. They will see that Mom has been right there for them and stayed with them during it all. In the end, you'll the love of their lives.

Answer 2

You feel bad because you've been betrayed.



Look for support groups in your area for other women going through divorces, have a party with your girlfriends to burn a few things of his while trash-talking him, and spend time with the children who need you very much right now.



Whatever you do, do NOT trash-talk about their father around them. He may have been a terrible husband to you, but he is still their father and he and they still have the right to a relationship. However, due to the DUI, try to make sure he won't be driving the children anywhere until his probation is over. Get a court order ASAP with this.



Make sure you love the children more than you hate him. They still need their dad too through all of this.



And take a little evil happiness out of knowing he and his lil' ***-bucket will probably do the same thing to each other. If she's involved in the harassing text messages, then she knows he's married and she deserved to be unhappy with him.

Answer 3

You feel so bad physically since ur not not eating or drinking. Id call 911, and get admitted. U feel so bad emotionally because u shared a life with this guy and he just threw it all away for the next best thing. Ur still bonded due to kids. U feel lonely, so u feel bad. He's harrassing u, so u feel bad. IT's not easy to go through a divorce, especially when ur spouse is cheating. ITs hard to know that sorry doesn't fix everything, and that even if u wanted to fix things, he shattered ur trust, so how could u? That would be a long hard road for all of you. Maybe u did want to fix your marriage, but knew it was in reality, beyond repair. Due to all this, it doesn't help that he's got someone, and u don't. it doesn't help that he throws it in ur face. IT doesn't help that it took two of u to make kids, but now u'll raise them separately. IT's not easy being a divorced woman. Plus, ur internal wounds are fresh, so it'll take u time to feel better.



Words of wisdom? All i know is that i can talk all I want, and tell u I know how u feel, but in some instance, I'd be lying, because I"m not u. Give urself a lot of time to heal. There's this thing called events and adventures. ITs a site where they have activities for singles. Like active stuff like hiking or whatever, or mellow stuff like concerts or comedy shows. Maybe u can sign up for that and get out, and have some fun. U can get together with friends too. Anything to get ur mind off ur situation as much as possible. Go to community centers and get involved with stuff they have to offer. Go to eventsandadventures.com. I hear the ad on the radio all the time, so thought I'd pass it along. ur kids will keep u busy, but I'm speaking of stuff for u. Good luck in healing. But please, do take care of urself, if not for u, for ur kids. But do it for u too. U need to show ur kids just how strong a mom u are! They'll love u for it.

Answer 4

You probably feel abandon. And of course you have the kids.

It’s going to take time. You are in shock and dismay right now. The only thing I can tell you is not to start drinking to numb the pain. Go through the motion. You will at least allow yourself to hurt and get over it allot sooner.





The one think I have to say it this. The how could he to this? Is the biggest hurt of all? Just remember just because you would never do this to him doesn’t mean he would do it to you. You have a moral compass that you go by in your life. Please don’t question your moral compass it his that was



So lets start off one step at a time. I can tell you that you need to tell yourself it will be ok. How that never worked for me when I went through it. Church is a great place to start. You get to have some time to yourself., listen to good music and meet good people.

The kids can have an emotional break and have fun in the kid’s classes. Lots of art and craft. Now the biggy jump on here, or Join a divorce sight. Vent, break down, scream and cry, ist ok. You are not alone. We want to know what is going on with you. There are allot of us ladies and men that have been through it and can help you or at least listen..

Answer 5

You still have beautiful children that love you and need you right now. I know it hurts but you have to find your inner strength to hold your head up and keep moving. What will your children do if you are in someones hospital? Never let any man make you so miserable to the point that you feel completely empty. You need to go see a counselor and start focusing on your future without him. Once this roller coaster is over and the wounds have healed...you'll come across Mr. Right. God Bless and take care!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 6

You were so badly betrayed by a selfish, hateful person. But you made a very difficult but very wise choice to insist he leave. No one deserves to be disrespected like that. You also were strong enough to keep it that way. Plus taking legal action was the right thing to do. You proved that you ARE strong and ARE making the right decisions. We cannot change the behavior of others, we can only control what we do. Please realize that it is HIM and NOT you that is weak & despicable. Use your incredible strength even more to care for yourself properly. Please seek the care of a trusted doctor, perhaps therapy, antidepressants or anti-anxiety medication can help you out at this time of need. Be a good example for your children, they need you now more than ever. You WILL make through this, as an even better woman.



ps, I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself because of my divorce proceedings but your note here really made me realize how others are going through so much worse. My heart goes out to you.

Answer 7

Wow girl, I am HERE for you! I am sorry that you have to go through this, you are stronger than I am because I would have him dead! The only thing that is going to help is time. It will heal you but it will take a while. Him going back to her proves that he cares nothing about the relationship with you or the marriage. It is so sad to read this, my heart hurts for you. You are very much better off without this guy because there is someone out there that will treat you better and be there for only you. Take this time to get to know yourself, have a great time with family and your girlfriends. Just go do whatever and forget about this creep, he is so not worth your time. Start eating, you will be so sick if you don't - anything just eat. Lean on friends for support, let me know if you need to talk! I am here...Take care!

Answer 8

Victoria, i'm sorry to hearken to that there is a touch disrespect on your position---yet a 33 3 hundred and sixty 5 days old will not in any respect pass out if mom is dottering and spoiling him---why might want to he pass?? difficulty is he will not in any respect a thanks to peacefully co-exist with a woman on a mature aspect...what a shame. you're also witnessing a touch crude disrespectful habit that comes from being relations and residing mutually maximum of those years. To an interloper this all sounds undesirable--to you and your brother that's actually each and daily residing. So say no once you ought to--he received't explode or turn blue. relax, be cool, be tremendous, and powerful luck-----SMILE

Answer 9

Listen to the last girl.Call on your strength from God.He is the only man in this world that will always be there and hear you.You have a reason to pick yourself up everyday,your beautiful kids.They are the one thing you can be proud of that came out of your marriage.So when times are hard and troubles arise just drop to your knees and look up with your eyes.He lets you know that he is near and never should you have fear.I wish you well and God bless.Just remember to read Psalms like the other girl said.Get to know the best thing in your life through Christ,yourself.

Answer 10

Wow.....I'm sorry all of this has happened. That was really rotten of him to do you that way. :(



For one, you did just right by getting the police involved. If they want to be childish, show them that their idiocy will earn them them trouble with the cops - as it should. Good for you! And I bet that mistress wouldn't feel quite so cocky about her "prize" if she knew he was begging you back!



I think that the first thing you should do is make yourself something to eat! Your favorite thing - spoil yourself! Even if you have donuts for dinner, just eat something! And get something to drink, too. Watch a hilarious movie. Clean your house up if you haven't been cleaning. Go outside and take a deep breath of fresh air - this is a new beginning! I know it hurts, but you will move past all of this. It takes time, but you will.

Answer 11

I am so sorry that you are going through this. With time someone better will come along, and you will be glad that you are available for him. In the meantime, get together with friends and family, talk to someone you trust, and change your phone number so they can't hassle you. Was there ever someone he was jealous of, call him and go somewhere where your husband will see you . Sweet revenge. And whatever you decide to do, pray. God is always there for you and he knows what you need.

Answer 12

Stop thinking about him as your husband or even someone you once cared for. Think of him as a 'threat' to you and the kids. He sounds worthless. Think of yourself and health, be strong, seek therapy if you can afford it, read supporting articles, and think of your life and career and the life and future of your kids. Pray and light candles to find inner peace; it will help you focus and think better. If he was worth it and a good husband I can understand why you're agonizing. But he's not. Complete trash and you need to empty him from you home, heart, and mind.

Please have a meal, take walks, listen to comforting music, have a glass of wine, watch some movies, and enjoy life to its fullest.

Answer 13

The thing is he took vows with you, you have children together, a family, and he betrayed you. Your heart is broken, you are devestated.

It's sounds as if he is on a downward spiral. If he really was in love with her he would never have called you, he knows this. You are alone, but it's only temporary. If I were you I would speak to my pastor, get involved in church and let him go.

He is the rat and everyone will see him for what he is. Only God can build you up at this time. I wouldn't trust him. Things can only get better for you, but worse for him.

Answer 14

You have to ask yourself do you feel bad because you miss him? do you feel bad because he "gave in" so easily and its almost like "i spent this much time with him for him to just say 'ok' and go to this mistress"? or do you feel bad because you got him arrested. Do you still like him? Please eat somthing, you can only survive for 3 weeks without food and 3 days without water. Go out and have a girls night out, meet another man. Have a good time! you deserve it after this hard time! I know it can be hard and you must feel that no one can help you now but thats not true. You have to belive that things will get better, i know its a little corny but it can really help if you let it. I hope you feel better and i hope this helps. Good luck! :-)

Answer 15

im kinda with ya my husband never liked to work. we lived together for 8 years and got married when he went to iraq, he came home was good for a while and then an army **** michelle zimmerman kept texing and calling i guess she did all the guys at edwards on the 2 week training she got us into fights he wouldnt get a job and got violant he said he was gettin help at the va and i found out he was at her house by his army buddy i was so sad and she is just a **** but i couldnt let him come back now hes there sad and so am i yet she calls me a c and afraid hes coming home 9 years gone on a army ****

im sick to my stomach

Answer 16

I am so sorry. You did a GREAT thing by leaving him. If my husband cheated, I would kick him out too. I think you should get some counseling. Therapy can help you get through this difficult time. I would be devastated if this happened. You must eat and take care of yourself. Your children need you. Show them that you are a stron woman who will be there for them. Show them that you are still their mom and love them. THink of how they must feel not having their dad around. Please get some grief counseling. Good Luck! You will survive!

Answer 17

get a mate around and have a meal and a girlie chat about the world. You must eat or he has won and could take the children off you!!! wakey wakey!

This is your chance now the new you go out have a bit of fun, meet someone worthy of you and have a laugh at how stupid life is,

Answer 18

This is a very difficult situation. It obviously isnt going to work. If he truley was sorry for his mistake(which should of never happened in the first place) He would of continued to call you and made many attempts on trying to rectify the situation. He obviously is not taking your feeling into consideration. Just thinking of himself. Us guys tend to do that alot. We need to learn to take our heads out of our asses. The only thing I can say about the harassing phone calls is that you did the right thing. Report it to the police. But most importantly sweety DONT blame yourself for mens stupidity. Dont let it cause you to be sick and not eat. I know this isnt easy but dont let it affect you. It is sooo easy to fall into love and sooo hard to fall out of it. Why let him affect your health and well being. Only time can heal you. But then Hell go out, you deserve it.

Answer 19

What a JERK...You should not allow him to see the kids after this....he has no respect...why is he harrassing you? do his parents know hes an Azzhole and has been cheating?? this must hurt to much...Divorce him and take him for everything you can since he did this awful thing to you....If you have famiily that you can stay w/ for a bit that would be good....be confident (as much as u can during this hard time) and realize that your life is not over, you can make it better....Work hard, be a good mom, meeet people, get better self essteem and make the best out of your life...do some vulunterr work to help get your mind off the jerk....just get him out of your life b/c you are BETTEr off w/ out him...

again, im soo sorry....

Angie..



edit: to the loser that gave thumbs down whatever...i gave her good avice....F U...

Answer 20

Hold your head up. Of course you're gonna be upset and sad for a awhile. You just need to realize that you're doing the right thing for yourself! As you can see he isn't even worth it. And please don't put any blame on yourself. I know how easy that can be but the reality is, he is the one who messed up. He asked you back and when you turned him down he became bitter.



You should surround yourself with friends and family. It'll help time go by and as we all know, time heals all pain. Good luck, keep your head up and stay strong!

Answer 21

I know it must feel like the end is near..but joy comes in the morning.Think about your lovely children and know that you have to take care of you in order to take care of them. They need you and they don't need to see their mommy this way. I know it feels like you want to die but you are in mourning of this relationship...I think that the first thing what you need to do is pray for relief and strength from God. He WILL deliver you in your times of need. Just think of the good that will come from not being burdened with an adulterous man. You and your children deserve better.

Answer 22

hi,doesnt really matter what anyone says to you,it helps but at the end of the day its you and your kids.When i left my partner i felt alone etc as i had to move out.I became strong but it took me a while to get there and when i did i enjoyed myself with my son.Its hard but you need to get back to being YOU.Dont forget his "mistress"is only hearing his side of things.When my ex met his new one she never liked me,never knew me though,but when she did she apologised for not likeing me!!Now she has the cheek to knock at my door when they argue and its me that sorts them out! ive always said what goes around comes around and people eventually get what they deserve but the good ones just have to be patient.Start eating,you have to be strong for your children and thats a bad start.Hurry up and find the "new you" its great.

Answer 23

its not easy at all what your going thorough.. you made a decision , and i think its the right one , all you have to do now is be strong, engage yourself in work or some activities that will help you forget about him , time will heal everything. im soooo sorry for you , but make sure the decision you made is what YOU WANT and not what you SHOULD do...

Answer 24

change your phone number. you will be fine. its like you are mourning a death, the death of your marriage. so just know it will get better with time. i've been where you are! and they were calling and harrassing me as well, so i changed all my numbers, blocked them on the computer, and i don't worry about them now. my ex MARRIED this girl 3 WEEKS after we split... i'm glad to be rid of him.

Answer 25

You need to start taking care of yourself as your husband is the one who did you wrong. If he cared then he would not have gotten involved with another woman. If you don't start taking care of yourself then noone else will.

Answer 26

call on God to comfort you--start by reading the Psalms in the Old Testament--you will get to know who He is, that He will never leave you and you can run to Him in times of need and He will wrap His loving arms around you.. I am sorry for what you are going through, but all things are possible with God in your life!

Answer 27

Don't feel bad. He's the one who screwed everything up.