Question:
Suggestions on how to get that spark back?
2011-01-02 07:43:25 UTC
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half, and things have started to become a little bit routine and stale. The love I have for him isn't gone, though. In fact, it's as strong as ever! any suggestions on how to bring excitement back into our relationship? things to do, places to go, little things to say? thanks!

by the way, I put this question here instead of in the "singles and dating" forum (and others like it) because people that frequent it tend to be SO immature, unhelpful, and ridiculous.
Five answers:
Stand in Love Don't Fall in Love
2011-01-02 08:38:39 UTC
If by spark you mean, how to feel butterflies in your stomach at the mere thought of them or to feel the hairs raise on the back of your neck whenever they enter the room - it won't really happen that way again.



The honeymoon phase of your relationship is likely over. This isn't a bad thing, it's completely normal. That phase only lasts from three months to three years in any relationship. It looks like the two of you have embarked on the new phase which is mature love. This however, does not mean that you can't have more fun, exciting and sexy times with each other. It just means you'll be connecting on a new level.



Keeping things fun and interesting will help to keep your connection strong. Don't get lazy or too comfortable and don't let him get that way either. Maintain your appearance - it sounds shallow but it's not - men are visual creatures and your ability to take care of yourself will tell him that you care about him. If you've gotten into the habit of not dressing up anymore than start dressing up again. If you were never the type to dress up, then do it once in a while. If you were a size X when you met then a size X is what he should get. The same goes for him.



If finances allow, take a weekend away together. If they don't allow, then continue to do new things with each other - go to different places: restaurants, local attractions, etc. that neither of you have been to and try activities that you haven't done yet. Doing some fun but routine things helps keep you bonded too. For instance, my hubby and I love to play basketball with each other and it gets those feel good hormones pumping which leads to...well, you know.



Spending time apart is also helpful to keeping the love alive. That old saying, distance makes the heart grow fonder is often true for relationships. I'm not saying to do this in a manipulative way like suggesting a short-term break up. Taking time to do things with your own friends or going away for a week to visit family or vacation with friends is often good for you and your relationship. It gives you time to miss him and him time to miss you. Also, doing and learning new things without him gives you topics to bring up in conversation.



I know you probably think you know everything there is to know about him but it's not true. It's been nearly eight years and I'm still learning about my hubby. While men aren't typically huge talkers, talking is one thing that makes us women feel closer to friends and the men in their lives. Sit down once in a while over some wine or a nice meal and talk about all kinds of things. Ask meaningful questions about him to gain a deeper understanding about who he is. Don't make it an interrogation though - relate a story or your own opinions on a subject to share something first so he doesn't feel like you're prying and he'll open up.



Do little loving things for him once in a while. We both work but every so often I get up extra early to make him a "King's feast" to bring to work for lunch. I put it in his car with a nice note before I leave to go to my own job. Men like receiving gifts too from time to time and I get him little things throughout the year because I know he'd like it or needs it. He does these things for me as well.
Rooster 1972
2011-01-02 16:08:25 UTC
Rafe your question is one that has been asked since the beginning of time. I understand it very well. I see it all the time. Maintaining a relationship is harder than one would think. Once the "newness" wears off then "reality" sets in. The true person comes out. Maintaining the relationship has to be something both want as well. First of all "ask yourself this question"? If something happened to me tom morrow would this person really stand by me? The same thing for you? Would you be willing to stand by him. But getting back to keeping the spark going. Hopefully I am going to help with a few simple ideas that I know will help. What I mean by simple things is like finding a way for you and him to maybe go to a park and take a walk. You can have a simple conversation, listen to nature and realize how lucky you are to be part of this great creation that "God" gave us. After your walk maybe go back to your place and have a simple bowl of vegetable soup and maybe a grilled cheese sandwich. Other simple things would be like in the spring just out of the blue you and him go find a lake and have a simple picnic. Picnics are so nice and peaceful. You both can spend quality time there also. I have found that instead of the original early movies on the weekends go to a late show. That way you can maybe have a simple meal at your house or his and then you can talk about life. How his week went, is he happy with his job, how is his family doing, things like this. And my last great idea is I love this one when it is really raining get your raincoat, and he get his and go outside and take a good long walk in the rain. This is so nice and in the end sets up a special romantic evening. One more thing think of something that you and him have never done. An idea would be say every year in May the "Kentucky Derby is held in Louisville Kentucky". Plan a trip. Tickets to this event really are reasonable and you can get infield tickets for a good price. This is just a general idea. Plan something you both have never done and then about a month before the event let him know so he can also make plans. In general do the simple things, keep it in perspective and I promise you if you do these simple things you will send me an email one day thanking me for these ideas.
I'm Done
2011-01-02 15:49:39 UTC
Get married. Step outside of the box. Buy some fake eyelashes and some red heels. Dress sexy an go out on the told an hold hands and kiss like you did when you first met.



But first, get married.
pooda's mom
2011-01-02 15:46:30 UTC
Do what I did. get a stripper pole and learn some moves. lol Now im married to him.
?
2011-01-02 16:49:21 UTC
the best way it get that feeling back is with a new man, trade him in


This content was originally posted on Y! Answers, a Q&A website that shut down in 2021.
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