What is the amount of time needed to get over a break-up?

Question

I was in a 5 year relationship, my GF now says that she needs space for a number of months but I know that this is the end of the road. I am giving her space at the moment and she said she will re-evaluate things in a few months but I don't see things working out. I moved to her hometown in April and this screwed things up between us (she had initially encouraged it but then when I moved she told me that I was smothering her). Since then we have been calling, meeting up and occasionally sleeping with each other but I really have to give her the space now that she has been asking for, I can't ignore her requests any longer despite my own pain. She has been going to a counsellor which has been the catalyst for our break-up, as well as I moving down and the pressure of her receiving a marriage proposal. I had asked her to marry me over Xmas, she initally said yes then went back on that. We had lived together for almost 4 years previously, we had a reasonabaly good relationship but I took it and her for granted and I am at present going through the anquish of missing something I can't have and the guilt of knowing that if I had treated her a bit better when we lived together (and if I hadn't moved out last September like I did, I did so for work reasons, she said she'd follow me to the other city but never did and moved in with her parents instead. I was missing her so much I decided to move to her hometown early this year). All I have for company in my apartment (we chose this apartment together when I moved here but she moved out again about a week later when she discovered she didn't want to be with me) now are a number of "how to get your ex back" books that I have purchased on amazon. Sad but very true. I will phone her in about a month's time but my question is: how long will it take me to get over a 5 year relationship when it does, as is inevitable, finally die? Remember, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this woman. Or is the sad truth that I probabaly never will?

Answer 1

The fact that thiss woman keeps distancing herself from you means that she is probably not the right person for you. It looks like you are wasting time on her.She is just trying to let you go gently.



You deserve someone who appreciatess you and wants you just as much as you want her.

You should go out therere and find yourself a new GF. How long does it take to get over her? One second! Believe me! I've been there. The moment I realized my boyfriend was just wasting my time, I decided to move on and went online to one of those single sites. Three weeks later I found a new boyfriend. It's the best way to get over someone.



Good luck!

Answer 2

Aaawww! What a sad tale. Most women would love such a passionte committed man!



The sad thing about relationships is that one person always loves the other more. This sounds like you.



I would say that it sounds like you are too hung up on this women, you've smoothered her. Everyone like a challenge and a little uncertainty - you cannot appreciate the highs in life if you never feel the lows! In this case; she can't truely apriciate the amount of love you have for her unless she occationally doubts it. It's great to do things for you lady but never do anything and everything whenever. Its sounds like the age old situation of to much of a good thing. Or maybe she has simple had a change of heart and has decided she wants to move on.



Either way whatever her reasoning and as ironic as it may sound, it appears that the best chance you have of getting back with Her is to PROVE how well you can do without Her. It may be a veneer and you truely miss her, but she mustn't know this. When you see Her resist all urges to tell her how much you miss Her and want Her back - this would show desperation and that nothing has changed. Obviously, compliment Her and be as nice and cheeky as you always are but don't be hung up on Her.



Getting over someone you really care about is VERY hard and can take some time but its essential. Be proactive about things (hobbies, friends or potential new girlfriends) and you'll find it far, far easier and quicker.



Good luck mate, time heals all wounds. Hope there's something useful in there somewhere.



Peace.

Answer 3

First of all, let me just say that I am SO sorry for you. I know I can't change the situation for you, but I just feel so damn awful for you. I've been in the same shoes as you, and I know how raw and horrible it is to be forced to say goodbye to someone that you would do ANYTHING for.



So in answer to your question, there really is no set time for you to get over this girl. It takes as long as you need to get over her. It's all down to your mindset and your emotions. I can tell by your words that you feel really hurt, and that you loved her very much.

You now have to go through the 5 phases of losing someone.



1. Anger- You may feel resentment towards her, like she's done something really wrong and you are really pissed off.



2. Sadness- You're gonna miss her like crazy, you're gonna want the closeness, you miss the kisses, the hugs, the words of affection. I know how hard this one is hun.



3. Denial- You think that you will get back together. You pretend that everything will be fine to try and convince yourself that you still have her. Maybe this explains why you bought those books?



4. Depression- You feel so sad, like no matter what you do, nothing is gonna make you feel better. For a while you'll see no point in things, as if if you cant have her, you don't want anything else.



5. Acceptance- The final stage, you'll come to terms with your loss and you'll try as hard as you can to move on. This doesnt mean you wont love her, it means you will understand that you need to let her go and find someone else.



These stages dont necessarily go in that order, and you may revisit some of the stages before you get to the acceptance stage.



I know that right now you are feeling vulnerable and exposed, but you can get through this. Now you need to get rid of those books and try to understand that you guys are done, and that no book can make someone fall in love with you again.

I'm sorry that you're hurting.

xx

Answer 4

Well mister,



I'd say that most of the time in life. You never really do move on from something like that. You forget, you forgive, you heal, but in your heart you will always care a little bit about that person.



If you are feeling bad for your actions you've mentioned about the only thing to do is keep taking those steps back and giving her, her space. I hope that if you haven't already you will apologize for your actions and just let her know they were (hopefully) done out of love.

Answer 5

This relationship sounds to not have been on a strong foundation. Your girl sounds to go from wanting to marry you to the point she pressures you into proposing to her, she accepts then she recants. You feel you took her for granted and regret not treating her better. Then when you gave up your job and moved out to be with her, she felt smothered. Can you see how unstable all of this appears? Sounds like co-dependency from the both of you to me. What you need to do is to leave this relationship, not for good, but for some time so that you both can separate and begin to live life on your own. You both depend on each other too much emotionally and she seems to have high expectations along with uncertainty of what she wants.. Make plans to move out and take some time to reflect on your own personal goals. Sometimes time alone can help people find themselves and if love was meant to be you both can find each other again. As for your question about how long it takes to get over a 5 year relationship. Try not to see this as the end right now. This is difficult because I also do not want you to have false hopes. You just do not need to focus on it being the end but as a growing from one another so if you do come back you both will be more independent and more certain of what you both want. Just know , to heal from a broken relationship is a process of healing that all depends on your attitude. If you wallow in self pity for too long, your healing will take longer. If you can understand how you are not the only one who has gone through this and to learn to focus on all the things you are lucky about, then you can have a more positive attitude and move on from there on a faster, healthier pace. Most of us have been through a broken heart, and it is not easy, but most of us have survived it and so will you. Give yourself some time to mourn the lost of your dreams and plans that came from being in this relationship. Then you need to reach within to find the strength and self love that it takes to find happiness again, and you will, if not with her, you will find it with someone else.. Good luck to you!

Answer 6

Face reality, it probably will never happen. Are you missing her or the convenience of having her around? As for the time to get over a relationship, most counselors will tell you that for 2 years you should not enter into a serious relationship, if you do you will most likely end up with a carbon copy of the one you left. You need the time to heal, to examine what went wrong and hopefully correct it and most importantly you need time to love yourself, until you are comfortable with who you are you cannot begin to love someone else.

Answer 7

when it comes to relationships this is hard to work with, but if i were u consider yourself single again, dont let her take up any more of your time, a couple of mounths might be the time needed just do whatever in your will not to think of her again, i know its hard, but in the end you'll relize that there is someone out there for you that actually wants to be with you, when that person comes into your life trust me it gets a whole lot better. Read the book " The Power of Postitive Thinking " by Peale, its an older book but it helped me to drastically change my life. Good luck!

Answer 8

Like most people have already said there is no set amount of time. I think she has moved on and you should do the same. like the saying goes "If you love someone let them go and if they come back to you there yours but they don't it wasn't meant to be." Take this time for yourself. this is your chance to figure out your own needs and just figure out who you are. If you don't get back together just take it as a learning experience. Now you'll know what to look for, for your next girlfriend. Keep yourself occupied and hang out with your friends. I know you'll be fine in no time. Good luck :]

Answer 9

In my experience, theres no pain quite so profound as a broken heart, outside of bereavement. As for how long the healing will take, no-one can say. There are three articles which helped me immeasurably when I broke up with my ex last year. Hope they help. Good luck.



http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com...



and this;



http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com...



and finally this;



http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com...

Answer 10

You need to leave her alone, i know its hard but dont contact her at all. As time goes on it will get easier and you will think about her less and less. Everytime you talk to her or see her you will take a step back. I've been there before, you will get over it. Find someone who wants to be with you.

Answer 11

There is no set amount of time to get over a relationship.

Its down to the individual, and alot of time.

You just need to wait it out

Answer 12

the news is not good. I would put a period and close this chapter of your life. Don't keep trying to keep it going---you are only postponing your healing time.

Answer 13

20 minutes! Max!

Answer 14

about the same time as it takes to fill a pint

Answer 15

You might have to accept that it is time to move on, because she seems to be moving on.

Answer 16

My old Granny used to say, 'The easiest way to get over a man is to get under another'.

Answer 17

We are all different. It's impossible to say how long it will take.

Answer 18

When it is your heart that is broken you never really get over it............

Answer 19

2.5 days