Should I be upset about my sister telling my personal info?

Question

My husband and I have been having a few problems and I talked with my sister about this. Well today my sister-in-law made a comment about my marriage saying "You all make sure you get along before you have kids and that ya'll work out your differences" Then she continued to say that she wasn't trying to get in our business but that she wanted to make sure we were ok. WELL..I talked to my sister about these things in confidence and I am a little offended that another family member is asking me about these things. If I wanted to tell my sister in law I would've. I know my sister in law had good intentions but I am hurt that my own sister would talk about something that was personal to me.

SO..the question is, how do I approach this situation and let my sister know how I feel without causing problems? Also, should I really be upset? I just don't want my family looking at my husband like a bad guy. We've only been married 6 mo. and a lot of things just take time.

Answer 1

You know, after 20 years of marriage I have learned that it is best not to discuss marital problems with family or complain about your spouse to family members. Chances are you will forgive and forget in your marriage but your family members do not interact with your husband as frequently and as intimately as you do so they will just remember that one or two times he was a jerk to you (men all have their moments) when you have moved on. Also, things like this will happen with your sister.



I'm not saying don't blow off steam when you need to, just do it with someone other than family, and I guess that includes freinds who are as close as family.

Answer 2

You and your husband be extra close around your family for awhile, exuding happiness to show that whatever was wrong is now fixed. Then remind yourself that it only takes 1 person to keep a secret - the person who has a secret. Otherwise, it is not a secret anymore.

I'm not trying to excuse your sister; it may have felt good for her to have some information that other family members would want her to tell them about. Sorf of a way of her getting attention. So she made a big mistake telling your sister-in-law.

However, you made a big mistake discussing it with your sister.What is nice about seeing a counselor or a pastor is that what is said there stays there.

You can stress that you say things in confidence but then the person who you told will feel tempted to repeat the story (for WHATEVER reason) and give in to temptation just because they think they want to help you and the more the merrier.

So you learned your lesson. Forgive and forget and don't do it again.

Answer 3

I guess you've learned the first major lesson in marriage. What happens with people in your house really should stay with people in your house. I'm surprised this is the first time that your sister has broken your confidence? Are you certain it was her?



I saw the other answers, and I'm not sure I would even mention it to my sister, in your place. I'd just cut her off on the stuff I don't want repeated. best way to keep a secret is to keep it to yourself. And you're absolutely right, a lot of things do take time. I've been married 10 years, and I'm still finding out new things about my hubby. and I knew him for 12 years before we married.

Answer 4

Sound soooo familiar, and I've also learned from it......, what differences you have with your hubby, it would be best as possible try and work them thru with him alone.



I would ask your sister why she relayed your personal info, and how your sister in law would know and make her comments, see how she reacts....its not worth having a big fight about. I have two sisters, who i do love, unfortunately ive learnt from the past, that they just cant keep their mouths shut, goes from one to the other then to mum, along the way like chinese whispers it gets totally blown out of proportion and the original meaning lost..



Families sometimes only hear your side, make judgment's and yes can then think "he's the bad guy" when i guess they only hear the troubled things,or when things aren't going so well.



Things do just take time, goodluck with it.

Answer 5

After this incident, I doubt you ever tell your sister about anything else now. To my opinion, you should have expected her to talk about your family after confiding in her so much information and it might "leak out" someday. But since all of you are family, try to talk to your hubby about your unhappiness and share your thoughts too. Let him know that something is bothering you and hope that he can improve on it. As for your sister, well she has good intentions and you have to learn to appreciate them. It will take some time for the changes but take it one step at a time. Be patient. Good luck.

Answer 6

It is not your fault, I mean really yall would kill each other if you had to keep it all bottled up. Anyway back to your problem! Its your sister, just go to her and say, "look I know you didn't mean to or that you were just trying to help but the next time I talk to you about a situation I'm having I'd appreciate you keeping it to yourself or at least coming to me before you tell another family member whats going on" I mean she is your sister and she should understand. If she doesn't then you will realize her level of maturity and will know next time to be a little more cautious with what you divulge to her. Good luck

Answer 7

Girlie,

My sister confided in me recently about a situation with her husband of 7 years and told me not to tell anyone. I kept her wishes even though I was really concerned for her and her family. I was worried for my sis but knew she needed someone to talk to and I wanted her to know I would be there to listen. It helps to vent your feelings and for someone to validate how you are feeling. I totally understand.



I would go to your sister and tell her that you were shocked to find out that your sister in law knew about your problems. Tell her that when u talk to her about your problems with your hubby or anything else that is personal that you really need her to keep it quiet. After all, I am SURE she has confided in you before! How would she like her personal laundry aired to your mom or other family member?



Tell her you love her and you always want to be able to come to her and vise versa. After all, if you can't trust your sister, who can you trust?

Answer 8

Well, I think you should be very careful about trusting anyone with your personal information. The old saying, "Loose lips sink ships!" might well apply to this situation.



As for what has already been said, I would just leave all of it alone and just forget it. Just be very very careful in saying anything in the future to your sister or anyone. Your husband and you have a marriage between the two of you--not the world. Unless it is something that is criminal or needs intervention by an outside individual, keep it to yourself!!!

Answer 9

lesson learned- now the trust factor is gone so, tell the family member that a confidence has been broken and it could only come from one place. There probably will be a problem but she opened her mouth as did you. time now for both mouths to be shut. You both have learned a lesson. Sorry!

Answer 10

Talk to your sister and tell her how you feel. NEXT time that you talk to her, let her know that what you are saying is to be kept private.



She may have been talking to the family as a way to help. To try to get the family to be there for support????/....is that possible?

Answer 11

Yes. She shouldn't have said anything. Just tell her that from now on when you tell her something you would appreciate it if she would keep it between the 2 of you. Maybe you should just tell her that every time you tell her anything, or quit discussing your marriage with your sister. The person you need to be talking to is really your husband...........

Answer 12

You blew it. You should apologize to your sister for using her for a shoulder to cry on. You should have been investing your efforts into your marriage instead investing your energies into complaints.

You have the opportunity to learn a valuable lesson. Stop blaming your sister or anyone else. Sort it out and work it out with yourself and your husband.

Answer 13

Your fam sounds like mine, they are worse than a sewing circle, and word travels FAST. The thing with this is...they ARE family, and (most of the time) they want whats best for you. You should be able to approach your own sister about this, and know how to not press her buttons, but use the kid gloves with that. I personally would say something to her, and she will respect your wishes if she has ANY couth whatsoever. Good Luck, and keep your heads about you, you will be just fine.

Answer 14

I would have a sweet long talk with your sister and advise her that what you tell her she should really keep to herself and not share with anyone else! Let her know that if you need to share with anyone else you will....it's called respect. You can be upset but let it go.....your sister probably is worried herself about you and this may be why she shared your secret with your sister in law. Good luck!

Answer 15

i have no sisters or brothers but i have two daughters and i hope when they grow up that they can confide in each other and help each other and not betray trust. i'd tell her how it is and that you are hurt and deeply embarrased by what she announced. before you do say anything, make sure your husband wasn't the rat in the cheese.

Answer 16

Go and talk to her about the situation with you. Explain to her that you went to her in confidence and feel betrayed by her sharing the information. She should understand and if she doesn't, then don't talk to her about your problems anymore. She could easily become one of the biggest ones.

Answer 17

you broke an un-written rule; but look on the bright side, you have learned it now; don't tell your family members about your marital issues, that's what counselors, therapists, ministers are for.



I wouldn't be mad at her, but I would tell her nicely that I didn't appreciate it being passed around, she probably didn't repeat it to be hateful. Don't go to family members about your marital issues.

Answer 18

well if you didn't want your family to judge your husband....then you should have not told anyone in your family your problems. grow up and you and your husband work on your marriage privately....or head to a marriage counselor. But never tell you family....friends your problems...because they are not going to keep their mouths shut, and as you can see....they are going to tell it.

Answer 19

Your sister started the problem. Tell her to never repeat things like that without getting an ok from you. She should take that ok and respect you. If not, don't tell her anything else.

Answer 20

Just tell her it upset you that she would go and tell what you told her in confidence. She may think she's "protecting" her sis by telling about someone who hurt her, but she was wrong for blabbing.

Answer 21

Ya, you're tottaly Right!, I would be upset and get pretty mad but you will get over it, and what i would do is just go tell your sister in law, that can you please not ever do that again cause i dont want you speading my business around, but say it comley. GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 22

you have a right to be mad but dont be dramatic about it. you know?



tell your sister "look i trusted you to keep your mouth shut about the personal things i tell you, now i feel i cant trust you anymore"





she should know better then to say something she knew was between you and her.



just be honest. tell her how you feel and why.



good luck

Answer 23

It's not her fault. She is just to young not to know better. Tell her why it was wrong but if she do it again then you shoun be a little angry.

Answer 24

you are right to be upset. talk to your sister and tell her how you feel...nicely. you dont want to cause more problems. it is nice that you have your sister to talk to but you may need to find another confidante. you dont want her to dislike your husband either.

Answer 25

She's your sister. You can't get much closer than that. Talk to her and tell her what you told us, it won't be so hard.

Answer 26

Just tell her that in the future you want the conversations to just be between you and her. If she doesn't listen then don't tell her anything else.

Answer 27

I'd ask your sister what the "f" she was thinking about telling your business to other family members.

Answer 28

I would be very upset about it. You should tell her how upset you are, and don't tell her anyting else that you donot want repeated.

Answer 29

it's your fault. keep things between you and your husband between you and your husband.





What have we learned....?