Married to a gay/bi man and don't know what to do.?

Question

When we were first married I found my husband on a gay dating site. I then found his conversations with other men and other accounts. When I confronted him he stated he was not gay and loved me. He sowre he would stay off the sites and be true to me. Well, we have had our ups and downs. 2 kids later and almost 5 years later i feel more alone then ever. Yes, we are sexually active, until now. I found he was on the sites again, talking to a local. This time, he will not admit anything. He says someone broke into our house set up an e mail address and has been using it from our house when we are not home. I know I seem stupid but even if I wanted to believe that one ( which I do, I love my husband ) I can't. Now , I've been very honest with him stating I know it was him, I'm not angry just very sad. He has stepped outside our marriage and its not okay. ( Im Pretty sure its happened before just didnt have The hard evidence ). I've asked him leave. I feel like I created my own hell, alone and worthless, betrayed, I feel so bad for him, he is very upset. I have no idea what to do or how to feel. Please try not to judge I know it's a different sort of situation but I truly need help right now not mean comments. Its not a topic u just bring up with anyone u know. Thanks in advance, I'm new on here.

Answer 1

Has he had any gay sexual relationships that you know of, since you have been married?



You know, everyone has their own, strange fantasies (even you and me), and he might be bi-curious, fantasizing about it by doing whatever it is he is doing online... but has no real intention of following through. Fantasies are like that.



He might not be gay. Only bi-curious.



I have known a few men who are bi-curious, including my ex boyfriend. We talked about it, and he said he's fascinated by other men's bodies, but that's as far as it goes right now. He said he doubts he would get involved with a man. But who knows what he's going to do somewhere down the road.



Your husband needs to come clean with you about what he's up to.

Answer 2

"He says someone broke into our house set up an e mail address and has been using it from our house when we are not home."



That is one whopper of a lie.



" .... he is very upset ..."



because he got caught and he can't figure out how to get out of the lie and still keep his live-in maid.



He is not going to change; this is his core personality. He is greedy for "new experiences" with other people. He has been spending money on other people that you know nothing about. And the risk of sexually transmitted diseases is enormous.



You need to see your doctor and be tested for STDs at least twice a year for several years.



You will have to dump him and file for child support.

Answer 3

First of all, he cannot help that he is attracted to men, and I don't think that that bothers you. I think what bothers you more is the fact that he lied about it.



I will tell you that he probably was telling you the truth in the beginning when he said the that wouldn't go on those sites any more. It's a matter of "it was the truth when he said it". But sexual attraction is a very difficult issue to fight with.



You definitely need to have a conversation with him. Let him know that you understand that he is just attracted to who he is attracted to, but you can't handle the lying and hiding anymore.



He's probably just Bi and misses the other side of things. But you have to decide what you can and cannot handle.

Answer 4

Hey thats called cheating, emotional and being truthful to you, I know u have kids but sometime people need a push to be themselves, so you really need to leave him bc u deserve to be happy and he does too sorry if not what you wanted to hear but u care about him and you love him bc his ur kids farther, but not being ur self (u too) is not good. Good luck

Answer 5

When you marry you forsake all others, period that means prostitutes, pornography and personal preferences and devote yourself to just one.

If he vowed before God and witnesses he would do so, talk to your pastor and if he refuses to give up his hobby, get an annulment .(yes you can get one even with kids because he lied to you before the marriage took place and he still pays child support)

Answer 6

Perhaps speaking to a counselor would help you out...that would be someone who wouldn't judge you and could help you understand your feelings and help you take the steps you need to take so you can decide where you want to go from here (what's going to happen with your marriage)...



No, no one broke into your home and used your computer to get on gay websites...sorry....it's an insult to your intelligence that he'd even imply such a thing...

Answer 7

Buy a strap on and give your husband what he wants.

Answer 8

His sexuality is not the most pressing matter at the moment. The fact that he has continued to lie to you is. The blame isn't only his. Straight married men do not look at gay porn. That should have been a red flag to from the beginning. He is obviously not happy with your relationship in some sense and is looking for companionship else where. You need to sit him down and ask him if he wants to keep living a lie and killing your relationship or does he want to be honest for once and divorce you so you can both be happy. Don't be naive, gay men are great to date for a few weeks but not one ends up with a wife. You can still both be parents to your children and no longer be married.