Looking for a sanity check here... Was it too much to ask for when I turned him down?

Question

So my husband and I usually have sex every day (and when it is 'that' time I do take care of him, lol, if I'm not in too much pain). So we have been fighting recently and didn't do it the past three days. He made me REALLY sad two days ago because he threw a bowl of dog water on me in an argument but he has since apologized and even went grocery shopping (as an apology) for me so I've forgiven him about it. So yesterday, he had to work on some graduate work but was also hot and bothered. It just so happened to be 'that time' so I helped him out in the alternative way. He took a little nap after and then got up and continued on his work. Anywho, when it was time for bed he expected it again and got quite frustrated with me because I just wanted to go to sleep. It was 12:30 (and I wake up at 6 am to go to my full time job). He wakes up at 8 so he's able to stay up to 12:30 no problem but by then I'm quite exhausted. I was also getting some cramps by then too so I just wanted to curl up in a ball and fall asleep. Was that too much to ask for? He says I was being selfish but I think HE was being selfish?

Also, keep in mind, that despite me having a full time job (and taking two graduate classes also), I also do 90% of the housework. He goes to school full time which is 3 grad classes and research. He only does the trash (two days a week) and grocery shopping when he's done something wrong (and admits it - which is VERY rare). I make dinner every night (and then do the dishes) so that he can do his work without interruption. So I think he has it pretty good. Anywho, just looking for a sanity check here. Sorry for my ramblings.

Answer 1

I think you are in a 1950's mentality while living a 2013 lifestyle. You let him treat you like an object rather than a partner. He's got a pretty easy life with you bending over backwards to satisfy his every desire and want while he just desecrates your self respect and home. Frankly, any man that thought he was going to pull any of the stuff you mentioned would be gone and out of my life. Guys that abuse their role in the relationship with zero regard for the other person have some personality flaws that don't make them good partners. He went grocery shopping? Big F'ing deal! That's his way of making his blatant disrespect toward you all okay? He wants sex when he wants it no matter how you feel or when you need to get rest? So he can wait a few days and learn some self discipline. This guy is really just a selfish pig and some how has you questioning if you are the one being selfish. I don't know how men bamboozle women like this but it needs to stop. Women need to quit working so hard to appease these men and let the men meet them half way. Lay out the ground rules so it's fair for you and if he can't follow them then he can find his lazy @ss to the door. Seriously, what has he done for you lately? Go to the grocery store...come on.

Answer 2

you owe him nothing sex is not a reward, or a chore or a debt its something you do when you want to. Next this is not the 1800's he should be doing 50% of the house work too, its going to be twice as bad if and when you have kids so start making that honey do list for you and him then tell him :It's getting unfair about sex you said well the "family chores are to is you want to trade chores we can talk but this is where I need your help" As far as sex goes its not yet another chore I have to do you can jack yourself off but you wanta make me put out about it....sheesh

Answer 3

He is having an easy life whilst you do almost everything else.



If you do not have any children yet, he needs some training now in order to help out, although perhaps he should be helping out a bit more anyway.