HOw do you tell your husband that you don't want to be with him anymore when he is deployed?

Question

HOw do you tell your husband that you don't want to be with him anymore when he is deployed?

Answer 1

I am assuming that your spouse is military? No one understands what it is like to be a military dependent, unless you have been one. I know most people will say wait till he gets back, but I disagree. We often put our lives on hold for the military, and when you have had enough, then it is time to go. You need to be honest and ask him how he feels thru email or letters. I know phone calls can be tricky in this situation. If you have experienced physical abuse then why put off your happiness for someone that had no reguards to your physical health.

Answer 2

If you have been abused to the point that you are afraid to leave when your husband is home, take it as a blessing that he is away. You are free. Go to your chaplain or family center and tell them what you have said here--that you have been abused, you are afraid, and counseling is no longer an option.



Tell your husband simply that you have had enough, that you are leaving. That's all that's required. Don't discuss it with him further, don't let him coax you into giving more reasons or rationalizing--he's probably done that to you before. If what you say is true, then you need to stand up for yourself. The last thing on your mind should be how to tell him. All that matters is that you do.



It will take some extra time, if you're living on a military base, to get your household goods sorted out, but folks at your rear detachment, as well as the family center and chaplain, will help you get things started.

Answer 3

I really feel for your situation. I hate to think that when he gets back he will be going through Post Tramatic Stress which scares me a little because of what you said about physical abuse before he left. It is a tough choice to make. If you went through the abuse before he left and are still trying to stand by him while he is away then I believe you are doing all you can. I guess in this situation I would choose to leave and to write a letter stating my concerns about the need for change and your feelings, be honest and state your concerns. The military has a policy if a one spouse strikes another the soldier is no longer allowed to hold a weapon, that means that the soldier can no longer be in the military. If there is physical abuse going on I believe that you should reconcider being with this individual. If the chain of command finds out there is physical abuse he could loose his career. The military takes spouse abuse very seriously. I hope this helps

Answer 4

I'm not too clear on whether he is gone or not. But that doesn't matter, If you feel that you have grown out of all the abuse than just tell him verbally and keep it moving. Now, if you have all your matters put together than just leave first and then tell him that you are never coming back and that you have filed for a divorce. If you are afraid that He may cause you harm don't give him any of your new info. After reading the other answers I don't feel that he deserves any consideration from you, you tell him when your good and ready, if hes deployed or not. You finally have the power to love and care for youself. File for the divorce and then go where ever you want, when he comes back have the papers handed to him. Period. Good luck for your new life.

Answer 5

Wow that's Cold Blooded sweetheart whats up with you does he beat your *** or something or do u just want to get out ? There has to be a reason 4 this mood . Are u a hater or Dam ! There has 2 be someone else,I know your saying there isn't but that's hard to believe , I mean you just told everyone on this site so are you looking 4 approval or someone to agree with you WHY it just does not happen 4 no reason. Lets say this I hope it never happens but in the back of your mind its there. What if he gets KILLED then What how will you feel then will that make u feel good ? I just don't understand you just don't say that 4 no reason . This guy is taking his life in his hands and going to Iraq right.Well I don't know if you seen the news but things are real bad over there .Or I got it do you love him so much your mad at him 4 going there is that it ? Unless u have a good excuse on why your leaving him people are going to hate you I hope you know that.sweetheart well I just gave you my view point you can take it with a grain of salt. It would be nice to know why and then maybe I can help you? P.S.Dont tell the guy anything if u do he might feel so bad he might just kill himself and being over there will give him a good excuse ..BE CAREFULLY

Answer 6

Ok hun, my husband is on remote for a year. Yes, telling him now is going to be hard on him but you also need to tell someone that he is abusing you. If you feel like something will happen when he comes home and you tell him it's over then you need to talk to someone and they will be there for you when it happens. They will also make him move out until you can leave so that nothing will happen. I've helped a friend through this before. Stay there but let his supervisor or family advacate know what is happening. Talk and let it out. If you tell him now he could try to take his life and that will make you feel worse. At least you can make arrangements when he comes home to move out and like I said make sure someone is there and they stay with you until you are gone, that way he can't touch you. Please be safe. You do have someone who understands. I am a key spouse through my husband base and that is what I have to tell anyone. Just tell someone even if it is the commander. Okay? Be safe hun and it will be okay.

Answer 7

If what you say is true, that you have been abused mentally and physically--then you should talk to someone at a Woman's Shelter. They would be best equiped to help you--and this would be the best time to get out--If he beat you before he will do it again. You need to get help at the shelter now--while he will not interfer so that you can make a clean break and get on with your life. I only hope that you do not go from the frying pan into the fire. Good Luck and God Speed.

Answer 8

If you are physically and emotionally abused by this idiot, cast him loose. I do not want some fool who abuses women to be given a free pass because he is a soldier. The thought of that tarnishes the bravery and commitment many other service personal exhibit.

The Taliban treated women in a manner similiar to the way in which your husband has treated you. I hope some of the previous posters can see how ironic their "patriotic" remarks are.

Answer 9

The previous posters are right. Life is very difficult over there for soldiers. Please have the courtesy and respect to wait until he gets home. Plus, you might find that once he is home you have changed your mind. While he is gone, you might seek some counseling to make sure that this is really what you want or a result of the stress of the deployment.

Answer 10

If this man has abused you......then too bad. I don't blame you. I would also be afraid to wait till he comes home. You reek what you sew...and he needs to do it now. But remember one thing....if he is violent he may still come back and give you hell. But too bad if he is deployed..he sounds like a bad husband so either call him or send him a letter and go see a lawyer. If you would like to talk email me on yahoo 360.

Goodluck,

Suzanne

Answer 11

Don't do it, at least while he's away. Wait until he's back... maybe you can work it out. If you do this to him now, it will be a huge distraction for him, and he needs to stay focused. Being unfocused and distracted could be fatal in a war zone, assuming that's where he is, and not just for him but also those who he is with. He's got enough on his plate right now to deal with just keeping himself and his buddies alive and in one piece. Please don't do that to him. Give him the respect and courtesy of at least waiting until he comes home. Who knows, maybe you'll reconsider. Good Luck. I hope you'll do the right thing.

Answer 12

how could you be so cold? He is going to need you during that difficult time. How would you feel if you were in his place? Wouldnt you like knowing that someone was at home waiting on you, loving you, and caring about you? Atleast, wait until he gets back if you really want to go through with it.

Answer 13

I'm a military wife myself. Don't do it while he's deployed. You're both going through hard times. You might just be lonely. Ride it out, get back with him then decide.

Answer 14

My husband and myself have PTSD although his is severe and he has been physically and emtionally abuse at times. I guess it all boils down to how much you truly love him. Maybe when he gets home, you could move out and you two try to work things out through couseling. Without counseling it's a lost cause, that has to be a factor! TRUST ME! You're in my prayers.

Answer 15

I agree that at least wait he comes back home, Why do you want to leave him after he is gone? K

Answer 16

You have to ask yourslef why you don't want to be with him anymore. Is it because he's away? Well that not a good enough reason. You married him for forever...in good and bad times. Stick to it....in the end you will be glad you did.

Answer 17

That's rather harsh...wait at least until he gets back. Right now, he needs to be more focused on what he needs to do to survive. He cannot do that if he is thinking about his wife divorcing him.

Answer 18

Tell him now. He'll know the reasons why and he should of thought about that when he decided to abuse you. Don't be afraid, you're going to be just fine, you'll be alright.

Answer 19

i know how you feel being away from your husband that is deployed,but i honestly wouldnt tell him while he is away.. it will probaly drive him crazy. tell him face to face. its already enough on him being away from home. his first thought would probaly be that you were cheating on him. good luck hunny

Answer 20

Look straight into his eyes and say it.

Answer 21

It's better if there was somebody else, then they won't blame themselves.