Is it abnormal to want a controlled structured environment in marriage?

Question

I grew up in a household where everything was very controlling. Everything was structured and organized. I even had a time slot where I had a snack after school and I needed to clean and do my homework. So now I do want marriage but I am so use to growing up that way that I think I may want a really structured and controlled environment. Is that normal and do other people have that?

Answer 1

I think you need to learn to relax a little bit.



Here are some pretty simple steps you can follow:



1. Set up a schedule, but put in a big chunk of "Free Time" where you don't have to do anything. It's just, free.



2. Make a goal of deliberately telling yourself "If something happens outside of the schedule, I can handle it." three times a day. The problem is you have anxiety about things happening outside of your control. You can't live like that.



3. Be sure you give your man full disclosure of this. With any help, you'll meet a fella with superb planning skills, and just a touch more than average control initiative. You two would be a perfect match.





But you're going to have to relax a little. Marriage and Children do not follow much routine.

Answer 2

I think controlling is too strong a word

I think Routine is more nicer

My children grew up with this and they did ok

Like you after school a snack usually fruit

Then homework before they watched tv and when dad came home we all ate together

Married or not life is a routine and that's good

In a marriage and especially with children you need to be organised

Or things will just not get done

Answer 3

It's natural given your childhood, but you're probably going to want counseling to get past that if you're not able to relax a little on your own. Even if you find a husband who is similarly into structure and organization, you're going to have a very hard time when you disagree on what that structure or organization should be.

Answer 4

Some people do live that way but not very many and it would depend if your wife to be wanted to live that way but I have a friend who got married last year and her husband was brought up that way. she has a child from a previous relationship which the new husband will accept as his own but there is a lot of arguments regarding his rules for the child who was not brought up this way. The way you were brought up does sound ideal but with parents working and children going to various events after school it wont work. Did you like the way you were raised and had to follow rules, would you like your children to be brought up this way, do you have happy memories from your childhood? Good Luck.

Answer 5

Lol...I'm for structure and organization. But if I want a snack I'm going to get an f'ing snack and I don't care what time it is.



Structure and organization go along way....but don't overdo it by trying to plan EVERYTHING out, down to snack time.

Answer 6

When you have your own household by yourself it's fine. When you have another person in the picture you have to give and take. Don't make it a battle ground to have your way. You may have to compromise and find that happy medium.

Answer 7

People are stupid. If we couldn't do things that were unnatural, then we couldn't drive cars or use the interwebz. Both of those things are clearly not from nature, making them unnatural. Also, animals do the nasty with members of their own gender. Wouldn't that make it natural?

Answer 8

I think you need lots of counseling