i'm 39 yrs old man with a job, married and 2 kids. My wife believes i have to ask her permission to do things.?

Question

For example, if i want to play golf, go to the lake boating or fishing or do something my wife expects me to ask her for permission. I truly feel like i'm a kid. i tell her where i'm going and how long i will be gone. but it's a real big issue for her. i told her i don't expect her to ask me. she's a mature woman. we have 2 kids, a house and we both work hard for a living.

Answer 1

You should be able to do things that you want to do...... provided, you also meet your obligations around the home, to your kids, and to your wife.



no you don't need permission on everything that you do.... nor does she.



if she persists on this.... then start demanding that she gets permission from you, on everything that she does away from work.....



after all.... fair is fair.

Answer 2

Is it really you needing to 'ask permission ' or is it just checking with her to make sure there isn;t some prior plans you've forgotten, or that something important hasn't come up......



My husband often will call and tell me a friend will be stopping by...I don;t consider that an order or get all insulted that he hasn't consulted me...I just ask that when he does invite a friend, I get enough of a heads up if he wants me to feed the friend(s)...too late a notice then he's taking us all out to eat lol.....



So next time, as soon as you know, tell her you PLAN on doing so and so on such and such a day...unless there's something of importance you need to tend to.....



Maybe it's not the actual trading of info, but the way you two view it...she just wants you to check with her to make sure nothing else is going on, and you see it as asking permission........



..I think both of you are fussing over a lot of Who-Shot-John..

Answer 3

It depends... do you have a history of not being where you said you'll be, or perhaps you want more time in which you should not be held accountable for your actions, or does she really require you to ask permission?



In my house, it's common courtesy to let the home base know when one will be gone for more than a few minutes on anything other than routine assignment (i.e. going to work, or taking Junior to soccer practice). In fact, our schedules are so hectic that it's compulsory, just so we can stay connected.



Cut your wife some slack. Show her some common courtesy. And if you have nothing to hide, just give her a heads-up on your whereabouts. It's really not asking that much, and it shows you care. Maybe she had plans for you.

Answer 4

I don't need to give "permission" per say - but I do expect that he'll run things by me before making plans. What if I need help with the kids? What if I made plans for myself? Coordinating schedules and common courtesy aren't too much too ask. As far as I am concerned - if we don't have plans, I don't need help - go fishing or golfing or whatever with the guys. Family first though!

Answer 5

You both share in the responsibility of the kids. To me, if it will affect the kids schedules and lives then you need to let your wife know about whatever it is you want to do so you can compromise on who will be there for them.



That is different however then asking for permission. You should be allowed to have a level of independence to a point. You and your wife have to decide where that point is and compromise.



My wife and I have that independence in some ways but if I want to go out drinking with the guys then it's understood that I try to plan ahead because then she knows I'm useless for that night and she doesn't plan on me doing anything.

Answer 6

and your question is??? LOL just kidding.

have you talked to her about this? Is there anything is the past that would cause not to trust you? Try explaining to her that you would like to go fishing on friday (for example) if there's anything she needs done around the house to let you know before then. Have you ever invited her to go with you on these outings? Is there anything that she has to deal with that may cause her to feel left out in your life? Maybe ask her why this is such a big issue for her and agree to make arrangements with each other on a weekly/monthly calander between your personal times and your together times.

Good Luck with things.

Answer 7

I'm not sure what your problem is. What difference does it make if your wife has an irrational belief? You don't have to play along with it if you don't want to. You get to decide for yourself whether or not to ask her permission, so it's really more her problem than yours. I don't see what the big deal is either way, actually. I mean, you don't say that she ever says no, so if she wants you to ask her, what harm is there in asking? If it makes her feel better and keeps the peace, and you are still doing what you want, I don't see what the problem is.

Answer 8

haha. get use to it pal. what a B I T C H. they get this disease when they get to a certain age and think that the whole world revolves around them.



now...my advice is that since you're a couple, you need to agree on things. That's far and different than you "asking for "her permission". You are informing her and coming to agreement with your family's plans for the weekend. Not asking her permission to do what you want to do.

Been there, done that. got many tee shirts. I'm divorced. so good riddence to trying to make other people happy all the time.

Answer 9

I don't think you should ask "permission" but you SHOULD make sure that it's ok to do! What if she had a doctor's appointment or something SHE needs to get done, and you're off playing at the lake? Fairness goes both ways. I'm sure you expect her to keep you posted on her activities and where she might be found before she just bops off and does it.



Common courtesy. Ever hear of it? Why should YOU and YOUR interests be any more important than HERS?

Answer 10

Are you sure she is expecting you to ask? She might just be wanting to know where you are.

I wouldn't dream of going off without telling my husband where I am going - it's not that I need his permission, it's just the way people in close relationships are.

Next time, volunteer the information. Say: "I'm going fishing - see you at about 5."

It's no hardship.

Answer 11

You are married. Is not just all about you. Maybe she wants to know to plan for the family.You both should have something you enjoy doing separately and that works for the entire family. Like one of you taking on the responsibility of caring for the kids while the other goes to do their own thing or hiring someone to do that so you guys have your own down time or doing something together.

Answer 12

I dont think you need her PERMISSION, but you do need to say Hey, do you mind if I go do this? Its courteous. Maybe she was wanting to do something with you at the time. I expect my husband to let me know what he is doing and where he is going. Not because he needs my permission, but Im curious as to when he'll be home and I like to know what the plan is. Dont ask for her permission, or even wait for her to ask. Just tell her, Hon, this is my plan, Im going here, Ill be back at this time. Then she wont hound you, she'll just know what your plan is.

Answer 13

Both of you are mature adults so Communicate.

You don't have to ask permission for everything you want to do but you don't necessarily tell a person I'm doing this and that is that.

Talk things out so both of you are happy.

.

Answer 14

Unless you have done something in the past that caused her to feel like she needs to control your every move such as cheating, theres no reason for her behavior. You need to put your foot down and tell her that , you are not going to put up with her being a controll freak. You work hard and love harder and you deserve some time doing things you enjoy. Tell her to chill out woman.

Answer 15

You're probably acting like an immature man and she most likely doesnt expect you to "ask for permission" but simply to respect her and see if what you have planned works for the FAMILY schedule.



It's called being in relatioship and having a family..oh and dont forget that small thing called Respect.

Answer 16

Isn't that just respect for one another? Wouldn't you be a bit concerned if she went out for a few hours and you didn't know where she was? I understand that you both are adults, but at the same time isn't it just basic communication skills? I tell my bf what I'm gonna do that day when I get up, not so I can get permission but for the mere fact that it's just basic communication.

Answer 17

i wouldnt call it permission. if me or my husband wants to do anything we always let the other one know. if for some reason i dont want him to go (for example we have other things we need to do, i am not feeling well and he needs to watch the kids, or some other valid reason) then I will ask him not to. Same for me, if he wants me not to go, then I wont.

BUT for the most part we both do our own thing, most of the time we invite the other along :)

Marriage is a team thing! We run everything by eachother.

Answer 18

Does she ever just walk out and leave you with the kids? Probably not because you would throw a fit and not know what to do with yourself. she probably has to ASK you to watch them so she can go do something which is the same as asking permission.



You are married - you don't get to just go where you want when you want anymore. You have a wife and kids to think about. I think you're selfish.

Answer 19

Anyone who insists on you asking permission is a completely insecure and emotional basket case. That basically sums almost every modern woman in the Western world. They have so much time on their hands, they have to invent sh!t in their heads.

Answer 20

Don't you think she deserves to know where you're going? You probably don't think she needs to ask you simply because she just tells you before you can ask. Give her the same respect! You should just start saying, "Would you mind if I went fishing w/ the guys?" She'd be amazed & probably feel really respected ... and because she felt that way, she'd probably say, "SURE! Have fun ... thank you for thinking of me"

Answer 21

your wife might be taking it to far but out of concern for the family safety i would like to know if i was your wife not exactly where but can you be reached will it be for the whole day stuff like that



i wonder how much times she just get dressed and leaves you with the children and no word of her where about what would you do or say concern and respect is that to difficult

Answer 22

Unfortunately, this is your fault. You let her treat you like a child, and all she is doing is acting like she always has. You let her control you. I'm sorry, but maybe sitting down and having a serious discussion will help. Good luck!

Answer 23

Wow. I say be a man and stop letting her control you, but at this point she's used to it. Get ready for rough times, shouldn't have married her or at least let her know what you're about from the beginning.

Answer 24

that's because modern society thinks its cute to treat husbands like the "3rd child". You see it on commercials, tv shows all the time.



i think you should remind her that you're not a child, that you're an adult just like she is, that she's not somehow smarter just cause she's a woman, nor above you because she's a mother (you ARE a father) and that you are going above and beyond by letting her know where you're going and when you'll be back. if SHE wants to go somewhere, then you two can discuss it like adults and decide what to do. but you will not ask her permission, for anything, as you don't even ask your OWN mother for permission to do stuff.

Answer 25

Well since I am a girl I will say we cannot help it. Its just one of those things we like to know where you are and kep track. Is it a little jealous thing a little and well, we want to know what you are doing (having fun) when we are not.



I would just go along with it. Its really not hurting anything besides your "manhood respect thing"



It sounds stupid but it means she loves you and cares.

Answer 26

Your wife needs to read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura. Your wife sounds like she is insecure & you are paying the price for it. Good luck.

Answer 27

She just wants to know what's going on. Don't make such a big issue of it. Just tell her.

Answer 28

It's not permission- it's trust. If you've got a problem with it, you're probably doing something you know you shouldn't.

Answer 29

There's a difference between asking her and telling her, "I'm going to the bar, be back later." I do the later and she's fine.

Answer 30

Tell her what you're going to do and do it if there is nothing else important going on.

Answer 31

that's a cheap trick she will use as long as you believe it. i've finally learned here on YA that the way to her libido is to trash her. you need to start doing whatever you want, on your terms, even if she says you're horrible.



then you'll get laid and you'll also get to golf whenever you want.

Answer 32

ahh. i dont make my husband ask me, he does it on his own, just to make sure im cool with it. tell her how you feel, and if she doesnt stop, then do what you want anyway

Answer 33

happy wife=happy life

Answer 34

you dont get it mate she want more time with you .. just ask her .. and find out i am right .

Answer 35

let her know what you are doing, and if nothing else was planned, then go and do your thing.

Answer 36

Hell you have to tell her nothing .say be back tonight.Good luck just leave brother forget that bull sh**