Am I wrong for wanting to hyphenate my last name when I get married?

Question

I am getting married in less than 2 months (and can't wait). My fiance is typically very NON tradiitional. I am considering hyphenating my last name and he is having a very difficult time with it. He says he feels like I won't "completely" be his wife if I dont take only his name. It's not like I'm not going to take it at all, I am just considering adding it to my own. I feel that it's not wrong, but he is making such a fuss and making me feel so bad about it that I'm not sure. Any opinions???

Answer 1

I didn't hyphenate - BUT - I did add my maiden name as my middle name ....



Are you ashamed of your maiden name? Ashamed of the family that raised you?



You do not become his "completely" by changing your name - that's an archaic idea - would he become yours "completely" by taking your last name?



You marry each other not to belong to each other but to complement each others lives....to add to each others existence...slavery was outlawed many, many years ago. You "belong" to yourself.

Answer 2

Hyphenated name is generally okay if the women is in business or politics and her clients know her name. It helps to keep the name in front of customers, etc. If this isn't the case, I prefer the old fashioned single name.

Answer 3

Well I frankly think it's silly. Are you marrying or not? What is the importance of your maiden name? Is it going to be a complicated hyphenated nightmare? I was proud to take my husband's name. It didn't take anything away from me but added so much more to how I felt about him and the tradition. I don't get this hyphenated crap. It's confusing to everyone and makes a woman look to me like she didn't respect her marriage enough to take her husband's name. And then her kids have to deal with hyphens. God knows people are giving their kids such strange names these days that adding a hyphenated addition just makes their life much more difficult. Get a life...as a NEW life...take his name and rejoice that he wanted to marry you.

Answer 4

No it is not wrong. You have a right to make decisions regarding your own name. I have been in the same situation. My husband is kind and respectful and not at all the over-masculine macho type, but when it came to my name (I didn't want to change mine at all) he would have none of it. He acted as if it was the most horrible thing I could do to him. He made me feeI terrible, too. I don't get it. I finally caved, though I haven't actually gone through with it as of yet (we were married in June). It helps that I actually like my married name better.



All I can suggest is that you explain how much it hurts your feelings that he would not leave this important and personal decision up to you and respect your wishes. You have made no demands that he change his name, so on and so forth. I don't know if that will work, it didn't on mine. It is amazing to me that men can be educated and modern in every way, but still get so hung up on this name thing. If you get through to him, let us know what you said.

Answer 5

I really, really dislike hyphenations! I am a teacher and when I have kids in my class with hyphenated names it irritates me. What will they do when THEY marry? Add another hyphen? Mary Jones-Smith's child, Susannah becomes Susannah Jones-Smith Weston-Michaels? Whew. Then what for the next generation? See what I mean? Either keep your maiden name when you get married OR change your name to Mary Jones Smith and use Smith as your family last name (traditional thing to do) or ask him to change his last name and both of you be Joneses. I have one friend where they both took each others' names. They are both Jones Smith now. Ted Jones Smith and Mary Jones Smith. But the kids still have the same last name as the parents and it makes life a lot easier (especially for us teachers).

Answer 6

I am inherently suspicious of men who are upset with their future wives for wanting to hyphenate or even keep their own name. Why is he having a hard time with this? Is it because his friends might think less of him? Their are many countries in the world where women keep their own name and this is 2007 for god's sake! He has no right to make you feel "bad" about this. He should ball up and let you do what makes you happy.

Answer 7

Think about your future kids and how confusing that'll be to them in school having to spell some long hyphenated name.



I personally think hyphenated names are annoying.



Change your name when you get married to your husband's last name and make your middle name what used to be your maiden name. First name, Maiden Name, Husband's name. Everyone's happy. You keep your maiden name. Kids aren't confused. Husband happy.

Answer 8

Do you want to completely marry your husband or only partly marry him? Part of the marriage is to take HIS name "for saking all others' and becoming one!. If you would want to use your maiden name for business, writing or creative ventures this might be okay, but for all legal issues you really should take his name. Life will be less complicated for you,for your children, & for everyone involved if you take his name. Just think if all women kept hyphenating their names of how many last names a child would soon have in a few generations. It would be ridiculious. Which person would want to give up their name? None of them and the poor child would suffer from having a zilllion names to write and say. If you aren't ready to give up your name, you aren't ready to marry.

Answer 9

Sweet Pea I feel like its ok and reason being it gives you something old to keep of yourself. All things will change once you have a commitment with your King. Try and talk to him once more and let him know that your relationship requires so much that your are willing to change can you grant me this one wish of mines. Try it and see what he say's, you might have to assure him that you are willing to make him happy regardless of what, but you really want your name to be hyphenated. Good luck!

Answer 10

These days, if you want to keep your maiden name, it's best to have it as your middle name, then take his surname as yours. That way you don't have the hassle of hyphenating, and neither will your children. Best to have one family surname.

Answer 11

Getting married doesn't mean you have to take his name. Why don't you turn around and ask him if he would forget about his last name and take yours if you asked him. I think it's one of the stupidest things that women do when they get married. Just because you are husband and wife doesn't mean that you don't have your own identity anymore. I would put the cards on the table, it's either that or you keep your own name, which I think you should do anyways. Love and marriage has nothing do to with a last name. I kept mine and it's been 7 years and everybody still happy.

Good luck

Answer 12

I agree with answers one and two.



I've always felt that the need to hyphenate sorta screams as a need to say 'look at me i'm still independent!'.....

But, you do whatever the heck you want to do, dont let him make that decision.

Answer 13

personally i had my name for 20 yrs and was glad to get rid of it i was entering a new life one that was devoted to being a new woman with a new life and a new begining. chancing my name was a way of liberating me from my past as one person and a way to honor my vows to my new life and new role. think about it is it really worth fighting over if your answer is yes dont get married.

Answer 14

No you are not wrong for wanting to do this a lot of women do this now esp. since they are known around the workplace by their maiden name I've noticed. Men always find this a touchy subject, they always want us to just ditch our names no matter what.

Answer 15

No, a woman hyphenating her name is very acceptable (by society) nowadays. I think he needs to respect your wishes that you desire to retain your birth name. Also, if you are planning to have children, you should both discuss how the children will be named.

Answer 16

my wife mentioned it. I didn't like the idea and it wasn't a real big deal to her so she didn't. ---- It's probably a macho thing. A lot of people are doing it these days though.

Answer 17

You're not wrong.

Your last name has been part of your identity for you're entire life. There's no reason to want to give that up.

Adding his last name to yours does not make you any less "His Wife"

Answer 18

It's easier to hyphenate your name especially for work my sister-in-law did that so that way it was easier when she would have clients that knew her by her maiden nameplus god forbid itdoesn't work out it will be easier to gt your maiden name back

Answer 19

I think hyphenating is a good idea!

Answer 20

It's your name and your choice. He may be annoyed but if he's giving you a guilt trip he's having issues. It doesn't change anything about your marriage.

Answer 21

You are your own person... you can do whatever you want. Do not let other people or MEN tell you what is wrong or right.

Answer 22

Its annoying, its 1980s, its so "pseudo-feminist", its just not appealing to your average male.



My answer is, if you want to keep your last name so much, stay single. Hyphenating your name is SO paleolithic and egotistical.

Answer 23

don't marry him. He sounds very controlling.