You are one big problem.
You have a GF with MPD, and your WIFE has gender issues....
While you on the other hand have problems with being faithful to one person...
As for you wife your gonna have to be a bit more specific about what TYPES of gender issues she is having. The way you describe it she could be having PMS for all you or we know.
Now lets get to you, since we cant figure out your wife.
You are an unfaithful husband. Lets find out why men cheat.
What are the factors that lead to an affair? Believe it or not, it's not about SEX, and it's not about Physical Attraction to the other woman. For many men who have cheated their wives or mates were far MORE attractive than the other woman, and their husbands found their wives more sexually satisfying, too. Affairs are usually the result of one single factor, but can be the accumulation of many. For most an affair was a way of meeting a certain emotional need that their partners were not providing. Although, there are often other factors as well, such as boredom; the desire to punish one's partner; excitement, risk, or challenge; and even 'power' to name a few. Usually if a man is having, or contemplating having, an affair, he is using it as a way to fill an emotional void he feels in his current relationship with his mate. Most underlying causes of infidelity are based on the person (who is doing the cheating) seeking certain needs that were lacking in their relationships.
What are these needs?
Men, just like women, seek certain emotional needs. These may be different needs than the ones we feel, but just as important to their fulfillment as our needs being fulfilled are important to us. What are a man's needs?
Sexual fulfillment: Face it, women like affection and men like sex. A man is feeling his most free to give love for a woman when he is engaged in sex with her. It is one of the few times he can relax and feel love with-out the expectations of having to 'pay' for it. What I mean when I say 'pay' for it is when a man says I love you, or feels love, he also feels the tremendous burden of what those words mean to him. He must now provide for her. Keep her happy and secure. Provide a safe home to which they may raise a family. Seek steady and financially secure employment. Seek her approval on every single plan before putting it into action. Yes, when a man says "I Love You" his insides turn with fear and worry about being able to provide all those I just mentioned. Love to woman often means security. Love to a man often means work! When a man is having sex with a woman he is allowed to feel his love for her free of all the 'work' that comes with the word love. He can open himself up and feel not being taken, drained, or pressured to provide... but experience the pure joy of mutual giving and taking with no other reason than loving bliss.
A man also seeks in his mate a buddy or a pal: This is when he feels his needs for acceptance being taken care of. A man wants his woman to be his best friend, his pal. He wants her to share an interest in his activities. This, in turn, makes him feel you are showing an interest in him! If he wants to golf, or fish, and you show no interest at all in joining him, he feels like his likes are unacceptable to you. Like you somehow don't approve of him or have interests in him. When you join him you provide his need for you to be interested, and accepting of him. He feels attractive, comfortable, and secure. He feels validated and understood (Hence the good old adultery line "She doesn't understand me!") By joining in his hobbies and activities you are showing him you are interested in him and accept everything about him, and that you trust him to make you happy.
Not finding his mate physically attractive: Oh, OUCH! This one hurts, but it is true. Men are definitely creatures of visual stimulation. Note the marketable comparison in the amount of men's 'girlie' magazines (they are meant to tantalize, tease, and whet the appetite) as compared to women's 'boyie' magazines. Women sometimes forget this need because they don't have the same visual needs. Women feel love, and that bond excites them. Men see it!
Unhappy or dysfunctional homelife: Calm surroundings, happy kids, dinner on the stove and a loving wife welcoming him with open arms makes a man feel appreciated and rewarded for all his hard work that he does to provide for his family. He feels acknowledged, appreciated, and compensated by a happy, grateful family. He is not a failure!
An unhappy wife, messy home, and unruly children can somehow be turned around as proof to him that as a man he is a failure. He feels lack of admiration and sees no praise for his accomplishments or talents. Wow! Men are such work, and now we have to tell them they are great too? Yes, men need, I mean NEED the approval and admiration of their mates. He wants to be reassured that she thinks he is great. A master mechanic, a tower of strength, a sex god! A great provider, and the hardest working man in the world!
Basically, if a man is continuously lacking in any of these above needs for any length of time, he may subconsciously fall prey to getting them met 'outside' of the relationship. What might at first had started out as an innocent lunch meet at the office with a co-worker, could eventually evolve into a relationship when he sees his emotional needs being taken care of by this other woman (who may not even be aware she is doing it!). That is not to say he set out to cheat. Most cheaters weren't even consciously aware they were getting involved with another woman until they WERE already involved. They got caught in getting their needs met and completely were unaware of the outcome. Yes, his affair with another woman can definitely lead to love for her and his mate may eventually lose him to this other woman. This is because, as the man becomes more comfortable with his lover, the void and distance subsequently placed in his marriage begins to grow. His mate and him eventually lose all but passing everyday communication...creating an even larger emotional distance. This distance just more confirms his victim status and lack of satisfaction with his mate and paves way to enhance an even more open communication between the other woman and him, resulting in more a feeling of fulfillment with her over his mate. As he becomes closer to getting his emotional needs met with his new lover and less with his mate the tables turn and he begins to fall in love with the other woman and feels less and less love for his mate. This doesn't always necessarily mean he will chose the other women over his mate--as men tend to be motivated out of guilt . This feeling of guilt may make many men remain with their mate, while still seeing his lover on the side, simply out of guilt of leaving her, hurting her, or the pain he is causing his family and his children. Many men stay in unhappy marriages, not because of obligation, or love for their mates, but rather out of guilt or feelings of shame. http://shangri-la-lost.com/whymencheat.html
Top 10 Reasons Why Men Cheat
By Oliver Jameson - www.AskMen.com
Adultery has been around forever, and has always given us something to talk about. Most reality TV shows these days center on it, as do gossip mags. But we are far from cracking the big mystery: Why do some men cheat in relationships?
All men know, at some level, that cheating is wrong. From the earliest age, we are taught the virtues of monogamy. "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife," bellows our Judeo-Christian consciousness. Yet we still do it.
blame it on the genes
In troubled relationships, cheating can be an easy alternative to the burden of a breakup or the agony of divorce. It's a quick fix for the sake of the couple's or the family's integrity. Some of us have even gone so far as to enact the long-distance code: If you cheat in another zip code, it doesn't count.
And with evolutionary psychologists telling us that we are wired to lay our seeds in as many women as possible to ensure our genetic survival, adultery is slowly becoming a defensible misdeed, which may explain why women are catching up to men in the game of infidelity.
Because of our insatiable appetite for sex, we men can sometimes only be as faithful as our options. Here are the 10 main reasons why some men will opt to shed their devotion and cheat on their partners.
Number 10
Your lady doesn't put out
Every man has heard that the best way to get a woman to stop having sex with him is by marrying her. Apparently, long-term relationships seem to suck the sex drive out of many women, leaving men gasping for fulfillment. With the need for more sex, some men will start "working late" more often.
Or it could just be that the sex has become boring. She doesn't want to try new things in bed. Some men may cheat because they don't want their girlfriends or wives to perform certain sex acts that would ruin their "good girl" image.
Number 9
She cheated on you
So you found out your lady was being unfaithful, and the only way you can relieve your anger is by doing the same. For many men, this is the only way to get back at their cheating girlfriends and even the score. Some men might even cheat to get back at all the cheating women they've had the misfortune of dating throughout their lives; now that's efficiency.
Number 8
It's challenging and exciting
If you consider the women you sleep with "sexual trophies," chances are you have already cheated at least once in your life. Some men simply cannot leave behind the thrill of the hunt, the chase and the conquest. For other men, the excitement is in the variety, like changing ice cream flavors for one day after years of sticking to just one.
Number 7
You can get away with it
"What eyes don't see, the heart doesn't feel," goes the old adage, and it still holds true, as long as there are no cameras around. The knowledge that no one will find out and no one will get hurt is reason enough for some men to grab a different helping. But be careful; as men get craftier with avoiding detection, women get more sophisticated with detecting, not to mention boosting their network of spies.
Number 6
It boosts your ego
Nothing lifts the old self-esteem like discovering that other women still desire you sexually. When in long-term relationships, men may begin to question their sexual marketability, which will lead some of them to sow their clandestine wild oats. Once a man knows he can get back in the game, he'll return to his mate; or not.
What's a guy to do when his girlfriend's-a-naggin' and opportunity comes-a-knockin'?Number 5
The opportunity was there
It's an uncontested fact that most men can't say "no" to sex. Although guys aren't constantly bombarded with sexual offers, sometimes an irresistible prospect presents itself. Maybe it's a frisky ex-girlfriend, maybe it's a horny hottie on the dance floor. A guy may see it as once-in-a-lifetime occasion that might never be available again. Carpe diem, as they say.
Number 4
Your girlfriend is a nag
Most men have experienced at least one woman who thrives on making him feel like crap. Constant nagging, fighting and squabbling in the right ratios is the best recipe for a headache. Cheating with another woman is a common escape from this domestic hell, and works better than aspirin.
Number 3
Women let us
Truth be told, women are quick to forgive men for their unfaithful behavior. Maybe it's their fear of being alone, or that women are simply the more merciful ones of the human species. Some women might even blame themselves for their men's infidelities, and take steps to improve their relationships. The fact that many women let their men get away with murder might compel them to double deal repeatedly. Just ask Bill Clinton.
Number 2
She doesn't turn you on anymore
Long-term relationships have the annoying habit of making people lazy. No longer concerned with staying fit and attractive, a committed woman might lose the allure she once had. Her man may simply not find her beautiful anymore, and making love to her is not as stirring as it once was. This is why most mistresses are gorgeous, young women.
Number 1
You don't love her anymore
Alas, after a long time together, you have lost the feelings you once had for her. But the relationship has remained too much a part of you. Separating seems so painful, so radical that it's almost inconceivable. So instead of separating, you go elsewhere to get your physical gratification. Most times this does not help matters, but only prolongs the inevitable breakup.
your cheating heart
In the end, cheating is no joking matter. If you are cheating on your girlfriend or wife, it might be that you are unhappy in the relationship, or that you have issues that you should address. Look at the big picture and see your unfaithfulness as a symptom of a bigger problem.
Cheating might feel good as a quick escape from your problems, but it's only an anesthetic -- not a long-term solution.
http://www.ajsterling.com/html/why_men_cheat.html
You may try talking to your wife, and ditching your GF.
Communication is the KEY to keeping your marriage intact.
OF course you can screw both women and end up haveing them both hate your guts in the end.
Multiple personality disorder
Definition
Multiple personality disorder, or MPD, is a mental disturbance classified as one of the dissociative disorders in the fourth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV). It has been renamed dissociative identity disorder (DID). MPD or DID is defined as a condition in which "two or more distinct identities or personality states" alternate in controlling the patient's consciousness and behavior. Note: "Split personality" is not an accurate term for DID and should not be used as a synonym for schizophrenia.
Description
The precise nature of DID (MPD) as well as its relationship to other mental disorders is still a subject of debate. Some researchers think that DID may be a relatively recent development in western society. It may be a culture-specific syndrome found in western society, caused primarily by both childhood abuse and unspecified long-term societal changes. Unlike depression or anxiety disorders, which have been recognized, in some form, for centuries, the earliest cases of persons reporting DID symptoms were not recorded until the 1790s. Most were considered medical oddities or curiosities until the late 1970s, when increasing numbers of cases were reported in the United States. Psychiatrists are still debating whether DID was previously misdiagnosed and underreported, or whether it is currently over-diagnosed. Because childhood trauma is a factor in the development of DID, some doctors think it may be a variation of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). DID and PTSD are conditions where dissociation is a prominent mechanism. The female to male ratio for DID is about 9:1, but the reasons for the gender imbalance are unclear. Some have attributed the imbalance in reported cases to higher rates of abuse of female children; and some to the possibility that males with DID are underreported because they might be in prison for violent crimes.
The most distinctive feature of DID is the formation and emergence of alternate personality states, or "alters." Patients with DID experience their alters as distinctive individuals possessing different names, histories, and personality traits. It is not unusual for DID patients to have alters of different genders, sexual orientations, ages, or nationalities. Some patients have been reported with alters that are not even human; alters have been animals, or even aliens from outer space. The average DID patient has between two and 10 alters, but some have been reported with over one hundred.
Causes and symptoms
The severe dissociation that characterizes patients with DID is currently understood to result from a set of causes:
An innate ability to dissociate easily
Repeated episodes of severe physical or sexual abuse in childhood
The lack of a supportive or comforting person to counteract abusive relative(s)
The influence of other relatives with dissociative symptoms or disorders
The relationship of dissociative disorders to childhood abuse has led to intense controversy and lawsuits concerning the accuracy of childhood memories. The brain's storage, retrieval, and interpretation of childhood memories are still not fully understood.
The major dissociative symptoms experienced by DID patients are amnesia, depersonalization, derealization, and identity disturbances.
Amnesia
Amnesia in DID is marked by gaps in the patient's memory for long periods of their past, in some cases, their entire childhood. Most DID patients have amnesia, or "lose time," for periods when another personality is "out." They may report finding items in their house that they can't remember having purchased, finding notes written in different handwriting, or other evidence of unexplained activity.
Depersonalization
Depersonalization is a dissociative symptom in which the patient feels that his or her body is unreal, is changing, or is dissolving. Some DID patients experience depersonalization as feeling to be outside of their body, or as watching a movie of themselves.
Derealization
Derealization is a dissociative symptom in which the patient perceives the external environment as unreal. Patients may see walls, buildings, or other objects as changing in shape, size, or color. DID patients may fail to recognize relatives or close friends.
Identity disturbances
Identity disturbances in DID result from the patient's having split off entire personality traits or characteristics as well as memories. When a stressful or traumatic experience triggers the reemergence of these dissociated parts, the patient switches -- usually within seconds -- into an alternate personality. Some patients have histories of erratic performance in school or in their jobs caused by the emergence of alternate personalities during examinations or other stressful situations. Patients vary with regard to their alters' awareness of one another.
Diagnosis
The diagnosis of DID is complex and some physicians believe it is often missed, while others feel it is over-diagnosed. Patients have been known to have been treated under a variety of other psychiatric diagnoses for a long time before being re-diagnosed with DID. The average DID patient is in the mental health care system for six to seven years before being diagnosed as a person with DID. Many DID patients are misdiagnosed as depressed because the primary or "core" personality is subdued and withdrawn, particularly in female patients. However, some core personalities, or alters, may genuinely be depressed, and may benefit from antidepressant medications. One reason misdiagnoses are common is because DID patients may truly meet the criteria for panic disorder or somatization disorder.
Misdiagnoses include schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder, and, as noted, somatization disorder and panic disorder. DID patients are often frightened by their dissociative experiences, which can include losing awareness of hours or even days of time, meeting people who claim to know them by another name, or feeling "out of body." Persons with the disorder may go to emergency rooms or clinics because they fear they are going insane.
When a doctor is evaluating a patient for DID, he or she will first rule out physical conditions that sometimes produce amnesia, depersonalization, or derealization. These conditions include head injuries; brain disease, especially seizure disorders; side effects from medications; substance abuse or intoxication; AIDS dementia complex; or recent periods of extreme physical stress and sleeplessness. In some cases, the doctor may give the patient an electroencephalograph (EEG) to exclude epilepsy or other seizure disorders. The physician also must consider whether the patient is malingering and/or offering fictitious complaints.
If the patient appears to be physically normal, the doctor will next rule out psychotic disturbances, including schizophrenia. Many patients with DID are misdiagnosed as schizophrenic because they may "hear" their alters "talking" inside their heads. If the doctor suspects DID, he or she can use a screening test called the Dissociative Experiences Scale (DES). If the patient has a high score on this test, he or she can be evaluated further with the Dissociative Disorders Interview Schedule (DDIS) or the Structured Clinical Interview for DSM-IV Dissociative Disorders (SCID-D). The doctor may also use the Hypnotic Induction Profile (HIP) or a similar test of the patient's hypnotizability.
Treatment
Treatment of DID may last for five to seven years in adults and usually requires several different treatment methods.
Psychotherapy
Ideally, patients with DID should be treated by a therapist with specialized training in dissociation. This specialized training is important because the patient's personality switches can be confusing or startling. In addition, many patients with DID have hostile or suicidal alter personalities. Most therapists who treat DID patients have rules or contracts for treatment that include such issues as the patient's responsibility for his or her safety. Psychotherapy for DID patients typically has several stages: an initial phase for uncovering and "mapping" the patient's alters; a phase of treating the traumatic memories and "fusing" the alters; and a phase of consolidating the patient's newly integrated personality.
Most therapists who treat multiples, or DID patients, recommend further treatment after personality integration, on the grounds that the patient has not learned the social skills that most people acquire in adolescence and early adult life. In addition, family therapy is often recommended to help the patient's family understand DID and the changes that occur during personality reintegration.
Many DID patients are helped by group as well as individual treatment, provided that the group is limited to people with dissociative disorders. DID patients sometimes have setbacks in mixed therapy groups because other patients are bothered or frightened by their personality switches.
Medications
Some doctors will prescribe tranquilizers or antidepressants for DID patients because their alter personalities may have anxiety or mood disorders. However, other therapists who treat DID patients prefer to keep medications to a minimum because these patients can easily become psychologically dependent on drugs. In addition, many DID patients have at least one alter who abuses drugs or alcohol, substances which are dangerous in combination with most tranquilizers.
Hypnosis
While not always necessary, hypnosis is a standard method of treatment for DID patients. Hypnosis may help patients recover repressed ideas and memories. Further, hypnosis can also be used to control problematic behaviors that many DID patients exhibit, such as self-mutilation, or eating disorders like bulimia nervosa. In the later stages of treatment, the therapist may use hypnosis to "fuse" the alters as part of the patient's personality integration process.
Alternative treatment
Alternative treatments that help to relax the body are often recommended for DID patients as an adjunct to psychotherapy and/or medication. These treatments include hydrotherapy, botanical medicine (primarily herbs that help the nervous system), therapeutic massage, and yoga. Homeopathic treatment can also be effective for some people. Art therapy and the keeping of journals are often recommended as ways that patients can integrate their past into their present life. Meditation is usually discouraged until the patient's personality has been reintegrated.
Prognosis
Some therapists believe that the prognosis for recovery is excellent for children and good for most adults. Although treatment takes several years, it is often ultimately effective. As a general rule, the earlier the patient is diagnosed and properly treated, the better the prognosis.
Prevention
Prevention of DID requires intervention in abusive families and treating children with dissociative symptoms as early as possible.
Key Terms
Alter
An alternate or secondary personality in a patient with DID.
Amnesia
A general medical term for loss of memory that is not due to ordinary forgetfulness. Amnesia can be caused by head injuries, brain disease, or epilepsy as well as by dissociation.
Depersonalization
A dissociative symptom in which the patient feels that his or her body is unreal, is changing, or is dissolving.
Derealization
A dissociative symptom in which the external environment is perceived as unreal.
Dissociation
A psychological mechanism that allows the mind to split off traumatic memories or disturbing ideas from conscious awareness.
Dissociative identity disorder (DID)
Term that replaced Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD). A condition in which two or more distinctive identities or personality states alternate in controlling a person's consciousness and behavior.
Hypnosis
An induced trance state used to treat the amnesia and identity disturbances that occur in dissociative identity disorder (DID).
Multiple personality disorder (MPD)
The former, though often still used, term for dissociative identity disorder (DID).
Primary personality
The core personality of an DID patient. In women, the primary personality is often timid and passive, and may be diagnosed as depressed.
Trauma
A disastrous or life- threatening event that can cause severe emotional distress. DID is associated with trauma in a person's early life or adult experience.
For Your Information
Books
"Dissociative Disorders." In Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. 4th ed. Washington, DC: The American Psychiatric Association, 1994.
Eisendrath, Stuart J. "Psychiatric Disorders." In Current Medical Diagnosis and Treatment, 1998. 37th ed. Ed. Stephen McPhee, et al. Stamford: Appleton & Lange, 1997.
Napier, Nancy J. Getting Through The Day: Strategies for Adults Hurt as Children. New York: W. W. Norton & Co., 1994.
Nemiah, John C. "Psychoneurotic Disorders." In The New Harvard Guide to Psychiatry, ed. Armand M. Nicholi Jr. Cambridge, MA: The Belknap Press of Harvard University Press, 1988.
Noll, Richard. The Encyclopedia of Schizophrenia and the Psychotic Disorders. New York: Facts On File, 1992.
Pascuzzi, Robert M., and Mary C. Weber. "Conversion Disorders, Malingering, and Dissociative Disorders." In Current Diagnosis. Vol. 9. Ed. Rex B. Conn, et al. Philadelphia: W. B. Saunders Co., 1997.
van der Kolk, Bessel A., and Onno van der Hart. "The Intrusive Past: The Flexibility of Memory and the Engraving of Trauma." In Trauma: Explorations in Memory, ed. Cathy Caruth. Baltimore: The Johns Hopkins University Press, 1995.
Source: Gale Encyclopedia of Medicine, Published December, 2002 by the Gale Group
The Essay Author is Rebecca J. Frey PhD.
http://www.healthatoz.com/healthatoz/Atoz/ency/multiple_personality_disorder.jsp