What's the point of "surviving" an affair?

Question

Wouldn't I be better off "surviving" a divorce and then finding someone who cared enough not to cheat? Do people who survive every really trust the partner again? I'd love to hear your stories. How long did you work on things before calling it quits after the affair? Or, are you truly happy if you worked through it?

Answer 1

i forgave, loved him unconditonaly and then soon after the birth of our son, he did it again....I am heart broken and wish I had listened to everyone who said, once a cheater, always a cheater. If you don't have kids yet, get the divorce...i wish I had as the pain of it happening again after he knew what I went through to forgive him, is just so soul destroying. If someone does not respect your realtionship as much as you do, move on. Good luck

Answer 2

An emotional affair is the two undesirable or reliable reckoning on the tip result and the quantity those contain become emotionally in touch. I had my first overwhelm whilst i became 13 - i became emotionally in touch vast TIME she wasn't so as that quite wasn't an affair. the 1st time I had an emotional affair the place we had intercourse - we've been given married. regardless of the indisputable fact that it purely lasted 40 9 years - she chickened out and died. (it quite is ordinary as dark humor - if she became here and examine that she'd provide me a friendly poke interior the part.:) ) as quickly as a lady and a guy celebration if the two become emotionally in touch with the different - touching and caressing come organic and often bring about a sexual affair - ole mom Nature leads us there and in spite of each and every thing it incredibly is superb.

Answer 3

.I've known of relationships where cheating ended things, and relationships where the couple ended up stronger than before, once they got through the cheating episode.



It really boils down to why the cheating occured, how the couple actually feels about each other, and how strong their desire is to put their relationship in a place where the desire for either to cheat won't be there. Cheating is a horrid thing to do...no doubt (I've had it done to me) but that's not to say it is always reason to end a relationship.



SOMETIMES it's well worth forgiving someone for screwing up...even though it may be tough to do so. Many times, it's not and the injured party is better off moving on than staying with someone they don't trust and/or don't feel cares about them enough.

Answer 4

I see you got the female perspective, now let me give you the man/cheaters perspective. Most of the time a guy will cheat because he's not getting the type of sex that he can get from someone else! Not that he doesn't love his wife or that he doesn't feel guilty about it. Sometimes a guy just wants grimey sex and he feels uncomfortable asking the wife to do these things. In a strange way it's actually better that he doesn't ask the wife to do those things because strangely, he does respect her! I'm not saying it's right, just one aspect of cheating. Also, some women tend to let themselves go after marriage/child birth, particularly african american women! Men are more visual creatures than women initially, and want a physically attractive wife. By letting herself go, some men find it difficult to maintain the sexual attraction. That being said, my wife forgived me even though it took a few years, and once she got over the anger, she looked at the indiscretions vs how i treated her when i didn't cheat. She decided that the benefits far outweighed the risks and took me back. I in turn had to do a lot of soul searching to find out what the reason was. Once i nailed it down i corrected it, and now the wife and i are closer than ever! Oh yeah and for the woman who gave the answer of trying to stay together for the kids, it's not worth staying with someone you don't love and trust because kids need to see love growing up in order to give love to their future partner!

Answer 5

There are so many factors to consider when ending a marriage. It is an investment after all. You invest your self, your future, your past and your present. So when you end it you loose a big chunk of you with it. If there are children..well the reasons to survive it are obvious. Then there is the fact that just cause someone cheats doesnt mean you stop loving them. Sure you are hurt,betrayed,broken. You have alot of risks in staying. But partners dont always cheat because they are dishonest monsters. Some are very much in love and very happy with their marriage. I iknow that is hard to believe but its true. I guess bottom line the people who say they would leave their partner if he or she cheated...havent really been there. You really dont know what you would do unless you been there. I think it would take exceptional love and hard work to survive an affair but my experience is that anything you struggle with and overcome together makes you stronger.

Answer 6

If you have children there can be no doubt that if you can rebuild your marriage, it is by far the best option for them. If you divorce your partner without examining how you yourself contributed to how your marriage got to the point where your spouse looked outside for whatever was missing, you are quite likely to repeat the same mistakes with a new partner.



My husband cheated on me years ago, which he only admitted to me last year when I admitted an affair, we have both forgiven the affairs and although he does not trust me completely again - understandable given that it was more recent, I would trust him totally, he is a good man and I can understand why he cheated. Our marriage is however ending anyway, due to other factors and I am the instigator of this, my husband still loves me and is struggling to accept the end.

Answer 7

I know a married couple, he had an affair 20 years ago and I can see she still hasnt got over it. She seems to be paranoid about every attractive woman in the vicinity even after all these years, I couldnt handle such a stressful life myself. If anyone cheated on me I always moved on.

Answer 8

i think it all depends on your perspective and what you see, sometimes surviving a divorce is better while in other cases, its better to have someone who loves you and takes care of you in time of need, the problem is that you can not find a paragon of virtue as everybody has faults, even you have so its better to be more accpeting ina relationship,



i would say that you can only be happy if you are more accepting and giving rather than taking all or expecting all and it doenst hurt to yell or fight with your loved one and tell them that you need them to do something rather than sit



see http://www.aboutdivorce.org/women_divorce.html for more information on surviving relationships and how to handle them

Answer 9

It only truly becomes pointless the minute he does it again....





I am not of the 'once a cheater, always' opinion, but the risk is there....and does that ever sting!





All that heartache....

Answer 10

i talked to the guy after an affair,

but he did it again so i ditched his sorry ***

and regretted not getting rid of him the first time >.<