How do two people agree on finances?

Question

My husband and I have been married for a little over 2 years, and we have an 11 month old daughter. When we met, he had a good job and made a lot of money, and we were both big spenders, not really worrying about money. Of course, things change when you have a child. And, he is only making about half of what he was making before. I started out letting him be in control of the finances and bills, but the more I get involved, the more I see how much money is being wasted and how much we have been living above our means. How do I stress the importance of changing our spending to him? There are several things that bother me, such as us paying for his parents' cell phones. They are both still working and capable of paying. My husband just volunteered 6 or 7 years ago to pay for them just so they would have cell phones. But, now we are paying almost 100 dollars a month for their phones! Am I crazy, or would this upset you? He also continues to pay 50 dollars a month for a subscription to a foreclosure website, even though it will be a while before we can buy another house. And 50 dollars a month for xm radio. I could go on and on. Women, have you had to deal with this with your husband? Men, what approach works best in trying to get him to change? Thanks!

Answer 1

When you have the time and you are both relaxed, prioritize a list of the most critical goals that you both have individually and as a couple. Set an obtainable time line. There can be no sacrifice absent of reward. Don't forget to be good to yourselves. Make sure not to dismiss small victories when they have been achieved.



Be critical of your own spending habits-overly critical if need be. Exemplify the sacrifices that you are making for the good of the family but don't compare and contrast them to his-he will do this on his own.

Both of your spending habits must be analyzed equally and resolutely.



If your husband is not taking every opportunity to reacquire the income that he once produced with positive results than the budget must be reassessed, calculated and agreed upon immediately.



Be calm, loving and firm. There are going to be disagreements. Pick your battles carefully and wisely.



Affirm your husband. Respect him. Love him.

Answer 2

I just ignore everything financial and we never fight. I put all the money in the bank, less some investments. And I let my wife do all the spending. She doesn't work, we have two kids. She knows that this money is all we have, and she cares about the kids, so she tries to be frugal. If she buys shoes or a purse, she knows that is less money for the college fund, so I trust that she made the decision and it was important to her.



Personally I don't spend much money. I just like going to work. Once in awhile I buy a shirt or some beer. That's about it. When I travel for work I like to eat out.



Set a good example and trust the other person and then just forget about it. Things will work out.

Answer 3

I would ask him to pay for your 2 friend's cell phone bills. When he says that they work and can pay for their own... so can his parents!



Regarding the XM radio, tell him that you need $50 a month for purchasing women's magazines. When he says that's wasted money on entertainment... so is the XM radio.



It seems to me that he's spending money on what's important to HIM.



Communicate. Ask him if he'd like your child to have a college fund, ask what you spend in a month and then ask how you'd pay for those expenses after you retire and have a limited income. He should get the picture.

Answer 4

Sorry but I was the big spender and I took over the fiances so that I made sure the bills were covered before we spend money. So we talked about it one night and I had a budget already figured out and when he seen that I was able and did a great job with it he turned it all over to me. When we make big buys we now make them together or not at all.

Answer 5

Maybe the two of you could have some third party person (I know there are services that help people with their finances) to weigh in. Then the two of you can come up with a plan that you are both happy with. Just explain how worried you are about it. Don't play the blame game.



I luckily have a bf who is great with numbers and is really good with finances. But Im sure if you are just honest and not judgmental with him about it, the two of you (with maybe some outside professional help) can work it out together.

Answer 6

Well paying the parents cell phone bills is rediculous i will give you that, Let him have the XM radio im a guy and i know how it is we get attached to it and im only paying $12.99 A month for my xm you may want to look in to that.

Answer 7

Put all the bills in front of him, and ask him why is this is important for to you to have? I live with my husband who has very expensive taste and we live paycheck to paycheck. I confronted him and now together we have found ways to cut back. I was never involved in bills before. Now I am.

Just to let you know, we still pay for his mothers cell phone. It is important to both of us she has it as she lives on a fixed income and lives alone.

Answer 8

i handle the bills in our house i have never worked we have ben married 30 years, he is just like your husband with money.. i just say what is it you want and than i figure a way to get it at a better deal, he is thankful. about him paying his parents cell bills . i would just tell him crazy time is over... we have a family and its not in the budget and tell his freeloading mommy and daddy sorry our income has changed.. you have to pay the bill yourself or you can pay my elect bill or name any other bill! i would kill my husband if he did not end it..

Answer 9

I am on top of our finances! If I wasn't my husband would probably be on newegg all day buying things... yikes. So, I step in and help control our spending.