How do you respond when your wife is checking your mails?

Question

I feel so upset, but i don't want to fight with her.
how to stop her checking? 10 points for best answer.

Answer 1

I am in a similar situation, however it's my husband that checks my emails and periodically checks my cell phone (i know because i have a blackberry and I can tell when he's gone in and looked at my messages because it stays on the message he looked at). Anyway, I have nothing to hide but it still bothers me. It bothers me because it hurts that he does not trust me. I disagree with those that say "if you have nothing to hide, then who cares". Trust is an important part of a relationship. Assuming you have done nothing to make her not trust you, then she shouldn't be checking your e-mails. If she is feeling insecure, she should talk to you about it. Communication is key and without it, a marriage is bound to fail.



I used to leave my e-mails open on the computer all the time because I had nothing to hide and my husband had my password. I figured that would give him security to know that i obviously had nothing to hide. Well it wasn't good enough I guess. This has been going on for so long and I have talked to him about it and he always says he doesn't know why he does it and he's going to stop. Well it doesn't stop and I'm to the point where I feel he needs counseling to deal with his own insecurity issues, otherwise I want out of the marriage. I cannot live with someone that is constantly spying on me, thinking I'm cheating on him.



Sorry for rambling about my story but I really recommend you sit down and have a talk with her and tell her how it makes you feel. Ask her why she feels the need to do this. Come to some sort of compromise that you feel comfortable with and that will make her feel secure. If there are deeper issues, maybe some counseling for her or both of you.



Best of luck!

Answer 2

So what's the big deal with her checking the mail ? You got something to hide ? I thought two people in love could "trust" each other. Besides a wife just naturally wants to know "every" detail in a husbands life. A wife will smell a husbands shirt when it comes out all hot from the dryer because it smells like him. How about this: After dinner she goes into the bedroom and changes into "that outfit" you gave her last Christmas. Then quietly slips under your arms and onto your lap as you read the paper. She's got kind of a halfway smile on her lips. For no reason what-so-over she reaches up and moves 1 curl of your hair up about 1/2 inch. She then says, "'What are we doing later?" Then looks you dead in the eye!!!!!



"That" is NOT the time to be asking, "Did you read my mail today?"

Answer 3

Is there a reason she is checking? Have you given her a reason to think she should or that there is something there she needs to know? Have you done something in the past to give her reason to be suspicious?

Maybe if you shared your messages with her, she would feel more comfortable that there is nothing "wrong" there and would lose interest in your messages. Many couples even share the same email address and ALL of their emails. If you have nothing to hide, what's the difference? If you do, shame on you, stop whining.

As a last resort, you can change your email server/address and require a password to access. You just don't let her have the password. I just don't see why it should matter so much if she checks your mail? Me thinks there is something rotten in Denmark?

Answer 4

Why does your wife feel compelled to check your emails?? Is she just an insecure person, or have you given her a reason to suspect you??



I agree, that checking ANYONE's email (without their express consent) is an invasion of their privacy, and should not be done without very good reason. On the other hand....if you have nothing to hide, then what's the big deal? The real issue here is not EMAIL....it's a lack of TRUST. The two of you need to sit down & get to the bottom of this.

Personally, I wouldn't want someone reading my emails just to be nosy.....but at the same time....I have a clear conscience and know that I am doing nothing deceitful so I leave my email open & available to my "significant other". He's welcome to read them any time.

Answer 5

hmm...usually questions on this topic are met with numerous answers about privacy and respect etc...



I personally dont care..my guy has access to my accounts and I have access to his. We had this problem in the beginning of our relationship (he was snoopy) so we both leave everything open. Its been good because there really isnt anything that interests him or me in our emails, but its convenient to have access to each others' contacts and we can now remind each other about upcoming events and financial matters.



However, you may be feeling that your wife is snooping and if that is what she is doing then thats really not cool. Even if you have nothing to hide, if you do not want her doing it then she shouldnt. Do you have access to her emails? Whats good for the goose is good for the gander. If she wants to see your emails, you get to see hers first. It may sound stupid and childish, and marriage isnt a game, but if thats what it takes to deal with this issue, then game on. Fair is fair and besides, you should always be wary of suspicious people. Sometimes its the guilty accusing the innocent. It can also just be paranoia and insecurity.



Whatever the reason, she obviously need reassurance that your heart is with her and that she is the only one that you want to be with. Give her the access on the condition that you get the same respect and then reassure her that the only reason you are complying is because you love her and want to prove it.

Answer 6

My husband and I had issues with this before, I understand certain privacies but email is touchy especially with so many people using it to cheat. Tell her how it really makes you feel..angry and like she doesnt trust you. May I also suggest possibly getting a joint email account, if she is against that I would begin to wonder what she has to hide because honey, guilty people often are the accusers or most untrusting because they know what they have done.

Answer 7

Find out why she doesn't trust you. If she is reading your emails, she found something that made her not trust you. Talk to her and then explain that you don't appreciate it because "hopefully" you don't do it to her.



If she is still suspicious and says she doesn't have a reason to be, then you might want to be suspicious of her.





Sorry, but those that have something to hide, usually think their spouse is hiding something too.

Answer 8

If she is checking Postal mail...is a federal offense, if her name is not on it.. If is E-mail, change your password...talk to her..all of it.. As for you having something to hide, well, that is not always true...it is the point of it. It is YOUR account, and she does not trust you, if she is checking it.. It is called right to privacy, and its the PRINCIPAL.of it! Best of luck! I had a husband who checked EVERYTHING I did, and received...come to find out HE was the one hiding stuff, and just figured that since HE was...well..I must be too...very pathetic..again luck.

Answer 9

The more you act like you care the more she will want to check the emails. If there is nothing you want to hide then I dont see the problem with her wanting to do this, it makes her feel better then you should just act like you dont care.

Answer 10

Unless you're hiding something, you should have no problem with her checking your emails... Why does it matter? It might be a little crazy and paranoid of her, but if it makes her feel better, then I would be more than happy to let her look through everything. You would be starting a completely unnecessary fight to ask her to stop.

Answer 11

Tell her you don't mind her seeing your mail, but to let you see it 1st. If you are not hiding anything that wouldn't be a problem.. Let her know that she needs to trust you.

Answer 12

I understand when she checks my email. I talk to her about why she feels the need to check, and then reassure her that her fears are not anything to be worried about.

Answer 13

tell her...

if she has a mail compare yourself to her

if not just tell her hey do u doubt my love/ is something wrong in our relationship or what because you seem not to trust me

it depends what youve done lately

Answer 14

well you could find security in the fact that she suspects you are up to something and she actually loves you enough to be concerned, or it could be her guilty conscience thinking that you are doing the same thing to her as she did to you. that's for you to figure out.

Answer 15

she is ur wife. she has every right to see what ur up too

ur her husband u have every right to see her stuff.



if u didnt have anything dumb in there you wouldnt be worrying.

tsk tsk



its k. let her u dont have anything stupid in there why worry?

problems will occur if you tell her not to.

Answer 16

you will never get into that accout if you don't know the full information of the account to get a new password.

Answer 17

Why do you care if you have nothing to hide? Let her look no big deal.

Answer 18

you mean your e-mail, or she goes to the post office and opens the mail.

Answer 19

my wife check my laptop's entire harddrive. You're lucky. I deleted most of my porn when she did though

Answer 20

If it's the email, just change your password or carrier.

Answer 21

let her check she will with time she will be less suspicious, but for this favor she has to do something for you extra ordinary like oral? or special meal? every week, so it will be something for something.

Answer 22

if you have nothing to hide, what's the big deal?

Answer 23

Unless you have something to hide you should not care....

Answer 24

Is there something you don't want her to see? Shame on you.