Will my wife's sex drive improve with age?

Question

Will my wife's sex drive improve with age?

Answer 1

Not a lady but I can give you some input because I've been there, done that. About 15 years ago my wife was approaching 40 and we had two kids (13 and 11). The frequency of sex had dropped to an intolerable level--less than once a month. I still wanted it daily (would have been thrilled with twice a week). I had hope that it was going to get better for a couple of reasons. First, the sex we had daily before kids was great. Second, the very infrequent sex we were having was great. It was so great it was hard for me to believe she did not want to do it more often. It was all about getting her started. I should have taken her out of town without kids more often and made other arrangements so we would be alone without the kids in the house. What I did not understand at the time is that women do not want their kids to know that Mom is having sex. Women also don't believe in the truism that kids sleep soundly and they also don't believe that door locks work. They are terrified of getting caught screwing by their kids. Irrational? Absolutely. Try taking your wife on more romantic retreats and sending the kids off to camp at the same time. I could go on and on but am tired of writing. Good luck.

Answer 2

Well honestly, this is not going to suddenly change, just because she is in her 40's. I hear (but don't know yet because I am only in my mid 40's) that with menopause her libido may take a sudden jump. You could of course hope for that.



Other then that I think I should tell you that she more then likely avoids the hugs and kisses because she has the feeling that this may lead to sex, since you would take it as a sign of her being ready for some intimacy. So she probably would rather avoid the whole thing all together, even if all you really want is just a hug.

Also, just because her libido is low, does not mean she could not be convinced. You (unfortunately for you) would have to just be more convincing. A back and neck massage that leads slowly into something else can always convince me. Also, try just stroking the insides of her arms gently. You won't believe how much that stimulates our senses. Try doing that when you are not anywhere near your bedroom.



I do wish you good luck, and I really do feel for you. Unfortunately, if your wife is anything like me, she really feels terrible about that whole situation and she wishes she could change how she feels, but she can't. Just keep trying, don't give up. And love her anyway for the person that she is!

Answer 3

May I ask if your wife is taking the oral contraceptive? Depending on the brand that she takes, some may affect ther sex drive, some may increase it and some may make it non-existant. If she is, I suggest talking to her gynecologist and switching brand IF she isn't on any contraceptive, I'd suggest to talk to her gynecologist anyway, as maybe she's having an emotional blockage or is undergoing a lot of stress which is causing her to withdraw. Don't assume she doesn't love you, and I suggest to try to not fight about it or she may withdraw even more. Women generally aren't as sexual as men, I believe, and it may just be a period where she is wanting you to prove your love to her by testing your patience and just holding her. All women love to be held. I hope it helps.

Answer 4

It sounds like it is a real mixed bag. Some here have seen improvement and others not. In my case it was exactly like yours but slowly tapered off to a couple or three times a year in her mid to late 40's. By the time the kids had left home in our late 40's it had died all together. Did Counseling for a couple of years, Took romantic trips, She just had no interest and doesn't understand why it is a big deal.

I hope your story turns out different.

Answer 5

My grandmother once said she reached her sexual peak between age 40 and 50. I laughed and laughed, but she was right. I kind of bottomed out around age 30-- probably more having to do with stress and fatigue. But then, around age 44 it all came back stronger than ever. I'm thinking it's a combination of life changes around that time (kids nearly grown, career leveling off, financial stability), and hormones. After all, it's about that age that estrogen starts to drop off, leaving testosterone levels higher in comparison. Whatever the reason, things are better now at 49 than they've ever been.



There is hope.

Answer 6

She's about the age when we woman do start having a decrease in sexual desire. As we age our hormones really start to decline. She should really see a good gynecologist and get a good check up.For me it took 4 different GYN Doctors and two years to get my hormones back in order.Even my thyroids were out of whack. Stress,kids,job so many things can really mess with a woman.But I have to say it was the compassion and care my husband gave me during that time that really helped me through it. Had he been an angry, resentful and demanding husband during that time I think finding my way back to him would of been harder if at all possible. After finding the right DR to work with me I did start feeling better and slowly we just kind of started enjoying each other again. Try to remember this too shall pass and you don't want to her hurt her with anger and resentment.

Answer 7

What are you doing for your wife? How often do you take her out for dinner and a movie. or to do something else she enjoys? Do you dress neatly and use cologne when you're with her, or do you kind of slouch around when you're at home and not expecting company? Do you do half the parenting and help out around the house, or are kids, cooking, and housework your wife's job? Do you talk with her, hug her, touch her as you walk by, leave her little love notes, and just generally pay attention to her? Or, do you ignore her until bedtime and then want her to be ready for sex?



If you treat her the way you treated her when you were dating, her libido may respond the way it did then.

Answer 8

When time wears on saying things that make YOU horny or turn YOU on can often turn her off.



Instead try caressing with no more than being the giver of affection for her expecting no more than cuddles or a caress of a leg massage etc. It won't happen over night but try it a month once she knows you love her for her not a place to cim in she will want you too.



Also try to compliment or things outside the bedroom, cooking cleaning etc, So that she doesn't feel taken for granted.



For a woman it's much to do with outside the bedroom.

Answer 9

Mine increased when I was about 33 or 34 and is still high and I'm 47. I have a few friends who were in their early forties when it increased. Maybe she should have her hormone levels checked or get a physical. I have another friend who found out there was a medical issue that was easily treated that was killing her libido and causing her to be very low on energy too.

Answer 10

Maybe the reason there is no sex because the passion is gone. Start doing little things to make her feel sexy. Plan a romantic dinner. Give her massage. Send the kids to the grandparents for the weekend. Clean the house. Send her flowers. Start giving some affection randomly that isn't tied to wanting sex. Try it for awhile and see if that eventually makes her more receptive to the idea of sex. Also her low sex drive could be related to her hormones changing as she gets older. She should see a Dr and have some tests done especially if she feels fatigued a lot of the time.

Answer 11

Marriage (and kids) does that to a person. Might be surprising how much it improves after the last kid is gone.

Answer 12

They probably mean when she reaches her menopause in her 50's. Why dont you try looking in the health shop, theres herbs you can get that are suppose to boost your libido. Damiano is one i think.



It would be nice if you got someone to take care of the kids and took her away for a romantic weekend somewhere, spa treatment, something relaxing, but dont pressure her for sex.

Answer 13

My wife's crashed and burned at 44.



Funny, that's right around our 5th anniversary.

Answer 14

I would just say, be really flirty.... Hug her from behind when you get home, kiss her on her neck. Hold her hand when you are walking around. She could be starting menopause and is just pissed at everyone. Maybe try new things with her sleep close to her. It will probably get better when she is older..

Answer 15

It will not get better just worse.

Answer 16

Participate in activities together....have a hobby or join a gym together...Or you could do yoga.Be it pottery or stamp collecting,find a way to spend more time together....get her to have more fun,bring back the intimacy,LISTEN to her when she talks to you,make her feel she is important to you,don't make her feel like a nuisance or like she is a job who has to be fitted into your busy schedule....Buy her a card or better still, make her one and tell her repeatedly how beautiful she is.Her sex drive will come back on its own.Don't pressure her,.go on a date with her without the kids... just make her feel cherished...

Answer 17

I could have written this question myself, you and I are have the same experience in life and I have tried all the things people have mentioned in the answers and I am sorry to say nothing will change. It will only change if she wants it to change and only if it is important to her. If it is not important to her than it will not be important for the relationship. You either have to live with it or move on. Right now I am getting sick of the issue. I have told her to change but I do not see it happening.

Good luck

Answer 18

Yes you are right.

Her sex desire will be strong after 40 th birthday.

Now she is very busy with attention to educate two kids as a good lady or Gentleman.

So all her energy and attention are put to them.

Therefore after your kids grow up as teenage, she will have less burden than her desire will be strong.

Good luck!

Answer 19

My wife had the same problem.



What I did was stopped doing anything. No taking out the trash, no dishes, no laundry, no nothing. She would ask me to do whatever and I would say "sure, no problem I'll do it in a little while" and than not do anything.



However, after we have sex I would super clean for 12 hours (without being asked). Then I would go back to doing nothing again. Sex life improved and now I live in a sexually content and clean home.



BTW, you can stop cleaning after every time you have sex. Its a reverse Pavlov training. She pushes your buttons and expects her treat.

Answer 20

Not in the sex department. Whatever libido she had is gone and it ain't coming back.



Our libido is somewhat like the color of our eyes, our height, etc., they were set the instant we were conceived and there isn't a lot we can do about them. My guess is your wife could go the rest of her life and never have sex again and it would be fine with her.



Some women get a renewed interest in sex once they've gone through menopause because they know they aren't going to get pregnant. But for her not to have more interest (desire) than she has now - sorry, but I don't see that happening with her.



Good luck.

Answer 21

It dropped off the map in her mid thirties.

It fell off the planet a few years later, and has been lost in space for the last fifteen.



Advice; plan on taking lots of cold showers if you stay.

Answer 22

Already 39? I guess it's possible. A little late, but maybe possible.







Try more sex.... more mind-blowing, toe curling, hyperventilating, great sex. Great sex causes the desire for great sex.

Answer 23

this sucks.. i don't know how you can do that.. after holding it for two weeks, im going to get some somewhere..good luck man..