more of a comment than a question. answer if u want. I don't care eather way?

Question

Trapped



Why do I cry every night? Why do I put myself through this time after time? I’m dying inside very quickly and I don’t see an escape but one, which I don’t want to commit but sometimes I feel is the only way out of this pain. I feel useless and worthless to anyone and everything around. What am I going to do? I want to run and hide but at the same time I don’t want to go anywhere. Nothing is helping me! I can’t make him see that with every drink he takes it’s killing me more and more inside. Our relationship is being effected by it seriously and I seem to be the only one that cares. If I say something it’s turned around to be my fault or I’m just a *****. I can’t live this way anymore. I would end it all right now if it wasn’t for some being greatly affected by my death. I don’t want to watch him kill himself from the drinking. I can’t stop him and I don’t have any support here helping me. They just turn their backs pretending nothing is happening. I am left to pick up the pieces alone. If I had known marriage would be this tough, I would have stayed a Girlfriend. Where do I go from here? How do I make him see that he’s hurting me very badly by doing this all the time? Couples shouldn’t let the other one hurt and if they do they should correct the issue if possible correct? This pain is horrible. Maybe I will go see gram. If only…. Someone, Anyone could help me through this.

Answer 1

Your right, no one should live like that.

Go see your Gram, maybe she can help you decide what to do.

Good Luck.

Answer 2

Do not even consider suicide why give up your life for a scumbag like this. You must leave go somewhere and file for divorce. Your doing yourself no good by staying with a drinking, verbally abusive jerk like this. You should allow someone to speak to you this way. Marriage is great I just think you got involved with the wrong guy. It's time to move on and leave him now. Stop putting yourself down for his own actions he does what he does it is not your fault.



I would recommend you seek some counselling or atleast call a crisis line or something he sounds like he is verablly abusing you now well that is how most guys who are controlling start out next he will beatiung the crap out of you,

after that come hospital time, and then sometimes after that you have death. You say you have loved ones well get there support now and leave this guy really it is plain as day that's the only option!!!!!!

Answer 3

I have been right in the place you're in. Let me tell you something I discovered. NO ONE Is worth ending your life over. You cannot control this man. All you can do is let him know exactly how you feel, but the cold hard truth is that most of the time, people like this DON'T care. I decided LONG time ago, that I will not be defined by my past (or present) traumas. Neither should YOU. Of course you get the blame. It's always easy to blame others than accept responsibility for screwing up your own (and everyone near you for that matter) life. I can tell you one thing, though. When I FINALLY got it. That I really don't need ANYONE in this life but me, and my higher power, and that if NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON was standing with me, but me....then I better have the balls to take care of ME. If I don't value MYSELF, then why should anyone else? People are just people. They can't help but let you down, Hon. The mistake you're making (and many of the rest of us that have already walked down this path), is expecting to get your happiness from someone else. Sometimes things don't go as planned. Sometimes people don't care, no matter how much we care. No matter how many times we cry, and no matter how much our heart aches and breaks. The thing you need to learn is that what really counts is what you do with this situation. Will you let it make you or break you? All life is, is a series of lessons. Some of them sting pretty bad, but we make it through it, and then we look back and see how awesome a creature we REALLY are. You have to know that just like good things happen in life, so do the bad things. NEVER leave your happiness in the hands of another. IF you want better, then put on your big girl panties, and understand that if you REALLY want it, you can have it, and the answer is in YOU. If you have to leave him behind because his priorities are screwed up and he is letting it ruin your marriage, then that's sad, but you have to take some responsibility here too. Your responsibility now is YOU. Guess what? My OWN best friend is me. Go get Christina Aguilera's cd...Stripped...and REALLY pay attention to the songs "Fighter", and "Young Girl, Don't Cry". Gather the strength inside you, and move on to a brighter place. It will be hard, but it CAN'T be any more painful than what you're living in now. Care enough about YOU to make it happen!! My prayers are with you.

Answer 4

Pick up what's left of you sanity and leave him! You shouldnt be put through the torment of suffering everyday and you definitly shouldnt think that suicide is an option. You need to see a counsler and do something for yourself. Take your pieces and get out of the trap you are in. Trust me you can recover when things go crazy I've been there and done and I will never do it again. You can rebuild from nothing and I mean nothing. I was homeless and lost custody of my kids because I couldnt provide for them, but then I looked at my life and prioritized. Now I have a house, 2 jobs, a great man, and my kids are back with me. I know what you are going through and I wish I knew you other than now because I would help you the best I could. Please feel free to e-mail me at [e-mail] if you need to talk!

Answer 5

You cry every night becuase it is so painful to watch someone that you love or once loved kill themselves. That's what alcoholism is, a slow, painful death. The alcoholics are so buried in their addiction that they don't care that they are damaging everyone around them.



You cannot do anything for him. He will continue to drink and he will stubbornly continue it if you pressure him about it. He has to hit rock bottom and he has to decide for himself that he doesn't want to die this way; that he does want to live and that stopping the drinking is the only way he will live. You cannot help him with this. It is his choice and his path alone.



You cannot stay and let him kill you in the process of his decline into alcoholism. Tell him you love him and then tell him good-bye. Tell him that you acknowledge his right to choice and he must allow you the choice of leaving to find and pursue a real life. Don't feel guilty about this. You are not useless and worthless. He currently is and may choose to continue to be in the future.



Good for you that you recognize that suicide is not the answer. That is a permanent answer to a temporary problem. You are entitled to a life of joy and happiness. That is what we are here to pursue. Give yourself permission to start that new life today.

Answer 6

Honey, I tried to commit suicide over the exact same situation. Fortunately, I was unsuccessful!! Unfortunately, my children (13 & 9 yrs old at the time)had to be the one's to call 911. They will never forget that day. I'm thankful everyday that I was unsucessful. I went from my bathroom floor (overdose) to the hospital via ambulance, escorted by a police officer. Upon arrival at the hospital, I had my stomach pumped and wa handcuffed to my bed. A police officer was assigned to my room and I couldn't even go to the bathroom without him. I left the hospital in the back of a police car only to go to another hospital, where I was commited for (7) days. I was released with the stipulation that I attend mandatory counseling twice a week for (1) year. I continued for another year on my own. During all this my husband left me because he "couldn't deal with the crazy b*t*h". Four years later, I am engaged to the most wonderful man and for the first time in my life I am in a healthy relationship. His drinking is about him, it's not about you. It's his issue and you can't save him. Get out, GET HELP, it will get better. I promise!!! If you need to talk you can e-mail me

Answer 7

I feel so sorry for you,But im afraid the only way you can stop this is by leaving him (if he wont go to alcoholics anom)

Until he understands how serious this is ,it will get worse.

Please dont feel like harming yourself,You aint done nothing wrong.

Go and stay with your gran until he decides to get help,Tell him until he gets help he will never see u again,But if he does you will be there to help him through it.

Good luck.........Remember if he dont get help,you can leave or should i say he can then your new life will have only just begun. You deserve it.

Answer 8

Why in the world would you kill YOURSELF over an alcoholic?



Unless this is your Siamese twin and you are physically connected to them, you pack your stuff and leave.



If the alcoholic doesn't want to get help, uses his drinking to make you a prisoner of his misery and drama, and doesn't care how this affects you in any way, then why are YOU wasting your time with him?????



You can't help him unless he goes and gets the help himself. You wipe your hands free of the situation, go on with your life, find someone that has their act together, and let him waste away.

Answer 9

My Father drinks and did all through my child hood. And, lucky me, so does my husband. Yeah I know...how stupid, right? Having a drinking loved one it so hard. You really need to talk to someone that is experienced with drinkers and addiction. I found the best counselor through my church. It's so important, so so so important to not take responsibility for their drinking. I never was able to work it through with my father, but my husband is learning some tough lessons through my lack of reaction. What I was advised was to tell them you care and that your concerned, never sugar coat anything...or to anyone. Speak the truth. Your actions should reveal how you feel about him, not his drinking. My husband is not able to make his drinking my fault any more. I won't let him. Talk to someone and learn how to be strong. It is empowering. I thought my marriage was going to fail, but I have persevered. It's been tough...and we still have tough moments, but it keeps getting better. Your situation can look up, if you want it to, I promise. It does not take two to change the dynamics of a relationship. You need to build yourself up and demand the things that are important. Good luck to you. God Bless...I'll be praying for you. Prayer has worked miracles for us and many others and I'm sure it can for you to. I really can feel your pain. Don't give up. Starting now...things are going to look brighter. Chin up.

Answer 10

Honey, he needs to make the decision on his own to get help. He has to love himself enough to want to do this because if he can't even love himself, he can't love you or anyone else. He's either selfish and doesn't care how much he hurts anyone else, or he's too damn depressed and he's refusing to do anything about it because, again, he doesn't love himself enough. You've done all you can. You need to get outta there and START LOVING YOURSELF!! You are obliviously a caring and compassionate person that is worth saving. NO PERSON IS WORTH DOING WHAT I THINK YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT DOING!!!! There is ALWAYS somthing better. You only get one life. He sounds like he is selfish and doesn't want to take responsibility for his actions since he wants to blame you. And that's not a very good partner in a relationship. PLEASE get help; see a counselor(by yourself) and leave. You need to start taking care of YOU. God bless you and I will be thinking of you/praying for you. PLEASE,PLEASE, PLEASE GET HELP!!!!

Answer 11

Listen you need to think about yourself, what your husband is doing it is affecting your emotional state, you most likely will have to leave him. you cannot help him he has to help himself and he will see after you are gone that he is on his own.There is nothing in this life worth taking your own life for so stop talking that way, just pack up somethings and go stay with your relatives and tell your husband that you can o longer stay with him because you cannot emotionally handle it you have to help yourself and you really need to leave, you can go to alanon meetings and they will tell you what you can do here is a link go there and read about what people say maybe you can talk to them about this it will help believe mhttp://www.12stepforums.net/alanon.htmle just have some Faith. Good Luck

Answer 12

I think you really care for some answers!

First of all, you need some professional help as soon as possible. You are very depressed and you truly "can't" help anyone in your condition. Please speak to your doctor or your minister.

Your boyfriend must have had a problem before your marriage. Oh, the things we only want to see. But you must realize that this is his problem. Right now you need to get some help. You shouldn't be crying every night. Please get some mental help as soon as possible.

Good Luck............it's ok to ask for help

Answer 13

Please call Suicide Hotline - 1-800-273-TALK and speak with a real person.



Look into an Al-Anon meeting in your area. His drinking is not a reflection on you. He's got an addiction. You can't fix it or make him see how it affects you.



Here's the website for Al-Anon

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html



Here's a co-dependent message board for support:

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlcodep

or this one:

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhalcohol



Please seek help. You are NOT less than because of his addiction, actions, choices or decisions.



Hugs to you.

Answer 14

i am here for you. tell him he needs to quit drinking and get help or you are out of there. mean it! i'd give him a week. if he hasn't sought help, then leave. file for divorce. demand better for yourself. you deserve it. it is not your fault that things have gone wrong. don't take him back either. he will come and say he's changed. don't buy it. it will take time for him to get better. you may find that you are better off without him. good luck. keep your chin up. it will get better.

Answer 15

sounds fairly serious



so you love this guy?



he loves you?



maybe time to fess up?



if he sees some chance of a better life, maybe he makes some sacrifices



if he is like me, a steady flow of ETOH, just a little helps with heartache and lack of sex, if it was life threatening, he woulds died 15 years ago.



who are you? what do you want?



maybe I could help.

Answer 16

Talk, wonder, whine, complain, vent, agonize, wonder, worry hurt, ache all you want.



You will be trapped in hell until you ACT.



Stop talking and start acting.



But like so many co-dependent women, it's all talk, talk, talk and no action.





Stop talking and take action.



No talk.



Act.

Answer 17

It sounds like your crying out for help. you need to seek help. GET OUT NOW!! If your not happy why stay?? You need to do what's best for you.

Answer 18

I'm sorry for you. You know you need to leave, but I know why you stay. Leaving would be just as hard as staying.