My husband beat me last night again.... I need some advice?

Question

I am 18. I've been married to him since may. When he gets extremely angry, extremely, he will either destroy our stuff or beat me. He usually punches the back and sides of my head, because it doesn't bruise.

I love him and I know he loves me.... I don't want to hear "if he loved you he wouldn't hit you," because I know he loves me. He just gets over angry. I don't want to get a divorce... our happy moments are wonderful.

I'm at my mom's house right now because last night he beat me and then kicked me out of the apartment. I want to go home... I have stuff there... and my anxiety is bad again.

I just need some advice and support. Any of you with experience... does it ever change? After my anxiety attack 1 month ago, I became homebound and a mess... he was great. He bought me whatever I needed to feel better, worked extra to support us, and let me rest while he did the cleaning. Last night.... I don't know what happened.. I was having a mood swing (I'm now taking prozac, and I'm going through some moments of anger, happiness, depression, frustration), and I guess he had a bad day. It just got worse from there.

I don't know what to do. Leaving is not the option I want to take. What can I do?

Answer 1

He will never stop, and it will only get worse. Soon, he will have you thinking it is all your fault and that you deserve it.



Leave, leave, leave! Before he kills you..Yes, he will kill you or do so much harm that you wish you were dead.

The 'good' times are not worth it.

Answer 2

well first off you both our not a good match you both have serious issues

of course you know this is not healthy but you sound sure that your not leaving so in this case id say why don't you guys go together to anger management for him and class for you emotionally outbreaks for you and see who will put the effort forward to over come this and who wont and theres your answer about if he truly loves you but you must complete the course or it wont stick he sounds like there must be more to his violence then plain anger some family issue or childhood events may still be bothering him an you remind him of it now of course i have spoken to both of you so this is just a guess

and for everyone who says do this call this place people who are actually involved in the beating never do your wasting your time saying it and of course the beater isn't going to call it on him self someone outside the home like a neighbor or family member has too or very unlikely the person getting beat so the Young lady that wrote the question try some option the more you see your trying an hes not to fix it the more you realize its getting worse and he doesn't love you but remember one thing is true if the violence gets out of control he might accidentally harm You and you would of wished you left sooner do you have some one you can consult like a friend the you might lisen too ask them and see what they say remeber we are all out side the box your thinking and seeing so your blinded

Answer 3

You can't do this, you don't want to do that - excuses, excuses. Women like you BOGGLE MY MIND. So stay and get beat up for the rest of your life. Is that what you want to hear?



And NO IT WON'T EVER CHANGE, with the exception that the beatings will get more severe. And you're wrong, he DOES NOT love you. Love is not aggressive, abusive, physical control over another human being. If that is what you believe love is, you will always tolerate this type of relationship.



Get out now before you are so broken, emotionally and physically, to ever have a normal relationship again. You are far too young to throw your life away to a maniac.



If my advice is harsh, I am sorry. I have been witness to several women who stayed in an abusive relationship, and the lifetime of therapy it took to get these friends somewhat back to normal.



Guess what? You will find someone who loves you and DOESN'T hit you.



Edited to add: I've read the responses before me. Please, please take the advice offered here Dear, from people probably a lot older than you, and who have either experienced it themselves or seen close friends and family members go through the same horrifying ordeal. Please take care of YOU. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 4

Eventually you'll start to believe you deserved it in a way because anyone who is beaten has their self esteem destroyed, you'll forget about things that matter or what makes you happy, you'll ignore friends and decent people. You won't take care of your hair or make up, you won't shower as much or eat right, you'll wear the same clothes, you'll want to stay in bed. You'll become withdrawn, this is what a mean son of a ***** can do to a woman.

He has much anger inside, would another man stand for his blows? of course not, would a stranger? no, he'd be in jail. He is commiting a crime, it's not just about your opinion, this is a crime. He is breaking the law, it's the state versus him. this will not stop. No, this is not love.

Do you want to know what love is? while he is beating you on your precious head, other girls are being treated like princesses by their man, little gifts, kisses, compliments, and they would never harm their princess. Bible says 'love always protects'. you will eventually look much older than you really are. his cruelty will wear you down. Do you want that? He belongs in prison with guys his own size who will straighten his *** out. Please leave. You may die or suffer brain damage.

Answer 5

Of course you love him and of course you know he loves you. After all what better way for a man to show a woman he loves her than to beat the heck out of her and to do it over and over again until she is depressed and has anxiety problems.



Also, you should know he will never stop beating you because you allow that behavior, after all you LOVE him!



If you read the above and don't understand it, it is called sarcasm. And young lady, there is only one cure for a wife who is beaten by her husband.....LEAVE! You don't want to because you have no self esteem. You probably think no one else would ever love you. Please get over it before you are dead!



There is a life after abuse but you have to decide you aren't going to take it anymore! I know this is not the advise you want to hear, but it is the only sane advise. Leave him, get out now, do not let him know where you are, divorce him and forget him, never look back or have any contact with him again.



It is time to grow up dear. It is time to make the tough decisions!

Answer 6

My partner was in exactly the same situation as yourself, i know you dont want to leave and you say he loves you, but the truth is he cant do if he hits you, my partners ex did it once and cause she stayed it became more constant, he then began following her to work, lunch breaks and it got to the stage she was forced not to see her own mother, i know not every case is the same, however i would hate to think you have a choice and you decide to go back, NO MAN SHOULD EVER HIT A WOMAN !!!



He needs the help and advice, if he can admit what he has done and wants to seek help then that makes a difference id respect him for that, however if he shrugs it away and even starts to blame you then unfortunately its time to get out - i hope it all works out.

Answer 7

It sounds like he likes when you are home bound and scared so he can take care of you. He wants to control you. Either go to counseling together or leave him. You can't stay with a man who would beat you. You are too young to put up with that for the rest of your life. You'll feel like your 80 by the time your 30 or you'll be dead because he went too far and killed you. He needs hel. Get him into counseling soon. If he won't go, go by yourself and whatever you do DONOT bring a child into this situation. Why do you love someone who beats you? Do you think you won't find someone else? There are many great guys who would never hit a woman.

Answer 8

You know, I think you both need help. I'm not saying this to be mean, but seriously, for a man to beat on a woman b/c he is angry with her is crazy. There is no excuse for a man to hit any female. And for you you continue to accept it shows that you have problems as well. Maybe its an insecurity thing. I don't know. But there is a problem somewhere. I say that if this man can't keep his hands off you, which he won't because you continue to accept it, then you should not be with him. Does your family know about this?? If so, they are a lot better than my family because my family would have killed him. Get out of it now. Pray that he gets better, so that he can be a better man for someone else, but don't stick around.

Answer 9

see if u can get him into anger management. He shouldnt be taking his frustrations out on u no matter how much u love each other. See if he will talk to a dr they may be able to prescribe something for his anger as well. Go see couple's therapy too. this may help him realize how bad he's hurting u when he gets upset and that may change him too. I've seen on like talk shows of men who beat their wives where they put them thru different situations where the husbands went to jail to talk to men who beat their wives, they also experienced a fake funeral w/their wife actually in a coffin. Alot of men realized what they were doing and straighted up right away. Either way u guys need to see someone about his anger

Answer 10

I'm sorry to hear this. This sounds terrible. I really can only think that you should get out of that situation as quickly as possible. ask yourself this, Do you really want to be beaten for the rest of your life? And what if one time it goes too far? You could end up dead. What if you ever have kids and he gets angry at them? Will he beat them too? He has anger issues. He needs major major help for this. If he gets help, I still think you need to be away from him for the majority of that time and slowly work back into a relationship. Hitting a spouse if never EVER the right thing to do.

Answer 11

I think deep down you know what you need to do. You just don't want to face the truth. He might love you in his own way...but true love is not hurting someone, physically or emotionally.



You'll put up with anything until you decide you deserve better. If you truly do not want to leave, why not go get counseling, as a couple, and individually.



God Bless.

Answer 12

I guess it comes down the price you are willing to pay? (death) He could hit you so hard one day and kill you. you may feel like nothing has happen yet but, Truly you are worth more than that. Do you want to live a long time? if you do than you know what you must do.





The bible says a husband suppose to treat his wife like he treats his own body. surely, than would he cause pain to his own body? you need to call the police or go to the police station and file charges. get as far away as possible. pray to God for guidance and help on the matter.

Answer 13

Yes, it changes with time. It gets worse.



I know you don't want to leave, but that is really the only solution to your problem.



Also, please do not bring a baby into this situation. It's bad enough that you have to go through this yourself. It would be very unfair to bring an innocent baby into this situation. Children who grow up in homes with violence have a lot of psychological issues as a result. You may want to have a baby to love, but it would be really unfair to the child who would most likely have a difficult life because of this.



There are resources to help women in your situation. Please don't be afraid to use them. Here is a link to the national domestic violence hotline where you can call to ask for help:

http://www.ndvh.org/

Answer 14

I feel sorry for you because you refuse to acknowledge the obvious. Leaving is the only option and if anyone really loved you or cared for your well-being then they would be getting you out of there. What makes you think he will ever stop? What makes you think it will get better. It will not. He will end up in jail and worse you could end up dead. Honestly, no matter what he did for is worth what he is and will continue to do to you. For the record, if you were my daughter and you came to me after being hit I would be over beating the hell out of him. Your mom needs to get involved not just be a roof. You need more help than you can get here.



DRAGON 2008

"I BELIEVE IN U.S."

Answer 15

'Leaving is not an option I want to take" You MUST go. I can understand that you think your happy moments compensate for him throwing punches at you, but its not enough, I'm sorry, this is a dangerous situation and he will kill you in the end. Leave before you bring children into the equation. Talk to your mother, your friends, don't hide this away from people. It will not change, it will not go away, and the longer you leave it, the more quickly it will escalate. Goodluck and Get out!

Answer 16

Can you research abuse on the internet a little? Maybe if you read some statistics, you would feel differently. Unfortunately, abuse doesn't just get better or go away. I am so sorry you are going through this. Email me if you need support and help with leaving.

Answer 17

First thing I would get a restraining order (PFA). If he KNOWS where to hit you so the bruises won't show- you're not his first VICTIM!!!

no typo- YOU ARE A VICTIM!

THAT is NOT LOVE- you don't hurt the ppl you love.

I'd say press charges, but you're young and won't listen.

GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM AND NEVER GO BACK

Leaving may not be "the option you want to take" but to live to see 19/20- it's the only choice you have

If your mom knows what is going on and LETS you go back- she has issues as well!

Answer 18

I can only tell you what I did. I went to the sheriff and had them take me to a safe house. I stayed there until my husband was arrested. I pressed charges against him. They told me at the safe house that this doesn't stop and I believed them. You need some counseling and professional help to allow you to understand his problems and yours. Why don't you try it until you get a clear head? They will help you deal with all of this and protect you while you go through it. I can tell you from personal experience that it won't get better on it's on.

Answer 19

Wow, you are so young. You shouldnt be having these types of problems at your age. He should never be laying a hand on you. He needs to go to a doctor not you. I understand its for the anxiety but he really needs to see someone to control his anger. I would just say stay out of his path when he/you are upset over something. If anything, call your mother if you are having a bad day or something is wrong. At least you know she wont hit you for it.

Answer 20

You should've divorced him after 1st abuse. Tell him what happened and give him an ultimatum: a life of a full sobriety after evaluation and treatment and anger management. Give him 3-6 months, see confirmation that he enrolled immediately. If not - get to the place unknown to him/DV shelter and file for Order or Protection and divorce. If you don't do one of the two - next time he will kill you.

Answer 21

Oh babe...please make sure you have a plan for when you do have to get away quickly. It only gets worse from here honey. Please don't let him kill you because you love him. If he's that angry, he doesn't know how to stop it.

Please use protection when you have sex. Don't get pregnant, cause when you do leave him some day, the baby will still have to go with him. Talk about anxiety...

Answer 22

Either you are kidding ... or he has you so mentally and physically beat down that you can't see the forest for the trees. You don't want to leave? You want another option? Well, fact is, if you do not leave the ONLY other option is to remain there and get abused. Grow yourself a spine and leave that ********. It can be done. If you don't mind being a door mat and/or someone's punching bag, by all means stay. Someone will read about you in the obituaries some day because of it though ... realize that truth. You have been given some sound advice. Take for it what you will. And I certainly hope you decide you deserve better than what you're getting from him and you find your way out of such a violent situation.

Answer 23

He doesn't love you. When someone loves you, they don't hurt you and would rather die than have something happen to you.



I was in an abusive relationship. He hit me three times, the third time he broke my jaw. I am lucky that is as bad as it got. You need to get in touch with a center for battered women in your area. Google it. They can help you. Also, you need to tell your parents what's going on and move in with them. You need to have this guy arrested. You're going to be killed if you don't leave. You have psychological issues and are not healthy enough to see that this is not a good relationship. Love does not hurt, and I'm guessing there is something in your childhood that gave you the impression that it does. You need to get out of there and stay out of there. If you're on Prozac, I assume that you have a therapist. If not, you need to find one that you trust and get some help.

Answer 24

I'm sorry but I think you need to take a long break from each other before he does so much damage to your head that you end up with permanent brain injuries or he kills you.



While you're apart, please seek the help of a therapist or read books on codependency. There is also the recovery program through CODA, which should help you examine your definition and practice of "love,"

Answer 25

No man should EVER hit a woman. You may love him but the beatings are only going to get worse and you self esteem is only going to get worse. It's a bad cycle you are going through and you need to get out and stay out. Go seek some counseling and help from the domestic abuse services available in your area. Run Fast.

Answer 26

i think you should make up your mind.nobody has right to raise their hands on anyone.

you dont want to leave him i can understand that but a person like him will never change.you either stay with him & get beaten up every time he has a fit or stand up for your rights.

good luck hope you make the right choice.

Answer 27

Leaving is not an option?

Are you crazy?

This man is going to kill you. Do you hear me? HE IS GOING TO KILL YOU!!

Get away from him.

Then you can have a man who treats you wonderful ALL the time minus the beatings.



If you are truly serious about leaving not being an option then I have to seriously consider your mental health.



Please leave him!

Answer 28

The abuse will only get worse!!! You need to stand for yourself and leave. You are too young to lock yourself in this abusive prison. You can go to an abused women shelter and file for an order of protection. You can go to the police and have them escort you back to your home to get your things. Don't think you brought on the beatings just because he had a bad day.. My husband has bad days and would NEVER hit my regardless of what I do to set him off. Sounds like your husband needs to take some anger management classes. If he is a body builder is he on steriods because that can only make the anger issues worse!



Please get help!!

Answer 29

Honestly i have been in that situation, and he will beat you to death, he will come to a point when you threaten to leave, where he says he will change and he will for a little bit, but he will end up hitting you again. They always do. Even after years, i was with someone in high school, and he hit me, alot, and so i finally left him when i was 17 and graduated. we got back together when i was 21 and it started all over again, only this time i left the first time it happened and havent talked to him since.

Answer 30

I've seen this many times, and these guys tend to not change. It's normal to have what they call the 'honeymoon phase" after a beating. Then the cycle eventually repeats itself. Women tend to stay in these relationships because they feel helpless or trapped, like they couldn't survive on their own. That's all part of the trap, these abusers destroy you self confidence and worth, and soon enough you believe them when they tell you that you'd be nothing or lost without them. The choice is ultimately yours. Fighting back is not an option. Tell him in no uncertain terms you're done being his punching bag, and the next time he lays a finger on you you're calling the cops. Don't wait for the next beating, get him into counseling and anger management. His actions are inapropriate and wrong. If he wants to stay with you, he'll get help. You can justify his behavior all you want, but there is never any reason for that type of abuse, and it is against the law. Good luck.

Answer 31

Taking into consideration that you are only 18, my advice to you is to leave him and move back in with your parents. People like this NEVER change. If you stay, it will only get worse and if you have children with him, he may start abusing them as well. I know you don't want to hear someone tell you to leave him, but unless you are particularly fond of being his personal punching bag whenever he has a bad day, my advice is to leave or invest in a really heavy iron skillet.

Answer 32

Stay at your mom's house and send someone else to pick up your belongings. It will not change unless he seeks counseling and treatment. And you should not stay with him while he is seeking treatment. Leave him before he destroys your self esteem or hurts you badly.

Answer 33

You are obviously blinded because you think he "loves" you. When have you ever heard of someone beating the crap out of someone because they loved them. Are you serious?? Get a freakin clue.



One day it could be worse than a couple bruises or a black eye if you leave now maybe you can save your life.



You think you cant leave but you can. That is every beaten womans first mistake by thinking that.



Why dont you want to leave?

Answer 34

When I saw your title, "My husband beat me last night again.... I need some advice?", I said,'WHAT THE ****?' Oh, I HATE IT WHEN MEN DO THAT TO WOMEN.



Please, I am praying for you, not being sarcastic or anything, but my friend, we are the same age. You need to leave him. Please. Please. Please. From the bottom of mine and the others that have written before and after, LEAVE HIM. Okay, yeah he loves you, but that doesn't give him the right to BEAT you. Says so in the Bible. KARMA. He will receive judgment from the Lord and trust me, you will get a BETTER man than this child that you are married to. You can do so much better. But, you should do the right thing for yourself, but this won't be last of him beating if you go back to the little insignificant, moronic child you call a 'husband.'

Answer 35

1

Answer 36

My parents got married @ your age and are still together now... My mum has been beat black and blue throughout there whole marraige. It was traumatic as a child and i moved out when i was 16, as they started to turn on me...

Answer 37

It doesn't matter if he loves you or not. You are not allowed to beat your wife, hit your wife, push your wife. If he continues, you need to leave. Of course he does nice things sometimes, maybe to be nice, maybe out of guilt. It will only continue if you stay and don't break the cycle. He has to know he can't do it. Your happy moments ARE wonderful, that is the cycle of abuse. WONDERFUL....BEATING..... There is always a honeymoon phase in the cycle. See it for what it is before he kills you.

Answer 38

You've been knocked on the head too many times...



IF HE LOVED YOU HE WOULDN'T HIT YOU... ITS THAT SIMPLE.



A man should love, honor and cherish his wife... hitting her does not lover her, it does not cherish her and it sure as hell doesn'[t honor her.



Don't be another stupid battered wife who got out "too late" because you thought he would change.



You obviously have no respect for yourself if you would allow ANYONE to hit you and have the audacity to say they love you.

Answer 39

Until you love yourself there is no advice that I can give you that will make you open your eyes. Sure you love him and he loves you but maybe it's time to love yourself and realize you don't deserve this type of abuse but hey if that's what you want to hear is to go back it's your life just don't expect things to change and when you end up dead or in the hospital maybe then you'll realize that love doesn't hurt you it makes you a better person.

Answer 40

The answer is you need to leave. NO MAN HITS A WOMAN PERIOD He is trying to control you and take your self esteem away. Please contact a womwns shelter. They will provide you with a safe place to live as well as get you emotional help and support. You are too young to put up with a loser like him.

Answer 41

Tell him to go to anger management. I think you should leave him but it is your choice. But most of the time it doesn't get any better, just worse. Hopefully he stops before he really hurts you. I think you need to think of your own safety instead of some "happy" moments.

Answer 42

First of all, call the police and file charges against him. Believe me, you would be doing both of you a favor if you did that. Next, get a restraining order on him. THEN, get some serious counseling. You are living with someone who claims to love you, but he beats you on a regular basis. All of those "wonderful" things he did for you is his way of controlling you. I know you don't want to hear these things, but, really....going back to him will only get worse. He needs some serious anger management classes, but until he learns to get his anger under control, you mustn't be with him.

Answer 43

well if "leaving is not an option" prepare to spend the rest of your life being treated like a rag doll every time he gets upset...jeez have some respect for yourself.

Answer 44

Leaving IS the ONLY option.



Do it while you are still young, or you will be killed.



Get out of the situation and get some self esteem.



Just read your question and know that it's a horrible situation.

Answer 45

This is NOT okay! It is NEVER okay! And it is NOT your fault! I know you love him. And I know that he probably does really love you. But this is a VERY SERIOUS and grave matter. You both need help! He has some very serious issues that need immediate intervention. I know it will hurt deeply to leave him, but the FACT of the matter is, your life IS at stake. Even if you think its not. There are many resources out there. Please do some research. Please stay at your mom's. It will NOT end unless you get some very serious help. You wouldn't tell someone who is dying of terminal cancer, oh its not that bad, or it will go away, would you? This is comparable. You need help. And you can't do it by yourself.

Answer 46

You both need to get professional counseling.

This is the only way you both can get the help you need. It's no way normal for a couple to be in love and to live like this day to day. It won't get any easier without help! Your putting yourself in more danger .

Answer 47

How can that be love? I don't care how bad of a day he was having you just don't hit your wife. You need to get help to get away. He needs anger management!

Answer 48

you are a stronger woman than i am..i could not have stayed from as long as you have but why won't you leave? because you love him? i totally understand that BUT what if you have children? are they going to watch him beat you? if you have a daughter is that what you want her idea to be of a husband and wife relationship. i understand that you have good times but the good has to out weigh the bad and it doesn't sound like it is. i am so sorry about your situation and i don't think you will leave my mind all day but please...just think about leaving..weigh your options. is it worth you life...i don't think it is.



but if you would like to talk more feel free to e-mail me.



i hope this helped

Answer 49

it will never change!! sry! this will keep on happening over and over again! your 18 my age i mean u have a whole life ahead of you and you want things to change!? the only way that things will change if YOU change them you are the only one who makes the changes and thats that! if you wanna keep on living lik this and one day die keep on doing what you are doin! cuz that will happen if you keep on dealing with this behavior from him

Answer 50

iv been hit,iv been hurt,they do love you but not in the ordanary way couples love each other.i put up with it for 8yrs(was together 13yrs). sorry but it will never change.....they try but slip back im affraid! no matter how many of us tell you to leave him....YOU WONT! but 1day you will wake up and smell the coffee,this may take years.with all your other problems your dealing with as well,id hate to think what your goin to be like in the time you do stay with him because.....he is going to bring you down.....so down you wont think anyone will want to take a second gance at you......but if you got away now,you could start a new fresh and exiting life and wait 4 Mr right ,but 1st you have to get rid of MR LEFT!. it sound terible as i no what it like.u will get there 1day. x x

Answer 51

Honey... When I was married the first time, My husband did the same thing to me. Going so far as to almost break my hand and arm one time. Most times we were great, and then he'd get ticked off about something and fly off on me. Leaving was never the option I wanted either. But it was necessary for myself. Men like that need help, and if he cant get it... then you need to help yourself. He's going to kill you someday. I firmly believe my x was going to kill me if I hadnt left. There is someone out there that will treat you like a princess. If someone cant handle you at your worst, then they dont deserve you at your best. Thats the way it is. I sincerely hope you get out of this alive. Good luck. angie

Answer 52

Ask him to take anger management and explain to hi you love him more than anything! explain to im how he's making you feel

Answer 53

he needs to get help to control is anger problems. and you should leave until that is under control. if he starts to get mad and starts to break things leave right away. last thing you want is to be in the hospital because he beat you so badly. make him get help and move out until he does. for your own safety.

Answer 54

do you really want to live the rest of your life like that??? what advice do you want when you say leaving is not the option. you are doomed, really. and blind.

Answer 55

oh hun this is no good. i always go for my size guys for this very reason, just in case, you can at least fight back! seriously though, he needs to work on his anger problems, there really is no reason to hit you at all. he needs to be a mature adult and Talk about the things that bother him and not be laying Any hands on you. how old is he? im guessing at the least in his 20's. i am sorry you have to go through this. I wish you the best of luck and lots of courage so that you can get away from this guy.



you dont want to hear it, but thats why people say it; if he did love you he wouldnt be beating you. i love my husband and he loves me. we dont beat eachother, but let me tell you it does get crazy sometimes. stuff gets thrown at walls and all that and i have slapped him and hit him on his back once, and none of that is ok. totally not ok for Anyone to be putting hands on anyone else. we talked about it and it hasnt happend since. we give eachother a 'cool down' time and and talk about it. argueing gets no one anywhere..



again Good Luck to you.

Answer 56

body builder he must be on something like steroids to give him such mood swings!

You have to leave him even if you love him hes going to hurt you bad one day IF YOU LET HIM.

Dont let it get that bad.

Dont go back...

http://www.oprah.com/dated/oprahshow/oprahshow_20060503

Answer 57

I dont know why women take it. You need to leave!

LEAVE HIM

Answer 58

Wow, This just shows how pathetic love makes us



sweetheart one word for you ''Leave''



he's bruising you way harder from the inside, it's self destroying. I should know..

Answer 59

Oh, you poor thing. Honestly, no it will not get better. I was raised in a home like you are living in, and it was just incredibly awful-in the end, my poor mother had all she could physically and mentally endure and she tried to leave--only to be met with an attempted stabbing and many other horrific events. Shame on the men in your family for not stepping in to protect you-you are mentally not able to protect yourself, that's clear.



I know you've heard this, but don't really get it. No real man or good man would ever harm the woman he professes to love. That just isn't how it works. You're just a child yourself, and now in the midst of this terrible situation. I do really feel for you because I've been witness to this lifestyle. I can tell you that if I were your mother, he'd already be in prison. Nobody ever gets so angry they are justified in hurting another person. That is not how healthy people cope with frustration or upset feelings. He absolutely feels like a loser or inferior inside which is why he comes home and takes out his frustrations on you--you're weak and he can put you down and make you feel the hurt others in his life make him feel.



You will eventually get tired of his cycle of beating and apologies, and then you'll leave. Otherwise, one beating will just go too far, and you'll be seriously disabled or killed. That's just how these situations end up. There is no other way, I'm sorry to say. I hope you find the strength to leave him before you find yourself in much worse circumstances.

Answer 60

way1:

its bettet u take ur hubby to a cycatrist...

anger is also a cycological problem...

u talk wit hm n make him understand how much u love him.



way2:

if d above option is not applicable.

as i am a karate black belt holder, i suggest

u go to karate class.

u can learn d basic in 2months.

then u give him back if he gives you...



way3:

try these.

if not, u better apply for diverse itself...

Answer 61

Baby girl please go right back home. To more beatings and suffocation and eventually murder......

p/s You want advice, right. So dont tell us what to say and what not to say.

Answer 62

see i am not saying that he doesn't love you but sometimes it happens that when ever we are in not good mood and something irritates us we became angry but everyone has there own way to show there anger also every person has a different levels. i feel your husband is much short tempered and can't Control his anger and also after reading ur description i come to know that u really love him bcoz even he had hurt u you r still thinking that what is the problem he is facing which making hi so angry. so what i feel is a solution of this problem is you should show ur love to him in some diffrent manner like it may be like that ur manner of showing love might have have erirritated him and so he got angry dont worry if he really love u he will come and take u home some times it take time to get cool and rrealize mistakes so dont get worried but ya do try to make him more relaxed when u feel he is angry also when he is in good mood u can ask him problems

but remember do not force him to tell u the problem bcoz even it can make him angry so try to ask him and also to control ur anger

i hope it may help u

and if not u can contact me [e-mail]

bye

hope for ur betterment

Answer 63

I lived in an abusive relationship for 12 years. Al the scars shows not only on me but my children. My daughter now has a personality disorder and my son son has depression and is rude to his girlfriend. I have insecurity issues myself with a lot of trust issues with men. I thought he loved me but took me years to understand that it wasn't love but control.Some men take things out on their women from guilt too. I cant tell you how many times I came close to death, disrespected in front of everyone, bruised and battered and humiliated in public with people staring. I could not think on my own until I got a divorce.I was 18 when I got married also. Think of the long term. There are a lot of men that would treat you like a queen. My daughter told me if didn't leave her dad..she was leaving us both and she was 11 years old!!!!!No one can make you leave and it is hard but you need to force him to change now or he never will. That is moving out, sending him to jail or counseling....needs to know consequences and love does not hurt!!!!

Answer 64

Just by reading how you make excuses for him shows you are an enabler and it shows with how you are so deadset and devoted to defending him. The times when he is nice is only to bring you back into his good graces. It is an ongoing cycle of manipulation and control Most men who beat their wives find women exactly like yourself who are so kindhearted and who always feel the need to rescue. Deep down you know what he is doing is wrong and if you educated yourself more on the subject you would see how he can control it if he truly wanted to. You are looking at this all wrong due to your lack of knowledge on the subject on husbands who beat their wives. It is almost as if you see him as a victim of his own temper. Have you ever wondered how he keeps his temper under control with other people? Do you find him beating his mother or sisters or anyone else? I am here to tell you, he is not a victim, you are and he is the one making you one and you are the one enabling him to do so. Please love yourself enough to know his behaviour is a total lack of respect for you and your well being and whatever love he has for you is a misplaced type of love that is not out for your best interest. Get yourself into therapy so that you can at least get your mind off of enabling him. It does not get better, it only gets worse. And don't do the mistake of bringing children into this mess. Take care of yourself.

Answer 65

YOU ARE GOING TO DIE IF YOU DON'T LEAVE!!!!!!!!!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?????? ARE YOU WILLING TO RISK YOUR LIFE????? YOU ARE ONLY 18 YEARS OLD... YOU HAVE SO MUCH MORE LIFE TO LIVE! PLEASE CALL THE POLICE AND HAVE THAT A88H0LE YOU CALL A HUSBAND THROWN IN JAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 66

Leaving is not an option....Those words sound familiar. That is because they are the words my friend used the day before her abusive husband killed her in a rage.

You want advice, that is why you came to this page. So I am going to be honest and open with you as well. No, it doesnt change. The kindness is a form of guilt for him attacking you. It is also his way to show you he can have a soft side so that you not only question what you may have done to encourage him and to show you he has changed. By the way, you dont do anything to deserve being a punching bag.

We can tell you what we think and what we know to do, but if you dont really listen to us and take a hard look at what is happening, then we cant help you. I know you dont know me and I dont know you. But what I do know is what I saw my friend go through.

He would tell her that she pushed him after having a hard day. Or why did she make him so mad, that she made him do that. Even if the clothes were hung up right, POW! Then came the time of Prince Charming. He was kind, loving and great to be around. Like a Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde with a mean right hook. Not a day goes by that I dont think if only she had listened.....If only we could make her see....She had over 15 police reports on him in a 9 month time frame.

I myself was a victim of domestic violence. My ex husband decided that I had said the wrong thing. He backhanded me cutting my cheek and then proceeded to kick me until I spit up blood. He then made the mistake of sitting with his back to me. I cracked his skull with a baseball bat and filed for divorce.



The choice is yours. We cant make it for you. I just hope someone isnt crying at your funeral when he decides to snap.



By the way, her name was April and her kids wont even get to know her.

Answer 67

Wow,have you noticed how many men have answered your question & what have they all told you?My god you are only 18,two yrs older than my daughter.If she ever showed up at my house beat up by her husband,hell yeah i would go right over & beat the hell out of this guy & if he hit me back,i'd call the cops & tell them what he's been doing to my girl.Then his abuse would be on record.I also have 3 boys...22,21,19 yrs old,& i ever found out they hit their girlfriends or wives(none are married yet)i would kick their a$$es.I have been married to their dad for 11 yrs, together for a total of 22 yrs & he has NEVER HIT ME.Let me tell ya,i given him lots of reasons to but he never has.He is what a real man/husband is all about.The love & respect he shows me everyday amazes me.I can tell what you should do, but,i think you already know.So i will give you an answer to your questions,NO! it will not change.It will only get worse,yeah i'm sure he was/is wonderful towards you after he has beaten you,that's how abusive men are.But that is NOT i repeat NOT love!That is his way of making up for what he did to you.It eases his consciences,makes HIM feel better.You are a small girl,you should take some kind of self defense class even if you do leave this jacka$$.It's always good to be able to defend yourself against anyone.So,you made a mistake marrying this guy,so what,everyone makes mistakes.You are so young,you should be out having fun,enjoying life,enjoying your youth...not being an abused wife.So,please girlie,take what everyone is telling you to heart.You truly deserve so much better.There is a guy out there who is really going to love,honor & cherish you,but how will you ever meet him if you stay with this guy?or worse you won't even be around to ever meet him.

Answer 68

I didn't even read the details...Leave

Answer 69

I dont want to state the obvious, but you are in a very dangerous situation. What does your mother think about you having to retreat to her house after you have been bashed and kicked out? I cant imagine she would be encouraging you to return to him if she knew the situation. He needs help and he needs it fast. In the meantime, you need to be aware of the dangers and risks of living with someone who obviously cannot control his anger. Hitting you in the head is unforgiveable as you could end up with brain damage. Surely you are aware of this. He is unlikely to improve unless he seeks anger management or counselling so you need to consider what sort of future you are heading into by staying with him. You seem to make excuses for his behaviour when in fact it is nothing short of criminal. Besides this, his behaviour towards you is cowardly as he knows you are not strong enough to stand up to him or retaliate. Did you not know how violent he was before you married him? If you did, I suppose you thought he would get better or become nicer in time. Given that his anger and abuse is both physical and emotional, you are letting yourself in for one hell of a marriage, literally. If you choose to go back, make sure the phone number for the police is close at hand. You already have good reason to report his abuse. If there is any way you can convince him that he needs help such as refuse to return until he does, then do that. Otherwise, it is likely you will regret returning. Having married him, one can only hope you are not planning on having a child with him. This could prove disasterous, so please be aware that bringing a child into a violent household could bring a lifetime of misery for you and the child. You have much to think about. Also, consider allowing your mother to read this reply and see if you can get as much support as possible. You will need it.

Answer 70

leave him before he kills you

Answer 71

have him terminated

Answer 72

i would say hit him back.. scratch his face so he konws not to do it again.



He will be so embarrased at work or school.. explaing how he got that... nip it in the bud now.. cause if you don't it's gonna end in divorce.. he's still a kid like you and hasn't learned yet.... be stong .. scrath that punk.. put him in his place..