i have decided to be celibate until marriage....any tips for keeping things interesting with what we can do?

Question

so....my boyfriend and i have been going through some rough times and i decided to take the sex out of our relationship. i'm 22..he's 23...and sex was never the problem. He's always respected me and it's not a punishment...but more of a decision that he really respects. I was raped when i was 14....continuously by the same person for 2 years. It's been a long road since then....and now that I've found the person that has helped me through the trauma of that experience....I've decided to eliminate the one questionable thing out of my life...and start over so that it'll be MY choice to start again. It's something I'm very passionate about...and i'd truly appreciate if no one made crude comments here. That experience was terrible for me..and anyone who degrades it is riding pretty closely to the category of the person that caused all that for me....so if you thrive off of making others feel terrible about themselves then so be it but please do it elsewhere. Anyway....we've found an alternative in just mildly fooling around but never going past a certain point. Is there anyway we can keep things interesting? The problems we're facing are just general things people face when growing up....but it's strange sharing so much of ourselves while going through this time. I found it the perfect opportunity to claim celibacy until marriage so we can focus on the bigger issues at hand and have something new and wonderful to enjoy when we take the big step in a few years. Until then....i want to keep him loving this decision....which doesn't seem like it'll be a problem....but a few surprises would be nice :) thanks in advance.

Answer 1

Fiance and I are now celibate. We had sex early on into the relationship then decided we wanted to wait until marriage.



I think it has really increased our bond as a couple. After a while, it doesn't even seem to be on either of our minds anymore. It makes everything else seem so intimate too. I think the key is just to fill the space with other activities. I'm glad we made the decision, it gives us both something to look forward to.

Answer 2

Sometimes, letting go seems like the easiest thing to do. But think about this: you've invested so much of your time and energy into another person; you've made a solemn promise; and you still know there's love, even if it's hiding underneath the surface. This website will show you how to save a marriage and avoid divorce, even if you're the only one trying https://tr.im/Dl94N

Answer 3

Okay, I am going to redefine your question a bit. Reactions (1) and (3) are inevitable and it's best to just accept that reality. So really, you want to know how to keep guys who react like (2) from growing tired of it. This is going to be very difficult but I won't say impossible. You need to ask yourself what your standard is. Is he willing to marry before you have sex? And what is your standard for marriage? (Counseling may help you sort through some of these issues.) Where are you meeting men? Are you religious? Meeting men through religious activities may help your chances. What else do you offer? Are you a good cook? A good dancer? A good conversationalist? Do you make a fun date, perhaps engaging in outdoor or sporting activities? There are ways you can keep it fun for the guy without sex but you're right: most men won't wait. I do wish you luck in finding someone who will.

Answer 4

I am so sorry for the rude responses you've gotten. I can only imagine how awful it must be to be a rape victim, and I completely understand why you'd want to be abstinent. I waited until marriage, and am happy with my decision. There are many elements other than sex in a happy relationship. Before we got married, my husband and I ate lunch together at work, played guitar and piano together, (Playing instruments with eachother is actually very intimate, at least, it can be when you're not joking around. :D) sand, went on runs, swam, bicycled, hiked, made up hard-dancing routines (It's quite nerdy, I know. xD) and in general just kicked back and goofed off. Because of this, we not only developed an amazing, non-sexual relationship, but also a rock-solid friendship. I think that your decision is very wise, and I'm glad that your boyfriend respects your choice. Best of luck!

Answer 5

Your premise is good, your execution needs work.



You should see a professional sex-therapist and work with them and your boyfriend. The issues you have >will get worse< over time with your husband if you do not both learn about your triggers and how to mitigate them and avoid them.

Otherwise, you and he will inadvertently trigger memories over & over again until you develop an aversion reaction to sex with him - the horrible emotion you feel about your past will automatically trigger at the thought of sex with him. It's just how it happens and is well-neigh unavoidable.

It's not necessarily a quick process either, things can seem fine for several years and marriage seems to be a catalyst as well.



Reborn celibacy until marriage is not sufficient to help you with this trauma - it is avoidance which just buries it to resurface another time.

Starting-over on your terms is very good; postponing starting until marriage is not.



Sex starts with kissing and finishes with intercourse.

Starting sex and refusing to finish it is inequitable.

He'll think it's "great for you" for a few weeks then you are going to find him more and more irritable, or avoiding you, or spanking it to porn all the time, etc...

It will ruin and end your relationship.



You need to work on healing now not later.

Answer 6

i think its great you were able to work through trauma in life and find love, especially someone as understanding and committed as your boyfriend is. also, nothing wrong with taking a break from the sexual aspect. a lot of things to discover along the road. it doesn't sound like there's any problem here. you are fine with it. and he is fine with it. what you are really trying to say is that there are certain issues that you have conveniently left out. "to keep things interesting?" relationships are interesting in of it themselves. something is clearly missing in your narrative. something is bothering you, and maybe him too. and you are taking sex out of the picture, because you are afraid of something here. there's trust issues here as well as past emotional trauma that hasn't been completely healed yet. take a step back and seek some counseling. you have several sentences and issues that you bring up that are alarms for other deeper emotional problems. good luck.

Answer 7

Don't listen to that Franco jerk. Massages are very nice, they don't have to have a happy ending to be fun. It's a great way to be together without sex. Maybe take a dancing class together or work out together. Fooling around is also very fun, Cosmo has tips every so often about how to keep things fresh.

Answer 8

I don't understand; you were having sex with him and then one day you just stopped? That doesn't make seance? You are planning to start being celibate now? After you have already had sex that's a little selfish.

Answer 9

Well I would suggest he find someone else who is mature and does not want to play teenage games. He should dump your fat b.u.t.t and find another woman, not a child....!

Start baking cookies together......!