is my mother right about these rules for marriage?

Question

she was saying if u want a man to see u as a wife material dont let him even kiss u on the lips while dating ...stay with him for at least 6 months or a year and than if he really wants you he will put a ring on it?? ..i asked why this? she said because he will later know that u werent the type to go around and and almost fall for everyguy and let them use u...

i was thinking what do u think of her opinion? and whats are ur rules for dating before marriege? how do u make it happen and let the guy know u are the one??
and i was wondering why they say being in a relationship before u get married is not good and wont work?
(im currently dating a guy not as a bf though just getting to know eachother and hanging out)

Answer 1

She is correct if you are going to court through your place of worship and you intend to wed young as virgins. Otherwise she is saying what she thinks she ought to said and it has no bearing on reality.



"... he really wants you he will put a ring on it ..."

Only if he is an abject moron, and then you will we wed to an abject moron.



"and i was wondering why they say being in a relationship before u get married is not good and wont work?"

They say this because it invalidates their entire way of life if it isn't true.



You have to decide if you value monogamy or not. Monogamy means one-mate-for-life not one-at-a-time. You cannot ever have a boyfriend if you want to live a monogamous life.



The problem with monogamy is that it is very risky. You might not like it. What if your husband turns out to be a very lazy lover? What if you aren't straight?





"Being easy is not what most boys want in their own special girl."

But some still do. Some absolutely do not want a prude, they want the wild-party-girl that knows how to please and understand they get the entire package.

Answer 2

I wouldn't call her advice WRONG, but it definitely is a bit out dated. First of all, I'd never want to marry a man that I haven't been with and lived with for a little while. That way I will know if we are going to be able to spend the rest of our lives together. I kind of agree about the not messing around while you are dating though---kissing is fine but the other stuff needs to wait. Also, there is nothing wrong with staying with a guy for at least a year before thinking about marriage. Even a year is too short for me. If you are going to be with a guy forever, then there is no need to rush into marriage.

Answer 3

Yes and no. Yes because girls who do kiss a lot of boys get reputations for being easy. Being easy is not what most boys want in their own special girl.

Kissing isn't really it but that's what makes guys think they can go further. Many will try. If they all succeed then you have a bad title as easy girl.

Holding out on a guy is smartest. It is because guys get bored with yes girls. Once they've been kissed a lot then the guy doesn't have to wonder what she kisses like. He already knows and wants to see what another girl kisses like.



A girl who aims to be an important person in her job field and studies hardest in school, while being a tough catch, gets the best guys to chose from every time. It never fails.

Answer 4

there is an enormously previous WWII-variety axiom that asserts, "Why purchase a cow once you get loose milk?" of path, the implication is "Why marry a female if she'll have intercourse without marriage?" there is a few historic validity to this view. greater those days, noticeably because of the fact the onset of beginning administration, this looks pointless, considering that intercourse may well be relaxing for the two human beings, with the possibility of being pregnant often long gone. surprisingly, between much less-knowledgeable females, there is been a drastic upward thrust in out-of-wedlock pregnancies. yet that's a statistical ingredient, and would possibly not word to a single guy or woman- you. i think of those rules have been proper to your mom. there is likewise a gamble that she *desires* she'd lived by those rules. you could in no way know, considering that any blunders she's made as a youthful female might not be ones she might share with you. Being in a relationship earlier marriage will artwork for some, won't artwork for others. the alternative is a techniques too own, with a techniques too many variables to declare, "decide for it!" or "Be chaste!" the alternative would be yours. once you're incredibly new to relationship, i might propose going slightly slower on your determination. For some persons, a widely used-date intercourse journey is high-quality. For others, you're happier to attend an prolonged, long term. this is a topic be counted you could verify with the only person to whom your determination makes greater distinction- your boyfriend. this is one ingredient to be "ordinary," and this is yet another to be "frigid." the two people who will settle on do not contain all people here on Y!A or your mom. think of approximately going sluggish, yet make up your guy or woman recommendations. ... sturdy success!!!

Answer 5

My mother told me something similar. She said she never kissed a man until she married my dad.

Well I was born in August. They were married in April. When I found this juicy little fact out I called her on the carpet for it. "So, If you didn't kiss him until you were married to him, WHAT WERE YOU DOING ?!!!??

If you think you want to be serious with a guy then first .... Get on birth control. Then to make sure he is really serious make sure he meets your parents. They should meet him and see that he is the type of guy they want their daughter to be with.

We Dads know what guys are after. If he is after less than a relationship we have a sense for it and will make sure he doesn't stay around long.

My daughter's first boy friend lasted about 1 hour after he picked her up for their first date.

Answer 6

I think your grandma has some good points. like not giving it up right away, but I dont think in this day and age, that a guy is going to put a ring a year in on a girls finger without having even kissed her . I would only think the guy is most likely to perceive that the girl is not interested in him, or is just treating him more like a close friend to spend time with.

Answer 7

U r mom z right mostly. I suggest waiting 3 - 5 years b 4 getting married. Working on friendship on the sustain z just as satisfying as the u no what. Do yourself a favor & don't compromise your dignity. Keep u r peace of mind, proceed with caution and I hope u find love. Don't force it kiddo.

Answer 8

i half agree.i will kiss while dating but in my opinion no sex.that is a special experience i believe should be for a serious couple in commitment not for casual dating.the more you sleep around the less your value.think of this, why would someone want to marry a person with five partners when they can marry someone with only two.kissing hugging holding hands is fine.but as far your body treat it like a precious temple and only give it to someone you plan on spending your life with.since you still getting to know your boyfriend sex should be off limits until you ate in a serious commitment

Answer 9

Anne, I respect your mother's values. But they are antiquated.



In present time, we 'live' our lives. not just lead them. Your relation with a guy can only go as far as you want it to go.



You seem very keen on the marriage issue. You only marry someone when you come to like him and decide to spend a good deal of time of your life with that person, have kids and stuff. That isnt easy. Making a guy fall for you is much easier, by trickery, seduction or whateva.. but its not long term.



If you find the right guy for you, who respects you, I dont see the reason why u must hold back. Its your life - not your moms - live it responsibly.



Cheers!

Answer 10

wrong

myself and most guys will not stick around for 6 months to get a kiss,let alone an entire year



sex is part of an adult relationship, you make your own rules, not your ,if you are old enough to be on your own

Answer 11

I'm not a spring chick but that's really OLD SCHOOL even for me. lol. There is no guarantee that marriage will be successful or unsuccessful. If its meant to be, will be. :)

Answer 12

um thats a little weird. i think its okay to kiss and stuff but nothing more than that, at least til marriage.

if you dont kiss them thats fine but at least wait til the 10th date or until you feel SUPER comfortable with them