Women: how to deal with your man wanting other women?

Question

I'd like to ask women how they deal with the fact that their husband wants other women and that nothing is ever going to stop that? How do you bring yourself to continue sleeping with him? How do you bring yourself to be friendly and continue expressing love? I'm new to the theory that all men want other women (not just look, but want and fantasize about), regardless of if they're married or not and I don't know if I'm going to be able to deal with it. I'm seriously considering getting a divorce and never allowing myself to fall this deeply for someone again (maybe just keep things strictly sexual with future men). I would like to work past this (we have two children under 3 and I (obviously) love him) but I don't know how.
Counseling is not an option.
Also, I never nag my husband or complain or make a huge deal out of my insecurities so please don't tell me to stop harassing my husband, because I'm not.
Also also, I don't look at other men. I don't want other men, and I surely don't fantasize about them. Does that make me weird? I keep reading discussions about this topic and most people say that "women want other men too!" but I don't. I've completely shut the "looking for guys" thing off and I think that has a lot to do with why I can't deal with this.
So, long story short: HOW do you DEAL with this?? What do you tell yourself to feel better??

Answer 1

This is an interesting question, I don't feel that all men want other women, I mean I know that 90% of them take Second glances and look, but I don't feel that they "want" them, I agree that its hard to get over the fact that they seem to want everything that walks by, but you need to be secure with yourself, I mean I have had insecurities with my husband but I can guarantee that no one will ever treat him as good or make him as happy as I do, I will also say that I dont look at other men either, though many of my friend make comments like, omg look at him, hes so hot, I also dont fantasize or want other men, So to answer your question... how to deal... You need to stop and and decide for yourself what you want, If you put your mind to it you can make your marriage work, You may need to talk to your husband, explain to him how you feel and let him help with your insecurities, This is something the two of you need to work on,

Answer 2

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Answer 3

my man and I had a deal.

If he wanted to be with another woman sexually, that was fine but that also meant I was gone. Period.

I don't share.

If my man decided to be with another woman while still with me, he would find his pecker in a baggie and tied to the bumper of his car.

Period.

No do overs.

I do not share.

Man or woman, if they find themselves wanting someone else other than who they are with should have the guts(or balls, as the case may be ) to end it first with the person they are with and then move on.

The theory about men automatically wanting other women when married is some BS excuse made up by some guy who got caught tom catting around and talked his way out of it.

Of course there is nothing wrong with admiring a beautiful body. I could look at the guy across the street all day long. That doesn't mean I am going to jump him. It means I am alive and admire his looks.

In my opinion, men are allowed the same privilege. Nothing wrong with that.

You did not say if your husband has carried out his desires or has verbalized them to you.

Is he telling you he wants other women all the time or do you just THINK he does, because that put a whole 'nother spin on your story.

I agree that men tend to "look" more than women generally do but that doesn't mean they will follow through.

That never bothered me at all. It embarrassed my husband if I caught him looking sometimes but he brought his.....desires home to me.

Answer 4

He actually sleeps with them - or he just "wants" other women AKA attracted to other women? If you are talking only about attraction, then I think that you are "weird" though I hate that word. I'm not sure why you feel the need to do that. Monogamy is a choice - but attraction is not and needn't be "turned off." You are attracted to whom you are attracted - that just happens. It is what you do to follow that up. If my husband "turned off" his attraction, I would think he was in denial and be insecure. When you openly acknowledge your attraction, then you can choose to take appropriate action to recognize it as a danger to your marriage and to get away from the person. In addition, there is plenty of eye candy out there that loses its appeal as soon as the person opens their mouth - so you may not even be talking about whole person attraction (which is what he has for you).Proactive marriage maintenance necessitates an acknowledgment of our humanity and taking steps to manage attraction so that infidelity is never a danger.



Oh - and if he is disrespecting you by openly flirting, that is so not OK! I could not be attracted to my husband if he made a fool of me in public and humiliated me. I hope this is not what you mean! But again - it is not the attraction that is causing trouble - it is how he is handling it.

Answer 5

It's true, the Uniforms are super sexy, but I've always had some strange infatuation for military boys, i think it's just because I am joining, and I like the idea of being with someone that likes the same things I do. When you think of a Man in Uniform, you usually picture someone chivelrous, smart, and extremelly strong. It's what a lot of girls want.

Answer 6

First, being married doesn't mean that EITHER of you will stop finding others attractive or even fantasizing about others. The difference is... that you don't ACT on those feelings. So as long as my husband isn't acting out, he's entitled to find other women attractive.



Also, seriously... mean are visual creatures. They respond to physical appeal. If you are the epitomy of your husband's dream girl or sexual fantasy, he is not going to go anywhere. However, if you're a blonde and he prefers redheads, he's going to always check out every redhead that walks in the door.



I think that you're just basically very insecure. I wouldn't worry about whatever thoughts your husband is having... they're just thoughts. It's his ACTIONS that count. And if his actions are honorable, then you have nothing to worry about.

Answer 7

I just had the same problem with my ex.

fell pregnant which was eptopic. and loved him dearly.

I Knew he's eye wondered, i exsepted that, I don't think you can go into relationship worried that your boyfriend/husband is look, i mean, what would you do if johnny depp knocked on your door? jump he's bone. d

don't let them know, you know, they look, but make it clear you don't want a cheater.



Their was a study done on a group of students, that single or not their eye wondered, male or female,

and guess what! women where worse. though they didn't know they where, their eye wondering included.

looking at other sexes arses, faces, and for the longest periods of time the grion area.



as for making yourself feel better, dump the kids with him or nanny or put take the to the play area and where them out for an early night, tell your husband that tonight is your night, off goes the mobile, unplug the house phone, check the kids one last time, and a hot bubble bath and champain, do your hair nails and dress up (in something comfy) then with a bar of chocolet (or your fave snack) sit back with your book/movie. and relax. when you wake in the morning you'll feel ready for the week coming.



try it befor you knock it.



but don't worry about you husband, when he looks all you got to think is, yes thats it, look at the ones that arn't good enough to have rocked your world.

Answer 8

hi i felt exactley the same with my partner 2 years ago and it was very hard i felt he didnt love me and we were always argueing and we have 2 childern too i know what ur going through and its dreadfull so dont rush into the whole divorce dision yet think about and talk to him and if you need a break have one and he will c how much hes miss u we had a break and we have got back togther and it was the best thing we ever did hope ypu get it sorted good luck

Answer 9

So your solution is to be with random guys that feel little or nothing for you, than be with your husband who adores you helps provide for your children, and happens to wacks off to the thought of banging Jennifer Aniston? Be more secure that he isn't going to leave you but in terms of sex needs some variety within his own mind.

Answer 10

YOU could go to counseling. A little self-esteem would help you tremendously. You can't expect your husband to be just like you. For him, it's about attraction. For you, it's about possession.

Answer 11

Go out and find yourself another man. Two can play at that game.