Is it really true that you can't help someone else until you can help your self?

Question

or the more famous"you cant love someone else until you love yourself"?
I have helped and been there for friends and family when they were in need mostly because I hated to see them in pain but at the same time, in my own life and in certain situations I have found myself useless and kept putting myself down constantly. Not daring to believe I could be right in my feelings and assumptions concerning my own problems to someone close.
The ones I reached out to when they asked me for help says I understood them and has helped them immensely which makes me so happy for them and myself (it gives me a glimpse of self worth).
After I found this "answers at yahoo" and have gotten so much incredible input from you all, who are total strangers to me, I think this has to be untrue. I don't mean only sharing experience here.

If you really need help yourself but can't find it, the next best thing would be to try to help someone else. We all have some good advice or? Maybe it's just the fact of feeling that SOMEBODY cares that helps?

Any thoughts?

Answer 1

I think you really have two questions here, not just one. Let me break it down:



1. "Can I help someone else even though I might need some help myself?" Sure, you can be a friend, be supportive and listen to that person. Frequently that's all someone else needs, and this can be very helpful. However, if you are not working through your own related issues, you can not offer realistic suggestions to anyone, nor can you be a role model. So you are limited as to the help you can offer.



2. "When I need my own help, can helping someone else instead be a substitute?" No. You will need help at times just like everyone else does. You need a friend to rely on, a listening ear and a friendly shoulder. Too many times, people want to take short-cuts by not seeking the help they really need, so problems continue to be overlooked and just get worse. Let me guess here. You have some self-esteem problems and think that offering help to someone else makes you feel better about yourself for a brief period of time. This is not self esteem. Here is a key question to get you started: "What are my strengths, attributes, qualities and good points, independent of what I can do with or for another person?" This question challenges you to look at yourself and who you are, not what you can do for others. Once you can honestly take a look at how you see YOU, then being helpful takes on a different meaning in your life.



People (women especially) tend to confuse self-esteem (the ability to love myself or hold myself in positive regard) with codependency (overlooking my own thoughts, feelings, wants, needs, goals to stay connected with another human being), You matter as much as anyone else does. Find the help and support you need, whether it is from friends and family or from a counselor or both, and utilize it. You deserve it as much as anyone else. And best wishes to you, my dear.

Answer 2

I call it the "looking in a mirror while talking in a mic" we all look for people who have our same needs, desires, feelings. We need to know we are not crazy and alone. When you place yourself at the mercy of these people who you do not even know and maybe expose yourself it is a release. Maybe not sexual but a pain release. I feel, in the last few days, I have found a community that can see into my pain, that care in their own way and give opinions and advice that is some times testimony. The bible does that, you ask, your read, you listen, then there is the peace that passes all understanding. Thanks to all of you I may have just a little different perspective than before.

Answer 3

true, i find if you pay attention, what you tell others in some way applies to your life. I find myself drawn to certain themes and can so easily give out advice because I am outside of the questioners problems BUT in dealing with the self, I am entangled in the mess and its harder. Its like doctors they give health advice but see how many are overworked, obese and addicted to liquor and/or coke (the white stuff).



At some point, you got to cross that advice over....after you suffer enough. Sometimes its just karma that you got to keep helping others, do so without thought of receiving something back so it becomes selfless service. Eventually someone will give you advice back that makes a difference. Perhaps you are learning patience, something we think we have but really don't.



And one day, you'll choose to be a living example of your life to really better able to help people. You'll realize if you really want to help people then be a living example for others, practice what your preach. Sometimes we just can't do things for ourselves because we feel crappy about ourselves but if you are serving yourself, realizing it is for others to see a living example of your words, remind yourself regularly, be around those who remind you of this too...then you'll succeed more easily.

Answer 4

I have felt that way sometimes, but have grown up to just do it yourself. It does give comfort to help others but only within your means. You sound like a great person and Good on you!

Answer 5

No. Whats true is ,You cant help any one until they finally realize they need help. My wife's brother is a bi-polar alcoholic. It's hard watching him go down. but until he hits bottom, It's just a waste of time and money. With him, No good deed goes unpunished

Answer 6

i think the mike and debbi s told you good answers, i just wanna add this sentence thet : help other to make them happy not to make yourself happy.

Answer 7

I have always believed that in order to help yourself you need to be of assistance to others. The more you help others the more you help yourself.

Answer 8

Yep