A husband confused about having kid, now tortures pregnant wife - still says he loves her, what is this?

Question

My husband and me had a good marriage was like neutral about having kid and said it would be welcome thing in family...He got overseas job and I got pregnant both at same time. He started treating me badly because I decided to keep it - I could not kill our child! He never 'said' to do abortion but at the same time every day before he left overseas he would shout at me, swear me.....and keep complaining day and night I spoilt his marriage.

Before this, he would treat me so well, he cared for me and loved me...but since the day I got pregnant he started behaving as if I had committed a sin! In fact when he went overseas even then he would threaten that he was tied up else he would comeback and kill my baby for the sin i committed - In my worst dreams I cannot imagine in educated civilized society - can a husband curse his wife for bearing his own blood, his own baby??

I stopped all communication with him and thanked God that he was not around me during those days. Still he kept e-mailing me calling me sl*t and all possible swear words. He never gave me support of any kind all i got was tons of humiliation, torture, and ofcourse there was no financial support too. I took up some job and worked till 8.5 month to save some money for hospitalization - there was only lip service (nice words) from in-laws but there was no support from them. As expected my husband never came during time of delivery.

Taking care of myself, my unborn baby and job was the priority for me - so i just kept quite all nine months for all torture he did. But what would you call all this? What was my fault?
Even now when I see a pregnant lady and her hubby helping her out I get tears in my eyes - the very basis of relationship has shaken in my mind, I am scared of any relationship...and I just cannot trust anyone now...

What would you call this, why did he behave like this...what was my fault?

Answer 1

Mental Illness. This man had a problem with controlling you. You didn't do everything he told you to do and he couldn't handle that. When you put him in jail he knew he had lost all control over you and that is when he took his own life. You are not to blame, he was sick. I do hope you go get some counseling to be able to handle this, or he will continue to control you from the grave.

Answer 2

A child is the biggest gift from a marriage. When the wife is pregnant it is the duty of the husband to take extra care and give her all the love and affection. This is the time when couple needs to understand is very important for their kid.

I can understand how you must be feeling.



Have a heart to heart communication and let him say what he wants.



Life is full of ups and down after every Night there is a Day.

Answer 3

Divorce him..... He seems like a total *******. You don't need him. You and your child will find someone that will love you both forever. I'm not sure why your husband is being a piece of Sh** but you don't need that kind of man in your life. Does he think you have cheated on him or something?? It doesn't make sense to me, unless something traumatic happened to him that he isn't telling you about... Either way you and your baby need to be safe from him until he straightens up.... If he ever does... If he doesn't want the child, I would have him give up all rights and give you full custody.------------ If he doesn't think the baby is his, (if that is his problem) Get a paternity test done to prove to his sorry *** that it is his child. then divorce him!

Answer 4

Your husband was immature and unstable. I wonder if he was the only child or the only son. He shows signs of fear of responsibility. What did he expect after marriage? People marry and have kids. that is the way it works especially in south Asian Culture.



He wasn't ready to be a man a husband or a Father and sadly he decided that the fault for all his failures lay at you feet.



Stay away from him and consider suing him for child support.



If he were in South Asia I would consider talking to his boss. In my experience bosses here are more willing to talk to employees who are not doing the right thing. The concept of family is valued.

Answer 5

Three things comes to my mind and they are all important and true... please read carefully...



a) when a lady becomes pregnant for the first time for a man, the lady is going to have definitely 3 months of hard time with morning sickness, cravings and mood swings (these 3 months could be the first 3 months or the last three months of the pregnancy). Now the woman doesn't understand that whats happening with her and she sees everything normal whereas husband goes banana, he gets confused, he doesn't know whats going around. he thinks that his wife is crazy and he wants to run away from the lady as well as the responsibility. believe me it's true.



b) Your husband whereas he is scared of the situation but other side he got the freedom to be overseas where things are easily available for him as well as freedom. it's not doing good for you.



c) Whatever the situation is but you, your child and your husband also do need a family, have to be together for sake of future because out there is a jungle, life is hard outside and none of you are realising this fact at this moment (you being newly pregnant and he being newly a father).



Now the conclusion....Please look beyond (don't be just dragged because of your mental situation right now) be strong, be wise and COMMUNICATE with lots of empathy and understanding with your husband (make sure in your mind this understanding that your husband is an Idiot, he himself is a child) but you and your child need him for sake of family, for future.



I am sure that you, yourself are not doing the right thing by working yourself and putting everything against this situation, you are not understanding that in a long run, you are the one who would end up paying much more what you are bargaining for at this moment with your anger and unpleasantness.



Turn around, be wise, have patience, check more, communicate more before you ruin yours and your coming child's life because of you being sensitive right now. time is not right for you to be sensitive. The outcome of this situation MUST be that you are not going to be loser now, anytime or in future. your husband is the one who should understand this or if he doesn't than pay for his doings.



I can't emphasise more that being pregnant is not easy, whole world goes upside down, you got to hang on....for you, for your child. if you can't than I am sorry.

Answer 6

He was emotionally abusing you. For some reason he either believed the baby was not his or that it would ruin his life.



Be glad he is out of your life forever although it is a sad way that it happened. As for the note he left, he was trying to make you feel guilt, however he brought it all upon himself.



I wish you all the best for you and your child.

Answer 7

Maybe he isn't ready to have a baby but you did the right thing keeping the baby :)

no way this is your fault you did absolutely nothing wrong hes the wrong one for treating you that way a baby should be something to be proud of. You need to be strong for you and your baby. give your baby all the love he or she needs!

Answer 8

Not your fault at all.



It seem's to me he is a head case - To say he was going to kill his own blood is just twisted.



Be thankful you are done with such a man ! No one deserve's that !

Answer 9

He thinks the baby is not his.