Do you think it's okay for me to celebrate Christmas even if it is the day of my brother's death???

Question

I celebarate and get all into it still, my brother died in a car accident on Christmas morning 4 years ago, and although I miss him very much Christmas is still enjoyable to me. I love to watch my children on Christmas morning, but I would say there's alittle part of me that feels guilty seeing as my brother died on the exact day. My Dad and Mom although they are separated don't get in to the Christmas spirit as much as before, they will give gifts but not really be into Christmas, meaning they don't put up a tree anymore or decorate. They just give the grandkids presents and then they are sad they hole day. Is it wrong for me to still be happy on the day of Christmas????

Answer 1

One thing I have found out since my dad died in Feb. is that when you have kids, you cannot be down and sad all the time for their sakes. Yes, it is a sad day. Yes, you will remember your brother and be sad. But, you have children that may or may not miss your brother as much and for them life is life and is going on. They shouldn't be punished and be made to sit around sad all day because of what happened 4 yrs. ago. Yes, it's important and you never want to forget your brother. But, on the other hand, I have learned that life is for the living. And even though my kids absolutely LOVED their grandpa, they get over it quicker than we do, they want to go on with life. They want to have fun. Yes, we still have our crying fits and don't think we can go on another day, but we have to go on for our kids and make life fun. We plan on celebrating and having a great Christmas, even though this will be our first without my dad. The kids don't want to sit around and cry all day and I really don't either! Yes, we will have our sad moments, but for the most part, we plan on having a great time having fun, like my dad would want us to do.

One thing about your parents. They don't have little kids to make happy. They lost their child, so yes, they will be more sad and down trodden, especially at Christmastime. And especially on Christmas Day. But I hope they understand that you still have kids and a family to take care of and need to be upbeat. Kids need to know that life goes on, we miss those who have passed on, but life does go on. They are gone, but not forgotten. No, it is not wrong at all for you to be happy on the day of Christmas!

Answer 2

How would your brother feel? Do you think he would be happy if you were to sad over his death when you're supposed to be celebrating the birth of Jesus. Although your parents are still grieving his death, understandably so, that doesn't mean you aren't also. I think what you are doing is wonderful. On Christmas, instead of mourning him, you are celebrating the gift that he was while he was still here. You can keep his memory alive by always remembering that this is the day he went home and now you have another angel watching over you and your family. Keep telling your parents this, although it will be hard for them, I am sure they will understand this. Take them a little tabletop christmas tree and tell them that it is in honor of your brother. Make sure they can handle this though. It's been four years you may be able to make it a traditional tribute to him.

Answer 3

Christmas is a time for celebrating life. Use part of the day to celebrate your brother's life, even though it is the anniversary of his death.



I don't know the circumstances surrouding his death, but it is ok to feel sad, depressed, and "just not into" Christmas. However, you cannot stop living your life because of a death in the family.



I know that statement sounds harsh, but the reality is, life goes on, no matter what else happens in the world.



Your mom and dad are still feeling the aftershocks of this, I am sure. No parent wants to outlive their children, and him not being there is like a hole in their lives.



They may need to talk with a counselor or pastor to help get them through this. Un unbiased, yet caring opinion may help them see that while they have lost a child, there are others that are still here who love them.



I am truly sorry to hear of your loss.

Answer 4

For you Christmas is a time of joy, why should it be otherwise? Your brother died tragically on Christmas, that is sad, but I trust you had many happy Christmases with him.



You can honor his memory by enjoying this time with your family and thinking of him.



Fond memories are a gift of the past and the future is promised to no one. Christmas is a celebration of hope and life after the longest night of the year and the death of your brother is a reminder that the present is all we ever have.



These two events can bring a special meaning for Christmas... that the past is done, the future may never come. Live and love in the moment with gratitude.



It is sad that your parents choose to remain in their grief and deprive themselves of joy at this time. That is their choice, it doesn't have to be yours. You can love and respect them where they are at and enjoy your Christmas without guilt.

Answer 5

You should enjoy Christmas and celebrate life. Your brother would not want you to be miserable, just as you wouldn't want him to if the situation were turned around. You must show your kids how to move on with life--past a loved one's death. You are their role-model in life and they learn from you how to handle situations.



All of our days are numbered. God planned our life and the day of our death. Your brother's death was for a reason--maybe you will never know it here on earth, but it did serve some purpose. For example: if your brother had lived, he may have suffered unbearable pain for the remainder of his life, or he may have been a quadriplegic. And even though to us it seems that it would be better for him to have lived--if you think about it, it's selfish of us because we would not be the ones to suffer.



Whatever has happened or whatever will happen, you must always remember that God is in control. As believers, all things happen for our good and for His Glory, even those things that may seem horrible to us or just to much to bear.



It's okay to remember your brother at Christmas, but maybe instead of showing your children the sad side, by just lighting a candle, maybe you should think of a funny story to tell each Christmas when you light that candle. It will soon become a joyful candle-lighting ceremony, instead of the kids seeing dad become sad each Christmas that the candle is lit.

Answer 6

Death is weird...alot of people insist on being sad on the day of a loved ones death. I admit that I have done that in the past as well. But I got some really great advice this year when my grandmother died. She died on my birthday of this year. I was very depressed and around all my family at the hospital and I said Why did she have to die on my birthday???



And my aunt said "just look at it this way, now you have the same birthday because this is the day she went to heaven."

Some may say its quite childish, and Im 28 years old. But it really helped me to see the brighter side of things. I know you love your brother and want to mourn him, but be happy for him, he is in a much better place and is no doubt sitting up there feeling sorry for you because you arent up there yet. Look at it as celebrating your brothers life on Christmas day....to me there could be no better honor.

Answer 7

Thats such a terrible thing to have happend i'm so sorry. Your brother i'm sure would hate to think of you being sad at christmas time. You have nothing to feel guilty about, as sad as it is when we lose someone so close life goes on and although you'll never forget him I'm sure he would rather you try to enjoy the day rather than dwell on the sadness of it.I think lighting a candles is a lovely way of remembering him. This christmas don't feel bad about enjoying yourself, have fun and make it a good day for your kids, it's what your brother would have wanted. x

Answer 8

You should not feel guilty about celebrating Christmas. I don't think your brother would want you to be bumbed out. Lighting a candle and maybe saying a prayer for him and letting him know that you are thinking about him is all you need. I think your mom and dad need therapy to let this go. They need to remember the true meaning of Christmas. It is not about death but birth. Think of your Brother in a much better place.

Answer 9

Man just bcause your brother has died on the same day as christmas doesnt mean you need to stop celebrating christmas. But you should take time in christmas to remember him. But plz keep celebrating christmas man. The best time of the year!

See Ya!

Answer 10

Sorry to hear about your lost but whatever you're doing...keep it up. Your brother's probably happy on the other side so why be so sad? I'm sure if he was a loving brother, having your Christmas spirit up during this time is all he would wish for.

Answer 11

First let me say, I can only imagine the pain you and your family must feel. The only thing I would ask myself in your position is, what would my brother want? Would he want you to be sad or would he want you to remember all the wonderful things you all shared as a family and continue that. Maybe, if he is not buried too far, all of you could go and celebrate with him one year, after your celebration at home. There is no way to tell you or your parents not to be sad, that would be impossible. But, try to include his memory in your celebration. Hope this holiday is a good one for all of you.

Answer 12

I am sure your brother would want you to enjoy Christmas. You are doing right to do so. Christmas is a special time for us to have those we love around us and remember those who have passed on. you will always have the memory of him to hold in your mind and heart. I hope your parents can learn to remember with fondness instead of grief.

Here is an idea, put a stocking up for him with little slips of paper from everyone of dreams each year of good things to accomplish in life. Fill it with Loving messages and ideas for the future. I bet that is what your brother would be wishing for you and your family.

Answer 13

Sorry for your loss. I know it must be hard to have torn feelings for Christmas, but you need to enjoy the day. Decorate and celebrate. Your children need to know what Christmas is about, don't take that away from them. You may want to display a special picture of you and your brother as a nice memory.

Answer 14

Your brother would have wanted everyone to enjoy Christmas, and your parents need to understand that too. This Christmas, invite your parents to join you when you light the candle for your brother. Let him know he is in your thoughts as you celebrate the holiday with your children. He will be glad.



Christmas is for children, and they should have the chance to enjoy it!

Answer 15

Would your brother want you to be happy and celebrate Christmas or spend the day in mourning? For your childrens sake you need to celebrate and it is ok for you to enjoy the holiday season. Your parents maybe need to think about what your brother would want them to do also. Would he want them to be unhappy on Christmas day or truly celebrate and show some enjoyment.

Answer 16

Yes it's okay to celebrate Christmas. Instead of focusing on it being the day that he died - you can turn the day into one celebrating the life that he lived.



I have an uncle that passed years ago at Thanksgiving - my family still enjoys the holiday and during the first few years we'd read one of his favorite biblical scriptures in remembrance of him because he was a youth pastor in his church.



It gets easier over time. You will never forget the loss of your loved one - but remember they are still in your hearts and you must keep living. It wouldn't be fair to dampen the holidays for your children - instead make it grand and a chance for them to become more knowlegeable of their uncle.

Answer 17

After Christmas morning opening presents with your kids...

Instead of dwelling on your brother's death, celebrate his life. Talk with your parents (and any other family/friends you think would like to participate) about your brother. Talk about the fun times. The things he did to make you laugh, memories of him learning how to ride his first bike, pranks you would play on each other as kids, etc. Rejoice in the fact that you were honored with the time you did have with him. It does no good to think about the time you have lost, you can never get that back.

Also, depending on your kids ages, talking about him to your children will help keep him alive in your heart.

I hope this year you have a very merry Christmas!

Answer 18

You obviously still care enough to think of him on that day. So long as you never forget about him on Christmas there should be no reason to think it's wrong. Perhaps you could light a candle in honor of him or something; start a new Christmas tradition in his memory.

Answer 19

Of course it is OK. Christmas is a celebration and a very special time of year, it is OK to remember your brother fondly and still enjoy Christmas. Especially since you have small children.

Maybe have a quiet moment on that day to remember your brother and then allow yourself to fully enjoy the rest of the day.

Answer 20

I don't think its wrong. I doubt your brother would have wanted you to spend every Christmas sad. Remember, everything happens for a reason.

Why don't you use Christmas to celebrate his life - give a donation in his name to a charity or organization that is helping needy families/kids this Christmas. That would be a sweet way to honor his memory.

Answer 21

Time of death of your brother on that christmas. You brother of course want you keep on going don't feel sad for him. He knows that he will see you when times is right. You know it nothing wrong to be happy on the day of christmas day. If me as a parents and lost a child and Be sad all day, It woudn't be fair for my other children too.



I think that parents should think good things about him not bad things happen to him. I do felt bad for your parents who feel that way. they forgot you, and grand children and daughter in law other people on that chirstmas day.

Answer 22

yes. i feel u should still enjoy Christmas. it would never be the same because that love one it not there with u all. i think that he would want u all to enjoy yourselves and keep him in heart. i do believe that he is always with u guys anyway, so yes go ahead and enjoy Christmas.



I lost a cousin on thanksgiving mornig. we had plan a big family and friend get together. mostly everyone came from out of town and that morning he passed on. i to didn't feel to much like have thanksgiving but i know that have would not want that. he was the type that would be the life of the event. he was funny loving careing i still miss but yet i feel like he is always around and that brings me comfort.

Keep those we love in our heartand mind because we no they would do the same for us.

Answer 23

my family has been thru the same thing, my mom's grandfather died over xmas, then her mom was dying of cancer, then her older brother started dying from herion addiction, actually vomiting up blood xmas eve while she was pregnant with me, she had to stay home to clean it up while her parents took him to the er. she has always said that xmas was a very sad holiday for the family, but she has always loved to celebrate it. she uses the time to remember the people she lost and to love them in her own way by keeping the holiday merry.



christmas is about being with the people you love, and even if its only in spirit those people who are gone are still with you and you will never forget them, but its not fair to you to feel remorse for them dying and you feeling happiness on christmas! yes its horrible that he died but you cant change that, so why get depressed over it every year? celebrate his life, not morn his death. you do what feels right to you

Answer 24

Yes, you must celebrate it! Christmas is a time of giving, love and family. If you want to remember your brother on this day, celebrate his life and be happy. Say a prayer and dedicate the day to him. He wouldn't want people to be upset on Christmas.

Answer 25

I think it's perfectly healthy to be happy on Christmas, even if you've experienced tragedy on that date. My grandmother died (oddly enough) also four years ago. It was a difficult time. I had to go pick up my Grandpa and take him to the hospital.



Your beliefs about afterlife are tested by tragedy. If you believe there is none, it can be especially hard.



Just remember that nothing is gained by wallowing in misery.

Answer 26

No, it is not wrong. It is the day your brother died, but it is also the day Jesus was born. My husbands father killed himself on Christmas. My husband gets sad during the holidays because of this, but we still celebrate and are happy for the birth of Jesus and also for still having the people that are close to us.

Answer 27

You should still celebrate christmas.he wouldn't want you or your children to suffer for him.My brother died on my sons 2nd Birthday.He and my son were very close.And it was hard for us the first year we had to have the party without him.But I knew that he wouldn't want us to not celebrate my sons birthday.You need to do what is best for you and your children.He would want you to.Has for you parents they experienced the worst thing that can happen they lost one of their children.Has hard has it is for you it is way harder for them.My brother died in march of 2000 and my Mom refused to celebrate the holidays at first.She still don't enjoy them like she used to but my sister in law told her the first christmas my brother was gone that he made her promise to go on with life and make sure that we did the same and that we are to celebrate the holidays has a family has we always did.And not to let my mom get down around the holidays after he was gone like she did when our sister died.He wanted us to be happy he even bought my son christmas in March shortly before he passed he wrapped it up and put it in the closet and had my sister in law give it to him on christmas morning so he would know that even if bobbob has my son called him wasn't were he could see him he would always be with him.Even at chrismas.Hope this helped.

Answer 28

It's unfortunate that your brother was taken on this holiday, your memory of him by lighting the candle shows that your love will always be in your heart. No one on this earth can tell when God will take them, so no one should continue the past from loosing their family members. It's sad that your parents don't see it that way because from the day we are born, we are destined to die. Then again, God choose a special day to take your brother, His date of birth, which can be considered.

Answer 29

Christmas is a celebration of life, of the birth of our lord, of friends and family. I would honor my brother and his memory, especially if he loved Christmas, as I am sure you do. There is no reason to feel guilty at all. Enjoy your life and teach other to cherish the precious time that we all have on this earth.

Answer 30

Maybe you can think about that day as your brothers rebirth in heaven instead of his death on earth! Of course it's not wrong for you to be happy, I'm sure your brother would still want you to be happy! Merry Christmas

Answer 31

Yes celebrate Christmas and light a candle.

Answer 32

Christmas is for the living. I am sorry you lost your brother, but what about the people still living. Your parents should be enjoying their grandchildren, not mourning the loss of a child. People die at the most inconvient times, but it is all a part of life.

Answer 33

I am sorry for your lost.look my daughter died 7years ago the day before thanksgiving and every year me and my kids get a cake and we sing happy birthday to her.it makes the kids feel good and it helps me also.i know it,s hard especially at christmas and maybe you should try setting aside sometime on christmas where you can remember him and laugh at how he was growing up and before he died.you could also buy him an ornament that represents him every year and hang them on the tree.you are going to feel bad every year but it will never be a happy christmas again until you can enjoy it and also remember him.i greeved for years and then i realized it wasnt good for my kids and that my daughter would want all of us to be happy but not to forget her.try talking to the kids and tell them how you feel at that time of year.also talk to your parents because the holidays are for family to love and be happy and to remember those they lost.

Answer 34

Celebrate on Christmas Eve!



Your brother would only want you and your family to remember the good experiences you had together!



§§

Answer 35

No, it is not wrong at all. Christmas is about giving, and the joy you experience watching your children celebrate should not be overshadowed by your brother's death.



Your brother would want you to celebrate with your family, wouldn't he?

Answer 36

You are doing just the right thing. It's good that you take time to remember him. That the accident happened on Christmas is just a calendar thing.

Answer 37

you are on the right track. I think he would want that. Remember him and enjoy your family.

Merry Christmas, and sometime during the day, silently tell him you love him and remember him. Then look or listen for a sign that he heard you.

Answer 38

Yes it is fine! Maybe you can make a special ornament that would remind you of your brother. Enjoy the good times you had with your brother and let your kids know what a great uncle they had!

Answer 39

yes, of course its okay, ur celebrating christmas and the life of your brother, its a day when families come together and you should not feel guilty whatsoever, its healthy to feel happy and you should

Answer 40

i don't think you're brother would have wanted it any other way. eventually your parents will come around i hope. keep the grandkids around them. christmas brings out the kid in all of us and eventually all the goodtimes will remind them of the past good times. good luck and merry christmas and GOD bless.

Answer 41

I am so sorry for your loss. Ask yourself: Would your brother want you to be happy? Would he want you to build happy memories for your children? I believe we all have to grieve in our own ways. Let your parents deal with this their own way, but I think we should allow ourselves to feel joy because this is what our loved ones would want for us and that is how we can honor them.

Answer 42

Aww I'm so sorry for your loss, but honestly - he is in a better place, you need to think of it that way. I feel he would want you to celebrate. He would want your life to go on, especially with you having children. Please reconsider and enjoy your holiday. I think it best. Happy Holidays!

Answer 43

Don't force it - once your ready to not be affected by your brother's death, you will naturally begin to enjoy Christmas again.

Answer 44

It is perfectly fine to be happy on Christmas, enjoy yourself

Answer 45

Make this a double celebration. Its Jesus's Birthday PArty and He is right with him. IS that worthy of mourning?

Answer 46

What would your brother would have wanted for you?



Or better yet, what would you have wanted your brother to have done if you had of been the one to cross over first?

Answer 47

have you ever thought about remembering his life on that day and what he meant to you your family??? you could celebrate his memory not his death. i do i lost my son on the day of his death i remember what a joy he was to have for 23 years and thank god he gave me such a good son ,

Answer 48

It's fine - I'm sure he would want you to celebrate the holiday and not let his death on that day ruin it.

Answer 49

We've taken a vote.. And Yes you have our permission.. We have also agreed that your brother wouldn't want you to mourn him on Christmas.



-HtJ

Answer 50

ur brother probably would have wnated you to continue life being happy



for this reason, it is plenty ok to celebrate christmas

Answer 51

yes don't dwell on the past even though it is your brothers death say a prayer for him and celebrate the holidays. hope i helped.

Answer 52

you should be happy



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Answer 53

what would your brother want you to do? i think he's want you to be happy and have a good time. i know i wouldn't want my family to be miserable.

Answer 54

Yes it is absolutely fine....I believe in Jesus, so I would celebrate it no matter what.

Answer 55

What do you think he would want. it sounds like he would not want you to be sad.......so don't .....and stop feeling guilty about it.

Answer 56

How can you be so callous. Did he not mean anything to you.

Answer 57

Sure...It is fine...