How do I explain to my ex that I don't want to "do lunch" with him because it will hurt my husband's feelings?

Question

How do I explain to my ex that I don't want to "do lunch" with him because it will hurt my husband's feelings? I just feel like it makes a problem for my husband to babysit the kids while I go have "coffee" with my ex. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but my husband's feelings are more important. I don't want this to even be something my husband should have to worry about. I don't want it to be a drama either, just a plainly stated fact. How would you word it?

Answer 1

why do you need a reason? Just say no, you're busy.

Say, sorry, I'm so busy with my husband and the kids, I really won't have time to do lunch with you.

Answer 2

If you give a pacifying reason like a blank "I'm busy" he will keep asking over and over, or even ask if you two can set an appointment date to do this...Your reasons for NOT wanting to meet him are correct...Your devoted to your husband, and your ex is just that an ex...You two broke up for one reason or many....and obviously you moved on happily now. Just tell him that, your happily married now, and while you respect him for the invitation for lunch or coffee or anything else...that is just not what you want. That your happily with the man you are with now, and that you want nothing to jepordize that...that you love your husband too much to even hint to him there is anything between you and your ex. Your makeing a wise decison and it could become a big deal...your right. Anyone that makes you sound wrong for not doing that, probably has relationship problems for themselves, and may not even have the smarts to know it. Take care, and I wish you the strength and rewards of taking a loyal stand for your husband.

Answer 3

Out of respect for my husband's feelings, I can't have coffee with you. Anything we need to discuss can be handled over the phone or through email. If he's your ex, then why are you worried about upsetting him. Just tell the plain honest truth. It may not be affecting your husband, but you aren't going to take the chance.

Answer 4

I got you covered.



Just tell your ex that you don't think it's appropriate for you to be meeting him like that, even if it is "just coffee." These kinds of pseudo-dates are never "just coffee." He's trying to see if he can get you back into bed, even if only once.



And please, don't humiliate your husband by blaming him for you refusal to meet with your ex. Stick to "me" and "I" statements."



"I don't think it's a good idea for us to meet for coffee-dates. I think it's unfair to my husband and also a little disrespectful."



That's what you say, simple truth. Put it on yourself. If you try to put it on your husband by saying "no more coffee-dates because my husband's feelings will be hurt" ... trust me, this will only ENCOURAGE your ex. Because he won't hear the part where you said "no more coffee-dates." He will only hear "my husband is a wimp," whether or not that's actually true. And that will only make your ex try harder to get you to meet with him.



Nip this in the bud NOW, before it becomes a problem or a temptation that you don't want.

Answer 5

Well *doing lunch* just to be social is of course, a big NO NO, and you simply tell him that unless it's about the kids you just don't feel that socializing is appropriate. However, perhaps he wants to talk seriously about issues regarding the children, issues that they don't need to be around for. If this is the case, then perhaps it might be a smart move to have someone else watch the kids and all the adults involved in the kids lives have lunch to discuss things.

Answer 6

If Its Just Coffee whats the problem?

If your EX is anything like my wifes Ex then you had a long relationship and even tho not together as a couple you might still be friends.

If your Hubby has Faith in you and trust there should not be an issue with just Lunch.

How about You Mention it To Your Husband and See What he has to say about it and take what he says as your answer.

And Then if Its No Just Tell your Ex your Hubby isnt comfy with it so its No.



CM



You can Tell By The Amount of Thumbs Downs Im Getting that there are alot of Very insecure People on here who do not Have Faith in a Good Marriage. Not The Kind of People You Want to Be Taking advice From.

Answer 7

I think your right avoiding it. Most guys are very jealous by nature. Your husband may have a problem with it even if he says he doesn't. Best way to explain this to your ex is, would he like HIS wife to go out with an ex.

Answer 8

Ex, i am in a very committed relationship with my husband and i care more about his feelings and would rather not hurt him for the pleasure of having coffee with you.

Answer 9

I would just simply tell him exactly what you said already...."Thanks for the invite, but I will have to pass because I don't want to hurt my husbands feelings in any way or give him any reason to think something is going on." Your ex should understand that if he has any sense.....good luck

Answer 10

I am sorry "name" but I feel its inapporpreate for me to go on outings with you without my husband . I am married now and I am sorry if this hurts your feelings but due to the fact we were once a item I feel it would make a uncomfortable situation for my husband and I and I am not willing to put my relationship in to a bad place.

Answer 11

I mean it is just coffee. But out of respect to your husband and his feelings I would just stay out of that territory becuase i can become a problem in the near future. Your husband might start to worry about you. So I would just try to stay away from that scene.

Answer 12

Just say " Hey im really sorry but it wouldn't be right for me to ask my husband to stay home with the kids so that we could meet for lunch." Its that simple

Answer 13

Why are you still even in contact with your ex? Tell the bozo where to go....without you, and NO lunch! The words to use..."I would not have lunch with you, if you were the LAST man on earth!" He will get the message!!

Answer 14

Just tell him like you tell us. You have done a great job. Leave the ex alone. He could be a trouble maker. Good luck!

Answer 15

Just tell him know I respect my husband way to much to do that to him.



Linda

Answer 16

You're married. the only reason you should have contact with your ex is the occassional, "hey how you doing?", and "how are the kids" conversations.

Answer 17

Try being a grown up and just telling him the same way you told us.

Answer 18

get that ex out of your life ,,, and think about your husband, and grow up

Answer 19

Like this:



"Out of respect for my husband, you and I can no longer have lunch together."



PERIOD! : )

Answer 20

Exactly how you worded it in the question

Answer 21

tell him what you just told us plain and simple.