How do I know when it is the bipolar talking and making decisions as opposed to my husband?

Question

My husband and I met 11 years ago. We married a year later. I was attracted to his bad boy attitude and his playful energy. He was educated by the streets and I am a book smart nerd. He says that he was attracted to my calm demeanor and me mesmerizing smile.

Fast forward a few years and his impulsive decisions are starting to affect our relationship and our family. Reckless driving and taking materials from jobsites. His playful energy soon morphed to self entitled manic fits.

This past weekend a mutual friend of ours got kicked out of a house where he was renting a room for not paying rent(go figure). My husband asked if he could stay on our sofa for the weekend. I said that he could stay the night. Next thing I know my husband offers our detached garage for him to stay in. At current the garage is used for storage and playroom. My husband and I have been arguing daily about him taking the time to make our detached garage livable for another man. Problem is, there is a sink and a toilet in there but no shower. Which means that he has been showering in our master bathroom. So I set some ground rules and expectations. That he is to apply for food stamps so that he can feed himself. That he is to spend at least 4 hours a day looking for employment and when he finds employment or by October 1st(which ever is first) he is to pay $50 a week in rent.

Between the hours of 5-8 he is allowed in the house to eat dinner with the family, shower, and use the house WiFi.

Answer 1

1/. You are being far too generous with your guest! (He is using you & is not your responsibility - don't you have enough on your plate?... Get him OUT NOW... he will never leave - $50 p/w = he isnt going to leave!)

2/. YOU need to start making some choices - at the moment you quietly accept & live life jumping from one upheaval to the next - set some boundaries - put you & your kids needs first!

You are making everything negotiable because you put every impulsive/ thoughtless choice &/or decision down to the bipolar

3/. Is he receiving treatment for the bipolar that it consistent & reliable?

- The choices he makes suggest NO = YOU need to start acknowledging that this is NEVER going to change! if he is taking meds/ attending therapy - you need to have it reviewed!

4/. You can love him - but you can't rescue him & you can't change him .. The qu that only you can answer is - Can I accept that this is how it will always be?

Loving someone doesn't always mean you can be with them!

Answer 2

Funny how that "playful energy" turned into "impulsive decisions". What looks like a positive at first can turn out to be a negative.



Is he on his meds, or not? If he's off his meds, it's the bipolar talking for sure.

Answer 3

If your husband is bipolar, then that's part of who he is. You don't mention him being medicated or in therapy, so assume that all his decsions come from the mind of someone with bipolar disorder.



Doesn't really matter where his decisions come from, as long as they are good ones. If he's making poor decisions, you two need to be able to work them out, regardless of any mental illness he may have.

Answer 4

Well, it depends if you can continue living this way or bother going through counselling and helping him sort out his issues and go on medication or try a strict diet cutting out sugar, eating super healthy, exercising and changing your lifestyle...up to you...but def not a good idea to bring children into this relationship is it? Unless he becomes a changed man of course.

Answer 5

Start by talking to his doctor and making sure he's taking his meds. Sometimes medication dosage has to be adjusted.