Question:
I am SO lonely ... How do I get over this?
Nicole
2010-07-16 22:57:24 UTC
Well I am a Canadian citizen, pretty much a city girl (African American - I say this because there is relevance). I got married to someone from the USA. He is from Illinois (a TRUE African American country boy). We were raised totally different, you could say we are just cut from different cloths. My dilemma is that I have NOTHING in common with him (he was a different person when we were dating) and I have nothing in common with the people around me (especially our views on race. This started a HUGE argument). We live in a small town and he is pretty much related or dated everyone here. Even the church we go to is run by his family and attended by his family. I stay home with the children when he is at work, I don't talk to anyone. I watch my daughter and his son. He controls EVERYTHING. He controls the money I receive, his money that he earns, how I dress, how I look, how I do my hair, activities that I would like to put our daughter in, he controls who (in his family) I can hang out with. He even controls my conversations. I was talking to someone about something they say wrong (after they corrected me), he told me to stop talking, he tells me not to debate with is sisters, because my points don't make sense and I shouldn't debate with them until I can learn to debate like them. He tells me the things that I say are stupid. If I decide I want to go somewhere, he tells me not to drive the car (that I pretty much paid for) or he tells me not to touch the money in the account ... and now he decided to get mad at me because I didn't agree with something he was saying. I don't even want to look at him. So now I'm 4 months pregnant sleeping on the floor in my daughter's room and my 8 month old daughter is sleeping in the bed with him. I'm in a new country, in a new culture, in a new marriage and STILL I am so very lonely and depressed........ HELP!!!!!!!
Four answers:
lil e
2010-07-16 23:09:41 UTC
I'm sorry, darlin', but WHY do you want to work something out with someone who only wants to control every aspect of your life???



You know in your heart this isn't going to work, and it's not just about what you don't have in common. He's critiquing your every move, your speech, your opinions, and it's only a matter of time until you have no sense of self at all and he's totally beaten you down. And you know this.



So why? I know you are pregnant. But think about where you are right now. Is it worth it? Is he?? I'm tellin you, just when you think you can't do better - YOU CAN!



Get your own account and start putting money in there. Don't isolate yourself from friends and family! That's the WORST thing to do. Keep in touch, and let them know what is going on and that you might need to come home. But you need to get out of there!!
sainato
2016-09-10 04:41:21 UTC
The proper man will come alongside, you simply need to be sufferer. He advised you crap like that to get you to stick with him, now not when you consider that it is actual. Guys do dull matters like that at all times...he typically figured if he make you consider unhealthy approximately your self you would ultimately think that he is the one guy who could wish you and then you definately'd not ever go away him...I'm comfortable you are too shrewd for him! I'm certain you're lovely, humorous and valued at the concentration of a few quality man, you simply need to be sufferer to find him. You've obtained to be certain whilst you convey one other man into your lifestyles that he is now not best proper for you, however proper to your little lady as good...and I'm certain you can uncover any one that is obviously excellent. Good success!
anonymous
2010-07-16 23:07:19 UTC
aww!! dat zukz zo bad,, u need to leave the relationzhiip! iiz makiin u mizerable and ur not happy,, and iit zeemz az iif u dont even love hiim,, dont waiit no more leave before thiiingz get worzt,, he wiill probably mentally abuze u and u wiilll ztart haviing problemz,, u need to leave before u deztroy ur liife more than iit already iiz,, and why are u zleepiin on the floor that iiz not good ur pregnant,, :( fiind help and get away kall one of ur family memberz, zomebody u truzt bekauze ur not zafe,, do iit now before anythiing worzt happenz,,the fakt that he kontrolz everythiin u do iiz krazy and iiz not zafe at all and little by little u wiill be mentally abuze, zo do zomethiin fazt,,!
Laila
2010-07-16 23:10:31 UTC
God Bless you!!! Please dont sleep on the floor though... And your husband is a jerk!! I hope one day he can stop his macho ways long enough to see how he is making you feel.





Pray pray pray pray.... God can help you not be depressed and when that happens you will think clearly enough to make up your mind as to what you need to do


This content was originally posted on Y! Answers, a Q&A website that shut down in 2021.
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